Sunday, January 15/17
So yesterday was one of those days with my son I've come to really appreciate as it was filled with lots of smiles, laughter, joking around, and more than a few hugs.
Last week someone at work asked me who I am closer to my son or my daughter and I'd say my son as we've enjoyed a close relationship from day one whereas I came into my daughters life when she was 5 and had already established a very tight relationship with her mom since it had just been the two of them from her birth onwards.
Now that doesn't mean my daughter isn't just as important to me as my daughter but more how the two of them have acted with my ex and I over the years. When there is an issue in my daughters life she is much more likely to discuss it with her mom with the understanding that her mom is going to fill me in on whatever is going on with her. The same is pretty true with my son but also a little different as when something is bothering him and he's at his moms for that week she has learned not to push too deeply as it will just make him take a step back ,instead she'll send me a text or call me to give me a heads up that I can expect him to open up about something at some point over the weekend when he first makes the transition from her place to mine. Of course I return the favour and let her know what he issue is and we move on from there trying to help the two of them the best we can.
Yesterday saw his soccer team drawn 0-0 by one of the teams near last place but it was a well played game and as I told him afterwards on the drive home, those are the kinds of games I never minded losing as both teams played lights out and just couldn't get one past the other for a winning goal. Both teams played exceptionally well with lots of scoring opportunities that just weren't completed. He smiled and said he understood but still didn't like dropping points in the standing and once more I could see a bit of me in him and had to smile to myself.
We stopped at Loblaws on the way home so I could replenish the cupboards as his mom had warned me at soccer that he has had a huge appetite this week and might be at the front end of a growth spurt and I should be prepared for the return of the black hole which is what we jokingly refer to his stomach as when these moments come around.
As we were walking up to the front of the store he leaned over and softly said to me "Dad, can you say the suppositories we're buying are for you and not me" in the most deadpan voice possible.
I burst out laughing so hard and had tears in my eyes as I tried to keep walking and not respond to off the cuff comment.
All through our time in the store he'd give me the look now and again and mouth the words "pharmacy" to me just to make me laugh.
As we were going through checkout he suddenly exclaimed "Dad, wasn't there something you had to get in the pharmacy?" and gave me one of those Cheshire cat grins he is becoming known for.
The checker paused and asked if I needed to go and get anything and I told her I was good and that my son was confused about it as we'd already picked up the cream for his persistent rash. She sort of looked between the two of us and laughed as my said smiled and said "Well played, well played indeed sir"
There are times being the parent of a teenager is stressful and than there are those times like yesterday that remind me of just how awesome I've got it with my kids. Best decision I ever made was the one to move to Ottawa and have a family of my own.
On the flip side are those moments when he poses a question and it makes me really step back and take some serious time to think over what he is asking.
That happened on the way home from Loblaws and he commented on the abundance of "Open House" and "For Sale" signs that seem to have popped up lately. I told him that this is the time of year when people are starting to think about making changes and one of the biggest a person can make, besides having a child or entering into a committed relationship, is to buy or sell a home.
As we turned down our street he looked over at me and asked if seeing all of them bothered me at all.
I shook my head in the negative and asked why he thought it would.
He took a moment before responding , a sign he was giving his words some thought before speaking, and than said "Isn't this the year C was to be moving back to Ottawa and wasn't her plan to buy a place in the west end to be near work and you?"
I smiled at him and thought to myself how incredibly intuitive my son had become over the years.
"Yes, this is the year she is scheduled to return but I don't think she'll be looking in the west end for any reason other than being near work and her son, as I think he'll be staying with his dad in order to finish out high school without another disruption"
As I pulled into the driveway he looked at me and said "Life can be funny dad so don't be shocked if things don't go as you think they might"
I thought about those words and knew he was right. We can wish for a certain path all we want but life, or Karma should you choose to call it that, doesn't always go the way we think and more often than not ends up bitch slapping us when we least expect it.
I've been bitch slapped far more times than I care to admit but at least I can say I've never just folded up and walked away from the game we call life.
So it was this little brief exchange that led me to write the previous post about "A Thought......"
Sometimes we have control over the things in our lives and sometimes we don't.......and the kicker is that we don't always recognize which is which and because of that we might not think we have a chance to go back and try and right a wrong.........have you ever wondered if it's too late to change the direction you've taken due to a decision you made but later came to question and possibly regret?
My name is Marcus and there are more than a few times I wish I'd had the courage to reach out and see it would have been possible to alter the direction my lie has taken.......
Sunday, January 22, 2017
Saturday, January 14, 2017
A Thought..............
Saturday, January 14/17
A question posed by my son made me think..........
Sometimes all we need is the courage to see beyond the past and try for a fresh start.
Love shouldn't hurt but sometimes it does and that's okay as it means the feelings were real, sometimes things happen that make you doubt that love but does that mean the doubt should dictate how you decide to proceed with your life and the pursuit of love........................
Marcus
George Howard's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" would be today's musical suggestion as I reflect on things thanks to my ever persistent teenage son.
A question posed by my son made me think..........
Sometimes all we need is the courage to see beyond the past and try for a fresh start.
Love shouldn't hurt but sometimes it does and that's okay as it means the feelings were real, sometimes things happen that make you doubt that love but does that mean the doubt should dictate how you decide to proceed with your life and the pursuit of love........................
Marcus
George Howard's "Do I Ever Cross Your Mind" would be today's musical suggestion as I reflect on things thanks to my ever persistent teenage son.
Friday, January 13, 2017
Chapters, Baby Jack, and a Smile
Friday, January 13/17
So last Sunday I went over to see my grandson, his mother and father were there as well so I sort of felt obligated to talk to them too :-)
My daughter wanted to go to Chapters and her fiancé had some studying to do so it worked out perfectly for everyone as I love me some Chapters and the icing on the cake was getting to spend some time with her and Baby Jack.
When we got to Chapters we had to hit Starbucks as she just needed her fix of some kind of drink that required using some special code in the ordering process that included words like Latte, Mocha, Grande, Petite Expresso, Macchiatto, and Doppio. I think I got vertigo just listening to all the people placing orders that I'm convinced were randomly created at the drop of a hat.
Once she got her coffee fix taken care of we headed off to do some wandering thru the aisles of books, magazines, baby gear, and household furnishings. I remember back in the old days when Chapters was actually a bookstore and not trying to compete with Pier 1 but I digress.
The big question we had faced when we decided to go to Chapters was whether to pack Baby Jack's stroller or for me to just carry him around in his car seat as my daughter has not been cleared to carry anything other than her son just quite yet. I voted for the car seat and since I was the hired muscle that's what we went with.
So as we headed into the store my daughter said she wanted to look at some magazines and I told her that Baby Jack and I were going to check the bargain books before moving onto fiction and science fiction, that if she needed anything to come find us, and off we went.
Now to be honest, I have to say I got the better end of things as I got to walk around in one of my favourite places with one of the top 3 people in my life, I mean how could it get any better?
As I walked around I was careful not to bump my precious cargo into anyone or anything as he was sort of feeling sleepy and coming in and out of a nap. I did take the opportunity to have a conversation with my grandson but I'm finding it's rather one sided on my part as he tends to play the strong silent type and just listen to the crazy old guy carrying him around.
I told him that I could see many a Sunday with me picking him up at his mom's and going to Chapters to buy a book and than Dairy Queen for an ice cream before heading home to read that book to him as he had a nap.
I stopped every now and than to just look down at his adorable face as he slept and softly stroke his cheek or feel the texture of his light brown hair. I'll admit I felt a tear or two as I did this and did sneak in a kiss or two on his forehead.
We wandered around for about half an hour before I decided it was time to see what his mom was up to and if she wanted to grab some lunch. As I paused in the main aisle to look around to see if I could spot my daughter a woman I'd in her mid to late thirties came up and smiled at me and than smiled down at Baby Jack,
She looked back up and said she and a couple of girlfriends had been watching how I was with him and it made her smile to see how attentive I was to him. Her next words made me pause and laugh when she asked how old was my son.........
I looked down at Baby Jack and told her he was my grandson and that at 54 my daddy days were long over with. As I was telling her this I spied my daughter walking up behind her with a quizzical look upon her face and than saw her eyes pop open really wide when the woman placed her hand on my arm and told me that I didn't look that old and men much older than that had been having babies.
I was saved with the arrival of my daughter asking if Baby Jack was ok but before I could reply the woman smiled at my daughter and commented that she didn't see a ring on my finger and wondered if I was single.
Now my daughter was really getting a kick out of this and just looked at me as she answered for me by saying "my dad is completely single and ready to mingle" and both of them burst out laughing at seeing how bight red I suddenly became.
The woman smiled down at Baby Jack and told him that he has a cute grandpa and hoped she would bump into me again before congratulating my daughter on how cute her son was and than walked over to join a couple of her friends who had been waiting on her.
My daughter didn't say a word about it the whole drive home but as soon as we walked into her house and she saw Lee she burst out laughing and told him how I'd been using Baby Jack as a babe magnet.
Lee smiled and asked me how it worked as he might need to try it some time but than yelped in mock pain when she punched his arm lol
I guess I don't look like a grandpa as this isn't the first time someone has mentioned I look young to be a grandparent, which is a good thing as I plan on being around to spend as much time watching that little guy grow up.
As I was getting ready to leave I leaned down to kiss him on the cheek when I swear that his eyes opened up and he smiled at me as if to say "No worries grandpa, I've got your back" and than went right back to sleep.
Wondering if I might be able to hit Chapters this Sunday with Baby Jack in tow and see what happens...............
Marcus
So last Sunday I went over to see my grandson, his mother and father were there as well so I sort of felt obligated to talk to them too :-)
My daughter wanted to go to Chapters and her fiancé had some studying to do so it worked out perfectly for everyone as I love me some Chapters and the icing on the cake was getting to spend some time with her and Baby Jack.
When we got to Chapters we had to hit Starbucks as she just needed her fix of some kind of drink that required using some special code in the ordering process that included words like Latte, Mocha, Grande, Petite Expresso, Macchiatto, and Doppio. I think I got vertigo just listening to all the people placing orders that I'm convinced were randomly created at the drop of a hat.
Once she got her coffee fix taken care of we headed off to do some wandering thru the aisles of books, magazines, baby gear, and household furnishings. I remember back in the old days when Chapters was actually a bookstore and not trying to compete with Pier 1 but I digress.
The big question we had faced when we decided to go to Chapters was whether to pack Baby Jack's stroller or for me to just carry him around in his car seat as my daughter has not been cleared to carry anything other than her son just quite yet. I voted for the car seat and since I was the hired muscle that's what we went with.
So as we headed into the store my daughter said she wanted to look at some magazines and I told her that Baby Jack and I were going to check the bargain books before moving onto fiction and science fiction, that if she needed anything to come find us, and off we went.
Now to be honest, I have to say I got the better end of things as I got to walk around in one of my favourite places with one of the top 3 people in my life, I mean how could it get any better?
As I walked around I was careful not to bump my precious cargo into anyone or anything as he was sort of feeling sleepy and coming in and out of a nap. I did take the opportunity to have a conversation with my grandson but I'm finding it's rather one sided on my part as he tends to play the strong silent type and just listen to the crazy old guy carrying him around.
I told him that I could see many a Sunday with me picking him up at his mom's and going to Chapters to buy a book and than Dairy Queen for an ice cream before heading home to read that book to him as he had a nap.
I stopped every now and than to just look down at his adorable face as he slept and softly stroke his cheek or feel the texture of his light brown hair. I'll admit I felt a tear or two as I did this and did sneak in a kiss or two on his forehead.
We wandered around for about half an hour before I decided it was time to see what his mom was up to and if she wanted to grab some lunch. As I paused in the main aisle to look around to see if I could spot my daughter a woman I'd in her mid to late thirties came up and smiled at me and than smiled down at Baby Jack,
She looked back up and said she and a couple of girlfriends had been watching how I was with him and it made her smile to see how attentive I was to him. Her next words made me pause and laugh when she asked how old was my son.........
I looked down at Baby Jack and told her he was my grandson and that at 54 my daddy days were long over with. As I was telling her this I spied my daughter walking up behind her with a quizzical look upon her face and than saw her eyes pop open really wide when the woman placed her hand on my arm and told me that I didn't look that old and men much older than that had been having babies.
I was saved with the arrival of my daughter asking if Baby Jack was ok but before I could reply the woman smiled at my daughter and commented that she didn't see a ring on my finger and wondered if I was single.
Now my daughter was really getting a kick out of this and just looked at me as she answered for me by saying "my dad is completely single and ready to mingle" and both of them burst out laughing at seeing how bight red I suddenly became.
The woman smiled down at Baby Jack and told him that he has a cute grandpa and hoped she would bump into me again before congratulating my daughter on how cute her son was and than walked over to join a couple of her friends who had been waiting on her.
My daughter didn't say a word about it the whole drive home but as soon as we walked into her house and she saw Lee she burst out laughing and told him how I'd been using Baby Jack as a babe magnet.
Lee smiled and asked me how it worked as he might need to try it some time but than yelped in mock pain when she punched his arm lol
I guess I don't look like a grandpa as this isn't the first time someone has mentioned I look young to be a grandparent, which is a good thing as I plan on being around to spend as much time watching that little guy grow up.
As I was getting ready to leave I leaned down to kiss him on the cheek when I swear that his eyes opened up and he smiled at me as if to say "No worries grandpa, I've got your back" and than went right back to sleep.
Wondering if I might be able to hit Chapters this Sunday with Baby Jack in tow and see what happens...............
Marcus
Thursday, January 12, 2017
Some Changes Are Coming To The Blog
Thursday, January 12/17
So I've been going back and reading some of the older entries and found it kind of hard at times to understand just who the heck I've been talking about by only using the first initial of most peoples names.
In order to make things a bit easier I've decided to go to full first names in the blog moving forward.
The only exception will be the names of my children, my ex, and C and her family. They deserve the privacy of remaining only an initial.
I'm also tooling with the thought of adding a picture...........it's just a thought so don't go out and down a bunch of shooters in celebration for Pete's sake.......and I do know someone named Pete lol
Marcus
So I've been going back and reading some of the older entries and found it kind of hard at times to understand just who the heck I've been talking about by only using the first initial of most peoples names.
In order to make things a bit easier I've decided to go to full first names in the blog moving forward.
The only exception will be the names of my children, my ex, and C and her family. They deserve the privacy of remaining only an initial.
I'm also tooling with the thought of adding a picture...........it's just a thought so don't go out and down a bunch of shooters in celebration for Pete's sake.......and I do know someone named Pete lol
Marcus
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Trump - I'm Neither for Nor Against Him (Updated)
Wednesday, January 11/17
I have to admit there is a sort of sick pleasure one can take from listening to all the ranting and whining going on down in the states right now as the day for Trumps inauguration approaches.
I've always found it amusing how celebrities feel it is their place to tell everyone around them how they know better than anyone else and how stupid every person is who doesn't follow their agenda.
The most recent example of this is Meryl Streep and her decision to sound off on the impending decline in western society once the Donald takes office during her acceptance speech for winning a Cecil B DeMille lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes.
Now I'll be the first to admit that I didn't bother watching the awards show as I tend to avoid things that destroy my brain synapse let alone actual brain cells by subjecting myself to the red carpet, who wore what, who came with who, who left with who, and who said what. I'd rather have a root canal without any pain blockers than do that ever!
According to audio clips of Mrs. Streep we can now expect nothing more to view than football and mixed martial arts from this point forward as the real arts, her words, will now stagnate until such time as the rest of America sees things the way of Hollywood and puts another democrat in the White House.
Couple this with Bill Clinton's recent speech where he said the only reason Trump won the election was because uneducated white males turned out to vote in record numbers and that cost his wife her chance to sit in the chair he once occupied. Hopefully, had she gotten that chance she would have put that same chair to better use than her husband did during his time in the Oval Office. Right Monica?
What these two fail to realize, or maybe just don't want to admit to themselves, is that while Hilary may have won the popular vote that the final winner is the person who wins the most electoral college candidates and those went to Trump, who managed to carry the large vote states and secure the election.
I'm not saying the system is perfect but until such time as it is changed for something better than people need to accept the results that more voters in key swing states that carried big electoral college numbers voted for Trump over Clinton. Now whether these voters were uneducated white males, Ivy League preppies, or some other such key voting block is really irrelevant in the end as the voters voted and you reap what you sow.
I seem to remember there being a similar ruckus being raised when Reagan won and the same was true when Obama came into office. Correct me if I'm wrong but neither of those two events sparked the apocalypse right?
Is Trump a loose cannon? Absolutely, without a doubt in the world. But here's the thing folks, that job tends to overwhelm the person in office and they almost always take a step back and reevaluate the program they want to implement as they see what it really means to be President.
Not saying the Donald is going to be one of the greatest to ever hold the office nor am I saying he'll fall flat on his face, but I will say he won't end up being the worst the U.S. has ever had.
I'm going to sit back and enjoy the sideshow that will become Washington and hope they don't figure out how to muzzle his twitter account as he's usually worth a laugh or two a week, and that humour will serve us well the crazy days to come.
Just remember Meryl & Bill......you live in a land where you can stand up and rail against the President all you want but never forget that you are only speaking for yourselves and not the rest of the country....they did that for themselves when they went into those booths and cast ballots back in November. You may not like the results but you've got four years to try and figure out a new approach to show the rest of us a better alternative.
Marcus
Update Jan 12/17
Since this entry posted I've received numerous messages asking how I could possibly be all for having a womanizer in the White House.
I'm guessing those individuals didn't bother to really read the blog title or the actual wordy part of the blog since they are accusing me of being in support of the Donald.
I guess you could say I am a supporter.......a supporter of wacky tweets and rambling press conferences filled with outrageous claims......which is what the Donald will be good for over the next four years.
One person even wrote to say he won't make it to the end of the first year of his term before he gets impeached!!!
Really, that's what you think? Bill Clinton had sex in the Oval Office with an intern and even he couldn't get impeached so what in the hell makes you think Congress would even consider let alone act upon anything to try and impeach a president whose only real crime is being a bit of a blowhard.
Nope, like I said before, not for or against the man. Just sitting back and watching the show as it unfolds before my very eyes :)
I have to admit there is a sort of sick pleasure one can take from listening to all the ranting and whining going on down in the states right now as the day for Trumps inauguration approaches.
I've always found it amusing how celebrities feel it is their place to tell everyone around them how they know better than anyone else and how stupid every person is who doesn't follow their agenda.
The most recent example of this is Meryl Streep and her decision to sound off on the impending decline in western society once the Donald takes office during her acceptance speech for winning a Cecil B DeMille lifetime achievement award at the Golden Globes.
Now I'll be the first to admit that I didn't bother watching the awards show as I tend to avoid things that destroy my brain synapse let alone actual brain cells by subjecting myself to the red carpet, who wore what, who came with who, who left with who, and who said what. I'd rather have a root canal without any pain blockers than do that ever!
According to audio clips of Mrs. Streep we can now expect nothing more to view than football and mixed martial arts from this point forward as the real arts, her words, will now stagnate until such time as the rest of America sees things the way of Hollywood and puts another democrat in the White House.
Couple this with Bill Clinton's recent speech where he said the only reason Trump won the election was because uneducated white males turned out to vote in record numbers and that cost his wife her chance to sit in the chair he once occupied. Hopefully, had she gotten that chance she would have put that same chair to better use than her husband did during his time in the Oval Office. Right Monica?
What these two fail to realize, or maybe just don't want to admit to themselves, is that while Hilary may have won the popular vote that the final winner is the person who wins the most electoral college candidates and those went to Trump, who managed to carry the large vote states and secure the election.
I'm not saying the system is perfect but until such time as it is changed for something better than people need to accept the results that more voters in key swing states that carried big electoral college numbers voted for Trump over Clinton. Now whether these voters were uneducated white males, Ivy League preppies, or some other such key voting block is really irrelevant in the end as the voters voted and you reap what you sow.
I seem to remember there being a similar ruckus being raised when Reagan won and the same was true when Obama came into office. Correct me if I'm wrong but neither of those two events sparked the apocalypse right?
Is Trump a loose cannon? Absolutely, without a doubt in the world. But here's the thing folks, that job tends to overwhelm the person in office and they almost always take a step back and reevaluate the program they want to implement as they see what it really means to be President.
Not saying the Donald is going to be one of the greatest to ever hold the office nor am I saying he'll fall flat on his face, but I will say he won't end up being the worst the U.S. has ever had.
I'm going to sit back and enjoy the sideshow that will become Washington and hope they don't figure out how to muzzle his twitter account as he's usually worth a laugh or two a week, and that humour will serve us well the crazy days to come.
Just remember Meryl & Bill......you live in a land where you can stand up and rail against the President all you want but never forget that you are only speaking for yourselves and not the rest of the country....they did that for themselves when they went into those booths and cast ballots back in November. You may not like the results but you've got four years to try and figure out a new approach to show the rest of us a better alternative.
Marcus
Update Jan 12/17
Since this entry posted I've received numerous messages asking how I could possibly be all for having a womanizer in the White House.
I'm guessing those individuals didn't bother to really read the blog title or the actual wordy part of the blog since they are accusing me of being in support of the Donald.
I guess you could say I am a supporter.......a supporter of wacky tweets and rambling press conferences filled with outrageous claims......which is what the Donald will be good for over the next four years.
One person even wrote to say he won't make it to the end of the first year of his term before he gets impeached!!!
Really, that's what you think? Bill Clinton had sex in the Oval Office with an intern and even he couldn't get impeached so what in the hell makes you think Congress would even consider let alone act upon anything to try and impeach a president whose only real crime is being a bit of a blowhard.
Nope, like I said before, not for or against the man. Just sitting back and watching the show as it unfolds before my very eyes :)
Friday, January 6, 2017
2017 - 1 Week Down, 51 More To Go
Friday, January 06/17
So the first week of 2017 is coming to an end and I have to say it hasn't been too bad a start to the new year.
My son was with me this week but still on the winter break so that meant lots of late nights with his buddies online and late morning sleep ins lol
We did go see "Manchester by the Sea" on Monday. Not quite what I was expecting and had me make a new vow that I've shared with both my children and ex as she might need to remind them of it at some point down the road. I don't want to say more at this moment as the movie is still in theatres but for those of you who might have seen it you'll probably understand my reference. It revolves around where Patrick's uncle takes him after picking him up from school.
Work has once more become a mad house as we are closing the month and preparing for year end and all that entails. The topper was getting an email from our AP person telling us he wouldn't be coming back to work as he found something in Calgary - Happy New Year to us lol
I was able to go with my son to visit my daughter and see baby Jack on Wednesday. They even made us dinner and had a strawberry cheesecake for dessert!! My grandson was as adorable as ever and made my heart melt when he woke up as I was holding him and smiled at me as he held onto my pinkie. I think that kid is so going to be able to work his grandpa when he gets older. Now if my daughter has another child down the road and it is a baby girl I'll be royally up the creek lol
This weekend has some soccer as my son's team resumes winter round robin play tomorrow and I'm going to do some cleaning up around the house as it is time to put away the Christmas decorations for another year.
I pretty much just came home tonight and had some leftovers and relaxed with some Netflix.
Moki has been pretty much a clingy puppy since the moment I walked through the door and I can see what my son meant when he sent me a text this morning saying she was acting kind of strange. Not sure what has gotten into her lately but she really does seem more needful of attention the past few weeks. Something I've got to keep an eye on as that might become a problem.
So I've got one blog entry under edit right now and it's about 50/50 whether it ever sees the light of day as I have to say it has to be one of the darkest postings I've ever written. Great therapy to put pen to paper but not sure that is a doorway to my inner darkness I really want to open right now.
When I originally started to write it I didn't see the fast approaching abyss and am more than a little fearful that should I actually post the entry that I might lose more than a few followers.
The hard part is that while I dread how close it might bring me to the abyss I don't actually think it would push me over the edge, still the mere idea that these thoughts even reside inside me sort of makes me feel sick to my stomach at times and glad I am alone as I don't know how anyone would ever want to be around me if they knew about it.
Marcus
So the first week of 2017 is coming to an end and I have to say it hasn't been too bad a start to the new year.
My son was with me this week but still on the winter break so that meant lots of late nights with his buddies online and late morning sleep ins lol
We did go see "Manchester by the Sea" on Monday. Not quite what I was expecting and had me make a new vow that I've shared with both my children and ex as she might need to remind them of it at some point down the road. I don't want to say more at this moment as the movie is still in theatres but for those of you who might have seen it you'll probably understand my reference. It revolves around where Patrick's uncle takes him after picking him up from school.
Work has once more become a mad house as we are closing the month and preparing for year end and all that entails. The topper was getting an email from our AP person telling us he wouldn't be coming back to work as he found something in Calgary - Happy New Year to us lol
I was able to go with my son to visit my daughter and see baby Jack on Wednesday. They even made us dinner and had a strawberry cheesecake for dessert!! My grandson was as adorable as ever and made my heart melt when he woke up as I was holding him and smiled at me as he held onto my pinkie. I think that kid is so going to be able to work his grandpa when he gets older. Now if my daughter has another child down the road and it is a baby girl I'll be royally up the creek lol
This weekend has some soccer as my son's team resumes winter round robin play tomorrow and I'm going to do some cleaning up around the house as it is time to put away the Christmas decorations for another year.
I pretty much just came home tonight and had some leftovers and relaxed with some Netflix.
Moki has been pretty much a clingy puppy since the moment I walked through the door and I can see what my son meant when he sent me a text this morning saying she was acting kind of strange. Not sure what has gotten into her lately but she really does seem more needful of attention the past few weeks. Something I've got to keep an eye on as that might become a problem.
So I've got one blog entry under edit right now and it's about 50/50 whether it ever sees the light of day as I have to say it has to be one of the darkest postings I've ever written. Great therapy to put pen to paper but not sure that is a doorway to my inner darkness I really want to open right now.
When I originally started to write it I didn't see the fast approaching abyss and am more than a little fearful that should I actually post the entry that I might lose more than a few followers.
The hard part is that while I dread how close it might bring me to the abyss I don't actually think it would push me over the edge, still the mere idea that these thoughts even reside inside me sort of makes me feel sick to my stomach at times and glad I am alone as I don't know how anyone would ever want to be around me if they knew about it.
Marcus
Monday, January 2, 2017
One Resoluition I'll Be Following & Challenge The Readers To Follow As Well
Monday, January 2nd, 2017
Funny how we need to watch the year in our dating for the next little while as I originally dated today's entry as January 2nd, 2016 before catching the mistake 😄
So last night I got to thinking about resolutions and decided to come up with a series of monthly resolutions and use them to challenge myself and my son in my ongoing efforts to teach him about life, what it means to continually review what is happening around us, and be in a position where one is better off than others and the social contract that should exist internally to help others when we can.
January's challenge is a relatively easy one and a warm up to some of those I'll be proposing towards the end of the year.
Perform a random act of kindness.
It can be anything from paying for the order for the car behind you at the drive thru, topping up the payment someone is trying to make at the store when they find themselves a bit short, returning the shopping cart to the carousel for someone with kids, shovel the driveway for a neighbour, spend the day at a food bank helping to organize the dry goods, or really any simple act that may make a persons life just a bit more bearable for some moment.
I've done all of those things in the last year, well except for the Food Bank but will be doing that this month.
The key is to do something without expecting any kind of recognition for your act. I like to call this being a good human.
My son has completed his required 40 hours of volunteer work needed to graduate high school in Ontario but I think it sad that this is limited to meeting a high school graduation requirement and hope this reminds him that his time is one of the greatest gifts he can give to his community.
I would love to hear from the readers the RAK's they performed and how they ended up feeling.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if each person undertook to doing this once a month or even maybe once a day...............makes me smile just thinking about it
Marcus
Today's musical suggestion is "Faith" by George Michael's............one of my favourite songs and we'll miss George and his infectious smile and music
Funny how we need to watch the year in our dating for the next little while as I originally dated today's entry as January 2nd, 2016 before catching the mistake 😄
So last night I got to thinking about resolutions and decided to come up with a series of monthly resolutions and use them to challenge myself and my son in my ongoing efforts to teach him about life, what it means to continually review what is happening around us, and be in a position where one is better off than others and the social contract that should exist internally to help others when we can.
January's challenge is a relatively easy one and a warm up to some of those I'll be proposing towards the end of the year.
Perform a random act of kindness.
It can be anything from paying for the order for the car behind you at the drive thru, topping up the payment someone is trying to make at the store when they find themselves a bit short, returning the shopping cart to the carousel for someone with kids, shovel the driveway for a neighbour, spend the day at a food bank helping to organize the dry goods, or really any simple act that may make a persons life just a bit more bearable for some moment.
I've done all of those things in the last year, well except for the Food Bank but will be doing that this month.
The key is to do something without expecting any kind of recognition for your act. I like to call this being a good human.
My son has completed his required 40 hours of volunteer work needed to graduate high school in Ontario but I think it sad that this is limited to meeting a high school graduation requirement and hope this reminds him that his time is one of the greatest gifts he can give to his community.
I would love to hear from the readers the RAK's they performed and how they ended up feeling.
Can you imagine what the world would be like if each person undertook to doing this once a month or even maybe once a day...............makes me smile just thinking about it
Marcus
Today's musical suggestion is "Faith" by George Michael's............one of my favourite songs and we'll miss George and his infectious smile and music
Sunday, January 1, 2017
Things Aren't Always What They Seem
Sunday, January 01/17
So I had an conversation with a friend this morning that reminded me that what we see may not mean what we think it does.
Ok, this probably needs a bit of explaining so it all makes some sense.
This morning I woke up around 8am, which is pretty early considering I went to bed around 1:30 but think it was my inner alarm getting me up in case my son called early for a pick up from his friends house.
Anyways, up early I was and after noshing down some breakfast I headed out with Moki to clear the side deck off from the accumulation of snow that built up over night. I'm somewhat convinced that my house acts as a catch basin for all the snow on my street as I think I shovelled my side deck about 5 times yesterday as the snow just kept coming and building up all day long.
As I was clearing the walkway a friend walked by and stopped to wish me a Happy New Year as we hadn't seen one another for a little while. She actually teaches at my son's high school and was my inside source of information on what was happening with his class the first couple of years he was at his new school.
She was heading home from a party at another friends down the street that had run really late and seen more than a few people crashed out on couches due to some heavy imbibing last night lol
She laughed and said she was surprised to see me out and even more so that I had the energy to be out shovelling snow.
I didn't get what she meant and asked her about it and she pointed to the Mazda in my driveway and said it was obvious I've been having some serious company over lately as she's seen that car in my driveway quite a few times.
I looked at the car and it dawned on me what she meant, whereupon I started laughing and almost wet myself as I couldn't stop myself.
After a moment I was able to catch my breath and told her that car was my son's and not an overnight guests, though I thanked her for thinking I still had enough game to have that happen these days.
She sort of blushed and as she walked away said over her shoulder in her best Yoda voice "Of game, you have much, of confidence, it is lacking"
I smiled and got back to work on the driveway and wondered to myself just how many people had driven past my place and mistakenly thought my son's car belonged to someone else over for a visit.
Just a simple reminder that what you think you see may not be what is really happening.
Well another start to a new year and I've got some resolutions to think about. I might post them or I might just hold these close to my vest for now, they won't be any earth shattering declarations but just some things I might want to accomplish to enhance my quality of life, physically and or emotionally.
My name is Marcus and I'll be adding more posts about parenting, friending, working, and maybe even dating as the mood or events strike me.
Today's musical suggestion is "Rhonda" from The Balconies. No special reason other than I like the song, and isn't that really the best reason to recommend one :)
So I had an conversation with a friend this morning that reminded me that what we see may not mean what we think it does.
Ok, this probably needs a bit of explaining so it all makes some sense.
This morning I woke up around 8am, which is pretty early considering I went to bed around 1:30 but think it was my inner alarm getting me up in case my son called early for a pick up from his friends house.
Anyways, up early I was and after noshing down some breakfast I headed out with Moki to clear the side deck off from the accumulation of snow that built up over night. I'm somewhat convinced that my house acts as a catch basin for all the snow on my street as I think I shovelled my side deck about 5 times yesterday as the snow just kept coming and building up all day long.
As I was clearing the walkway a friend walked by and stopped to wish me a Happy New Year as we hadn't seen one another for a little while. She actually teaches at my son's high school and was my inside source of information on what was happening with his class the first couple of years he was at his new school.
She was heading home from a party at another friends down the street that had run really late and seen more than a few people crashed out on couches due to some heavy imbibing last night lol
She laughed and said she was surprised to see me out and even more so that I had the energy to be out shovelling snow.
I didn't get what she meant and asked her about it and she pointed to the Mazda in my driveway and said it was obvious I've been having some serious company over lately as she's seen that car in my driveway quite a few times.
I looked at the car and it dawned on me what she meant, whereupon I started laughing and almost wet myself as I couldn't stop myself.
After a moment I was able to catch my breath and told her that car was my son's and not an overnight guests, though I thanked her for thinking I still had enough game to have that happen these days.
She sort of blushed and as she walked away said over her shoulder in her best Yoda voice "Of game, you have much, of confidence, it is lacking"
I smiled and got back to work on the driveway and wondered to myself just how many people had driven past my place and mistakenly thought my son's car belonged to someone else over for a visit.
Just a simple reminder that what you think you see may not be what is really happening.
Well another start to a new year and I've got some resolutions to think about. I might post them or I might just hold these close to my vest for now, they won't be any earth shattering declarations but just some things I might want to accomplish to enhance my quality of life, physically and or emotionally.
My name is Marcus and I'll be adding more posts about parenting, friending, working, and maybe even dating as the mood or events strike me.
Today's musical suggestion is "Rhonda" from The Balconies. No special reason other than I like the song, and isn't that really the best reason to recommend one :)
Saturday, December 31, 2016
The Year in Review
Saturday, December 31st, 2016
So this year ends for me like it began, with snow falling and me contemplating what life has brought me, taken from me, and possibly offers me if I'm only willing to reach out and grab that brass ring.
It's currently 12:45pm EST and snow has been softly falling for several hours now making a wonderful picture outside my front window. The son is cleaning up and we'll be heading out for a late breakfast before I drive him over to a New Years party at a friends house later this evening. The plan is for him to sleepover but I'll be ready to do the designated driver thing later should those plans change, like they usually do.
So over the course of the next few hours I'll be writing the last blog entry for 2016. You can bet house money that there will be many edits done to it before the final version is posted, there are even small odds the final posting won't happen before midnight but that's ok as there are far more enjoyable things to be doing at the strike of midnight than reading this blog.
And yes my mind went there and so should yours this time as it's the end of the year and what better activity is there to do than that with your special someone.......
So onwards to my State of the Union for 2016. The year just passed was filled with far more good times and highlights than not but it still seemed to feel somewhat empty for most of the year.
2016 saw me end one job and begin another almost immediately, much to the satisfaction of my bank accounts.
In some ways 2016 was a repeat of 2015 in terms of one position ending and another opportunity presenting itself. The big difference this time around was that I was better positioned financially and emotionally to deal with the sudden news that my company had been bought by a U.S. based competitor. They kept two people full time and offered the rest of us transition contracts that made it financially worthwhile to hang around for the desired 6 months, six months that ended up getting extended by another month when they realized there were some statutory audits to complete that were not going to get done by September 30th.
Besides the payout from agreeing to stay through the transition I learned a lot about how to actually manage such a transition in the future should I ever have to do one myself. I really should say I learned what not to do in a transition as it seemed like anything the new company could do wrong they did, almost as if it was an attempt to try every one's patience. It's kind of almost funny as I thought the company that came in and bought my old employer, the one I exited in 2015, really screwed the pooch in how they handled things but I can now honestly say they aced the process compared the recent process I went through.
I was extremely lucky in that my CFO from my previous employer started a new job himself and within a matter of days knew he needed to beef up his staff and reached out to me to see if I had found anything new yet as he knew about the sale of my employer and pending job search.
Over the course of two phone calls we worked out a position for me and the parameters of my employment that I was told by my people and cultures contact on my start date were the fastest they've ever created in the history of the organization.
So far I've been there for about 11 weeks and while I'm crazy busy I'm also loving every minute of it as I much prefer busy over bored any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Somehow I managed to get a small boost in wages but the kicker was that they offer a pension that is more than generous with the company contributing 2x what I do to my plan. So can't beat that and I don't see any reason why I'll be thinking about leaving - work is interesting, pay is good, benefits are excellent, and the office is down in the Glebe so lots to do at lunch.
Even better is that now I can shift the money I was sending to my RRSP to my son's RESP and should be able to meet my target by this time next year for his university requirements.
I'm giving some serious thought to selling my house in the spring and buying something a tad bit newer in a new development going up in my area. If my initial calculations are correct than I should be able to walk away with a bit of a nest egg and a better house with a garage. There is a bit more research to do and I'll keep you updated as things progress.
All in all, I'd say that coming off of back to back years in which my position was eliminated, I'm doing pretty damn good. My bank balance is good and I've set myself up to continue to see marked improvements in my position year over year.
The year saw some firsts that made me begin to feel my age and yet also revitalized me in such a way that actually left me feeling years younger than I am.
My son earned his G1 license and broke one more string that somewhat bound him to his parents. It reminded me on just how much my own life changed when that new found freedom came my way many more years than I care to admit too. He's been a very consciousness driver and not let himself get talked into becoming the taxi service for all of his friends. Something it took his sister a lot longer to grasp and maybe he remembered some of those discussions, really arguments, his mother and I had with her about those kinds of activities.
I was able to continue keeping my bond strong with him by just being there when he needed someone to talk to without being judgmental about the things he wanted to talk about. It's almost sad that anyone can be a parent but you've got to get a license to drive a boat or snowmobile these days.
My relationship with my daughter seemed to grow stronger over the course of the year and I really can't pinpoint a reason for it other than maybe we both learned to be a bit more patient with one another. Though she is not my daughter biologically she has far more of me in her than anyone thought possible, prove positive that DNA is not the sole basis for establishing parentage.
She has my competitive streak inside her, maybe too much as sometimes I've wondered who the real alpha is when we are on a soccer pitch. My son's own competitive nature seems to have picked up a bit itself as he wasn't willing to put up with as much goofing around during soccer practises as he has in the past, even going so far this past summer to tell me it was time I reverted to my former coaching style in order to right the ship lol
I enjoyed my season coaching his team but really think deep down inside that my days as a coach are over and done with as I didn't have the same motivation I've had in seasons past, finding myself watching the games, and him, more than I was coaching the players.
The biggest change on the domestic front was the arrival of baby Jack. I think it is safe to say that that little boy has completely stolen his grandfathers heart. Nothing can make me smile more than getting a random text from my daughter with a picture or video of him.
It's funny that when I think of my children I almost always have a particular image in mind, my daughter running down the sidewalk from her aunts house in '94 to see me for the very first time or teaching her to ride a bike in '94 and my son sitting in the living room when he was about a year old in nothing more than a diaper holding my putter and smiling at his mother as she took a picture of that moment.
Now here is my daughter a mother of her own and my son soon heading off to university. The times may have changed but my devotion to my family will never wane. If my Latin is correct than the words I choose to live by would be Fides et familia
This one is the easiest and yet most painful to contemplate and present.
For the truth be told there were no foreign affairs of any kind in the past year. I spent the first part of the year attempting to understand my mistake with C and than heal from it. I'd say I'm about 90% of the way there and getting better each day that passes. I still have far too many reminders of her happening around me on a daily basis but the saying that time heals all wounds is a good one as it's true, just sometimes it seems to take more time to heal than you'd like. But thems the cards we're dealt so no need to cry over them, just go ahead and play the hand you are dealt and make the most of the results.
I have gone out on a few meet and greets, can't come to call them dates as none where more than a drink and some chat, without anything developing, least on my end. I've got my profile up on one dating site but not really paying it much attention as it just seems like an exercise in futility on my part right now.
C and my ex set the bar pretty high when it comes to intelligence, beauty, compassion, and that overall hard to define feeling of "it"
If I end up never really feeling that connection with another woman it won't be the end of things for me as I consider myself pretty damn fortunate to have been in love with two amazing women in my life and to have somehow hood winked them into loving me back.
Now I'm not saying I'm not open to falling in love again but it's going to take a lot to get me to open myself up once again and be so vulnerable. The rather ironic thing is that with one of those women the door has been closed for years by mutual consent and the other could come back into my life and I'd embrace her once more as if no time has passed between us. Of course that won't be happening as she has moved on as well but the truth is that she possessed my heart the most of anyone I've ever been with, more than I thought at the time, and that is what has made it so difficult to move on as it wouldn't be fair to anyone I meet as there is no way they could ever come close to measuring up to what makes me feel deep inside the way this woman did, does, and could.
Wasn't sure really how to phrase this section but since it's basically about me that header seems good enough.
My health was good for most of the year with the only real blip being the back surgery I had back in June that took me a bit longer to recover from that I originally anticipated.
I have not always been the most patient person around nor the most outgoing but think that really changed this year as I can't recall losing my temper this year and had some comments made to me at the new job complimenting me for always seeming to be in a good mood. I don't know how true that is but I've been trying hard not to let things get me down as much as I used too.
Again this is partially the influence of being with C as she was really good at reminding me that my life is pretty damn good compared to a lot of people around the world, in essence making me open my eyes to what I have here and now and not being so worried about what I don't have.
I'd say the biggest change this year came in my golf game, you didn't think I'd fail to mention my addiction now did you.
The back issue forced me to slow down my swing and lessen the pressure I was placing on my lower back that was coming from the quick shift in my hips as I transitioned from the back swing to the fore swing. I think I lost about 20-25 yards but was able to keep the ball on a more playable flight line.
Pre-surgery I was shooting mid 90's and slowly creeping closer to my targeted handicap of 18. As I began to feel more comfortable post surgery I was able to push the speed envelope and regain those lost yards without giving up any of the ball control I'd established, resulting in a few sub 90 rounds and moving my handicap down from around a 26 to a decent 19 on average.
The season was far too short for me and that comes after still managing to play around 60 rounds this past season. The one thing I missed was my caddy at Pembroke and Roanoke up in the valley :-)
I love my Ping G30's but found something was missing with the Ping Driver I bought myself a few years back and made the move to the Nike Vapour with standard flex graphite shaft - holy crap did that make a huge difference, going from about 220 off the tee to around 245-260 on most drives. I also started to use my fairway woods more and noticed a huge difference in my distances. My son and daughters fiancé combined to buy me the 3 wood and 3 hybrid in the Nike Vapour line and now I'm literally salivating for the season to start.
I'm giving some serious thought to driving down to Myrtle Beach this March when my son is in Europe for the Spring Break and getting in as many rounds as I can in the course of a weeks play, figuring I can leave on a Friday right from work and get down there sometime on Sunday, play that afternoon and every day for the next 5 days and than leave Saturday morning and be back in Ottawa for Sunday night. Sounding better and better to me as I've got nothing else going on and it might be the perfect reward for surviving the year end audit at work that will just be closing out.
So now you have my state of the union. Probably not as good as the one Obama will do for the last time next month or the one Trump will attempt to do in 2018.
But it is a capsule of my recent year, both the good and the bad, for better or worse.
My hope is that 2017 continues just like the year that is ending did with one exception, I have someone special in my life who makes me smile just by thinking of her.
Reminder that closed doors can still be opened, even the locked ones if you just remember to use the right key.......
My name is Marcus and I hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as I enjoy writing them. Cheapest form of therapy I could ever hope to utilize in my life.
I hope each of you has a very Happy New Years Eve and find that which you are seeking in 2017.
My last musical suggestion for 2016 is "If I Get High" by Nothing But Thieves and comes courtesy of my son as it was one he played for me today as we were driving to get breakfast. I've got to say I love that boys varied taste in music more and more each day....just more proof that he's so mine
So this year ends for me like it began, with snow falling and me contemplating what life has brought me, taken from me, and possibly offers me if I'm only willing to reach out and grab that brass ring.
It's currently 12:45pm EST and snow has been softly falling for several hours now making a wonderful picture outside my front window. The son is cleaning up and we'll be heading out for a late breakfast before I drive him over to a New Years party at a friends house later this evening. The plan is for him to sleepover but I'll be ready to do the designated driver thing later should those plans change, like they usually do.
So over the course of the next few hours I'll be writing the last blog entry for 2016. You can bet house money that there will be many edits done to it before the final version is posted, there are even small odds the final posting won't happen before midnight but that's ok as there are far more enjoyable things to be doing at the strike of midnight than reading this blog.
And yes my mind went there and so should yours this time as it's the end of the year and what better activity is there to do than that with your special someone.......
So onwards to my State of the Union for 2016. The year just passed was filled with far more good times and highlights than not but it still seemed to feel somewhat empty for most of the year.
The State of the Economy
In some ways 2016 was a repeat of 2015 in terms of one position ending and another opportunity presenting itself. The big difference this time around was that I was better positioned financially and emotionally to deal with the sudden news that my company had been bought by a U.S. based competitor. They kept two people full time and offered the rest of us transition contracts that made it financially worthwhile to hang around for the desired 6 months, six months that ended up getting extended by another month when they realized there were some statutory audits to complete that were not going to get done by September 30th.
Besides the payout from agreeing to stay through the transition I learned a lot about how to actually manage such a transition in the future should I ever have to do one myself. I really should say I learned what not to do in a transition as it seemed like anything the new company could do wrong they did, almost as if it was an attempt to try every one's patience. It's kind of almost funny as I thought the company that came in and bought my old employer, the one I exited in 2015, really screwed the pooch in how they handled things but I can now honestly say they aced the process compared the recent process I went through.
I was extremely lucky in that my CFO from my previous employer started a new job himself and within a matter of days knew he needed to beef up his staff and reached out to me to see if I had found anything new yet as he knew about the sale of my employer and pending job search.
Over the course of two phone calls we worked out a position for me and the parameters of my employment that I was told by my people and cultures contact on my start date were the fastest they've ever created in the history of the organization.
So far I've been there for about 11 weeks and while I'm crazy busy I'm also loving every minute of it as I much prefer busy over bored any day of the week and twice on Sundays.
Somehow I managed to get a small boost in wages but the kicker was that they offer a pension that is more than generous with the company contributing 2x what I do to my plan. So can't beat that and I don't see any reason why I'll be thinking about leaving - work is interesting, pay is good, benefits are excellent, and the office is down in the Glebe so lots to do at lunch.
Even better is that now I can shift the money I was sending to my RRSP to my son's RESP and should be able to meet my target by this time next year for his university requirements.
I'm giving some serious thought to selling my house in the spring and buying something a tad bit newer in a new development going up in my area. If my initial calculations are correct than I should be able to walk away with a bit of a nest egg and a better house with a garage. There is a bit more research to do and I'll keep you updated as things progress.
All in all, I'd say that coming off of back to back years in which my position was eliminated, I'm doing pretty damn good. My bank balance is good and I've set myself up to continue to see marked improvements in my position year over year.
The State of Domestic Affairs
My son earned his G1 license and broke one more string that somewhat bound him to his parents. It reminded me on just how much my own life changed when that new found freedom came my way many more years than I care to admit too. He's been a very consciousness driver and not let himself get talked into becoming the taxi service for all of his friends. Something it took his sister a lot longer to grasp and maybe he remembered some of those discussions, really arguments, his mother and I had with her about those kinds of activities.
I was able to continue keeping my bond strong with him by just being there when he needed someone to talk to without being judgmental about the things he wanted to talk about. It's almost sad that anyone can be a parent but you've got to get a license to drive a boat or snowmobile these days.
My relationship with my daughter seemed to grow stronger over the course of the year and I really can't pinpoint a reason for it other than maybe we both learned to be a bit more patient with one another. Though she is not my daughter biologically she has far more of me in her than anyone thought possible, prove positive that DNA is not the sole basis for establishing parentage.
She has my competitive streak inside her, maybe too much as sometimes I've wondered who the real alpha is when we are on a soccer pitch. My son's own competitive nature seems to have picked up a bit itself as he wasn't willing to put up with as much goofing around during soccer practises as he has in the past, even going so far this past summer to tell me it was time I reverted to my former coaching style in order to right the ship lol
I enjoyed my season coaching his team but really think deep down inside that my days as a coach are over and done with as I didn't have the same motivation I've had in seasons past, finding myself watching the games, and him, more than I was coaching the players.
The biggest change on the domestic front was the arrival of baby Jack. I think it is safe to say that that little boy has completely stolen his grandfathers heart. Nothing can make me smile more than getting a random text from my daughter with a picture or video of him.
It's funny that when I think of my children I almost always have a particular image in mind, my daughter running down the sidewalk from her aunts house in '94 to see me for the very first time or teaching her to ride a bike in '94 and my son sitting in the living room when he was about a year old in nothing more than a diaper holding my putter and smiling at his mother as she took a picture of that moment.
Now here is my daughter a mother of her own and my son soon heading off to university. The times may have changed but my devotion to my family will never wane. If my Latin is correct than the words I choose to live by would be Fides et familia
State of Foreign Affairs
This one is the easiest and yet most painful to contemplate and present.
For the truth be told there were no foreign affairs of any kind in the past year. I spent the first part of the year attempting to understand my mistake with C and than heal from it. I'd say I'm about 90% of the way there and getting better each day that passes. I still have far too many reminders of her happening around me on a daily basis but the saying that time heals all wounds is a good one as it's true, just sometimes it seems to take more time to heal than you'd like. But thems the cards we're dealt so no need to cry over them, just go ahead and play the hand you are dealt and make the most of the results.
I have gone out on a few meet and greets, can't come to call them dates as none where more than a drink and some chat, without anything developing, least on my end. I've got my profile up on one dating site but not really paying it much attention as it just seems like an exercise in futility on my part right now.
C and my ex set the bar pretty high when it comes to intelligence, beauty, compassion, and that overall hard to define feeling of "it"
If I end up never really feeling that connection with another woman it won't be the end of things for me as I consider myself pretty damn fortunate to have been in love with two amazing women in my life and to have somehow hood winked them into loving me back.
Now I'm not saying I'm not open to falling in love again but it's going to take a lot to get me to open myself up once again and be so vulnerable. The rather ironic thing is that with one of those women the door has been closed for years by mutual consent and the other could come back into my life and I'd embrace her once more as if no time has passed between us. Of course that won't be happening as she has moved on as well but the truth is that she possessed my heart the most of anyone I've ever been with, more than I thought at the time, and that is what has made it so difficult to move on as it wouldn't be fair to anyone I meet as there is no way they could ever come close to measuring up to what makes me feel deep inside the way this woman did, does, and could.
The State of Me
Wasn't sure really how to phrase this section but since it's basically about me that header seems good enough.
My health was good for most of the year with the only real blip being the back surgery I had back in June that took me a bit longer to recover from that I originally anticipated.
I have not always been the most patient person around nor the most outgoing but think that really changed this year as I can't recall losing my temper this year and had some comments made to me at the new job complimenting me for always seeming to be in a good mood. I don't know how true that is but I've been trying hard not to let things get me down as much as I used too.
Again this is partially the influence of being with C as she was really good at reminding me that my life is pretty damn good compared to a lot of people around the world, in essence making me open my eyes to what I have here and now and not being so worried about what I don't have.
I'd say the biggest change this year came in my golf game, you didn't think I'd fail to mention my addiction now did you.
The back issue forced me to slow down my swing and lessen the pressure I was placing on my lower back that was coming from the quick shift in my hips as I transitioned from the back swing to the fore swing. I think I lost about 20-25 yards but was able to keep the ball on a more playable flight line.
Pre-surgery I was shooting mid 90's and slowly creeping closer to my targeted handicap of 18. As I began to feel more comfortable post surgery I was able to push the speed envelope and regain those lost yards without giving up any of the ball control I'd established, resulting in a few sub 90 rounds and moving my handicap down from around a 26 to a decent 19 on average.
The season was far too short for me and that comes after still managing to play around 60 rounds this past season. The one thing I missed was my caddy at Pembroke and Roanoke up in the valley :-)
I love my Ping G30's but found something was missing with the Ping Driver I bought myself a few years back and made the move to the Nike Vapour with standard flex graphite shaft - holy crap did that make a huge difference, going from about 220 off the tee to around 245-260 on most drives. I also started to use my fairway woods more and noticed a huge difference in my distances. My son and daughters fiancé combined to buy me the 3 wood and 3 hybrid in the Nike Vapour line and now I'm literally salivating for the season to start.
I'm giving some serious thought to driving down to Myrtle Beach this March when my son is in Europe for the Spring Break and getting in as many rounds as I can in the course of a weeks play, figuring I can leave on a Friday right from work and get down there sometime on Sunday, play that afternoon and every day for the next 5 days and than leave Saturday morning and be back in Ottawa for Sunday night. Sounding better and better to me as I've got nothing else going on and it might be the perfect reward for surviving the year end audit at work that will just be closing out.
So now you have my state of the union. Probably not as good as the one Obama will do for the last time next month or the one Trump will attempt to do in 2018.
But it is a capsule of my recent year, both the good and the bad, for better or worse.
My hope is that 2017 continues just like the year that is ending did with one exception, I have someone special in my life who makes me smile just by thinking of her.
Reminder that closed doors can still be opened, even the locked ones if you just remember to use the right key.......
My name is Marcus and I hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as I enjoy writing them. Cheapest form of therapy I could ever hope to utilize in my life.
I hope each of you has a very Happy New Years Eve and find that which you are seeking in 2017.
My last musical suggestion for 2016 is "If I Get High" by Nothing But Thieves and comes courtesy of my son as it was one he played for me today as we were driving to get breakfast. I've got to say I love that boys varied taste in music more and more each day....just more proof that he's so mine
A Random Question from My Son
Saturday, December 31/16
Rihana's "Please Don't Stop the Music" is my morning jam today.
So in an earlier blog I commented about doing one about my son and how I know he's mine.
Well it is a work in progress as there are so many ways I know that boy is mine that go far and beyond what any blood test could prove, should I even have to think about one which I don't.
I think we can all agree that my mind works in mysterious ways given some of my blog topics, I'm willing to bet the majority of you wonder just what the hell goes on in the deep and darker corridors that is my mind but trust me that is a trip you only want to undertake if there is a guide as that place scares the crap out of me some days and I'm the proprietor.
So last night I'm sitting on the couch reading a book while listening to some music when my son comes out of his room during a break in the Rocket League tournament he's playing online with some of his friends to get a snack and drink. I really don't pay much attention as my book is pretty good and I've got Moki the Wonder Puppy curled up in my lap so between that and having my son over the world is doing right by me.
He grabs the remainder of the baguette and sliced cheese along with some water and heads back to his room when he stopped at the couch and without even any facial movement asks me in a very matter of fact voice "Do you ever wonder who would win between Predator and Kevin from the Home Alone movies?" and before even hearing my response continues on his way back to finish dominating his buddies.
I paused and thought about it for a moment and than went back to scratching the dogs ear and seeing how the protagonist in my book was going to fare.
About an hour later the question came back to the surface and I sort of laughed out loud at how it is exactly the kind of thing that I would ponder at some point when my mind had a down moment. It made me think back to all of the off the wall questions he's asked me over the years and how each was actually a pretty cool question when one took a moment to think about it.
Case in point with this latest query, how would a small adolescent child do against a battle hardened blood thirsty alien whose sole aim in life was the hunt. When you really think about it the question is age old and can be reviewed against historical results: David vs. Goliath, Sparta vs. Persia, England vs. Napoleon, and Israel vs. The Arab League. All are resplendent with the little guy prevailing over a noted superior power.
But this is just a question about two movie characters from established franchises right?
You'd like to think so but knowing my son as I do there was a real question there and one he was expecting me to answer at some point.
Once more I went back to my book and tending the dog lest she show her displeasure by harrumphing at me like she has recently taken to doing when I'm not doing something she expects me to do. Still trying to figure out how she learned to communicate her feelings to me and/or how I came to understand them so completely lol
Now as time passed I could sense my son getting anxious to hear my response but decided to be mean and make him wait for a bit.
Around midnight I decided it was time for this old man to hit the sheets and get some beauty sleep so I tidied up briefly and headed off to my room. As I passed the doorway to my son's room I saw him look up and smile at me but didn't say a word to him. Sometimes the slow torture is so rewarding :)
I went to brush my teeth and wash my face.
As I headed back to my room I paused at his door and simply said "Give Kevin an hours prep time and I'd pick him to win" and saw him thinking that over as I closed his door.
An hour later my cell chirped me out of a light sleep to tell me that I had a text message.
"I agree and wonder if he'd even need the hour prep time"
followed by another
"Can't wait till baby Jack is old enough to watch those with me"
I smiled and texted him back
"Careful what you wish for as he just might view you as the predator and respond accordingly"
All I heard after that was his laugh and I could picture his smile as he imagined matching wits with his nephew in the years to come.........as much as I love my son I'm going to go out and say right now my money is on his nephew to win any future battles.........I mean how can that kid lose given he has both his mother and grandfather's DNA lurking just under the surface of what my son views as a calm pool of water.............
My name is Marcus and these are my continuing adventures at being a parent, friend, co-worker, new grandfather, and maybe even the special one to someone.
P.S. still to come later today is the official state of the union :-)
Rihana's "Please Don't Stop the Music" is my morning jam today.
So in an earlier blog I commented about doing one about my son and how I know he's mine.
Well it is a work in progress as there are so many ways I know that boy is mine that go far and beyond what any blood test could prove, should I even have to think about one which I don't.
I think we can all agree that my mind works in mysterious ways given some of my blog topics, I'm willing to bet the majority of you wonder just what the hell goes on in the deep and darker corridors that is my mind but trust me that is a trip you only want to undertake if there is a guide as that place scares the crap out of me some days and I'm the proprietor.
So last night I'm sitting on the couch reading a book while listening to some music when my son comes out of his room during a break in the Rocket League tournament he's playing online with some of his friends to get a snack and drink. I really don't pay much attention as my book is pretty good and I've got Moki the Wonder Puppy curled up in my lap so between that and having my son over the world is doing right by me.
He grabs the remainder of the baguette and sliced cheese along with some water and heads back to his room when he stopped at the couch and without even any facial movement asks me in a very matter of fact voice "Do you ever wonder who would win between Predator and Kevin from the Home Alone movies?" and before even hearing my response continues on his way back to finish dominating his buddies.
I paused and thought about it for a moment and than went back to scratching the dogs ear and seeing how the protagonist in my book was going to fare.
About an hour later the question came back to the surface and I sort of laughed out loud at how it is exactly the kind of thing that I would ponder at some point when my mind had a down moment. It made me think back to all of the off the wall questions he's asked me over the years and how each was actually a pretty cool question when one took a moment to think about it.
Case in point with this latest query, how would a small adolescent child do against a battle hardened blood thirsty alien whose sole aim in life was the hunt. When you really think about it the question is age old and can be reviewed against historical results: David vs. Goliath, Sparta vs. Persia, England vs. Napoleon, and Israel vs. The Arab League. All are resplendent with the little guy prevailing over a noted superior power.
But this is just a question about two movie characters from established franchises right?
You'd like to think so but knowing my son as I do there was a real question there and one he was expecting me to answer at some point.
Once more I went back to my book and tending the dog lest she show her displeasure by harrumphing at me like she has recently taken to doing when I'm not doing something she expects me to do. Still trying to figure out how she learned to communicate her feelings to me and/or how I came to understand them so completely lol
Now as time passed I could sense my son getting anxious to hear my response but decided to be mean and make him wait for a bit.
Around midnight I decided it was time for this old man to hit the sheets and get some beauty sleep so I tidied up briefly and headed off to my room. As I passed the doorway to my son's room I saw him look up and smile at me but didn't say a word to him. Sometimes the slow torture is so rewarding :)
I went to brush my teeth and wash my face.
As I headed back to my room I paused at his door and simply said "Give Kevin an hours prep time and I'd pick him to win" and saw him thinking that over as I closed his door.
An hour later my cell chirped me out of a light sleep to tell me that I had a text message.
"I agree and wonder if he'd even need the hour prep time"
followed by another
"Can't wait till baby Jack is old enough to watch those with me"
I smiled and texted him back
"Careful what you wish for as he just might view you as the predator and respond accordingly"
All I heard after that was his laugh and I could picture his smile as he imagined matching wits with his nephew in the years to come.........as much as I love my son I'm going to go out and say right now my money is on his nephew to win any future battles.........I mean how can that kid lose given he has both his mother and grandfather's DNA lurking just under the surface of what my son views as a calm pool of water.............
My name is Marcus and these are my continuing adventures at being a parent, friend, co-worker, new grandfather, and maybe even the special one to someone.
P.S. still to come later today is the official state of the union :-)
Sunday, December 25, 2016
Merry Christmas
Sunday, December 25th, 2016
I would like to wish each and every one of my followers a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's!!
I've been up since 7am and in the last few hours Moki and I have been for a walk, tidied up the house, set out the service and cutlery for Christmas dinner, and are now awaiting the onslaught that will be my daughter, her fiancé, my grandson, their dogs, and my son.
It's going to be a great time, we're sure to get a bit loud as we laugh and joke with one another, watch the dogs fight over toys, each has one under the tree from yours truly, and make comments on the gifts we've given one another.
Along the way my daughter will hug me and tell me she's sure that grandma, my mom, is looking out over all of us and smiling as she watches her great grandson sleep quietly with the new stuffed polar bear his grandpa gave him.
My son will come up to me at some point and simply hug me and tell me he loves me and is lucky to have me as his father, where the truth is just the opposite as I'm the lucky one to have two amazing children who bring me so many smiles and laughs.
Christmas isn't about the exchange of gifts, it's about sharing the time with those important to you and reminding oneself that even in our darkest hours there are people who love us for us and would do anything for us.......
My biggest wish is that you are able to share the holidays with those you love.
This Christmas will be extra special for me due to the arrival of my early gift in the form of Baby Jack :-)
As my kids open gifts you'll find me holding him and softly kissing his cheek, whispering to wait till next year little man and see how spoiled we'll all make you feel with our love first and foremost.
Please take a moment and say a silent prayer for those unable to be with loved ones due to circumstances out of their control.
A special prayer and warm thoughts to those manning the wall of freedom on this day, keeping us safe in our homes while they are thousands of miles away from home and family.
I'll be sending those wishes to one special person up in the valley and hoping she is able to enjoy some well deserved time off with her sons and parents.
Christmas comes but once a year but wouldn't it be nice if the spirit could be shared year round......
Marcus
Update: so my daughter gave me a picture of baby Jack from the photo shoot she just had done last week where he is resting in her cupped hands in a frame of an amazing bleached wood and I admit I started crying right away.....she asked me what was wrong and all I could do was shake my head and say it was the most beautiful gift I've ever received.......amazing how one little baby can change one's outlook on life and the possibilities to offers
I would like to wish each and every one of my followers a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's!!
I've been up since 7am and in the last few hours Moki and I have been for a walk, tidied up the house, set out the service and cutlery for Christmas dinner, and are now awaiting the onslaught that will be my daughter, her fiancé, my grandson, their dogs, and my son.
It's going to be a great time, we're sure to get a bit loud as we laugh and joke with one another, watch the dogs fight over toys, each has one under the tree from yours truly, and make comments on the gifts we've given one another.
Along the way my daughter will hug me and tell me she's sure that grandma, my mom, is looking out over all of us and smiling as she watches her great grandson sleep quietly with the new stuffed polar bear his grandpa gave him.
My son will come up to me at some point and simply hug me and tell me he loves me and is lucky to have me as his father, where the truth is just the opposite as I'm the lucky one to have two amazing children who bring me so many smiles and laughs.
Christmas isn't about the exchange of gifts, it's about sharing the time with those important to you and reminding oneself that even in our darkest hours there are people who love us for us and would do anything for us.......
My biggest wish is that you are able to share the holidays with those you love.
This Christmas will be extra special for me due to the arrival of my early gift in the form of Baby Jack :-)
As my kids open gifts you'll find me holding him and softly kissing his cheek, whispering to wait till next year little man and see how spoiled we'll all make you feel with our love first and foremost.
Please take a moment and say a silent prayer for those unable to be with loved ones due to circumstances out of their control.
A special prayer and warm thoughts to those manning the wall of freedom on this day, keeping us safe in our homes while they are thousands of miles away from home and family.
I'll be sending those wishes to one special person up in the valley and hoping she is able to enjoy some well deserved time off with her sons and parents.
Christmas comes but once a year but wouldn't it be nice if the spirit could be shared year round......
Marcus
Update: so my daughter gave me a picture of baby Jack from the photo shoot she just had done last week where he is resting in her cupped hands in a frame of an amazing bleached wood and I admit I started crying right away.....she asked me what was wrong and all I could do was shake my head and say it was the most beautiful gift I've ever received.......amazing how one little baby can change one's outlook on life and the possibilities to offers
Saturday, December 24, 2016
Beauty comes to us in many forms......
Saturday, December 24th, 2016
As I was getting ready to write a holiday message on my Facebook account I noticed a link a friend had posted about a rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" and I clicked on it to listen.
If you don't feel tears at some point while watching and listening to this video than there is something wrong with you and I beseech you to seek immediate mental health assistance, I kid you not wit this comment.
Give a listen and have a reminder that beauty truly does come to us from in many forms....
http://www.edge.ca/syn/123/26265/10-year-old-girl-with-autism-sings-leonard-cohens-hallelujah-and-its-breathtaking
Marcus
P.S. the Christmas blog entry is still to come so don't fret
As I was getting ready to write a holiday message on my Facebook account I noticed a link a friend had posted about a rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" and I clicked on it to listen.
If you don't feel tears at some point while watching and listening to this video than there is something wrong with you and I beseech you to seek immediate mental health assistance, I kid you not wit this comment.
Give a listen and have a reminder that beauty truly does come to us from in many forms....
http://www.edge.ca/syn/123/26265/10-year-old-girl-with-autism-sings-leonard-cohens-hallelujah-and-its-breathtaking
Marcus
P.S. the Christmas blog entry is still to come so don't fret
Monday, December 19, 2016
Christmas Holiday
Monday, December 19/16
So this year is the very first time in my working career that I'll be at a company that closes down between Christmas and New Years and lets everyone have the time off with pay.
The funny thing is that I have absolutely no plans for that week and feel like fate is sort of laughing at me because of that.......
Back in 2014 when C and I started dating she talked about maybe going somewhere but I was in the middle of a transition at work and didn't think I could get the time off and was a little nervous about taking a trip as we'd literally just started dating so it didn't happen until she put her foot down and said we were going on a holiday during March break in 2015. One of the best weeks of my life!
Last year at the start of fall during one of my visits to her place she mentioned how she almost booked us a trip to Mexico over Christmas as a surprise but didn't as she wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the time off given I'd only been at that company since June. Guess in hindsight it worked out well for her as things went off the rail the next month and one can only imagine how tough that trip might have been.......just kidding, we'd have had a blast as I'm a total party animal.....still kidding, she'd have been able to replace me without a hitch lol
So here I am this year and I'm actually able to take off and have nobody in my life I'd be willing to go away with.....if that's not case of Karma laughing her ass off at me I don't know what it
Now I can hear some of you giggling and that's ok.......I mean if I can't laugh at myself and these kinds of situations than I don't have any right to be blogging about things do I?
I start my holiday's this Friday as I booked it off in order to get some servicing done on the car and get Moki in for a wash and cut. The princess has to look her best for the family when they come over on Christmas morning. Both my son and I are really curious to see how she reacts to baby Jack. He thinks she's going to curl up next to him and be protective and I think she's going to be a little confused and either come sit next to me or go and see if she can get a snuggle out of my daughter. Whatever she ends up doing is bound to be cute and cause lots of laughs.
Since I'll be solo on Christmas Eve I'll be going to midnight mass at the parish down in Fallowfield as I love the old stone church and the amazing setup inside. When mass ends I'll head home and before retiring for the night I'll raise a drink and toast my family and friends before snuggling under the covers for a long winters nap.........
On Christmas day I know at some point I'll silently wish my mom a happy birthday and hope she is looking down to watch over her grandchildren and great grandson, maybe even that brat she raised as well.
The week will fly by faster than I'll expect and I'll not do as much as I originally hoped to do but that will be ok as long as I get some time with my family and a few moments to reflect on life.
Hopefully you'll be surrounded by family and friends as well.
Maybe one of you will be somewhere farther south on a beach and raise a drink in my honour :)
Marcus
Btw....I found the perfect gift for her and without even thinking bought it only to realize as I left the store that I wouldn't be seeing her to give her the gift......kind of funny how sometimes the heart just takes over and you act without even thinking...........looks like she'll be finding a box on her desk when she gets back to the office in the new year lol
So this year is the very first time in my working career that I'll be at a company that closes down between Christmas and New Years and lets everyone have the time off with pay.
The funny thing is that I have absolutely no plans for that week and feel like fate is sort of laughing at me because of that.......
Back in 2014 when C and I started dating she talked about maybe going somewhere but I was in the middle of a transition at work and didn't think I could get the time off and was a little nervous about taking a trip as we'd literally just started dating so it didn't happen until she put her foot down and said we were going on a holiday during March break in 2015. One of the best weeks of my life!
Last year at the start of fall during one of my visits to her place she mentioned how she almost booked us a trip to Mexico over Christmas as a surprise but didn't as she wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the time off given I'd only been at that company since June. Guess in hindsight it worked out well for her as things went off the rail the next month and one can only imagine how tough that trip might have been.......just kidding, we'd have had a blast as I'm a total party animal.....still kidding, she'd have been able to replace me without a hitch lol
So here I am this year and I'm actually able to take off and have nobody in my life I'd be willing to go away with.....if that's not case of Karma laughing her ass off at me I don't know what it
Now I can hear some of you giggling and that's ok.......I mean if I can't laugh at myself and these kinds of situations than I don't have any right to be blogging about things do I?
I start my holiday's this Friday as I booked it off in order to get some servicing done on the car and get Moki in for a wash and cut. The princess has to look her best for the family when they come over on Christmas morning. Both my son and I are really curious to see how she reacts to baby Jack. He thinks she's going to curl up next to him and be protective and I think she's going to be a little confused and either come sit next to me or go and see if she can get a snuggle out of my daughter. Whatever she ends up doing is bound to be cute and cause lots of laughs.
Since I'll be solo on Christmas Eve I'll be going to midnight mass at the parish down in Fallowfield as I love the old stone church and the amazing setup inside. When mass ends I'll head home and before retiring for the night I'll raise a drink and toast my family and friends before snuggling under the covers for a long winters nap.........
On Christmas day I know at some point I'll silently wish my mom a happy birthday and hope she is looking down to watch over her grandchildren and great grandson, maybe even that brat she raised as well.
The week will fly by faster than I'll expect and I'll not do as much as I originally hoped to do but that will be ok as long as I get some time with my family and a few moments to reflect on life.
Hopefully you'll be surrounded by family and friends as well.
Maybe one of you will be somewhere farther south on a beach and raise a drink in my honour :)
Marcus
Btw....I found the perfect gift for her and without even thinking bought it only to realize as I left the store that I wouldn't be seeing her to give her the gift......kind of funny how sometimes the heart just takes over and you act without even thinking...........looks like she'll be finding a box on her desk when she gets back to the office in the new year lol
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