Saturday, June 15/19
So it's been more than a little while since I last posted and I've received a few messages asking me what the fuck is going on with me and if I'm alright (FYI that F bomb was verbatim from one of the messages so I don't think it is wrong to use it in this entry).
The honest truth is that I don't have a clue what's going on other than to admit I'm struggling big time with things and am really trying to get my shit together, with what appears to be and feels like little to no success so far.
I should be happy with the majority of my life right now as my health is good, other than some tendinitis in my right rotator cuff that is playing hell with my golf swing, work is going so well that I've not had one day where I wasn't involved with something new, my kids are doing really well, as is that little man Jack who owns me heart and soul.
But having said all of that I'm not myself and don't know how to snap out of it to get myself back to where I was happy with my life.
I took an internal vow when I started to write this blog that I wouldn't ever let my own moods become part of any entry and I've noticed my moodiness slipping into them more and more and think that is one reason I've stopped posting entries.
I've always thought of myself as an optimist in life, well really more so over the last 10-15 years, and felt that was also my approach to romance, that in time things would click for me and I'd be in that happy space with someone special in my life, but I've started to seriously doubt that is going to happen and it's been just emotionally draining the past year or so and really impacting me thesse past couple of months more than it has ever been in my life.
Waking up alone didn't used to bother me and know I absolutely hate the weekends as there is so much damn dead time on my hands, one can only read so much, watch movies on Netflix, or dare I say golf so many times before time just seems to slow down to a crawl.
I've tried to date but that has been a complete disaster and leaves me wondering how many nasty people are out there just waiting to prey upon those actually hoping to make a connection, based on some of my own recent experiences I'm voting on far too fucking many for my liking.
So I've been isolating myself from any expression of my emotions and just focusing on little things like spending time with Moki, a couple of projects around the house, and my golf game until the recent onset of the aforementioned shoulder injury.
I don't know when I'll honestly be back to posting regular blog entries in a timely manner, if they'll even be focused on dating or relationships anymore, but I'll try to post now and again so people can stop asking if the blog is over, it's not, at least not yet.
I've said it before that love can hurt as much as it can feel good, but I never envisioned the lack of love in my life feeling so horrible as it as these past few years...........
My name is Marcus and I blog about all kinds of things, used to be mostly about the search for love, relationships, and finding my true one, but let's be honest and admit my odds of success are pretty damn low these days.
Questions and comments are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
My musical suggestion for the day is "Into Your Hideout" by Pilate
