Moki...........

Tuesday, October 1st, 2019

I've had three really horrible days in my life.

The first came when I got the call on April 9th, 1998 that my mom had passed away.

The second happened on December 4th, 2009 and involved having a neurosurgeon advise me that the surgery he proposed to relieve cranial pressure on my son's brain due to a sinus infection had a 50/50 chance of saving his life or killing him.

The third was less than two weeks ago when I had to make the decision to let go of Moki and have her put under as she was in pain and there was no way I could let her suffer.

I've been struggling with that loss every single day, fighting back both my tears and anger at the oddest moments.

Moki had slowly been getting worse from her lymphoma but not to the extent that I thought we were even close to having to make that call, but something happened between the time I left for work on that Wednesday and the time I came home that put her over the tipping point.

We were told 2-6 months back in January and were given almost 3 months more to spend with her.

We tried to take her for as many walks in her park as we could and shared far more treats with her in these last few months than she'd ever had in the prior 7 years, including table scraps that made her tail wag with happiness.

She was the most wonderful puppy anyone could ever have asked for. She was kind, affectionate, caring, and empathetic.

Last year when I had my cancer scare and was off work for 2 months dealing with the adverse reaction to the chemo I was given post-surgery, that pupper never left my side, always snuggling with me to let me know she loved me and had my back.

Over the last two week's I've received so many reminders about her from little things around the house to memory tickler from FaceBook of a picture, I had taken of her back in 2015 curled up in Corinna's lap, both of them sleeping and looking so peaceful.

My son and I have had lots of talks about her these past days, remembering all the cute things she used to do to make us laugh and smile, we've shared a few tears along the way, and both commented that she is in a better place now, no longer in pain and hopefully running around with both Brishc and Shadow.

I miss my little puppy so much and know that over time the memories won't make me cry but will hopefully turn to smiles as I feel her within my soul, letting me know that she might not be here with us physically but will always be a part of our lives.

Love you puppy dog..................................

My name is Marcus and part of me died when I held her as she left us.