Some Simple Rules for Online Dating

Today's musical recommendation – Come Alive  by The Foo Fighters

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November 7/11

I was watching The Big Bang Theory with my son last week when it struck me that I recognized the actress who plays Penny from another series so I researched her via IMDB.com and sure enough she was one of the daughters from the show “8 Simple Rules”  and that got me to thinking about rules for online dating……the following is my take on some simple rules to follow when trying online dating….well my take with help from some others :)

1 – Do post a recent photo, and write an honest description of yourself.  By recent I mean one taken within the past year….we all change over time and there is nothing worse than going to meet someone and having the person who greets you look absolutely nothing like the profile picture they’ve posted. I think the Fair Trade Commission calls that false advertising lol

2- Don’t assume that any photo is as up-to-date and accurate as yours. Never underestimate the power of Photoshop

3 - Do learn the lingo of online dating. For instance: he describes himself as “cuddly.” translation: chubby.  He writes, “I’ve been told I’m very handsome.” translation: by his mother.

4 – Don’t get taken in by corny, overused come-on lines like, “Looking to spoil the lady of my dreams with flowers and candlelit dinners.” And beware of perfect strangers who promise to “snuggle with you in front of the fireplace” and “enjoy sunset strolls on the beach.” These guys have one thing on their minds. That’s why they took a course on What Women Want to Hear 101.  Do they still offer that course at The Learning Annex?

5 – Do brush up on your internet math skills if he sounds too good to be true: Subtract two inches from his height, increase his weight by 20 lbs, decrease his income by 25%, and add 5 years to his age.  This new math is even more critical when you are older and trying to date as we tend to take people for their word.
6 – Don’t choose your dates based on photos. It’s all too easy to scroll through Internet profiles, selecting the Hollywood hunks and bypassing the rest.  Remember, real men lose their hair and grow love handles yet if you met them in person, you just might find them charming.

7- Do move the conversation from email to cell phone. Some people are great writers – or even have a friend who will help them create an awesome profile.  In a phone chat, you’ll get a better sense of whether your personalities click. Plus you’ll find out if he even has a personality. Plus being able to chat outside normal work hours can establish if he is really single and looking to meet someone or just trying to add a notch to his belt before heading home to the wife.

8 – Don’t disclose where you live or for that matter, any personal information that could lead to your address, such as your home phone number, last name, or an email address that includes your last name. While most men on the Internet are just as normal as you are, you don’t want Hannibal Lecter ringing your doorbell, even if he’s carrying a box of Godiva chocolates. And even if they’re truffles

9- Do take things slowly, though the chemistry may be magnetic. Arrange to meet him in a public place for the first couple of dates. When you know more about him, he can pick you up and drop you off at home, but don’t invite him in just yet – even if he pleads that he urgently has to use your bathroom. A friend fell for that ploy on a first date, and when she offered her hand as he was leaving, he suddenly French-kissed her, slobbering all over her face. Yuck!!

10 – Don’t behave like a kid in a candy store full of online temptations. If you’ve met a nice, sincere guy, and you’re having a good time dating him, don’t fly to your computer the second you get home to flirt with a dozen new seductive suitors. On the Internet, it’s easy to get distracted by the smorgasbord of smooth-talking guys -- only to lose sight of the one who just might be Mr. Right.  I’ll quote an old marketing adage…….the customer in front of you is more valuable than the one on the telephone. Why? He is taking the time to actually get to know you and that says a lot given how much value we all place on our free time these days.

I’ll add the following three rules I’ve been incorporating over the past few years…..

A – Never date where you work. It doesn’t matter the size of the organization or if you are in different departments, it can never end well………trust me on this one

B – Never date a parent from any activity in which your child is participating. Just picture this….you at the activity, your former spouse there as well, and now the ex gf/bf there too…can you say awkward?

C – Never go on a date that has been set up by your best friends spouse/partner. They don’t know you well enough to fix you up…there is a story here that to this day still makes me cringe…someday I’ll forgive my friend but not anytime soon lol

Who would you choose to meet

Today's musical recommendation – I am the Walrus by The Beatles

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October 29/11

So I was once asked this question and it stuck with me as something to think about so I thought I'd pose it you as well as give my own answer.

If you could meet one person from history who would you choose and why?

I like this question because it is really open-ended and makes you have to stop and think, given the historical figures to choose from the options are literally endless......

For me the answer has been and shall remain Napoleon Bonaparte. Not just because I'm a total history geek, which btw I am, but also because his actions influenced how the world was divided up between the great powers of the time and gave rise, or at least an additional push to the eventual growth of Germany in the form of Prussia and her influence in central Europe.

I've always been fascinated by this man who grew up on Corsica when the people of that island were restless to be independent of France and yet to secure his own future he went to the mainland and joined the very institution being used to keep them at bay. Once he was established he continued to expand the French empire and never thought once of his former homeland.

Along the way he envisioned a community of states that was eventually to become the European Common Market and the Euro currency.....the overhaul of the legal system to one still used today in most French based nations...and the mindset of the English that they were the bulwark against his expansion plans.

So if you could meet one person who would you choose?

Some answers I've received have included Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Churchill, and even Hitler.......

Things I'll do and not do in a relationship

Today's musical recommendation – Marry Me by Train

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ghZt2cILcCU

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October 26/11

So I was sitting at home last night on the deck while my puppy ran around the backyard acting like a maniac when I got to thinking about the things I would do if I was in a relationship, things I have done when in one, and things I’ve never done nor will do when in one and thought maybe I’d share some of them for my readers amusement…..

 Some things I’ve never done…….

I’ve never gotten drunk and tried to call or text my partner at 3am – never had this done to me either lol

I’ve never struck a woman – and wonder about the mental capacity of men who do

Told a potential partner I’d date her if she had more free time from her kids – I have been told this by someone

Failed to walk a date to her car after a date – isn’t this just common sense

Tried to hit on her friends when she wasn’t around

Used the 2 day rule before calling her after a first date – aren’t such games meant for high school?

 

Some things I’ve done……

Driven cross town to bring someone a bowl of Chinese War Won Ton soup when she was feeling sick

Asked her to call/text me when she got home so I’d know she was safe

Held her hair back when she was sick

Sent a cookie bouquet to her at work

Walked curbside when we are walking on the sidewalk

Let her fall asleep with her head on my leg as we watched a movie….one she picked…and softly rubbed her back

Opened doors and stood when she leaves and arrives at a table in a restaurant

 

Some things I’d love to do……

Take a day trip to Montreal for lunch

Run errands together

People watch downtown and take turns creating stories for the people we observe

Introduce someone to my children

Have someone help motivate me to continue to improve my life

Continue to challenge my fear of heights with her during new adventures

Call her for no reason other than to hear her voice

Hear her say she loves me

Say I love you to someone……..

This isn’t an exhaustive list by any measure but rather the tip of the ice berg


As always comments and opinions are welcome but I'll keep following the path less travelled in my own journey :)

Men & POF

October 24/11

Today's musical recommendation - Love You Madly by Cake

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This wasn't going to be my topic today but a funny thing happened on the way to the keyboard.....I took a few moments to read a few profiles and some comments made me pause and wonder just what the heck were some of my fellow fish thinking...........


"Total babe; let's do a 3-some"
"Wanna web cam?"
"Got any lingerie pictures?"
"Hey Hottie, wanna hook up"

Those were just a few of the comments I read that women had posted saying men had sent them in a message.

I sat there thinking to myself....."Really?, that is what I'm up against every single time I actually get the nerve up to send a message"........I struggle with how to make myself stand apart from the rest of the fish and it turns out most messages are deleted long before they are read because there are men out there who think it is cool to treat a woman like a piece of meat.....makes me wonder just how brave or bold they'd be if they came across the same woman face to face.

It is a sad fact that men are much more visual then women and this medium lets them react to these sights on the spur of the moment without any consequences when they cross the line, and crossing the line is just what these comments do.

Do I blame women for being cautious about meeting anyone from this site? Hell no. I'm a guy and I totally understand as I've gotten some strange messages myself but nothing like the above....

The funny thing is that I've heard the statistics that there are something like between 3-4 women for every single male in the National Capital Region and yet a small, I hope small, portion of these males feels the need to act like they are back in high school and make catcalls by way of a email.....amazing

Another of the comments I read was that it seems like there are a lot of married men using the site to add a notch to their belts.......well there are a few things to consider when trying to determine if the guy you are chatting with via email is really single.....the biggest warning flag should be if he only chats during the hours of 9-5 on weekdays......if he can't chat after work hours or on weekends then odds are that the guy is married or in a relationship and playing on the side......

Not all guys are looking to play around....ok, that isn't fully accurate.....all men are looking to play but the key thing to bear in mind is that some of us prefer this to occur one on one in a monogamous relationship over time.....some of us are looking to meet someone who can make us smile, make us want to text them out of the blue with a smiley face, call just to hear your voice, and make us feel butterflies....yes, men feel them just as much as women do!!!

All I ask is that you try and remember that for every disgusting pig you come across on this site that there are actually a few decent guys out there looking for love.....real love that transcends time

So I'm wondering what kind of lines have been used to get your attention and most importantly, how does a nice guy actually get past the smoke screens being put up by the clown fish on this site........


Oh.....today's topic was going to be things I've never done or will do in a relationship.......maybe later this week :)


As always comments and opinions are welcome but I'll keep following the path less travelled in my own journey :)

Movies

October 22/11

Today's musical recommendation - Shoreline by Broken Social Scene

Songs or artists are picked for a variety of reasons.....the words might conincide with the posting, the beat might just get me moving, or it just might be one of those days where the title makes me say meh!

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Funny thought for the day:  My 12 y/o son likes to have do-overs when he is trying to deak out the dog and me with some soccer move when he is playing with her and needs at least 3-4 tries before he gets it right....each failure resulting in a redo or do-over until he succeeds in getting past us and tells us how he owned us with that move.....I remind him that if I was him I wouldn't brag too much about faking out a 10 week old puppy and 49 y/o man lol

I've posted before about my love of movies, music, and books, and how each or a combination of them can relax me, change or enhance my mood, and either leave me feeling sated or exhausted...........

On a different tack I'm going to ask if you have a specific movie or list of movies you turn to when feeling down or just need to unwind without much mental exertion......

I have just such a short group of movies and I'll list a few and what they mean to me....

Love Story....I remember my female cousins being totally into this movie when I was around 8 and for the life of me couldn't figure it out. I didn't see the movie until I was at university and it struck a chord with me in that two people can connect across any kind of boundary....the line "love means never having to say your sorry" has been inside every since I saw the movie....I've gone on to see the sequal Oliver's Story and found it just as entertaining but in a different way......

Family Man......First off I've got to admit I don't really like either Nicholas Cage or Tea Leoni all that much so the fact that I really enjoy this movie says a lot about the story......I won't give anything away about it other than to say I was the character played by Cage until one day I came home from work and something my then 4 y/o son said made me stop dead in my tracks and realize I had become my own father...something I'd vowed never to do.....and since that day I think I've done a pretty damn good job being the father I always wanted to be to my children and the one I wish I'd had growing up

Hoosiers.......ok given how much I love sports there as to be at least one on this list right? This one isn't as much about basketball as about redemption, second chances, and a group coming together to overcome the odds to show that the little guy can prevail now and again. This one has been my go-to movie for as long as I've owned it.

Finding Forrester......Sean Connery as a shut away Pulitzer prize winning author who comes out of his shell when he has a chance encounter with a young student on a prank.......I actually get teary with this one

10 Things I Hate About You......sort of a teen angst movie but to me the coming out movie for Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt.  This movie is basically a remake of Shakespeares "Taming of the Shrew" but with a modern twist and a pretty good sound track filled with indy bands.

Die Hard & Die Hard "Live Free or Die"....Bruce Willis kicking azz in both and some great lines like "Yippee Ki Yay Mother F^&%er".......lol

Last but not least......the ultimate chick flick...Pretty Woman.........need I say more than Julia Roberts being wooed by Richard Gere :)  One of the best scene's is when she drives his car...classic

I think my list says quite a bit about me but I'll leave you to form your own opinions :)

So what movies make your list and which ones would you recommend to me?