Sunday, August 30th, 2015
Today's song is "Growing Up (Sloane's Song)" by Macklemore & Ryan
So tomorrow is my birthday but since it is a workday I did Sunday brunch with my daughter, her boyfriend, and my son at Milestones to make it easier for them.
I highly recommend the Eggs Benedict as it was delish.
As we drove home my son commented that he can't believe I'm turning 53 as I've never acted like an old man.......I think there was a compliment on there somewhere lol
His comment got me to thinking about how we view age and I used to follow the old traditional method but on deeper thought don't think it's right.
So what do I mean by that?
Simple........my first birthday came on August 31, 1962 when I made my appearance into the world at 6:15 AM. I know that time pretty well as for years my mom would call at exactly that time to wish me happy birthday, used to annoy me to no end to get that call but I'd give anything to get it just one more time from her.
Tomorrow actually begins my 54th year on this great big globe we call home and if the first 53 years are any indication of how things will be going forward I can't wait.
Guess not many people would say that but in the last 20 years or so I've moved from one country to another, taken one child as my own without any hesitation, married, fathered an awesome little son, separated, and met an amazing woman who reminds me every day that anything is possible if I can an open mind.
I've cried tears of joy, cried in anger, cried in despair, questioned my faith when my marriage ended, questioned my God when my son almost died, questioned my ability to find love again, shut myself away from meeting people to focus on work and my son, and finally had my eyes opened to the joys that await me if I only am willing to open myself up to life and all it has to offer.
I signed papers for my divorce a few weeks ago and while part of me felt sad about it, nobody likes failing least of all me, it also reminded me that nothing is stopping me from making the commitment that might need to be made somewhere down the road if things continue to progress for me as they have been the last couple of months.
Wine gets better with age and there is nothing to say we can't as well.
I might be older now but I'm more patient, smarter, more open to change, a better partner and all that entails than I was in my twenties or thirties.
So years might go by but it only feels like months........bring on the next 50+ and check back to see how I've dealt with them.....you just might smile....I know I'm going to smile and laugh a lot.....
My name is Marcus and these are the ongoing chronicles of my adventures working, dating, parenting, and trying to hit a pure 7 iron from 150 yards out to the pin on the 9th on the Canyon course at Pakenham.
Sunday, August 30, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
I talk.......
Tuesday, August 18/15
I talk to myself.
I actually talk to myself far more often then I originally thought and also talk to my dog, again far more than I imagined.
I normally talk to myself when doing something and not out boredom so there shouldn't be any worries about my mental state of mind, well not any more worries than usual.
When I'm golfing by myself I tend to have a running dialogue about all the things I'm doing wrong, ways to fix them, and general comments about the state of my game. The good thing is that with my recent lessons, I've actually been able to drive the ball farther and hit my irons higher, both normally topics were I used to chide myself on my poor play. Now the comments are usually just reminders on little things to focus on and some outspoken course management strategies - shocking to hear that there are actually strategies to employ when attempting to shoot a round of bogey golf, that is my current goal and I'm closer than I think.
The other time I tend to talk to myself isn't really talking to myself but more me talking to Moki as I do things around the house or we're out on a walk. I know a lot of people talk to their pets and I think that's perfectly ok, what I do is tend to hold complete conversations with her, knowing full well she won't respond, well verbally at least as she does communicate with her body and facial expressions all the time.
For a little while there I was worried I was doing both of theses things a little too often but then I came to the realization that I only really need to worry about them if I start losing verbal arguments with myself or the dog. The question now outstanding is how long would it take me to even recognize I was doing so before it was too late??
I'll say this for myself, nobody has ever actually caught me talking to myself as I am careful when out and about in public lol
I talk to myself.
I actually talk to myself far more often then I originally thought and also talk to my dog, again far more than I imagined.
I normally talk to myself when doing something and not out boredom so there shouldn't be any worries about my mental state of mind, well not any more worries than usual.
When I'm golfing by myself I tend to have a running dialogue about all the things I'm doing wrong, ways to fix them, and general comments about the state of my game. The good thing is that with my recent lessons, I've actually been able to drive the ball farther and hit my irons higher, both normally topics were I used to chide myself on my poor play. Now the comments are usually just reminders on little things to focus on and some outspoken course management strategies - shocking to hear that there are actually strategies to employ when attempting to shoot a round of bogey golf, that is my current goal and I'm closer than I think.
The other time I tend to talk to myself isn't really talking to myself but more me talking to Moki as I do things around the house or we're out on a walk. I know a lot of people talk to their pets and I think that's perfectly ok, what I do is tend to hold complete conversations with her, knowing full well she won't respond, well verbally at least as she does communicate with her body and facial expressions all the time.
For a little while there I was worried I was doing both of theses things a little too often but then I came to the realization that I only really need to worry about them if I start losing verbal arguments with myself or the dog. The question now outstanding is how long would it take me to even recognize I was doing so before it was too late??
I'll say this for myself, nobody has ever actually caught me talking to myself as I am careful when out and about in public lol
Monday, August 17, 2015
The Text Question that has me Sweating a Bit II
Monday, August 17/15
Today's song is "Faith" by George Michael.
So back in July my son sent me a text saying he had a question for me and when I prompted him to ask me he replied it had to be done in person. Of course this had me sweating bullets as being a teenager in his first serious relationship you can only imagine where my mind went right off the bat.
Well Friday before last just before leaving for two weeks in Europe with his mom and sister he asked me the question and it wasn't what I was expecting.
We were home getting his soccer kit ready as he was playing up for the L4 team in a tournament on Saturday when he looked over at me and said "Dad, remember the text I sent about having a question?, well I'm ready to ask it now"............
I paused from folding extra soccer socks and told him to go ahead as long he remembers the rules of asking questions, he laughed and told me he did and was ready for any answer I gave, even f it was uncomfortable to hear.
I motioned to go ahead and he looked at me and simply asked "How do you know when you are in love?"
A simple question that has probably been asked thousands of times across eons of time, but not so simple to answer.
Now since he has been dating the same girl since last October this did make me stop and look at him as I asked "Are you being serious? You've been seeing T for almost 9 months and now you are asking how you know if you're in love?"
He smiled at me and said "No, I know I love her, but I don't remember when it happened and I'm trying to figure out how I knew"
I sat down and thought about it and this is what I told him.........
Trying to determine the exact moment you fall in love with someone is akin to trying to describe the wind with nothing more than words. He looked confused by my answer so I took pity on him and walked him through it by asking him to tell me about the wind as if I was a new person to earth, asking him if this wind had any colours, if it was hard or soft, hot or cold, clear or obscured. He made a scoffing sound at these points so I took the lesson on step further.
I walked him outside and looked up at the trees in my backyard swaying in the late afternoon breeze and asked him to describe what he saw. He said the branches were moving due to the wind blowing, I asked him how that was possible if this wind had no form? It wasn't hard or soft, he argued the leaves were blowing gently and not like the other night when we had a storm and branches were snapped off in the fury of harsh winds. So I said the wind can be soft or hard can it?
I asked him when he first noticed the breeze and he said when he heard the leaves, but I said the breeze was already there and only the sound of leaves made him aware of it. He started to argue with me and suddenly stopped as he realized what I said was true.
He turned to me and said did that mean he fell in love with T before he was aware of it.
I reached over and gently hugged him and whispered into his ear "Yes, and that is what makes it special".
We sat down on the steps leading down into the backyard and he asked me how I knew I was in love with his mom and I told him I don't know when it happened as it was something very gradual that hit me one day. He asked what I meant and I told him the story of how I met his mom through work and how we'd talk every single day about various parts of the project we'd both been tasked and how when it ended we just kept sending one another emails or finding silly reasons to talk, that this went on for a few months before we even knew we'd been doing it.
He asked how I knew when I was in love with C and I must have smiled as he said "What?"
I replied that with C it was different as we met on a dating site (eHarmony) so we were both looking to meet someone whereas with his mom it was very happenstance and just one of those things that happens out of the blue.
With C I think I can almost pin the moment I fell for her......our first date
Now before you scoff at this notion take a moment and read on......
We met for lunch on November 15th at The Blue Cactus down in the Byward Market. We had to meet for lunch as she was having a girls night out but didn't want to wait two weeks to meet as I don't do initial dates on the Saturday's my son is with me, something she understood and supported.
I was really nervous but our conversation really flowed and when she got up to use the restroom she said she was leaving her purse so I couldn't leave as she was depending on me to keep an eye on it and smiled as she walked around the table. I sat there thinking I wasn't doing too bad when the waitress walked over and touched up our water glasses and commented we made a nice couple. Just as I went to reply C leaned over my shoulder and softly kissed me and said she thought so too......
I'm pretty sure seeing the glint in her eyes and hearing the soft lilt of her voice that was the moment I fell in love with her.
I looked over at my son and told him that T might be his one or there could be others to come, but each would make her presence noticed in her own unique way, to enjoy each, savour them in your memories as each one is a special gift that can never be taken from you.
He had that confused look and I just smiled and said he'd understand in a few years what I was trying to share with him, that some thing's have to be experienced in order to be understood as words can't always convey the message.
As he walked back into the house he looked back at me and said "Thank you for sharing that with me, I knew I could talk about this with you and not get a clinical answer like mom gives me"
I laughed and told him that sometimes I wondered which of his parents was more in touch with their inner emotions and as he walked down the hallway to his room he said over his shoulder "That's a no brainer dad, the one I always come to with my tough questions"..............
Today's song is "Faith" by George Michael.
So back in July my son sent me a text saying he had a question for me and when I prompted him to ask me he replied it had to be done in person. Of course this had me sweating bullets as being a teenager in his first serious relationship you can only imagine where my mind went right off the bat.
Well Friday before last just before leaving for two weeks in Europe with his mom and sister he asked me the question and it wasn't what I was expecting.
We were home getting his soccer kit ready as he was playing up for the L4 team in a tournament on Saturday when he looked over at me and said "Dad, remember the text I sent about having a question?, well I'm ready to ask it now"............
I paused from folding extra soccer socks and told him to go ahead as long he remembers the rules of asking questions, he laughed and told me he did and was ready for any answer I gave, even f it was uncomfortable to hear.
I motioned to go ahead and he looked at me and simply asked "How do you know when you are in love?"
A simple question that has probably been asked thousands of times across eons of time, but not so simple to answer.
Now since he has been dating the same girl since last October this did make me stop and look at him as I asked "Are you being serious? You've been seeing T for almost 9 months and now you are asking how you know if you're in love?"
He smiled at me and said "No, I know I love her, but I don't remember when it happened and I'm trying to figure out how I knew"
I sat down and thought about it and this is what I told him.........
Trying to determine the exact moment you fall in love with someone is akin to trying to describe the wind with nothing more than words. He looked confused by my answer so I took pity on him and walked him through it by asking him to tell me about the wind as if I was a new person to earth, asking him if this wind had any colours, if it was hard or soft, hot or cold, clear or obscured. He made a scoffing sound at these points so I took the lesson on step further.
I walked him outside and looked up at the trees in my backyard swaying in the late afternoon breeze and asked him to describe what he saw. He said the branches were moving due to the wind blowing, I asked him how that was possible if this wind had no form? It wasn't hard or soft, he argued the leaves were blowing gently and not like the other night when we had a storm and branches were snapped off in the fury of harsh winds. So I said the wind can be soft or hard can it?
I asked him when he first noticed the breeze and he said when he heard the leaves, but I said the breeze was already there and only the sound of leaves made him aware of it. He started to argue with me and suddenly stopped as he realized what I said was true.
He turned to me and said did that mean he fell in love with T before he was aware of it.
I reached over and gently hugged him and whispered into his ear "Yes, and that is what makes it special".
We sat down on the steps leading down into the backyard and he asked me how I knew I was in love with his mom and I told him I don't know when it happened as it was something very gradual that hit me one day. He asked what I meant and I told him the story of how I met his mom through work and how we'd talk every single day about various parts of the project we'd both been tasked and how when it ended we just kept sending one another emails or finding silly reasons to talk, that this went on for a few months before we even knew we'd been doing it.
He asked how I knew when I was in love with C and I must have smiled as he said "What?"
I replied that with C it was different as we met on a dating site (eHarmony) so we were both looking to meet someone whereas with his mom it was very happenstance and just one of those things that happens out of the blue.
With C I think I can almost pin the moment I fell for her......our first date
Now before you scoff at this notion take a moment and read on......
We met for lunch on November 15th at The Blue Cactus down in the Byward Market. We had to meet for lunch as she was having a girls night out but didn't want to wait two weeks to meet as I don't do initial dates on the Saturday's my son is with me, something she understood and supported.
I was really nervous but our conversation really flowed and when she got up to use the restroom she said she was leaving her purse so I couldn't leave as she was depending on me to keep an eye on it and smiled as she walked around the table. I sat there thinking I wasn't doing too bad when the waitress walked over and touched up our water glasses and commented we made a nice couple. Just as I went to reply C leaned over my shoulder and softly kissed me and said she thought so too......
I'm pretty sure seeing the glint in her eyes and hearing the soft lilt of her voice that was the moment I fell in love with her.
I looked over at my son and told him that T might be his one or there could be others to come, but each would make her presence noticed in her own unique way, to enjoy each, savour them in your memories as each one is a special gift that can never be taken from you.
He had that confused look and I just smiled and said he'd understand in a few years what I was trying to share with him, that some thing's have to be experienced in order to be understood as words can't always convey the message.
As he walked back into the house he looked back at me and said "Thank you for sharing that with me, I knew I could talk about this with you and not get a clinical answer like mom gives me"
I laughed and told him that sometimes I wondered which of his parents was more in touch with their inner emotions and as he walked down the hallway to his room he said over his shoulder "That's a no brainer dad, the one I always come to with my tough questions"..............
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
Views from Around the World
Wednesday, August 12/15
So I've been scanning the statistics on my blog and really get a kick out of the various spots around the globe where someone has viewed the blog from over the last year.
I expected viewings from Canada and the U.S. but have been more than a little surprised to see a lot of recent activity from places like Portugal, Germany, Australia, and the Ukraine.
It reminds me that while we live on this big globe floating through space and are separated by both miles and language that we still have the ability to communicate with one another.
Unfortunately for me I'm perfectly unilingual but appreciate the effort people have made to learn English and take a gander at my ramblings. No, that isn't me saying anyone learned English in order to read my blog as I don't have that kind of ego nor do I think what I write is so important than anyone would learn a new language just to follow me, but wouldn't that be kind of cool if someone did....
Hopefully some of the postings give people a little look at my neck of the woods and makes them interested in coming to visit someday, my area and not necessarily me lol.
When I was younger I used to read books like "All Things Great & Small" about being a vet in the midlands of England and it left me with this visual in my head that was further enhanced by all of the Dick Francis novels I've read about horse racing in England. There are times I've been reading and used Google maps to get a better view of what is being described - so very cool and awesome to be able to do that at the spur of the moment.
So far I've seen viewings from the following countries:
Canada
United States
Germany
India
Malaysia
Australia
New Zealand
Portugal
France
Ukraine
Russia
South Africa
Norway
Who knew that something so trivial could find it's way around the world.
Marcus
So I've been scanning the statistics on my blog and really get a kick out of the various spots around the globe where someone has viewed the blog from over the last year.
I expected viewings from Canada and the U.S. but have been more than a little surprised to see a lot of recent activity from places like Portugal, Germany, Australia, and the Ukraine.
It reminds me that while we live on this big globe floating through space and are separated by both miles and language that we still have the ability to communicate with one another.
Unfortunately for me I'm perfectly unilingual but appreciate the effort people have made to learn English and take a gander at my ramblings. No, that isn't me saying anyone learned English in order to read my blog as I don't have that kind of ego nor do I think what I write is so important than anyone would learn a new language just to follow me, but wouldn't that be kind of cool if someone did....
Hopefully some of the postings give people a little look at my neck of the woods and makes them interested in coming to visit someday, my area and not necessarily me lol.
When I was younger I used to read books like "All Things Great & Small" about being a vet in the midlands of England and it left me with this visual in my head that was further enhanced by all of the Dick Francis novels I've read about horse racing in England. There are times I've been reading and used Google maps to get a better view of what is being described - so very cool and awesome to be able to do that at the spur of the moment.
So far I've seen viewings from the following countries:
Canada
United States
Germany
India
Malaysia
Australia
New Zealand
Portugal
France
Ukraine
Russia
South Africa
Norway
Who knew that something so trivial could find it's way around the world.
Marcus
Monday, August 10, 2015
Long Two Weeks Coming Up
August 10/15
So yesterday my son and daughter left for Europe with their mother and her boyfriend on a two week holiday that will see them visit spots in Italy, Switzerland, France, and England.
They arrived safe and sound in Rome this morning around 2:30 AM - I know this because both kids sent me a text letting me know lol
This week won't be much different from most weeks as this is my son's normal week with his mom, but next week is going to be different as that's my week and I've never gone longer than one week without seeing my son and I'm not looking forward to it.
My daughter attended school down in the GTA so I had to get used to not seeing her weekly and I guess this going to be practice for when he moves out on his own to attend university, but still not something I've been looking forward too!!!!
My plans for dealing with the next two weeks are golf and more golf.
Yesterday I played 27 at Pakenham, hoping to play 9 at Canadian or Glen Mar today and tomorrow, and finishing week one off with multiple rounds up near Pembroke and Petawawa over the weekend.
I'm going to use the next two weeks to get some stuff done around my house and reflect upon the relationship I have with my son as I think some changes need to be made in order to help both of us develop as people.
My son is a fantastic young man and both his mom and I hear many compliments on how he behaves but there is room for improvement as I don't think I've done him any favours by being a tad bit overprotective of him the past few years.
When he comes back he'll be introduced to the art of cooking and laundry.
I'm sure this won't be the greeting he is hoping to get but one of the objectives of any good parent should be seeing their children reach the stage of independence. My daughter constantly amazes me with her development and serves as a reminder that though she'll always be that little girl who I taught to ride a bicycle she's also a young woman who has graduated college, secured a career, and recently made an offer on her first home.
So I'm going to miss my kids over the next two weeks but I'm also going to be plotting my son's declaration of independence but without the need to bare arms!!!
So yesterday my son and daughter left for Europe with their mother and her boyfriend on a two week holiday that will see them visit spots in Italy, Switzerland, France, and England.
They arrived safe and sound in Rome this morning around 2:30 AM - I know this because both kids sent me a text letting me know lol
This week won't be much different from most weeks as this is my son's normal week with his mom, but next week is going to be different as that's my week and I've never gone longer than one week without seeing my son and I'm not looking forward to it.
My daughter attended school down in the GTA so I had to get used to not seeing her weekly and I guess this going to be practice for when he moves out on his own to attend university, but still not something I've been looking forward too!!!!
My plans for dealing with the next two weeks are golf and more golf.
Yesterday I played 27 at Pakenham, hoping to play 9 at Canadian or Glen Mar today and tomorrow, and finishing week one off with multiple rounds up near Pembroke and Petawawa over the weekend.
I'm going to use the next two weeks to get some stuff done around my house and reflect upon the relationship I have with my son as I think some changes need to be made in order to help both of us develop as people.
My son is a fantastic young man and both his mom and I hear many compliments on how he behaves but there is room for improvement as I don't think I've done him any favours by being a tad bit overprotective of him the past few years.
When he comes back he'll be introduced to the art of cooking and laundry.
I'm sure this won't be the greeting he is hoping to get but one of the objectives of any good parent should be seeing their children reach the stage of independence. My daughter constantly amazes me with her development and serves as a reminder that though she'll always be that little girl who I taught to ride a bicycle she's also a young woman who has graduated college, secured a career, and recently made an offer on her first home.
So I'm going to miss my kids over the next two weeks but I'm also going to be plotting my son's declaration of independence but without the need to bare arms!!!
Monday, August 3, 2015
Not Quite Settled Into a Groove Yet
August 03/15
Apologies for the drop off in postings but I'm finding that being back at work is putting a real crimp in the amount of time I have available to do stuff like the yard, the house, and the blog.
It's amusing and yet it's not as it is far more true than I thought possible.
I do have a few topics as works in progress and hope to get them posted over the next few days but will admit that I'm not one who is able to write a posting under a time deadline as they come to me out of the blue and that is when I tend to write them, on the off moment the topic hits me like a sledge hammer.
Apologies for the drop off in postings but I'm finding that being back at work is putting a real crimp in the amount of time I have available to do stuff like the yard, the house, and the blog.
It's amusing and yet it's not as it is far more true than I thought possible.
I do have a few topics as works in progress and hope to get them posted over the next few days but will admit that I'm not one who is able to write a posting under a time deadline as they come to me out of the blue and that is when I tend to write them, on the off moment the topic hits me like a sledge hammer.
Saturday, August 1, 2015
Recollections
August 01/15
Today's musical recommendation is "White Washed Walls" by Yes Nice.
As usual the credit goes to my son as he played it for me in the car on the way to soccer last week and it's stuck with me so much I downloaded it. They are a nice Canadian Indie worth a listen.
So last night as I was laying bed falling asleep I had a brief memory flash on Mrs. McCartney and it made me smile and almost cry at the same time. Mrs. McCartney was my first real babysitter and in more ways than one a surrogate grandmother when I was but a wee kid.
I don't know how she came into my mothers life but I do know she was a life saver at a time my mom really needed one as she was a single mother in the sixties when being called such wasn't as nearly accepted as it is today.
As I lay there I remembered in finite detail layout of her house and the hours I spent in the parlour, what we'd call the living room today I guess, playing with my Lego and Hot Wheels while waiting for my mom to get off work and come get me, the nights I slept over when I mom had classes at night that meant she wouldn't be able to come get me till almost 11pm. I remember soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
But most of all I remember being loved as if I was her own grandson, how she made me feel protected, and always reminded me how much my mom loved me and that it was that love that meant she wasn't always home as she strove to improve herself and thus our options in life.
I think my first real push to get a college degree came from Mrs. McCartney as she saw something in me that others would not see for years and years. I remember sitting with her on the big couch watching "Gun Smoke" one time and she turned to look at me with a smile and told me "Never accept no, strive to be the person you want to be, and know that I'll always watch over you no matter what".
The funny thing is I don't think I ever heard her first name and to this day swear I never heard my mother call her anything other than Mrs. McCartney when she spoke to her or about her. I knew her husbands name, Joe, and remember visiting him at work on some Saturday's when we'd take him his lunch. He worked at a hospital down in the laundry making sure the sheets, towels, and oh so lovely hospital gowns were freshly cleaned. It was a load and busy place and he told me both he and Mrs. McCartney wanted more for me, another reminder to do well in school when I wasn't even old enough to be in school yet.
When I was in the spring of my kindergarten year I remember Joe coming to see us and wondering why Mrs. McCartney hadn't come into the apartment and looking past him for her, him kneeling down to hug me with tears in his eyes and telling me how she had gone to stay with the angels, and me throwing myself into his arms wailing with tears about how unfair it was. My mom came over and hugged us both and told me she was needed in heaven more and that I needed to be brave and remember the wonderful times I had with her.
I remember the following Saturday my mom dressing me up and taking me to the service and how lost I felt without Mrs. McCartney there to guide me. The service went by in a blur and then we were at the cemetery and I stood there and let the tears flow as I said my goodbyes to one of the most wonderful people I've ever known in my life. Joe stood next to me and I heard him fight back a sob of his own I reached over and held his hand and we just looked at each other knowing our lives would never be the same again.
Joe passed away within a year and as I think back about him I know his will to live was empty without our beloved Mrs. McCartney there to guide us and all he wanted to do was join her in heaven.
I found out years later when I was in high school that Mrs. McCartney had a very bad heart and had been told to rest and take it easy but she had told her doctors that wasn't possible for she was helping a nice young woman get back on her feet and responsible for the care of a wonderful little boy who had a bright future ahead of him.
I've thought of Mrs. McCartney and Joe often over the years and know that both have watched me go through the trials and tribulations of becoming the person I am today, hopeful that as they looked down I was able to make them smile more times than I made them frown.
As I wrote this blog tonight I cried hard, a lot of it for reasons other than thinking of Mrs. McCartney, but as usual she was there to help me let some emotions out by popping a recollection into my mind when I needed it most and being there to help me once again.
Thank you Mrs. McCartney and I love you just as much today as that little boy on the couch did oh so many years ago.
Today's musical recommendation is "White Washed Walls" by Yes Nice.
As usual the credit goes to my son as he played it for me in the car on the way to soccer last week and it's stuck with me so much I downloaded it. They are a nice Canadian Indie worth a listen.
So last night as I was laying bed falling asleep I had a brief memory flash on Mrs. McCartney and it made me smile and almost cry at the same time. Mrs. McCartney was my first real babysitter and in more ways than one a surrogate grandmother when I was but a wee kid.
I don't know how she came into my mothers life but I do know she was a life saver at a time my mom really needed one as she was a single mother in the sixties when being called such wasn't as nearly accepted as it is today.
As I lay there I remembered in finite detail layout of her house and the hours I spent in the parlour, what we'd call the living room today I guess, playing with my Lego and Hot Wheels while waiting for my mom to get off work and come get me, the nights I slept over when I mom had classes at night that meant she wouldn't be able to come get me till almost 11pm. I remember soup and grilled cheese sandwiches.
But most of all I remember being loved as if I was her own grandson, how she made me feel protected, and always reminded me how much my mom loved me and that it was that love that meant she wasn't always home as she strove to improve herself and thus our options in life.
I think my first real push to get a college degree came from Mrs. McCartney as she saw something in me that others would not see for years and years. I remember sitting with her on the big couch watching "Gun Smoke" one time and she turned to look at me with a smile and told me "Never accept no, strive to be the person you want to be, and know that I'll always watch over you no matter what".
The funny thing is I don't think I ever heard her first name and to this day swear I never heard my mother call her anything other than Mrs. McCartney when she spoke to her or about her. I knew her husbands name, Joe, and remember visiting him at work on some Saturday's when we'd take him his lunch. He worked at a hospital down in the laundry making sure the sheets, towels, and oh so lovely hospital gowns were freshly cleaned. It was a load and busy place and he told me both he and Mrs. McCartney wanted more for me, another reminder to do well in school when I wasn't even old enough to be in school yet.
When I was in the spring of my kindergarten year I remember Joe coming to see us and wondering why Mrs. McCartney hadn't come into the apartment and looking past him for her, him kneeling down to hug me with tears in his eyes and telling me how she had gone to stay with the angels, and me throwing myself into his arms wailing with tears about how unfair it was. My mom came over and hugged us both and told me she was needed in heaven more and that I needed to be brave and remember the wonderful times I had with her.
I remember the following Saturday my mom dressing me up and taking me to the service and how lost I felt without Mrs. McCartney there to guide me. The service went by in a blur and then we were at the cemetery and I stood there and let the tears flow as I said my goodbyes to one of the most wonderful people I've ever known in my life. Joe stood next to me and I heard him fight back a sob of his own I reached over and held his hand and we just looked at each other knowing our lives would never be the same again.
Joe passed away within a year and as I think back about him I know his will to live was empty without our beloved Mrs. McCartney there to guide us and all he wanted to do was join her in heaven.
I found out years later when I was in high school that Mrs. McCartney had a very bad heart and had been told to rest and take it easy but she had told her doctors that wasn't possible for she was helping a nice young woman get back on her feet and responsible for the care of a wonderful little boy who had a bright future ahead of him.
I've thought of Mrs. McCartney and Joe often over the years and know that both have watched me go through the trials and tribulations of becoming the person I am today, hopeful that as they looked down I was able to make them smile more times than I made them frown.
As I wrote this blog tonight I cried hard, a lot of it for reasons other than thinking of Mrs. McCartney, but as usual she was there to help me let some emotions out by popping a recollection into my mind when I needed it most and being there to help me once again.
Thank you Mrs. McCartney and I love you just as much today as that little boy on the couch did oh so many years ago.
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