Another Rule of Three's.......All Related

Monday, April 17/17

So sometime in 2015 I posted an entry about the phenomena known as the Rule of Three.

Basically, the Rule of Three makes the hypothesis that events happen in a series of threes. Now normally the rule has been taken to mean these events are of like nature. Three deaths, three natural disasters, three accidents, and so on.

I had a series of three back in 2015 when I got the boot from one job, saw my relationship come to an end out of the blue, and in a twist on the rule, got a new job within a few weeks of the other one.

My contention was that I think the Rule of Three is real but not quite in the way we've always thought, it's real but it can be a combination of both bad and good outcomes. Now most often we do see the rule come into play with like events and/or outcomes but I tend think that is because we've been taught to expect it this way and never really thought to think outside the box when really giving it serious analysis.

Now over the past few weeks I've once again experienced the Rule of Three and in ways that both made me scratch my head wondering why and smile regardless of the reason.

Instance 1: I was watching a new show on The Discovery Channel called "Mighty Cruise Ships". It is a spin off of one of my favourite shows called "Mighty Ships".  In it they go out on a cruise that is both unique and on one large cruise ship. The episode that started this off was about the maiden voyage of the Carnival Vista through the Caribbean. As I sat there watching the show it brought back some wonderful memories of my own trips down south over the years. The kicker came when the ship docked at Ocho Rios in Jamaica and the passengers debarked to spend the afternoon on excursions, one of which was a visit to Mystic Mountain for some zip lining and high speed bobsledding down the mountain. The scenes they showed could have come from my own time there with C and made me almost laugh out loud when I remembered her shouting at me to slow down when we took the bobsled down the mountain and I sort of forgot to ever apply the brakes.

Instance 2: I was doing some work on the computer and popped over to Facebook to see what was new with my circle of friends and came across one of those little posts that get created by Facebook out of your old posts in an attempt to remind you of some memory. This one was a picture of me and C in Jamaica where we're standing near a fresh water river just before heading in for a relaxing and cool dip while on a jeep tour of the island. The best parts are remembering how awesome that cold water felt on a very hot day and the smiles we shared all day long.

Now instance 3 took me a second to recognize when it happened but I think was the best of the bunch, at least in this humble writers opinion.

I was in the checkout line at Loblaws waiting my turn after grabbing a few things to make tacos for dinner with my son. There was a couple in front of me and I could tell where he worked by both his appearance and demeanor. I wasn't really paying too much attention to them until I overheard her telling him she had to go and buy a new dress for the party. Now hearing this peaked my attention as I knew just what party she was talking about as I'd had the good fortune to attend it back in 2015.

As she said that I could sense her husband sort of guffawing like it wasn't something all that critical but she soon put him in his place with a rather tart reply "Listen, this may be your party but it's mine just as much as it is yours, I'm the one home with the kids while you are out doing only God knows what, it's not just you waking up at 3am from a nightmare wondering if you are ok, this is my chance to see the others spouses dealing with all the same issues, our opportunity to forget for just a brief moment that you can be here one day and gone the next, literally and figuratively, so if I want to buy a Goddamn dress than I'm going to buy a Goddamn dress and don't want to hear a single thing from you about it, do you understand me MISTER!"

I must have laughed at the last part as both turned to look at me, him with a bit of embarrassment and her with a bit of what could only be called an impish smile.

I put my hands up and said "Sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't really help overhearing given how much emphasis your wife put into her response to you"

This made her laugh and him just shake his head as if he knew when he was beaten. I smiled and said to him that I'd been to the party she was referring to her and she was right, it was as much her celebration as yours. He looked at me as if trying to determine how I was at one since it is by strict invitation only and I don't look like I'd be the kind of person getting an invite.  I smiled and said I'd been the plus one of someone back in 2015 and it had really opened my eyes to a lot of things.

His wife smiled and said "Amen" under her breath before asking me who I went with. I hesitated in my response as I still try my best to respect C's privacy and saying her name would have been breaking that vow. I said I'd been seeing someone who worked out of the primary downtown office and left it at that. His wife picked up on the past tense of my answer and just smiled at me knowing there was more to my answer than I was letting on.

As they paid for their items he turned to me and smiled, said sorry for the scowl, and wished me a good day. I smiled back and wished them a great time at the party.

I'll say this......it was one hell of a party the year I got to go and one I'll never forget.

I'm not sure why these three things happened or what they mean to me at the moment. In the long run maybe they'll make sense to me but for now I think I'll just let them bring a smile to my face as I remember those times and what one woman was able to bring into my life when I was willing to let the walls down.

My name is Marcus and I was once loved for who I was and maybe, just maybe, one day I'll be loved that way again.

I think today's musical suggestion should be a new indie artist I've come across named Hannah Georges and her song "Walls"





as well

Happy Easter

Sunday, April 16/17

I'd like to wish everyone a very Happy Easter and hope you were able to spend it with family and friends.

It's also my son's 18th birthday and I've already posted my birthday wishes to his Facebook and talked to him this morning.

Hard to believe that eighteen years ago the 2nd of the two greatest gifts I've ever received came into my life at a very early 2:11 AM.

He's turned into an amazing young man and I can't wait to be witness to the next eighteen years of his life as he starts university in the fall and all the adventures that is going to bring us.

No major posts for today as it is more about reflecting on things from my perspective but I do promise one for tomorrow :)

Marcus

Good Friday Everyone

Friday, April 14/17

Wishing everyone a Good Friday!

No matter your religion or belief, I hope today finds you at peace with yourself and those around you.

The last two weeks have been so busy with 14 hour work days as we tried to cover off for the vacant accounts position while still doing my own position that it's literally been wake up, go to work, come home grab a bite to eat, see my son for a bit, go to bed, and rinse and repeat. My son has been a real source of support and letting me just focus on getting things done at work.

We managed to meet our 3rd quarter reporting requirements and now I'm going to use my four day weekend to catch up on some things at home, things like laundry, cleaning, and raking up the front and back yards. I know that sounds like just more work albeit of a different type, but those activities actually are relaxing to me.

Oh, I've also been getting email pings about local courses opening up this weekend so there is a good chance that I'll try to see if I can get my first round of the year in this weekend as well.

Yesterday my boss mentioned that Casselview out in the east end is scheduled to open and I laughed and said as much as I love golf the east end isn't where I'd be playing. The truth is that Casselview looks like a nice course and is only about 45-50 minutes from my house and yet I'd rather drive to Pembroke and play one of the three valley courses in that area even though that drive takes me over 90 minutes and involves some 2 lane highway. Guess that just confirms how west end centric I am in my life and view point :)

Anyways, I'm off to see about waking my son so he can open his birthday gifts before we head out to lunch and he starts his week with his mom. His birthday you ask? Yes, my youngest is now 18 and a man in his own right, couldn't be prouder of the man he is becoming and can't wait to watch the next eighteen years unfold for him.

Have a great day and I hope to get some more posts uploaded now that time is my friend again.

Marcus

One second is all it takes to make a difference

Sunday, April 02/17

I had a series of entries all lined up to post this weekend, some kind of light hearted poking fun at myself, one about the Rule of Three and how it made another appearance in my life this past week, and a couple just meant to make you pause and think about things.

I had them and yet I've decided to not post them because of an email I received from Wanda on Friday.

I read her email and it made me cry.

I've pasted it below for a reference.

"Hi again Marcus,

 

Just wanted to say that I loved your blog about words. It came right after I received a call from my daughter telling me that her roommate had committed suicide. And ever since then I've been thinking about what words poor Nelson heard,  or didn't hear, from people who loved him. It was truly a powerful piece!

Wanda"

 

 

I cried for someone I never knew.  I cried for his family and the loss they are enduring, the questions they must be facing, the possible guilt they are feeling over not being able to see the pain he was in.

 

I cried for Nelson's friends for all the same reasons I cried for his family.

 

But mostly I cried as I know this happens far more than we hear about and don't know what to do to help people like Nelson, people in need, people who feel like the only option available to them is to take they're life to end the pain.

 

For this very reason I talk to my kids as often as possible about everything going on in their lives. Sometimes I scratch my head, always internally, when my son rambles on about soccer or some new game he's discovered but the one thing he takes away from that moment is that I was there for him and took the time to be in the moment with him. I didn't have my cell phone in my hand, the TV wasn't the focus of my attention, he was.

 

I'm constantly asking them what is going on with them, what are they up to, if anyone is causing them problems, how their friends are doing, and such things. Sometimes I think I frustrate my son with all the times I've told him I'm always here for him but than I'm reminded how important it is he knows he has people to talk to about things when he thanks me a few days later for always being there for him and just supporting him.

 

When I was growing up in San Diego my circle of friends changed quite dramatically when I moved from grade school to middle school. I became part of the "it" crowd if you will, not because I suddenly became more athletic or a drop dead hunk. No, I'd always played sports but in that average kind of way where you play because you like the sport and not because you have visions of playing professionally some day, nor did I suddenly become some Greek god in the looks department.

 

No, my world changed because a new kid named Mike moved in two houses down from me and decided we were going to be best friends.

 

Mike was that uber athlete and had the kind of looks that made almost every girl our age want to drop her pants for him. I kid you not about either of those statements.

 

Because of my friendship with Mike I also became friends with Kelly, Mary Anne, Lori, Leslie, Michelle, Stephanie, Marty, and Scott.

 

Not one of those girls was anything other than drop dead gorgeous and none of the guys was anything other than a super athlete. Than there was me, none of those, considered a nerd by most because I always had a book in my hand and the answer to most questions. I really was the ugly duckling of that group and heard the whispers on the bus about how I was the token normal person each group seems to have in its midst.

 

I didn't care as I was around Kelly and she was so cute and even better, equally smart and able to challenge me on all fronts.

 

The odd thing about Kelly was she didn't have a mother. Her dad was some senior marketing guy with Phillips Tobacco and never home as he was always at some event or another. It was left to Kelly to help raise her little sister as if she was the mom of the family.

 

I asked her best friend Mary Anne about it and she got this incredibly sad look on her face when she told me that Kelly's mom had killed herself about two years earlier. She saw her daughters off to school one morning and than walked into her garage, made sure all the doors were closed, got into her car and started it up and went to sleep forever.

 

Mary Anne told me that it hit Kelly really hard as she'd been close to her mom and took her about a year to even come back to school. She said there wasn't a note and nobody knew why her mom took her life. She said to never mention it to Kelly unless she brought it up first.

 

I watched Kelly grow into a gorgeous, self confident, brilliant young woman over the next 6 years and never once talked to her about her mother or the pain she felt every day. Pain that I would see from time to time in her eyes when she thought nobody was looking.

 

Years later when I was in university I ran into Mike and asked how things were with him as we'd drifted apart when his family bought a house in La Mesa and he transferred to Helix High. We talked for a bit and he asked me if I remembered Kelly and said he'd dated her for a while freshmen year at university but he had to break it off as she was bat shit crazy, I asked what he meant and he said something about her being a bit too clingy and always worrying he wasn't coming back whenever he left her.

 

To this day I wonder if I was as good a friend to her as I could have been by following Mary Anne's advice and never talking to her about her mom. In hindsight I think back to some of those times I was the last one over at her house after we'd all watched a movie or played spin the bottle and remember her hesitation when I was getting ready to leave, maybe that would have been the moment to let her know I was there for her, to just listen and maybe offer a shoulder to cry on.

 

It is that experience that makes me feel so bad for Nelson and all those like him.

 

There is support for you when you feel like all is lost.

 

If you sense something is amiss with someone close to you it probably means it is....don't ignore it or pass it off as some silly feeling on your part, please act upon it as it might mean all the difference to someone.

 

It literally only takes a second to let someone know you care and want to help.................

 

My name is Marcus and I missed my opportunity help my friend deal with her issues and hope I never make that same mistake again.