I had a series of entries all lined up to post this weekend, some kind of light hearted poking fun at myself, one about the Rule of Three and how it made another appearance in my life this past week, and a couple just meant to make you pause and think about things.
I had them and yet I've decided to not post them because of an email I received from Wanda on Friday.
I read her email and it made me cry.
I've pasted it below for a reference.
"Hi again Marcus,
Just wanted to say that I loved your blog about words. It came right after I received a call from my daughter telling me that her roommate had committed suicide. And ever since then I've been thinking about what words poor Nelson heard, or didn't hear, from people who loved him. It was truly a powerful piece!
Wanda"
I cried for someone I never knew. I cried for his family and the loss they are enduring, the questions they must be facing, the possible guilt they are feeling over not being able to see the pain he was in.
I cried for Nelson's friends for all the same reasons I cried for his family.
But mostly I cried as I know this happens far more than we hear about and don't know what to do to help people like Nelson, people in need, people who feel like the only option available to them is to take they're life to end the pain.
For this very reason I talk to my kids as often as possible about everything going on in their lives. Sometimes I scratch my head, always internally, when my son rambles on about soccer or some new game he's discovered but the one thing he takes away from that moment is that I was there for him and took the time to be in the moment with him. I didn't have my cell phone in my hand, the TV wasn't the focus of my attention, he was.
I'm constantly asking them what is going on with them, what are they up to, if anyone is causing them problems, how their friends are doing, and such things. Sometimes I think I frustrate my son with all the times I've told him I'm always here for him but than I'm reminded how important it is he knows he has people to talk to about things when he thanks me a few days later for always being there for him and just supporting him.
When I was growing up in San Diego my circle of friends changed quite dramatically when I moved from grade school to middle school. I became part of the "it" crowd if you will, not because I suddenly became more athletic or a drop dead hunk. No, I'd always played sports but in that average kind of way where you play because you like the sport and not because you have visions of playing professionally some day, nor did I suddenly become some Greek god in the looks department.
No, my world changed because a new kid named Mike moved in two houses down from me and decided we were going to be best friends.
Mike was that uber athlete and had the kind of looks that made almost every girl our age want to drop her pants for him. I kid you not about either of those statements.
Because of my friendship with Mike I also became friends with Kelly, Mary Anne, Lori, Leslie, Michelle, Stephanie, Marty, and Scott.
Not one of those girls was anything other than drop dead gorgeous and none of the guys was anything other than a super athlete. Than there was me, none of those, considered a nerd by most because I always had a book in my hand and the answer to most questions. I really was the ugly duckling of that group and heard the whispers on the bus about how I was the token normal person each group seems to have in its midst.
I didn't care as I was around Kelly and she was so cute and even better, equally smart and able to challenge me on all fronts.
The odd thing about Kelly was she didn't have a mother. Her dad was some senior marketing guy with Phillips Tobacco and never home as he was always at some event or another. It was left to Kelly to help raise her little sister as if she was the mom of the family.
I asked her best friend Mary Anne about it and she got this incredibly sad look on her face when she told me that Kelly's mom had killed herself about two years earlier. She saw her daughters off to school one morning and than walked into her garage, made sure all the doors were closed, got into her car and started it up and went to sleep forever.
Mary Anne told me that it hit Kelly really hard as she'd been close to her mom and took her about a year to even come back to school. She said there wasn't a note and nobody knew why her mom took her life. She said to never mention it to Kelly unless she brought it up first.
I watched Kelly grow into a gorgeous, self confident, brilliant young woman over the next 6 years and never once talked to her about her mother or the pain she felt every day. Pain that I would see from time to time in her eyes when she thought nobody was looking.
Years later when I was in university I ran into Mike and asked how things were with him as we'd drifted apart when his family bought a house in La Mesa and he transferred to Helix High. We talked for a bit and he asked me if I remembered Kelly and said he'd dated her for a while freshmen year at university but he had to break it off as she was bat shit crazy, I asked what he meant and he said something about her being a bit too clingy and always worrying he wasn't coming back whenever he left her.
To this day I wonder if I was as good a friend to her as I could have been by following Mary Anne's advice and never talking to her about her mom. In hindsight I think back to some of those times I was the last one over at her house after we'd all watched a movie or played spin the bottle and remember her hesitation when I was getting ready to leave, maybe that would have been the moment to let her know I was there for her, to just listen and maybe offer a shoulder to cry on.
It is that experience that makes me feel so bad for Nelson and all those like him.
There is support for you when you feel like all is lost.
If you sense something is amiss with someone close to you it probably means it is....don't ignore it or pass it off as some silly feeling on your part, please act upon it as it might mean all the difference to someone.
It literally only takes a second to let someone know you care and want to help.................
My name is Marcus and I missed my opportunity help my friend deal with her issues and hope I never make that same mistake again.
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