My Own Personal Kryptonite

Saturday, March 03/18

So over the years I've confessed to a couple of different things that I felt were my own personal Kryptonite and tonight while watching Chris Evans and Alice Eve in "Before We Go" it dawned on me suddenly that my weakness has evolved once again but this transformation happened a lot longer ago than I realized.

Now for those wondering what I mean by my own personal Kryptonite, you have to understand the context and that means knowing that it derives from the mythical planet Krypton from the Superman comic, television, and movie franchise. It is the one thing that removes his super powers and makes him merely mortal, really less than mortal.

We all have our own Kryptonite, though to be fair we might not know what it is having never encountered it before, but trust me we all have one.

When I was younger, think along the lines of 9-10, my cousin Rudy liberated a bottle of champagne from his sisters wedding shower, sounds so much nicer than saying he stole the bottle, and shared some with his very gullible little cousin. I'm not ashamed to say it was my first time experiencing alcohol and it really worked a number over on me, picture a young puppy after sipping a cold beer to get a better understanding of the impact on me. It was literally like someone poured a combination truth serum and anti-inhibition syrup into my system. I think it goes without saying that things did not turn out well though I don't remember all of it except for the part where my soon to be wed cousin Victoria lost her shit on her little brother for corrupting the baby of the family, that would be me for those wondering, and pretty much beat the living crap out of him as her mother, my wonderful aunt, my own mother, my other aunts, and more hot single women than I should be able to remember stood around and not only did nothing to save my Rudy but pointed out spots where Vicky had yet to smack him.

From that point on I have done my best to avoid drinking champagne in any quantity as the only other two times I have ended up with me table dancing, not a pretty site trust me, and sleeping on the stairs my first night in Canada, thanks to my evil brother-in-law lol

So that was Kryptonite issue number one. Years later in high school I found it to be glasses. Yes, you read that correctly, I had thing for a girl in glasses. Just sparked my interest to no end and caused me a lot of problems in terms of getting shot down whenever I even tried to approach a cute girl in glasses. Come to think of it maybe that is when I started to become a bit more introverted and stopped trying to elicit interest from the fairer sex, just easier to focus on school and the books than getting rejected all the time.

But enough about my old Kryptonite's and onto the discovery of the new one.

As I was watching the movie, spoiler alert here as I'm going to disclose something about the movie so if you haven't seen it and are interested I suggest you stop reading, like stop reading right now......

You would think that with Alice Eve in the movie that that's all it would take to keep me interested as she is in my top 10 list of women I'd get a pass for, a topic for another blog entry I'm sure, but there is this one scene where Chris and Alice enter this bar to see his friends and from across the room he spies his ex girlfriend and as they make eye contact it was like the air just left my lungs, like unable to breathe, like time standing still and not knowing what the hell was going in with my body.

As suddenly as I lost my breathe I sat up on the couch and gasped realizing she had short hair and it was the most incredibly sexy look I've ever seen........until I remembered I'd had that view quite a lot a few years ago with C, now to be known as Corinne as I love her name and am getting so tired referring to her as an initial, since she kept her hair really short for her work.  Until I'd met Corrine I'd never really given short hair much thought other than to say it wasn't for me, on a woman that is as I do keep my own hair uber short, but she wore it so well and I loved the way it let me kiss the back and side of her neck without having to move strands of hair out of the way, just so natural in my mind and so damn sexy.

I've been doing a good job lately convincing myself that my days of thinking about Corinne were done and over with but the last few weeks have seen images and memories of her sneaking back into my thoughts on a regular basis and kind of freaking me out more than a little bit. Not freaking me out because they or her were bad but because thinking of someone who is no longer part of one's life can only lead to some heart ache and right now that's probably not the best thing to deal with in conjunction with my pending surgery and potential treatments.

On a side note I sort of figured out why I'm struggling to complete the Mexico entries and you guessed it, the issue is that Mexico brought up some memories of Corinne and our trip to Jamaica back in 2015.  I had a great time in Mexico and don't regret going for a second to see my daughter get married or spending time with my trip roomie in my son but I know now why being there sort of made me feel ill at ease and it boils down to I wasn't there with my partner and lost out on the romance that should have been part of the experience.

I think I've said before that sometimes I think too much and it's not always a good thing, this was and is one of those damn moments.

So now I've got to deal with the repressed memories and try to get back on track as that ship has sailed and I have to stop letting it sink my attempts at dating as the last couple have been with nice women who I didn't really give a fair chance since I was comparing my feelings at those particular moments in time with how I felt on my first date with Corinne, which in all fairness ranks as my best first date ever, even more than the one I had with the mother of my children so that says a lot doesn't it?

My name is Marcus and once again I find myself sort of fucked over emotionally due to one damn scene from a movie on Netflix that reminds me of someone I lost. Sort of starting to wonder if I'm ever going to be able to just shut that part of my life away in a vault and starting stepping forward in a positive way.