Rooting for the little c

Tuesday, March 13/18

Well here I am with just one more sleep to complete before possibly getting control of my life back.

Never been one to root for the little anything but I'm making an exception over the next few days and cheering like crazy for the little c to come out on top.

My CFO raised an eyebrow when he heard me talking to someone and said the best outcome for tomorrow was to get the little c so I had to explain to him that to me the little c means the biopsy will come back saying my tumor is benign and life moves on whereas the BIG C means I've struck out and its been determined my tumor is malignant and I get to enjoy the pleasure of oh so many rounds of chemotherapy over the next 6-9 month, hoping that it cures me and lets me resume living.

He said that my terminology was kind of amusing and he liked that I was trying to make light of the situation and not letting it control my life. I laughed and said it's all an act as I've been shitting bricks the last few weeks as the surgery date gets closer and closer, but the one thing I could do was try and make those around me feel a little more at ease.

Yesterday was a perfect example as I caught my controller looking over at me several times in the morning and she called me into a meeting room to see how I was doing.  I told that honestly I was sort of feeling numb at the moment. She told me I could go home if I wanted and not to worry about work at all but truth be told being there is helping me as it does keep my mind off things. She said she was going to keep an eye on me and if she decided I needed to leave she was going to send me home.

I made it through yesterday and today without losing my mind so that's a good thing right?

Guess my daughter let slip to her soccer team that I was looking at surgery on Wednesday as last night at her league game the entire team came over to give me a hug and tell me to face this like I was coaching a game. One player laughed and said just yell at it as whenever I did that it always made her want to play harder.

I called my daughter when  I got home and we talked logistics for tomorrow and she once again was adamant that I'm coming to her place post surgery until her brother is done with class and can come get me. As she put it "There's no way in hell you are being alone at home the night of your surgery. Besides we'll just ignore your instructions and drive you to our place, not like you'll be able to do anything about it being groggy and weak!"  I could actually see her smug little smile as she was saying that.  I know when I'm beat so it looks like I'll be resting in the guest room, luckily it has a super comfy bed.

I don't have my surgery till the afternoon so it's looking more likely I won't have an update for the blog until possible Friday.

Do what I've been doing a lot of lately and tell those close to you that you love them as you never know how many chances you'll get to do that.

Oh and Miss Corinne, you were right and wrong about me/us but I'm still hoping you find your unique one, are kicking some serious ass down in D.C., and making Canada proud.

My name is Marcus and I'm still following my mantra: Fuck Cancer!