Wednesday, January 30/19
Today is the annual Bell "Let's Talk" day to promote mental health awareness and remove the stigma that suffering from it has carried for far too many years.
First off, my apologies for getting this blog entry out so late today but some new things have been happening in my life that have been taking up a lot of my time. Having said that, this is an important topic to me and I feel pretty shitty about the lateness of today's post.
You either suffer from some form of mental health issue or you know someone who does. Period, end of story, it's not really something you can debate in this day and age. You might not suffer from it yourself but I can guarantee you that a family member, close friend, or co-worker does suffer from it and behooves all of us to be aware of it and know what to do should the moment arise when it becomes more apparent than not.
Lot of males grow up being told "Stop crying, what are you a little girl" or "Big boys don't cry"
Bullshit!!!!! Real men do cry and let emotions show for all to see. I've cried and I'm sure I'll do it again more than likely sooner rather than later. My kids have seen me cry and I'm not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it as I think it shows them that bottling emotions up can be damaging.
My son is not afraid to show his emotions when something is bothering him and I couldn't love him anymore than if I tried as it shows me he gets it and isn't keeping things inside, that while his mother or I might not be able to solve the problem that we are here to listen and let him get things off his chest. Both of my kids and now my son-in-law have heard my offer to always be there and do whatever they need me to do.......even if it is just to lend a a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, really listen to the message they want to communicate.
Sometimes listening means understanding what the words aren't really saying but rather what the other person is trying to express. We can't always do anything about the problem but we can always make time to just be there for them and sometimes that is all the other person wants or needs at that particular moment.
In years past I've suffered from depression and learned to talk about the things that bother me with a therapist and a few close friends. It was the hardest thing I've ever done as I'm one of those guys grew up in a house where boys were told it's not manly to express emotions.
I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all.
But for the memory of my high school friend Kelly and all she suffered from her own mothers suicide I might have really done the unthinkable and missed out on so much life.
I've done my best to impart this on my children and as my grandson gets older he'll likely hear me telling him that not matter what is going on in his life that I'm always going to be there for him to lean on and just talk to about anything and everything he's feeling.
We can't solve all the problems we are presented but we can all be warm, decent. caring people and offer a smile, a kind word, and the opportunity for someone to talk the things they are going through. You might be surprised how much it may help someone, someone you might not have even realized was on the edge at that moment.
I love the "Let's Talk" message but don't limit myself to following it on just one day but try and use it every single day.
My name is Marcus and I'm here if you ever just want to talk to someone.
Reach out to me at ooasm2018@gmail.com and let's talk!!!
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Sunday, January 27, 2019
It's a lazy Sunday so a little of this and a little of that
Sunday, January 27/19
So it's just a lazy Sunday at my place as the son has to work today, one of his last shifts for the job, and I'm just back from getting a few things at the grocery store. Kanata Centrum Loblaw's to be exact and I still haven't managed to bump shopping carts in the produce section with any interesting females lol
I have a blog entry all written, edited, and ready to post but have to keep it on hold for the next little while as there are somethings going on in my life that could be impacted by it that I'd rather see come to fruition before addressing them on here so please be patient. I know that is kind of silly to ask since you've have never known about this blog entry if I hadn't just mentioned it right? Silly rabbit!
So here are some random thoughts and/or observations that I've had over the past week or so, in no particular order............
After having dealt with some real interesting characters lately in my life I can completely understand why Noah only took paired animals on the ark.....
Why do people think it okay to walk behind a car that is backing up out of a parking spot? I mean I've had people walk right behind me as I've been backing to the extent that that literally took extra steps to walk behind my car after being 2 or more car lengths away.........
If an ice tray pops in the freezer but nobody is in the house, does it make a sound?
Not all things old are good and not all things new are bad, I'm just putting that one out there for thought
When did being vegan give anyone the right to belittle another person?
Neither the Liberals or Conservatives can brag as one has Justin Trudeau making Canada a laughing stock around the world and the other has Doug Ford trashing Ontario and dragging the provincial education system back into the 80's
Someone once commented that maybe my golfing so much was the reason I was single and unable to attract the attention of a female. I counter that I only golf that much because I'm single and need something to fill all my free time
Kissing is the best form of foreplay and should be practiced as often as possible
There are approximately four people who read this blog who know what I look like and only one has pictures of me but hopefully won't ever post any of them, I do my best to stay on her good side :-)
I'm a righty that thinks more like a lefty
I'll take Rom-Com for $800 Alex
Currently my favorite beer is "Big Wave" by the Kona Brewery in Hawaii. Yes, I've moved on from the ciders to real beer these days, aren't you all proud of me for growing up?
I've never faked an orgasm.
I'm researching making a trip to England this year. Yes, it will include a visit to Manchester to see Old Trafford and hopefully a ManU game. Additionally, I want to take the train down to London and see some sights. It's about time I visit that side of my heritage. Any suggestions on places to see?
If you could invite one person from history to share a meal with who would you choose and why? I lean towards Napoleon at this moment as I'd love to understand his vision for Europe.
My daughter was shocked to hear I've dated outside my race and that made me laugh. I had to endure a game of 20 questions about my dating history over dinner on Friday.
Special thanks to Leela and Wanda for the really kind emails about Moki. She is doing super good and we are enjoying as much time with her as we are being granted.
I still believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Sometimes providing a shoulder to lean on is all you need to do to help someone, we don't always have to solve the problem, but being there to listen to them is just as important.
Words and actions can be forgiven but they are rarely forgotten.
My name is Marcus and most days I have my shit together than some days I just fake my way through it.
Today's musical suggestion is a little bit country - "Girl" by Maren Morris
YouTube video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0vXCY-h9ks
As always, comments and questions are more than welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
So it's just a lazy Sunday at my place as the son has to work today, one of his last shifts for the job, and I'm just back from getting a few things at the grocery store. Kanata Centrum Loblaw's to be exact and I still haven't managed to bump shopping carts in the produce section with any interesting females lol
I have a blog entry all written, edited, and ready to post but have to keep it on hold for the next little while as there are somethings going on in my life that could be impacted by it that I'd rather see come to fruition before addressing them on here so please be patient. I know that is kind of silly to ask since you've have never known about this blog entry if I hadn't just mentioned it right? Silly rabbit!
So here are some random thoughts and/or observations that I've had over the past week or so, in no particular order............
After having dealt with some real interesting characters lately in my life I can completely understand why Noah only took paired animals on the ark.....
Why do people think it okay to walk behind a car that is backing up out of a parking spot? I mean I've had people walk right behind me as I've been backing to the extent that that literally took extra steps to walk behind my car after being 2 or more car lengths away.........
If an ice tray pops in the freezer but nobody is in the house, does it make a sound?
Not all things old are good and not all things new are bad, I'm just putting that one out there for thought
When did being vegan give anyone the right to belittle another person?
Neither the Liberals or Conservatives can brag as one has Justin Trudeau making Canada a laughing stock around the world and the other has Doug Ford trashing Ontario and dragging the provincial education system back into the 80's
Someone once commented that maybe my golfing so much was the reason I was single and unable to attract the attention of a female. I counter that I only golf that much because I'm single and need something to fill all my free time
Kissing is the best form of foreplay and should be practiced as often as possible
There are approximately four people who read this blog who know what I look like and only one has pictures of me but hopefully won't ever post any of them, I do my best to stay on her good side :-)
I'm a righty that thinks more like a lefty
I'll take Rom-Com for $800 Alex
Currently my favorite beer is "Big Wave" by the Kona Brewery in Hawaii. Yes, I've moved on from the ciders to real beer these days, aren't you all proud of me for growing up?
I've never faked an orgasm.
I'm researching making a trip to England this year. Yes, it will include a visit to Manchester to see Old Trafford and hopefully a ManU game. Additionally, I want to take the train down to London and see some sights. It's about time I visit that side of my heritage. Any suggestions on places to see?
If you could invite one person from history to share a meal with who would you choose and why? I lean towards Napoleon at this moment as I'd love to understand his vision for Europe.
My daughter was shocked to hear I've dated outside my race and that made me laugh. I had to endure a game of 20 questions about my dating history over dinner on Friday.
Special thanks to Leela and Wanda for the really kind emails about Moki. She is doing super good and we are enjoying as much time with her as we are being granted.
I still believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Sometimes providing a shoulder to lean on is all you need to do to help someone, we don't always have to solve the problem, but being there to listen to them is just as important.
Words and actions can be forgiven but they are rarely forgotten.
My name is Marcus and most days I have my shit together than some days I just fake my way through it.
Today's musical suggestion is a little bit country - "Girl" by Maren Morris
YouTube video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0vXCY-h9ks
As always, comments and questions are more than welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, January 14, 2019
Moki.......
Monday, January 14/19
So Moki was feeling lethargic and had swollen lymph nodes in her neck 2 weeks ago and my son and I took her to the vet to see what was going on.
The vet aspirated them and sent the results off to be tested with the hope it was going to come back showing a viral infection that we could have treated.
Well January 4th I got the call that her symptoms were lymphoma and there was nothing that could be done about it. Initial prognosis is between 6-12 months if everything goes well and more likely 3-6 months. I really couldn't talk to the vet and had to hang up and I just can't imagine not having my little pupper in my life.
I sat on the couch and held her in my arms and balled my eyes out and I'm pretty sure I was howling like a maniac as it woke my son up and he came out to see what the hell was going on. Not really a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son and one of the hardest talks we've ever had.
We sat with her and just gave her lots of love and made the decision to just love her and at the point she is no longer comfortable to make the tough call and let her go out in peace. I can honestly say that this news has hit me harder than even when I was contemplating my own cancer scare back in March.
That first weekend was all about Moki and doing things that I knew would make her tail wag with pleasure. We did a trip to PetSmart for a new stuffed toy that she can tear apart, spent Sunday down at my daughters place walking the trail at the back of her property, and she's been getting lots and lots of treats, even some scraps of people food.
I went into see the vet on Tuesday so I could better understand what to expect over the next weeks and hopefully months. One thing we decided to do was begin her on a daily dose of a corticosteroid called Prednisone that should help with the swollen nodes and make it easier for her.
By Friday I noticed her lymph nodes had almost returned to normal and she seemed to have regained her appetite. I know it's not a cure but anything helps and I'll gladly deal with it as long as possible.
I have a list of things to look out for and will be talking to our vet often to make sure we are doing the best for her and making her as happy as possible. Sometimes she just looks at me as if to tell me things will be okay and I just break down sobbing, life seems so unfair at times as she is only half way through her expected life expectancy and now this happens.
I've had three amazing dogs in my life and each of them gave me and my families nothing but love and made us so happy.
Brishc aka Brishcollete was my first and a lovely female poodle. We got her when I was 5 and had her until my senior year of high school. She was more my mom's dog and didn't really warm up to me until I hit middle school, think I became mature enough to appreciate her at that point. But from around age 13 on that dog was all mine, she was never far from me when I was home and very protective of me, so much so that she actually once barked at a girlfriend when she went to give me a hug.
Shadow was next and we got him in 1998 on the spur of the moment when out running errands. My ex never mentioned wanting a dog but for some unknown reason we crossed paths with Shadow and he stole her heart. Shadow was a Cockapoo or Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix with the softest light brown fur. He was my ex's dog for the longest time and when my son came around we watched with amazement as Shadow switched his affection to this little ball of blubber that had no clue he was even there. When my son was little we'd find Shadow sleeping under his crib and when he eventually started school Shadow would lay on his bed and look out the window until his school bus would go past and drop my son off at the corner, with Shadow running downstairs to wait for him by the door.
Moki rounds out the trio in her all glory. A female Schnoodle or Schnauzer Poodle mix with the sweetest disposition I've ever seen in a dog. She loves nothing more than laying next to her humans as they watch TV, read a book, or sleep. Lately she has taken a shining to my grandson and now I'm sorry he won't get to know her and her playful nature.
My daughter found Moki for us on Kajiji, my son picked her out, and I've been her daily companion now for over 7 years, some of the best times I've ever had.
I know when she meets Brishc and Shadow there are going to be some stories shared between the three of them about my son and the family. I'm sure Brishc will talk to her about me as a young lad and Shadow will tell her all about my son and what he was like as an infant.
I'm sure there will be those who read this entry wonder what all the fuss is about just a dog and that's okay for them to feel that way. They don't get it but those of us who really let our dogs and cats into our hearts understand the connection they share with us. I know she provided me serious emotional support when I was at my darkest last year and I want nothing more than to be there for her in return.
My emotions are going to be all over the place the next little while as it doesn't take too much to make me cry right now, the look of her sitting in my office chair while I write this entry has me battling tears right now, when I go to bed and she curls up into a little ball and leans into the small of my back will make me want to cry, and seeing her stretch in the morning before we head out for a walk will test my strength for sure.
I blog about my search for the one and I think I need to clarify that I have my one right now, albeit in canine form as I'm pretty sure Moki is my one given how calm she makes me feel all the time.
I was going to put the blog on hold but I've always tried to share emotions or actions that have made me happy, sad, angry, scared, and don't think this is any different. My life is being impacted by something totally out of my control that I never saw coming and it sucks in the worst possible ways.
My name is Marcus and I'm owned by a wonderful little pupper named Moki.
My goal is to be the human she thinks I am and to be worthy of her unconditional love........
Thoughts, comments, and questions are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
So Moki was feeling lethargic and had swollen lymph nodes in her neck 2 weeks ago and my son and I took her to the vet to see what was going on.
The vet aspirated them and sent the results off to be tested with the hope it was going to come back showing a viral infection that we could have treated.
Well January 4th I got the call that her symptoms were lymphoma and there was nothing that could be done about it. Initial prognosis is between 6-12 months if everything goes well and more likely 3-6 months. I really couldn't talk to the vet and had to hang up and I just can't imagine not having my little pupper in my life.
I sat on the couch and held her in my arms and balled my eyes out and I'm pretty sure I was howling like a maniac as it woke my son up and he came out to see what the hell was going on. Not really a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son and one of the hardest talks we've ever had.
We sat with her and just gave her lots of love and made the decision to just love her and at the point she is no longer comfortable to make the tough call and let her go out in peace. I can honestly say that this news has hit me harder than even when I was contemplating my own cancer scare back in March.
That first weekend was all about Moki and doing things that I knew would make her tail wag with pleasure. We did a trip to PetSmart for a new stuffed toy that she can tear apart, spent Sunday down at my daughters place walking the trail at the back of her property, and she's been getting lots and lots of treats, even some scraps of people food.
I went into see the vet on Tuesday so I could better understand what to expect over the next weeks and hopefully months. One thing we decided to do was begin her on a daily dose of a corticosteroid called Prednisone that should help with the swollen nodes and make it easier for her.
By Friday I noticed her lymph nodes had almost returned to normal and she seemed to have regained her appetite. I know it's not a cure but anything helps and I'll gladly deal with it as long as possible.
I have a list of things to look out for and will be talking to our vet often to make sure we are doing the best for her and making her as happy as possible. Sometimes she just looks at me as if to tell me things will be okay and I just break down sobbing, life seems so unfair at times as she is only half way through her expected life expectancy and now this happens.
I've had three amazing dogs in my life and each of them gave me and my families nothing but love and made us so happy.
Brishc aka Brishcollete was my first and a lovely female poodle. We got her when I was 5 and had her until my senior year of high school. She was more my mom's dog and didn't really warm up to me until I hit middle school, think I became mature enough to appreciate her at that point. But from around age 13 on that dog was all mine, she was never far from me when I was home and very protective of me, so much so that she actually once barked at a girlfriend when she went to give me a hug.
Shadow was next and we got him in 1998 on the spur of the moment when out running errands. My ex never mentioned wanting a dog but for some unknown reason we crossed paths with Shadow and he stole her heart. Shadow was a Cockapoo or Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix with the softest light brown fur. He was my ex's dog for the longest time and when my son came around we watched with amazement as Shadow switched his affection to this little ball of blubber that had no clue he was even there. When my son was little we'd find Shadow sleeping under his crib and when he eventually started school Shadow would lay on his bed and look out the window until his school bus would go past and drop my son off at the corner, with Shadow running downstairs to wait for him by the door.
Moki rounds out the trio in her all glory. A female Schnoodle or Schnauzer Poodle mix with the sweetest disposition I've ever seen in a dog. She loves nothing more than laying next to her humans as they watch TV, read a book, or sleep. Lately she has taken a shining to my grandson and now I'm sorry he won't get to know her and her playful nature.
My daughter found Moki for us on Kajiji, my son picked her out, and I've been her daily companion now for over 7 years, some of the best times I've ever had.
I know when she meets Brishc and Shadow there are going to be some stories shared between the three of them about my son and the family. I'm sure Brishc will talk to her about me as a young lad and Shadow will tell her all about my son and what he was like as an infant.
I'm sure there will be those who read this entry wonder what all the fuss is about just a dog and that's okay for them to feel that way. They don't get it but those of us who really let our dogs and cats into our hearts understand the connection they share with us. I know she provided me serious emotional support when I was at my darkest last year and I want nothing more than to be there for her in return.
My emotions are going to be all over the place the next little while as it doesn't take too much to make me cry right now, the look of her sitting in my office chair while I write this entry has me battling tears right now, when I go to bed and she curls up into a little ball and leans into the small of my back will make me want to cry, and seeing her stretch in the morning before we head out for a walk will test my strength for sure.
I blog about my search for the one and I think I need to clarify that I have my one right now, albeit in canine form as I'm pretty sure Moki is my one given how calm she makes me feel all the time.
I was going to put the blog on hold but I've always tried to share emotions or actions that have made me happy, sad, angry, scared, and don't think this is any different. My life is being impacted by something totally out of my control that I never saw coming and it sucks in the worst possible ways.
My name is Marcus and I'm owned by a wonderful little pupper named Moki.
My goal is to be the human she thinks I am and to be worthy of her unconditional love........
Thoughts, comments, and questions are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Saturday, January 5, 2019
On a Hiatus
Saturday, January 05/19
I received some crushing news Friday that I'm trying to deal with and think it wise I take a little break from the blog for now.
The news isn't about my health but rather concerns Moki the Wonder Puppy and has left both my son and I devastated to our cores.
Please keep us and our amazing pupper in your thoughts.
#NotJustAPupperButPartoftheFamily
#Moki4Life
2019 is so not starting as I had hoped............
Marcus
I received some crushing news Friday that I'm trying to deal with and think it wise I take a little break from the blog for now.
The news isn't about my health but rather concerns Moki the Wonder Puppy and has left both my son and I devastated to our cores.
Please keep us and our amazing pupper in your thoughts.
#NotJustAPupperButPartoftheFamily
#Moki4Life
2019 is so not starting as I had hoped............
Marcus
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