So Moki was feeling lethargic and had swollen lymph nodes in her neck 2 weeks ago and my son and I took her to the vet to see what was going on.
The vet aspirated them and sent the results off to be tested with the hope it was going to come back showing a viral infection that we could have treated.
Well January 4th I got the call that her symptoms were lymphoma and there was nothing that could be done about it. Initial prognosis is between 6-12 months if everything goes well and more likely 3-6 months. I really couldn't talk to the vet and had to hang up and I just can't imagine not having my little pupper in my life.
I sat on the couch and held her in my arms and balled my eyes out and I'm pretty sure I was howling like a maniac as it woke my son up and he came out to see what the hell was going on. Not really a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son and one of the hardest talks we've ever had.
We sat with her and just gave her lots of love and made the decision to just love her and at the point she is no longer comfortable to make the tough call and let her go out in peace. I can honestly say that this news has hit me harder than even when I was contemplating my own cancer scare back in March.
That first weekend was all about Moki and doing things that I knew would make her tail wag with pleasure. We did a trip to PetSmart for a new stuffed toy that she can tear apart, spent Sunday down at my daughters place walking the trail at the back of her property, and she's been getting lots and lots of treats, even some scraps of people food.
I went into see the vet on Tuesday so I could better understand what to expect over the next weeks and hopefully months. One thing we decided to do was begin her on a daily dose of a corticosteroid called Prednisone that should help with the swollen nodes and make it easier for her.
By Friday I noticed her lymph nodes had almost returned to normal and she seemed to have regained her appetite. I know it's not a cure but anything helps and I'll gladly deal with it as long as possible.
I have a list of things to look out for and will be talking to our vet often to make sure we are doing the best for her and making her as happy as possible. Sometimes she just looks at me as if to tell me things will be okay and I just break down sobbing, life seems so unfair at times as she is only half way through her expected life expectancy and now this happens.
I've had three amazing dogs in my life and each of them gave me and my families nothing but love and made us so happy.
Brishc aka Brishcollete was my first and a lovely female poodle. We got her when I was 5 and had her until my senior year of high school. She was more my mom's dog and didn't really warm up to me until I hit middle school, think I became mature enough to appreciate her at that point. But from around age 13 on that dog was all mine, she was never far from me when I was home and very protective of me, so much so that she actually once barked at a girlfriend when she went to give me a hug.
Shadow was next and we got him in 1998 on the spur of the moment when out running errands. My ex never mentioned wanting a dog but for some unknown reason we crossed paths with Shadow and he stole her heart. Shadow was a Cockapoo or Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix with the softest light brown fur. He was my ex's dog for the longest time and when my son came around we watched with amazement as Shadow switched his affection to this little ball of blubber that had no clue he was even there. When my son was little we'd find Shadow sleeping under his crib and when he eventually started school Shadow would lay on his bed and look out the window until his school bus would go past and drop my son off at the corner, with Shadow running downstairs to wait for him by the door.
Moki rounds out the trio in her all glory. A female Schnoodle or Schnauzer Poodle mix with the sweetest disposition I've ever seen in a dog. She loves nothing more than laying next to her humans as they watch TV, read a book, or sleep. Lately she has taken a shining to my grandson and now I'm sorry he won't get to know her and her playful nature.
My daughter found Moki for us on Kajiji, my son picked her out, and I've been her daily companion now for over 7 years, some of the best times I've ever had.
I know when she meets Brishc and Shadow there are going to be some stories shared between the three of them about my son and the family. I'm sure Brishc will talk to her about me as a young lad and Shadow will tell her all about my son and what he was like as an infant.
I'm sure there will be those who read this entry wonder what all the fuss is about just a dog and that's okay for them to feel that way. They don't get it but those of us who really let our dogs and cats into our hearts understand the connection they share with us. I know she provided me serious emotional support when I was at my darkest last year and I want nothing more than to be there for her in return.
My emotions are going to be all over the place the next little while as it doesn't take too much to make me cry right now, the look of her sitting in my office chair while I write this entry has me battling tears right now, when I go to bed and she curls up into a little ball and leans into the small of my back will make me want to cry, and seeing her stretch in the morning before we head out for a walk will test my strength for sure.
I blog about my search for the one and I think I need to clarify that I have my one right now, albeit in canine form as I'm pretty sure Moki is my one given how calm she makes me feel all the time.
I was going to put the blog on hold but I've always tried to share emotions or actions that have made me happy, sad, angry, scared, and don't think this is any different. My life is being impacted by something totally out of my control that I never saw coming and it sucks in the worst possible ways.
My name is Marcus and I'm owned by a wonderful little pupper named Moki.
My goal is to be the human she thinks I am and to be worthy of her unconditional love........
Thoughts, comments, and questions are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
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