Charity........

Thursday, December 15/16

So last weekend was my bachelor weekend in that my son was scheduled to be with his mom thus making this guy carefree and single. Of course anyone who has been following this little adventure through the deep and dark recesses of that which I call my mind knows I'm never not in dad mode, least in how I view myself....once a parent, always a parent.

Anyways, I made arrangements to take my son Christmas shopping after his soccer game on Saturday as the arrival of baby Jack last Wednesday sort of through a wrench in our plans to go shopping after I got home from work one night during the week.

My son scored only his 3rd goal of the season in his teams 7th win in 8 games and boy was it a doozy!  It was a form of a roundhouse kick that just happened out of the blue. It was so amazing I actually did a double take and looked at his mom and asked her if I really saw what I thought I saw and she said she was going to ask me the same question. Both teams literally stopped playing and looked at him as if he'd just walked through a blazing fire with nary a mark on him.

Once the game ended we headed off to Bayshore Shopping Centre to get our shopping on!

After parking and entering the mall on the third level we were passing the Moxie's and my son noticed there was an English Premier League game on inside and seeing him pause I asked if he wanted to go in and get some lunch before we hit the stores and much to my surprise he agreed.

We had a great meal of steak and eggs and even better was the easy and casual conversation we shared with one another. No major revelations came forward but it was relaxing and was one of these moments that I think go along way in keeping that bond open between a parent and teenager. I think he understands that I'm always there for him and there isn't anything he can't talk to me about.

We finished our meal and I closed out the bill before we went forth to bravely do battle with the crowds in the mall, two men on a mission to get it down in one clean sweep.

My son was there to find gifts for his mom, sister, and sister's fiance, with me shopping for the daughter, her fiance, while keeping an eye on anything that might catch his attention.

Two hours later and he was done, I was mostly done, and had a few thoughts for things to get him after taking note of some reactions he had to things while we shopped.

We had started on the third level and worked our way down to the ground floor as we checked things off our lists. Having finished off with some soccer related items for his sister, who says she will be playing indoor come the beginning of February, we called it a day and went to find the escalator that would take directly from the ground floor back to the 3rd floor. As we rode it up I took the opportunity to comment to my son that the mall wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be and we made really good time as it was only around 2pm. He looked at me and said that couldn't be right as it felt to him like it had to be much later than that but once he checked his phone he shook his head and just smiled at me.

As we got to the top my son noticed the Salvation Army volunteer gently ringing her bell as she stood next to her kettle, the majority of people passing her by without a second glance, only occasionally  would someone stop to toss some change in the kettle. In one of those moments that remind me my son has a good level head on his shoulder and will always do the right thing he walked over to the kettle and without saying or a word pulled all the cash in his wallet out and placed it in the kettle before turning to the lady and saying "Thank you" and then walking over to where I was standing.

The lady looked in the kettle and than turned to look at me with a smile and teary eyes as she mouthed "thank you" to me. I smiled and nudged him as we headed back to the exit, asking what made him do that. He kept looking ahead but I could tell he was a bit teary eyed as he replied "I have a good life thanks to you and mom and it just feels right to share with those less fortunate whenever I can"

He asked me why it seemed like the holiday season was the only time we notice things like the Salvation Army kettles or hear the public service announcements for places like the Ottawa Food Bank and Ottawa Mission.

I thought about that as we put the bags in the trunk and responded as we were getting back into the car.

"This time of year brings out feelings in people that aren't normally present the rest of the time. Our hearts are more full of compassion and understanding, we tend to be more open to the needs of others and do more about it, sometimes out of a sense of social responsibility, like you just did, but more often than not out of a sense of guilt about what we have that others don't, and sometimes as a form of paying it forward insurance".

Now that last one confused the hell out of him and before he could ask me to explain what I meant I preempted him by answering the follow up question before it was even asked.

"Most people don't have huge amounts of money saved and if they really looked hard at their finances would know they are probably no more than 2-3 missed pay cheques from being in dire straits"

I let that sink in before asking him how much he thought I needed each month to live the life we do or how much his mom needed. I'll give him credit as he didn't just toss out a number but actually went over what he thought I paid each month. He wasn't close but he tried and that is part of the teaching moment I was striving for at that moment.

I let him know the real number and could see the wheels turning as he digested it.

"9" was my next words to him

He looked over at me more than a little confused

"9 months" were my next words

"I don't understand, what do you mean 9 months?"

"That is how long my savings would last me without any income coming in"

He pondered that and asked if I worried about money.

I smiled and said yes and no. I don't think about it every day but do keep an eye on my spending as not only did I have to meet my day to day expenses but also save for his education and now put some aside for his new nephew and my grandson, baby Jack.

As we got home and started to unload the car he asked if I donated money and why.

I told him I did and through a payroll deduction to the United Way and also made contributions through the year to various other charities like the Ottawa Mission and Ottawa Food Bank. That I didn't do so as any kind of Karma insurance but because it's the right thing to do as sometimes a person just needs a hand to get back on their feet and there was nothing wrong with needing that hand as it didn't mean a person was a failure or lazy as a lot of people like to think.

He asked me how much I gave and I smiled and said that was between me and my conscience, but it was the right amount for our family. He hugged me and told me he was proud to be my son.

It's funny how doing the right thing brings one rewards that you can't put a price on.

My name is Marcus and sometimes life gives us a chance to change who we are, I'd like to think I'm taking advantage of as many of them as I can but in the end my goal is really just to be a good father, friend, and maybe partner to my one................