Happy Father's Day

Sunday, June 17/18

I'd like to wish all the Father's out there a Happy Father's Day as well as all the women pulling double duty as both mother and father.

Being a parent has to be one of the toughest jobs in the world, one that doesn't come with training, least none other than on the job, or a manual for how to be a good parent.

The sad fact is that anyone can procreate a child into the world but not everyone is fit to be a good parent.

Being a good parent doesn't mean making sure they have the hottest brands in apparel, the latest cell phone, or money to spend.

No, being a good parent means providing them with the necessary skills to make good decisions, empathize with other, being able to not only know right from wrong but to act accordingly, and bringing something to society other than their mere presence. It means trying to leave the world better than you found it.

I think a lot of us learn from the examples set for us by our own parents and family and friends with children, what we observe that works and doesn't, how the relationship evolves, and the results as things progress.

My parents loved me, of that I'm sure, but they were absentee parents always working to build a business, one they wanted to retire from and have me take over, the problem with that scenario was that nobody asked me if that was something I'd like to do. It wasn't and caused more than a few fights when I finally developed enough of a backbone to express my feelings.

I played high school football, wasn't good enough to be considered for a division one program but could have probably played division two if I wanted. I realized the summer before my senior year that I needed to focus on my grades in order to go to the university I wanted and gave up playing to buckle down and get the numbers I needed.

When I told my parents my decision you'd have thought I was speaking in tongue for the reaction I received back. What really floored me was these were the same parents who combined managed to make it out approximately one half of one game over three seasons, that is one half of one game out of 30 games, less than 2% of the total time played. That stuck with me and I vowed at that point to never be an absentee parent whenever the opportunity for children came into my life.

I've followed a simple doctrine when dealing with my kids - what would my parents have done and than I do the opposite. Now some might view that as a jab at my parents and maybe it is, but it's also a smart strategy as I know for a fact my own parents never had a clue as to what my classes were in high school or even my grades, they never bothered to ask me or the school. My kids have had two active parents who place a great emphasis on education and have been actively involved knowing about classes and grades, making resources available when needed, our own knowledge and that of others.

When I became partners with my daughters mother she did something that blew my mind. She let me be the parent to take our daughter to the first day of school, attend the parent teacher conferences, and take part in her swim lessons. I was confused at first and felt like she was abdicating her role as parent and she explained to me that she knew how much I wanted to be a father and had already done all those firsts already and wanted to share those moments with me to give me the memories she knew I craved more than anything.

When our son came along we split things pretty much equally and think we've all benefited from it.

Being a parent is so damn hard in this day and age. It's like advanced Humanity, you better want it bad and be willing to put the time in without any expectations on getting rewarded.

But here is the thing, there is a reward, just not one you can monetize in any way.

It comes in the look your children will give you out of the blue that says they love and appreciate all you do for them. The comments you'll receive from other parents, teachers, and coaches on how much they like having your child around.

I know tomorrow is supposed to be about our kids celebrating us as Father's but the truth is that I'll be celebrating the incredible love I feel for my kids and how they make me feel like a wonderful father day in and day out. My 19 y/o son gives me hugs out of the blue and tells me he loves me in front of his friends without a second thought. My daughter calls and texts me all the time to share things going on with her and her own family so I can be part of things.

My son works tomorrow from 4 pm on wards so we'll be doing lunch and than I'm heading over to see my daughter and grandson where I think I'm going to get a hand made craft from Jack, and probably cry a little as well since that little guy makes my heart swell 3 sizes whenever I'm around him. My daughter will ask me a lot of questions about how I'm doing and I'll try my best to reassure her but I don't think she'll ever feel comfortable after the recent health scare, but than she is now a mother and her own protection gene has kicked in. My ex will send me a text reminding me that I'm a great dad and the kids are lucky to have me as they're father, but the truth is I'm the lucky one and have been for over 24 years now.

My name is Marcus and I'll be the guy with the big smile tomorrow as I share some time with my children. I'm getting better every day and still searching for my one, the one who is imperfectly perfect for this old man.