It's My Blog...........

Thursday, December 01/16

So just a reminder to the couple of Internet trolls who bashed me for my recent blog entry........

It's my blog.

That means I am the sole contributor, copyright editor, and final authority on what makes it to print.

That means I write what I want, when I want, for whom I want.

I will not submit content for pre-screening. Not now, not ever.

I write to please myself and maybe help someone else who might be facing some of the same things I am as a single parent, friend. co-worker, or even romantic partner.

I write as it is the cheapest form of therapy available. Trust me on this one, we've all needed some type of therapy at one moment or another in our lives. When I find the blog isn't cutting it for me in that department I go and talk to someone. I'm not so macho as to think I never need it or it's not for me, any help is good help.

If you don't like my blog or any of the postings than I have a very simple solution for you. STOP READING IT!

I'm not paid to post entries nor do I receive any form of compensation. I do it because it makes me feel good inside and helps me deal with life's little ups and downs.

The topics I choose come at me randomly more often than not, but sometimes I blog about how I'm feeling, whether it's something awesome like learning I'm going to be a grandfather or something kind of sad like being in love but no longer loved.

So I'm just going to keep on blogging and let you decide if you'd like to read it or not. Really no skin off my back either way.

Keep in mind that future blogs could be about C, could be about how woeful my beloved ManU is playing, my inability to consistently hit my driver farther than 220 yards, or something as mundane as why do all the leaves in my neighbourhood seem to end up in my driveway.

So having said my piece and now feeling less angry at the Internet trolls let me wish each of you  a goodnight and many happy days to come.

Marcus the merry blogger

Happy Birthday C

Tuesday, November 29/16

C,

Today is your birthday and I hope family and friends make it as warm and happy as you make those around you.

May the thoughts and words make your eyes twinkle and lips part into that little smile I love so much.

But most of all may you have a wonderful day and remember that you truly are only as old as you feel.

You will always be second to none to in my books.

Love,
Marcus

Happy Thanksgiving to my American followers

Thursday, November 24/16

A very hearty shout out to all the blog followers who live in the United States and are enjoying Thanksgiving today and preparing for the madness that is tomorrow aka Black Friday.

When I lived San Diego and had Black Friday off I'd go and golf with friends while our significant others went shopping.

What? you imagined I'd be in a mall when I could be walking down a fairway trying to visualize my approach shot over a bunker......silly reader

Marcus

The First Snow of the Winter Season

Sunday, November 20/16

So today was one of those lazy Sunday's we all like and deserve sometimes.

Saturday was busy with my son's indoor soccer game in the morning, doing some errands afterwards, and finished with us going to see the Senator game with the tickets his co-op placement gave him on Thursday.  The funny thing was that his mom and sister were at the same too but sitting almost directly across the arena from us - we signaled each other with the light function on our cell phones and gave everyone around a good chuckle when we explained what was going on lol

The plan for today was to just take it easy as he had some reading to do for English and some progress to make on a Law project. I was planning on just doing some analysis on the payroll to make sure our parent company isn't over/under charging us for benefits and than watch the Red Blacks in the CFL Eastern Finals against Edmonton.

The topper to the day was the snow that started falling around 9am and continued all day long. It made for some interesting plays in the Red Blacks game and gave me some chilled fingers when I switched out his floor mats for the new winter mats I got last month for my son's car.

Now as much as I love golf and knowing that the falling white stuff means my game is on hold, I also love how it looks when it's snowing outside, the wind blowing flakes all willy nilly outside my front window.

I cooked up a nice little pork roast with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner and my son commented on how much he loved seeing the snow outside as ate our meal.

The rest of the night will see him doing some more reading and I'll use the time to tidy things up as well as make my lunch for tomorrow as I'm bound and determined to cut down on my dining out costs moving forwards, I mean I do have to keep adding to my son's RESP account so he can pursue his dream and not end up in massive debt while doing so.

I hope everyone's weekend was as fulfilling as mine and that you drive safe and take a moment to tell those close to you how much you care for them.

Marcus

P.S. Red Blacks beat Edmonton and are off to their second straight Grey Cup next weekend down in Toronto!!!!

The Crown

Sunday, November 20/16

On November 4th Netflix released a new series about the early years of Queen Elizabeth's reign and I started watching it right off the bat for a couple of reasons.

First and foremost being part of my heritage directly comes from the United Kingdom by way of my maternal grandfather and the second being it just looked like a pretty damn good show, those being hard to come by lately.

I went into my viewing wondering how they would portray the royal family and Elizabeth's rise to the head of the monarchy upon her father's passing. So far they've done an outstanding job and along the way I've learned a little bit more about the trials and tribulations she had to face as she established her reign in the aftermath of the Second World War, continued rationing of the basics faced by her people, dealing with those heading her government who were unsure of her ability to pull her people together, and the continuing decline of the British empire in the face of the growing cold war between the west and east.

I've found the portrayal of Prince Philip to be extremely fascinating as you can see how hard being the royal consort could be on a male who was established in a career in the royal navy before meeting and eventually wedding the future queen of England. Now that is not to say he is a lovable character or even a nice person as he is neither of those in my mind but it does go along way in showing the impact it had not only on himself but his children as well, especially Charles.

I loved the show from the opening scene and found the music that opens and closes each episode to be entrancing, In my mind it captures the period as it was meant to be captured but feels like it belongs in the here and now. A subtle blend of the old with the new that doesn't just work it makes the show move and move perfectly. Something that I've never experienced before, where the music makes the show seem more alive, more real, almost as if you were literally standing right there in each scene, wanting to help a young Elizabeth navigate her way through the decisions she must make not just as a Queen but as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and lover.

As I was watching the story unfold through the opening episodes I found my son would wander out of his room now and again to catch a scene while getting a drink or snack and more often than not I'd find him watching me as I watched a scene that had Elizabeth in it.

After going through this a few times I paused the episode I was watching and asked him what was going on and why the scrutiny. He smiled as he looked from me to the scene frozen on the screen that showed Claire Foy as Queen Elizabeth and back to me again before replying "I've never seen you so into a show like this before and just wondering what has you so drawn to this one, and I think I know now"

I must have looked a little confused as he told me to hold on a second and walked back down the hallway to my office before returning a moment later with a picture frame in his hand and a sad smile on his face.

Before he even handed me the picture frame I knew who was in it and turned to gaze back at the scene and softly said to myself "C"

I think I knew all along deep inside me that I saw the resemblance but wouldn't let myself openly acknowledge it and that every time I saw Claire Foy on the screen my heart gave a little skip.

It is rather ironic that over the past couple of months I've done a fairly decent job of getting back into the dating world with a few drink dates only to start a new job with my old CFO and have one of his opening questions on my first day be about my efforts towards C and now this series comes along as just another reminder of the one who was the one but ended up not being my one.....

The funny thing is that not only does Claire Foy remind me of C in regards to her looks but also in terms of how lonely her life can be at times as both sit in positions that have seen them have to make a decision that they know is right but goes against what their hearts wanted them to do. Neither one has someone close they can turn to and unload after a tough day in a way that will remain confidential as they both stand apart from those around them. I think both are doing what they want to do, least I know C is, and yet by doing that very thing they find themselves alone in a crown of people.

Watching The Crown has made me think back about how I acted with C while we were together and I hope with all my heart I did far better for C than Philip has done for Elizabeth, that she knew I was there for her and loved the time spent with her, learning her world, and hopefully helped her in some small ways in dealing with the pressures of being who she has to be day to day.

When I hear the opening and closing theme from The Crown it makes me feel incredibly sad and yet hopeful in some way.

We don't always get what we want in life but I'm coming to realize that sometimes we get it for brief moments and those moments are meant to be enjoyed for all they are worth and later in life to be brought out and relived momentarily when needed to help you get through a tough time. I have a few of those and know they will see me through what ever difficult times lay ahead of me.

So if you ever wonder what my C looked like I invite you to watch The Crown and note the way Claire Foy looks into your soul,  the tilt of her neck, and the smile that graces the viewer. Those simple acts are part of what made me fall so hard and openly for C.

Marcus

The link I've added to today's entry will take you to YouTube and allow you to hear the theme song that makes this blogger smile wistfully every time he hears it.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpNCuMRurmc

University Open Houses

Saturday, November 12/16

So the past two weekends have been spent at the open houses run by Carleton University and University of Ottawa with my son, his girlfriend, and my ex as we try and determine the entrance requirements, costs, and which programs he would like to attend.

I think back to my own senior year in high school and what I went through and it was so different from what I'm seeing with my son.

First off, growing up in Southern California offered me a much larger pool of schools from which to consider than my son has now in Ontario. There were four universities, two college's, and close to 6 community colleges in San Diego alone to choose from, whereas my son is looking at 2 universities and 2 colleges here in Ottawa. If I add in those located in Los Angeles and San Francisco I probably had more schools to choose from than he does in all of Canada.

Guess size does matter sometimes depending on the subject matter :-)

I never really went through the process he is going through as I knew from my early teens I would end up at San Diego State University and pursue a business degree as my parents had their own real estate based business and their goal was to eventually retire and I would take it over. My father saw me following in his footsteps and earning my degree in marketing and possibly participating in debate as well. But like they say a funny thing happened on the way to the show and I fell in love with accounting and finance. Now this might not sound all that odd but you'd have to have a little background and understand how much I loathed numbers. I dreaded math and am pretty sure I did my utmost best to take the bare minimum in high school to meet my degree requirements. I'm also confident that neither of my parents could have told you in any one high school semester what I was taking or how I was doing. Those two simple statements have resonated with me since my high school years and have been the foundation for my own interest in both my children's education.

Now don't get me wrong and think my parents didn't care as I know they did, it's just they were running a new business that they saw as a future for the family. I don't begrudge them that lack of knowledge and in some ways thank them for it now as it helped shape the parent I was to my daughter and am to my son. Sometimes we get lucky and are able to use something that wasn't all that great for us to improve ourselves for those who are important to us later in life.

I've enjoyed the campus visits with my son and his mother. We went in thinking his degree objective was one thing and have come out of the process with him making a change that should help him in the end achieve his career aspirations. I've also come to realize I need to start adding more to his RESP so as to cover off my half of his costs. His mother and I are completely focused on paying for this from our own resources and helping him avoid having to take on any student debt as we don't want him starting of his post university with student loans to repay while settling into his new career.

We'll be heading back to one campus over the next couple of weeks and taking a walk around it so he can feel the pulse and know if it really is the one for him. I'm sure it is but I'm not the one who is going to be spending the next four years walking the paths between buildings, making new friends, finding out just how far I can be pushed in a class or while working in a group on a grade critical project. No, I've had my time doing those things and now it's his turn, something I'm really excited to witness as I watch the continual transformation of my son into a man in his own right.

Marcus is my name and not a nom de plume as some have thought.

Lest We Forget

Lest We Forget......

November 11/16

On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in our lords year nineteen hundred and eighteen did the guns fall silent across Europe but long before that moment did Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae pen these words.......

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

 

 

 

Every year we remind ourselves of the sacrifices made by so many in order to safeguard our liberties and freedom through the wearing of the poppy

 

 

I will spend my moment of silence thinking of my great grandfather who lays silently in Flanders Field, my uncle resting near Anzio, and all the others who have taken a place on the ramparts so that I may lead the life I've been afforded without worry or fear.

 

I can now add two more names to my list of those I honour today though those names shall be kept in my heart for me alone to know for that is where my memories of them belong.

 

I shall not ever forget the past nor the present when thinking of them.

 

Thank you...............

How does one choose between two equally vile candidates?

Tuesday, November 8th, 2016.

I can honestly say without a moments hesitation that I am so glad I moved from the U.S. to Canada for no other reason than it let me avoid having to try and choose between the lesser of two evils running for president.

On one hand you have a egotistical buffoon who thinks he can bully his way out of any situation not to his liking, someone who tends to forget the silver spoon that aided him in his rise to his current financial standing,

On the other hand you have a career politician who wouldn't know the truth if it stood in front of her wearing a pink tutu holding a sign proclaiming it was the truth. Add her philandering husband to the mix and I'm sure more than one young female intern at the White House is thinking of ways to avoid being in a room alone with wily old Bill.

So has it come down to where we now are no longer voting for the candidate that we think will do the best job for the country but rather the one we think will do the least amount of damage and not leave the United States looking like a laughing stock on the world stage.

I've been checking out some websites during the day and found it interesting that the race was as close as it is given the tone of the campaigns run by each candidate.

One says if he loses it means the election was rigged and the other tells voters in one of her last campaign stops to not vote for the evil candidate. How about the first accept the results like an adult and not whine when he doesn't get his way and the other actually present a viable platform that makes her stand above the first and not tell voters she is the lesser of the two evils.

Both Hilary and Donald are evil and neither should have the privilege of running an outhouse least of all a country.

So how do you pick who gets your vote?

If I was still voting down there I'd probably be leaning independent this time around. Maybe if enough people did that the message might get through that it's time for a change in the partisan politics that uses nothing more than smear tactics to frighten voters and demean opponents.

My name is Marcus and I weep a silent tear for the Armageddon that is tonight's elections in America.

Media Games

Thursday, November 04/16

So on my 40+ minute drive to work this past week I've had lots of time to think about things, sometimes this is good thing and sometimes it's not so good, and I started thinking back about some of the major stories we've been flooded with over the past year or so.

Do any of these rings a bell?

Ebola outbreak in West Africa sees first major cases in America. There was some panic but not as much as could have been expected given some of the reporting that was going on around this story.

Greece close to defaulting on national debt. I remember reading countless stories about how the Greek people were not going to let the government cut pensions or try and enforce the tax code as the rest of Europe was demanding they do if Greece expected to receiver any more funding. Seem to remember Germany being painted as the bad guys in this scenario given how they control the purse strings in the European Common Market.

China builds islands in the South China Sea and declares a 20o mile sea zone radius that will choke off trade. America and Japan both tested the no fly zone and found no response forthcoming but the region was up in arms over this blatant act of militarism by China.

Syrian refugees flood the soft underbelly of Europe seeking to reach Germany and the rest of Northern Europe. Canada responded to the crises by allowing 25,000 refugees into the country under one of the first acts initiated by the Justin Trudeau government. It was a fly by your seats response by our JT and probably not his last. Oh lucky us.

Britain votes to leave the European Common Market or the Brexit as the pundits have come to call it.

So here are 5 major events that captivated the wold for a few brief moments in time and than faded back into obscurity.

So what does that tell us about our ability to remain focused on an event? I mean none of these issues have been solved in the least and yet we never hear about them anymore.

Are we as a society incapable of staying tuned to something for longer than a week?

I'd like to think we can but evidence suggests otherwise. Now the wait begins for the next story or issue the media can latch onto and inundate us about.

My name is Marcus and sometimes I scratch my head at the world and welcome the voices in my head :-)

Two reminders, two smiles, and no regrets

Tuesday, October 18/16

It's funny how life has a way of reminding you of both the good and bad times you've experienced....

So last Thursday I left work early in order to go and play some golf and on the way up highway 7 to Pakenham I started to change lanes in order to pass a white delivery van but didn't really think much of it  until I was directly along side it and than just had to smile at the business name.

Ulrich's on Main.  A combination little bistro and food emporium that I was introduced to last year when visiting C on one of my many weekends up in the valley. A quaint little place and one of many that seem to populate Pembroke and make exploring new places worthwhile.

The second smile came Saturday when I was sitting on the couch watching the Blue Jay's in game two of the ALCS and my phone buzzed saying I had a Facebook message. I opened up my phone to see who it was from and ended up on the screen showing all conversations, don't get too excited as there were only 3 of them as I'm not a huge FB messenger kind of guy.

The message was from a friend I hadn't talked to in quite some time and she was asking how I was doing and what was new with me. We chatted for a bit and got all caught up with one another for now and as I signed off I noticed an older conversation that I had forgotten to delete from last year.

I had sent congratulations to C's son has he had secured early admission to university and I was pretty sure both of his parents were over the moon with happiness.

I opened the conversation to see how I go about deleting it and noticed his current status had been updated and as I read it I felt this huge smile on my face as it seems he his following in his parents footsteps in his choice of university and career. His road will be hard and full of obstacles but if there is one thing I've come to realize it is that that young man has an inner drive that will be more than ample to see him through to the end. Given how successful his mother has been I can only imagine how far he'll push that bar himself. Being a legacy is never easy but I'm confident his only limitations will be those he accepts and I don't see many of those. Go forth and conquer A for the world is your playground.

It's sort of funny how both those reminders somehow had C at the center and yet both made me smile without any hesitation or regret. I'm am truly a better man for my time with her and it has taken me a little while to understand the benefits from our relationship far outweigh the hurt I had to endure.

I once wrote that love means accepting the hurt as well as the joy and if you can understand that simple truth that everything else will fall into place over time.

My time is now and I'm continuing my journey through life. It has been interesting to say the least and I wonder at times what my future holds but in the end the only way to know is to get out there and live that life the best you can........

My name is Marcus and these are my journeys. Care to come along for the ride, it might not be all fun and games but I don't think you'll be too bored :-)

Oh snap!  Almost forgot to give you today's musical suggestion. Lets go with Work Shoes by USS

Only in Canada

Tuesday, October 11/16

So yesterday I went out and played what might turn out to be my final round of golf this year and had one of those moments that can only be described as truly Canadian.

I met my buddy B at Glen Mar for our 2:02 tee time and off we went.

We both hit nice drives on the opening par 3 hole, I still hate the fact that GM switched to the old back nine as the opening front nine as I think it strange to start off with a  par 3 but it is what it is, and we ended up with a pair of pars to begin the round.

The second is a really long par 5 that plays about 545 yards slightly uphill to a partially hidden green. There is a hill on the right side and it hides a pond that is about 225 yards out from the tee box.  Somehow I boomed my drive just slightly past the pond in the middle of the fairway and hit a super 3 wood that left me about 138 yards out but on the right side along the tree line and behind the trees guarding the right approach to the green.

As I was getting ready to hit my 8 iron I looked up to see a golfer coming down the tree line looking for what had to be a very wayward tee shot off of the 15th box. Now this and of itself isn't anything special until it dawned on me he was wearing shorts in 8 degree Celsius weather. Again, nothing special as I've been known to do the same and almost did yesterday lol

No, what makes this so Canadian was the fact that he was smiling as he walked past me, apologized for disrupting my swing, and was wearing a big red and white toque!.

Yes, you read that right, he was in shorts and golf polo with a toque.

How so very Canadian and worth the high five we exchanged as he passed me by.

B was standing about 5 yards away and all he could do was smile and mutter "Only in Canada"

My name is Marcus and that is how we roll in Canada....................

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

Monday, October 10/16

Like everything else we do when compared to the United States, we do Thanksgiving sooner than the Americans :)

We celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday of each October so that means that today is turkey day in Canada as well as sugar pie and ham day.

Last year I cooked my first turkey dinner with a lot of help from C and I spent some time this weekend looking back on last years Thanksgiving celebrations with a lot of smiles and love in my heart.  This time last year my son and I got spend Thanksgiving with C's family on Saturday and then we came home to cook our own dinner for Thanksgiving Monday that included my daughter, her fiancé, and C.

Yesterday I broke bread at my ex's house and it was a lot less strange than I thought it would be.

I was a little surprised when she asked if my son and I would like to come over for family dinner but agreed as it would let me see her family and they always treated me well.

We played some cards, Joker Rummy, and I proved to be very bad at it but still had fun. My ex's partners father was there and seemed to take a shine to me and we talked a lot about golf and the various clubs we've played. He said he'd heard I played some up in the valley and asked which were my favourite so I told him Pembroke, Petawawa, and Roanoke in that order but I hadn't played up there this past season as my reason for being there was no longer true.

Dinner was perfect and the pies afterwards were the icing on the cake.

My former mother-in-law promised to make a sugar pie for Christmas and would make my son bring it to me as he is with his mom on Christmas eve and morning this year.

When it was time to leave I thanked my ex and her partner for having me over and she smiled and said "Once family, always family" and that is so true, especially in this day and age of hyper connections and stress to make ends meet.

So as I start to get ready to head out and play my final round of golf for this season I'd like to wish each of my Canadian followers a very Happy Thanksgiving and hope you are/were able to spend it with loved ones, family, and friends.

My name is Marcus and though the days are turning cold the heart grows stronger..........

Tears.......unbidden and quite confusing

Thursday, October 06/16

So there is something going on with me and I don't have a fucking clue what it is and I'm starting to wonder if I'm cracking up.

For the last two weeks I've literally been crying at the drop of a feather. Don't believe me than consider these recent episodes.....

I see a family going for a walk in the park and I feel like crying.

I think of my unborn grandson and I cry. OK, this one sort of makes sense

I look at the picture taken of my son and me at the end of this past seasons soccer tournament and I cry

Moki snuggles in my lap while I'm watching TV and looks up at me and I feel like crying

I'm driving back from playing golf and suddenly feel my cheeks moist from tears that I had no clue I was shedding. This one has to have happened at least 3 times over the last month

Now it looks like I'm crying in my sleep as I woke up this morning to find my pillow soaked and blood shot eyes staring back at me in the mirror.

I don't think it's health related, leastways physically, as I had my 6 month check up last week with my doctor and I can't remember seeing her so happy when we went over my recent blood work and blood pressure readings. Of course I didn't mention the free flowing waterworks as I was hoping it would work itself out but that doesn't seem to be the case and I'm guessing a call to book a fresh appointment is on order.

Has this ever happened to you and what did you do to cope with it?

I'm worried it's going to happen when my son is around and get him worrying about me or even worse, telling his sister or mom. Don't want the pregnant daughter worrying about me and don't have any explanation in case the ex asks me what is going on.

Being on good terms with one's ex is a double edged sword. On one hand we co-parent pretty good and on the other hand it also means we care about the other and never want to see them hurt.

Believe or not just writing this entry has be almost balling my eyes out............

My name is Marcus and something is wrong and I can't figure it out and that scares me more than anything right now.