Sept 30/13
I had a dream last night. Not really a big deal in and of itself as I'm pretty sure I have one or more almost every night, though there are some mornings that I can't recollect any of the them.
What makes this dream so different is the emotional impact I felt when I awoke this morning.
In my dream I was waiting for someone at an outdoor cafe, sipping an iced capp and reading the paper. As I sat there a pair of hands swept around me from behind and covered my eyes as I felt the soft brush of lips on my ear and a slightly husky voice whisper.....guess who?
Now in my dream I sort of laughed and made up a name as that is sort of the way I would do something like that, her response was a gentle nip on my ear lobe and she proceeded to sit down in my lap and rub noses, telling me she loved it when I did silly things like that......
I can't tell you her name nor even what she looked like as both are hazy in my memory. There were more interactions between us in the dream, we were planning something and I vaguely remember being nervous about an upcoming gathering, but I think those little things I'll keep to myself for now.
I can tell you that the mere thought of this little exchange is enough to make my heart beat faster and butterflies take flight inside me.
Is this rational? Not in the least, that is what makes it feel so delicious to me. It happened or maybe I should say it will happen.
Why do I say that?
Simple, it's happened to me before, I've dreamed something and at some future point that dream has come true, of course I don't realize I've dreamed it happening before until much later on when the deja vu feeling hits home really hard.
Now some might want to call me silly or even desperate, they might be right, they might be wrong.
I just know that my heart is still racing just from thinking about the dream and it's been more than eight hours that I've been awake now........
Have you ever awoken from a dream that seemed so real you could smell the other person, taste them, or hear the lingering sound of they're voice in your ear????
Monday, September 30, 2013
Sunday, September 29, 2013
When do I blog?
Sept 29/13
I was asked why there are so few blog entries written or posted on the weekend, it is almost as if I reserve my blogging activities exclusively for weekdays.
I never really thought about when the posts are actually put up online but do know that I write stuff all the time and am not limited to one particular day over another, it really comes down to when that topic hits me and I actually get a free moment to expand upon it. I do take down notes of topics now and again when they strike me and I may not be able to free style enter it online.
I'm pretty confident that few if any of my entries have been done while my son is actually with me on his custody week, well few of the older ones as I do find myself with more me time now that he has reached those wonderful teenage years and the urgent desire to be more independent of dear old dad, well of me the parental unit but not me the chauffeur or banker lol
This week is my week with him and he has a hockey practice and I'm coaching my daughters women's indoor teams first soccer game of the fall season, couple that with it being month end at work and helping the son with his homework at night, thought I already did grade 9 twice already, and there won't likely be a lot of new entries this week but since I've sort of embraced the short blog entry who knows what could show up at the spur of the moment.
For those thinking I must be a tad slow since I mentioned already doing grade 9 twice already, that was in context of doing it again when my daughter started high school and my ex and I spent a lot of time helping her.
How was your weekend?
I golfed once, ran some errands, made a nice beef stew, attended a hockey practice, dealt with an almost complete meltdown over some math homework, and am now doing laundry. Who says I lead a dull life? lol
I was asked why there are so few blog entries written or posted on the weekend, it is almost as if I reserve my blogging activities exclusively for weekdays.
I never really thought about when the posts are actually put up online but do know that I write stuff all the time and am not limited to one particular day over another, it really comes down to when that topic hits me and I actually get a free moment to expand upon it. I do take down notes of topics now and again when they strike me and I may not be able to free style enter it online.
I'm pretty confident that few if any of my entries have been done while my son is actually with me on his custody week, well few of the older ones as I do find myself with more me time now that he has reached those wonderful teenage years and the urgent desire to be more independent of dear old dad, well of me the parental unit but not me the chauffeur or banker lol
This week is my week with him and he has a hockey practice and I'm coaching my daughters women's indoor teams first soccer game of the fall season, couple that with it being month end at work and helping the son with his homework at night, thought I already did grade 9 twice already, and there won't likely be a lot of new entries this week but since I've sort of embraced the short blog entry who knows what could show up at the spur of the moment.
For those thinking I must be a tad slow since I mentioned already doing grade 9 twice already, that was in context of doing it again when my daughter started high school and my ex and I spent a lot of time helping her.
How was your weekend?
I golfed once, ran some errands, made a nice beef stew, attended a hockey practice, dealt with an almost complete meltdown over some math homework, and am now doing laundry. Who says I lead a dull life? lol
Friday, September 27, 2013
Addendum to The Quickest Hook Ever
Sept 27/13 @ 2:11 PM EST
Someone just asked me why I would willingly share the story of my quickest hook and the answer is very simple, when I set out to write this blog about my adventures in dating, or as some might call them misadventures in dating, I told myself that if they were to have any meaning to myself, and hopefully anyone who chose to read them, I needed to be as brutally honest as possible, sharing both the good and the bad, the funny as well as the sad, the inspiring as well as the slightly depressing.
So there are entries posted that to this day make me want to cry, some that make me laugh, and a few that have me sitting back and wondering what my future holds.
All of them make up the person that I am today.
Like many of you out there in cyberland, there are things I've done that make me proud and some that have me wondering how could I have been such a dumb ass, but the truth is that every single thing we do makes up who we are, so if I'm going to be honest and through this honest blog about my adventures in dating hope to stumble across the path of the one I feel it behooves me to be open, frank, and take my lumps when they are dished out, after all I am ever the eternal optimist and hope to someday find the one................
Someone just asked me why I would willingly share the story of my quickest hook and the answer is very simple, when I set out to write this blog about my adventures in dating, or as some might call them misadventures in dating, I told myself that if they were to have any meaning to myself, and hopefully anyone who chose to read them, I needed to be as brutally honest as possible, sharing both the good and the bad, the funny as well as the sad, the inspiring as well as the slightly depressing.
So there are entries posted that to this day make me want to cry, some that make me laugh, and a few that have me sitting back and wondering what my future holds.
All of them make up the person that I am today.
Like many of you out there in cyberland, there are things I've done that make me proud and some that have me wondering how could I have been such a dumb ass, but the truth is that every single thing we do makes up who we are, so if I'm going to be honest and through this honest blog about my adventures in dating hope to stumble across the path of the one I feel it behooves me to be open, frank, and take my lumps when they are dished out, after all I am ever the eternal optimist and hope to someday find the one................
The Quickest Hook Ever
Sept 27/13
In sports there is a term called getting the hook - it is usually referred to pitchers in baseball and goalies in hockey who play badly and are quickly substituted for during the first innings or period of the game.
Now you might wonder what this has to do with me and dating but just give me a moment and you'll clue in, hopefully have a chuckle, and send some sympathy my way telepathically.
As I've mentioned before in previous entries I'm on a couple of dating websites, not because I'm a player but more so because I think each one might offer me a different opportunity to eventually meet the one.
Over the course of the last week I've been chatting with someone from one of the websites and things were going as well as they can when one is exchanging emails. She mentioned possibly meeting for a coffee to see if we felt that click and I gave her my open dates this week working around a hockey practice and soccer meeting, we settled on Thursday night for 7pm at a Tim Horton's that is located directly between us.
I wasn't really all that nervous, which is rare for me when meeting someone for the first time, as we seemed to have some common interests and were both part time parents who placed a high value on being family oriented.
I got there a few minutes early and ordered a nice iced cappuccino, the one thing I can drink as coffee just isn't my cup of tea - pardon the expression, and within a few minutes A came in and ordered a double double while exchanging chit chat with the people serving her, it was quite apparent this was her usual coffee spot as everyone seemed to know her and that was actually kind of cool.
We spent the next hour and a half chatting about pretty much everything under the sun, learning about one another, what kinds of activities our kids are into, and even sharing some stories about dates gone bad that had both of us laughing. When it came time to say goodnight we hugged one another and said how enjoyable the meet-n-greet turned out and she said she'd like to do it again, to which I agreed.
Now comes the hitch...or the hook as they like to say
I live literally 5 minutes away from that Tim Horton's.....that is 5 minutes if I hit the red light and more like 3 minutes if I make the lights on green.
So when I got home I went to my home office to send A an email telling her how enjoyable it was to meet her and how I really could sense how involved she was with her daughters from the twinkle in her eyes when she shared stories about them. As I opened up my email I was surprised to see a message from her in the inbox. I opened it and was taken aback by the words she has typed.
She thanked me for the meeting but didn't feel like there was any connection between us, that my comment about being an involved date was a little off-putting, and that the fact that I didn't kiss her on the cheek showed my lack of interest.
I checked the time stamp on the message and was shocked when I determined that for it to be in my inbox when I got home meant she had to have literally pulled over to the side of the road and sent it from her Blackberry as I was still in the parking lot of the Tim Horton's!!
Now don't get me wrong, I totally get that not everyone feels the connection and in all honesty I don't think she had potential to be the one but it would have been nice to see her again to really see where things were between us as I can't believe I so misread the interactions between us as we sat there. It's not like I did all the talking and at one point she playfully tapped me on the hand as we talked.
I've just never gotten the proverbial hook so damn fast in my life!!
So as I was sitting there wondering what the hell is wrong with me as a potential date/partner that not only am I getting the thanks but no thanks messages, something I've sort of come to expect, but now women can't even wait to get home to send them but are using smart phones to send them.
Moki the wonder puppy must have sensed my mood as she jumped up into my lap and curled up into a ball so I could rub her back, something she never does when I'm sitting at the desk in my office. I looked down at her and thanked my lucky stars for her ability to make me smile.
I've mentioned this whole thing to a couple of female co-workers this morning and both are amazed at the response and more so the speed of the response. Both assured me I'm not damaged goods and that there is someone out there for me, maybe I just need to stop looking and let her find me....
I'm sort of at a crossroads as to what my future holds dating wise......one profile expires on Monday and I had already reached the decision to not renew it long before this happened but now I'm wondering if it might not be time to hide or even close the other one down as well.
So what is the quickest you've ever gotten the hook or maybe even given the hook to a potential candidate?
Thankfully it is the weekend and start of my custody week so I'll have lots to do with my son in regards to hockey and school, and a few rounds of golf to get in this weekend as well.
In sports there is a term called getting the hook - it is usually referred to pitchers in baseball and goalies in hockey who play badly and are quickly substituted for during the first innings or period of the game.
Now you might wonder what this has to do with me and dating but just give me a moment and you'll clue in, hopefully have a chuckle, and send some sympathy my way telepathically.
As I've mentioned before in previous entries I'm on a couple of dating websites, not because I'm a player but more so because I think each one might offer me a different opportunity to eventually meet the one.
Over the course of the last week I've been chatting with someone from one of the websites and things were going as well as they can when one is exchanging emails. She mentioned possibly meeting for a coffee to see if we felt that click and I gave her my open dates this week working around a hockey practice and soccer meeting, we settled on Thursday night for 7pm at a Tim Horton's that is located directly between us.
I wasn't really all that nervous, which is rare for me when meeting someone for the first time, as we seemed to have some common interests and were both part time parents who placed a high value on being family oriented.
I got there a few minutes early and ordered a nice iced cappuccino, the one thing I can drink as coffee just isn't my cup of tea - pardon the expression, and within a few minutes A came in and ordered a double double while exchanging chit chat with the people serving her, it was quite apparent this was her usual coffee spot as everyone seemed to know her and that was actually kind of cool.
We spent the next hour and a half chatting about pretty much everything under the sun, learning about one another, what kinds of activities our kids are into, and even sharing some stories about dates gone bad that had both of us laughing. When it came time to say goodnight we hugged one another and said how enjoyable the meet-n-greet turned out and she said she'd like to do it again, to which I agreed.
Now comes the hitch...or the hook as they like to say
I live literally 5 minutes away from that Tim Horton's.....that is 5 minutes if I hit the red light and more like 3 minutes if I make the lights on green.
So when I got home I went to my home office to send A an email telling her how enjoyable it was to meet her and how I really could sense how involved she was with her daughters from the twinkle in her eyes when she shared stories about them. As I opened up my email I was surprised to see a message from her in the inbox. I opened it and was taken aback by the words she has typed.
She thanked me for the meeting but didn't feel like there was any connection between us, that my comment about being an involved date was a little off-putting, and that the fact that I didn't kiss her on the cheek showed my lack of interest.
I checked the time stamp on the message and was shocked when I determined that for it to be in my inbox when I got home meant she had to have literally pulled over to the side of the road and sent it from her Blackberry as I was still in the parking lot of the Tim Horton's!!
Now don't get me wrong, I totally get that not everyone feels the connection and in all honesty I don't think she had potential to be the one but it would have been nice to see her again to really see where things were between us as I can't believe I so misread the interactions between us as we sat there. It's not like I did all the talking and at one point she playfully tapped me on the hand as we talked.
I've just never gotten the proverbial hook so damn fast in my life!!
So as I was sitting there wondering what the hell is wrong with me as a potential date/partner that not only am I getting the thanks but no thanks messages, something I've sort of come to expect, but now women can't even wait to get home to send them but are using smart phones to send them.
Moki the wonder puppy must have sensed my mood as she jumped up into my lap and curled up into a ball so I could rub her back, something she never does when I'm sitting at the desk in my office. I looked down at her and thanked my lucky stars for her ability to make me smile.
I've mentioned this whole thing to a couple of female co-workers this morning and both are amazed at the response and more so the speed of the response. Both assured me I'm not damaged goods and that there is someone out there for me, maybe I just need to stop looking and let her find me....
I'm sort of at a crossroads as to what my future holds dating wise......one profile expires on Monday and I had already reached the decision to not renew it long before this happened but now I'm wondering if it might not be time to hide or even close the other one down as well.
So what is the quickest you've ever gotten the hook or maybe even given the hook to a potential candidate?
Thankfully it is the weekend and start of my custody week so I'll have lots to do with my son in regards to hockey and school, and a few rounds of golf to get in this weekend as well.
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Why I don't use complete names in the blog
Sept 26/13
I had a message asking me why I never use full first names for anyone I mention in my blog and I thought I'd share my views on that point.
Unless I specifically have the person's permission I'll never use his/her first name but rather their initial as we all deserve to maintain our privacy and anonymity, at least as much as possible in today's wired world.
The only exception I've ever made was in my blog about Laura and how she literally helped save my sanity during a very dark period of my life. Why do I make an exception for her? It is my hope that someday she reads that particular entry and realizes just how grateful I am for her wonderful act of kindness.
I had my full name mentioned in a blog many years that was very unflattering and it literally cost me a few career opportunities. The blog was a rehash of something someone said about me that was completely false and unfounded and it took me quite some time to track down the person who created the blog and discuss it with them, to his credit he instantly removed the entry once he realized the damage he had done to someone he'd never met. It was that singular entry that made me understand the power that a single entry can have over someones life and the tremendous obligation a blogger undertakes when writing about another person.
In this day and age it is very easy to sit back behind your laptop and spew out any and every thought that crosses one's mind without worrying about the consequences of those words, easy to not care that something trivial or even possibly humorous to you might be hurtful or offensive to another.
Way too many people hide behind the freedom of expression stance without thinking about the freedom a person should enjoy from being cyber bullied through the callous use of words and names.
So that is the reason I use initials when talking about people, it offers a form of protection.
Add the fact that I'm on a dating site or two and my pictures are sometimes public on said sites, mom's I know from the various teams my kids have or do play on also populate those sites, makes me a careful person as I try and be as honest about things as I can and there are some postings I'd rather not have my kids come across or be directed to by some person with an agenda.
At some point my kids will learn what dad has been up to but lets keep it our little secret for as long as we can ok......................
I had a message asking me why I never use full first names for anyone I mention in my blog and I thought I'd share my views on that point.
Unless I specifically have the person's permission I'll never use his/her first name but rather their initial as we all deserve to maintain our privacy and anonymity, at least as much as possible in today's wired world.
The only exception I've ever made was in my blog about Laura and how she literally helped save my sanity during a very dark period of my life. Why do I make an exception for her? It is my hope that someday she reads that particular entry and realizes just how grateful I am for her wonderful act of kindness.
I had my full name mentioned in a blog many years that was very unflattering and it literally cost me a few career opportunities. The blog was a rehash of something someone said about me that was completely false and unfounded and it took me quite some time to track down the person who created the blog and discuss it with them, to his credit he instantly removed the entry once he realized the damage he had done to someone he'd never met. It was that singular entry that made me understand the power that a single entry can have over someones life and the tremendous obligation a blogger undertakes when writing about another person.
In this day and age it is very easy to sit back behind your laptop and spew out any and every thought that crosses one's mind without worrying about the consequences of those words, easy to not care that something trivial or even possibly humorous to you might be hurtful or offensive to another.
Way too many people hide behind the freedom of expression stance without thinking about the freedom a person should enjoy from being cyber bullied through the callous use of words and names.
So that is the reason I use initials when talking about people, it offers a form of protection.
Add the fact that I'm on a dating site or two and my pictures are sometimes public on said sites, mom's I know from the various teams my kids have or do play on also populate those sites, makes me a careful person as I try and be as honest about things as I can and there are some postings I'd rather not have my kids come across or be directed to by some person with an agenda.
At some point my kids will learn what dad has been up to but lets keep it our little secret for as long as we can ok......................
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
Women get the last laugh
Sept 25/13
So I'm having one of those days where I'm busy as can be at work and yet when I think of the things I still have on my list to get done before Friday I sit here and scratch my head wondering just what I've accomplished today. Ever have one of those days?
The good thing, well one of them at least for today, has been the ability to pop my ear buds in and listen to some tunes while doing so much work that I can't figure out what I've done lol
As I was waiting for some system reports to run I got to thinking about the differences between men and women and realized that women always get the last laugh on men.
What do I mean by that?
If a man is feeling amorous it doesn't mean anything will happen - if a woman has the same feelings there is a large probability that she will get lucky if she so desires. The odds of being turned down are so infinitesimally small that I'd need to use a Cray Super Computer to actually calculate them.
If a man is feeling amorous it is even money that there is some physical giveaway to this state - if a women is feeling the same way there are few giveaways by just looking at her. I said few as there are two that I know of and believe me I'm not alone on noticing one of them but think I'm in elite company with the second - staying my little secret for now.
If a man wants to head out for dinner or drinks at say Moxie's or see a movie he better bring his wallet as there are few times he'll be treated for the nights activities - if a woman wants the same evening all she has to do is make a call and her night is paid for completely. Now I'll concede most women don't abuse this well known super power but I do know two who haven't paid for their own drinks or meals since I've known them.
Women always know when a man has hit the big "O" so to speak whereas there are a lot of guys who don't have a clue if they've been able to help they're partner get to the same end result. Granted some guys could care less but there are those of us who feel the pleasure should be equally shared by all parties.
Now I'll admit I had one partner who left me totally clueless if her finish was what she hoped for when we were intimate, she did mention on several occasion's that she was completely satisfied but I have to say I still have my doubts as to the veracity of that statement. On the other hand I had one who left no doubt as to the outcome.....what I really desire is to find one who can see the middle ground but that is part of the fun of the search isn't it?
I'm sure there are now more than one or two of you sitting back and calling me some choice names and reminding me how it is the females burden to go through nine months of being pregnant and than experience labour.....well I can honestly say if I could have I would have taken my ex's place in that sequence as to this day I'm slightly jealous of that special bond she has with both of our children. I've got a bond with both of them, but I try and be as honest as possible and I'd be a fool to say women don't have one that has a slightly more intense feeling than we men do.......
So what other ways do you think women get the last laugh over men?
So I'm having one of those days where I'm busy as can be at work and yet when I think of the things I still have on my list to get done before Friday I sit here and scratch my head wondering just what I've accomplished today. Ever have one of those days?
The good thing, well one of them at least for today, has been the ability to pop my ear buds in and listen to some tunes while doing so much work that I can't figure out what I've done lol
As I was waiting for some system reports to run I got to thinking about the differences between men and women and realized that women always get the last laugh on men.
What do I mean by that?
If a man is feeling amorous it doesn't mean anything will happen - if a woman has the same feelings there is a large probability that she will get lucky if she so desires. The odds of being turned down are so infinitesimally small that I'd need to use a Cray Super Computer to actually calculate them.
If a man is feeling amorous it is even money that there is some physical giveaway to this state - if a women is feeling the same way there are few giveaways by just looking at her. I said few as there are two that I know of and believe me I'm not alone on noticing one of them but think I'm in elite company with the second - staying my little secret for now.
If a man wants to head out for dinner or drinks at say Moxie's or see a movie he better bring his wallet as there are few times he'll be treated for the nights activities - if a woman wants the same evening all she has to do is make a call and her night is paid for completely. Now I'll concede most women don't abuse this well known super power but I do know two who haven't paid for their own drinks or meals since I've known them.
Women always know when a man has hit the big "O" so to speak whereas there are a lot of guys who don't have a clue if they've been able to help they're partner get to the same end result. Granted some guys could care less but there are those of us who feel the pleasure should be equally shared by all parties.
Now I'll admit I had one partner who left me totally clueless if her finish was what she hoped for when we were intimate, she did mention on several occasion's that she was completely satisfied but I have to say I still have my doubts as to the veracity of that statement. On the other hand I had one who left no doubt as to the outcome.....what I really desire is to find one who can see the middle ground but that is part of the fun of the search isn't it?
I'm sure there are now more than one or two of you sitting back and calling me some choice names and reminding me how it is the females burden to go through nine months of being pregnant and than experience labour.....well I can honestly say if I could have I would have taken my ex's place in that sequence as to this day I'm slightly jealous of that special bond she has with both of our children. I've got a bond with both of them, but I try and be as honest as possible and I'd be a fool to say women don't have one that has a slightly more intense feeling than we men do.......
So what other ways do you think women get the last laugh over men?
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Deal Breakers
Sept 20/13 - Deal Breakers
So I was chatting with a coworker yesterday and she was expressing some frustration with her husband as he doesn't seem to ever feel the need to go out on a date with her. She sat there looking pretty frazzled and looked me square in the face and said she hoped that wasn't what has been keeping me single for so long.
I laughed so hard I almost broke a rib and assured her that is the least of the issues keeping me from being in a relationship, that I actually enjoy getting out and having a meal, seeing a movie, taking a walk, or wandering around the Byward Market and Parliament Hill.
It did get me thinking about what I consider my own personal deal breakers when it comes to dating and I thought I'd share them with you and see what some of you consider a deal breaker.
In no particular order:
I'm sure I can come up with more if I try but think this is a pretty good starting point.
Now there are probably some reading this thinking to themselves that it is no wonder I'm still single with these kinds of deal breakers, maybe you have a point, and maybe I respect myself enough to refuse to settle or compromise my own standards just to wake up next to a warm body rather than the sight of my puppy wagging her tail and expecting to be taken out for a walk.
What are your own deal breakers? I'd love to see where mine compare to the rest of the dating world.
So I was chatting with a coworker yesterday and she was expressing some frustration with her husband as he doesn't seem to ever feel the need to go out on a date with her. She sat there looking pretty frazzled and looked me square in the face and said she hoped that wasn't what has been keeping me single for so long.
I laughed so hard I almost broke a rib and assured her that is the least of the issues keeping me from being in a relationship, that I actually enjoy getting out and having a meal, seeing a movie, taking a walk, or wandering around the Byward Market and Parliament Hill.
It did get me thinking about what I consider my own personal deal breakers when it comes to dating and I thought I'd share them with you and see what some of you consider a deal breaker.
In no particular order:
- Drugs - I don't think I should have to actually say that using drugs, and I qualify marijuana as a drug, is considered a total and non-negotiable deal breaker but you'd be surprised how many times I've been asked what my stance is on recreational drug use. I take great pride in being able to tell my kids I have never once tried any kind of recreational drug in my life and have no plans to start now.
- Family - I have kids, you can either accept that there are going to be times I have to bail on a date due to a conflict or something going on with one of them or we can go our separate ways. This isn't going to change in the foreseeable future so deal with it the best you can but don't even think of trying to make me feel guilty about putting my kids first, as I won't ever feel guilty about it.
- Dancing - Strange but true deal breaker. If you are looking for a dance partner let me save us both some time and headaches by being brutally honest and upfront when I say I don't dance. Not only don't I dance but there are bylaws written with me in mind to stop guys like me from dancing. How bad can it be you wonder? Think the Elaine dancing skit from Seinfeld and than ramp that bad boy up by a factor of say1,455!!!
- Books - if you haven't at least read a book in the last year the odds aren't in our favour as a couple. I think reading is one the most relaxing things I can do at night and have been known to have 3-4 different books on the go at one time, usually different genre's. To me reading is akin to breathing, it's that simple in my book - pun intended
- Religion - I don't care what your religion is or if you even follow one, what matters is that you understand that I do follow one, not as strictly as the Catholic Church would like but I'll deal with St. Peter about it when I see him many many years down the road. What I can't accept is someone who is an atheist. Wait, let me phrase that another way, what I'm not willing to do is enter into a relationship with someone who honestly doesn't believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I don't believe he sits up in the nether world watching everything we do down here. I think he has enough faith in us to let us fail and succeeed on our own as we live our lives the best we can day by day.
- Smoking - I don't and expect you won't. I did try and date someone who was an occasional smoker and found it completely unappealling. When I have to chew gum to get the taste of your cigarette out of my mouth after we kiss it means it's over, plain and simple.
- Alcohol - I partake of an alcoholic beverage now and again. I don't need a drink to relax after a tough day at work or to get that happy buzz going. In the course of an average month I may have 2-3 drinks. I don't care if you have more or less, but just don't let it get to the point where it is an every day thing or it becomes a deal breaker for me.
- Sex - you knew this one was coming so don't act all shocked. I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex as part of a monogamous relationship and expect the same in return. Being with someone doesn't mean going at it like bunny rabbits every single time you are together, ok maybe that happens in the beginning, and it doesn't mean having to schedule a tryst weeks in advance. Be an adult and enjoy yourself, enjoy your partner, and remember its ok to just kiss or snuggle without making the beast with two backs all the time.
- Kids - I got two and not looking to create any more. If you have them thats great and I'll do my best to take on the role we agree upon. Yes, this is sort of like family from above but important enough to mention again.
- Space - we all need some personal space and I'm no exception nor I imagine are you. Even if you love golf as much as I do, I can guarantee that I'm going to want to play some rounds without you. I enjoy the time spent chatting with my friends as we walk our way through a round.
I'm sure I can come up with more if I try but think this is a pretty good starting point.
Now there are probably some reading this thinking to themselves that it is no wonder I'm still single with these kinds of deal breakers, maybe you have a point, and maybe I respect myself enough to refuse to settle or compromise my own standards just to wake up next to a warm body rather than the sight of my puppy wagging her tail and expecting to be taken out for a walk.
What are your own deal breakers? I'd love to see where mine compare to the rest of the dating world.
Life Lessons
September 23/13
I started writing this entry a couple of weeks ago but have had to stop a few times when the emotions of it overcame me but feel the time is right to put to paper what my feelings are about a pretty wonderful man who was not only the father of my ex and grandfather to my children, but even more importantly a man I respected and enjoyed spending time with, even those moments when not many words were exchanged as he tried to teach me to fish or do repairs around the house.....
September 4/13
Yesterday my ex called me to let me know her father was in intensive care and the expectations were that he wouldn't make it through the night and could I pick up our son at school and talk to him about it and let him make the decision if he wanted to go and see his grandfather or keep his last memory of him when he was in better shape.
Never a call one wants to get but one I'd been expecting over the last year as my father-in-law has had some serious health issues the last few years and we all knew this day was coming.
I picked my son up from school early and we had a talk about things. I could see he was fighting the emotions of the loss and after a moment just reached over and hugged him. What could I possibly say to a 14 year old that would make sense of this? He decided he wanted to keep his memory of the last visit with his grandfather, a decision his mother and I were in agreement on since her father was in and out of consciousness and not very lucid due to the pain and medications. He called his mom and they talked a bit and we ended up going to my work so I could grab some stuff and than ended home.
He was quiet for most of the afternoon and early evening, snuggling with Moki the Wonder Puppy, and lost in his own thoughts. He came out to the living room around 6pm and asked if we could watch a movie and hang out. We ended up choosing "Under Cover Brother" as we both wanted something lite and funny to help counter our mood.
As we watched the movie he asked me questions about his grandfather, not because he didn't know him or see him often but more to get a feel for him from my perspective. He asked me if I was going to miss him and I smiled at my son and told him most definitely as he welcomed me into the family with open arms when I made the move to be with his daughter and granddaughter, commenting to me once that he knew they were in good hands and he could step back and enjoy watching us grow as a family.
As the night came to a close he got ready for bed and came by my room when he heard my cell signal a text message to see if it was about his grandfather, he looked anxious but I told him it was a friend asking me how his first day of high school had gone. We said our good nights and off to sleep we went.
This morning my cell rang at 5:15 and I knew without even needing to look at the caller ID that it was my ex calling to tell me her father had passed away quietly in his sleep just a short while ago. We talked for a moment and I told her I would keep our son home today and if her or her mother needed anything to not hesitate to call.
When my son's alarm went off he came out to the living room and sat down next to me, leaning against me, and started to softly cry. I hugged him and told him the story of how he saved his grandfathers life the year he was born.....
Back in the summer '99 my father-in-law was working construction over on the Gatineau side of the river doing some demolition work on an old factory when the hoist he was in broke and dropped him about 20 feet from the ceiling to a metal beam that stretched across the width of the building and than he fell another 15 feet to the concrete floor. The accident broke his hip, pelvic bones, ribs, his left left, right collar bone, and assorted ribs. It took almost 35 minutes for an ambulance to reach the accident site, even though there was a hospital literally 10 minutes away but that is the Quebec health care system for you, and when we got the call my wife raced over to the hospital while I stayed with the kids and tried to keep my daughter calm, she was the apple of her grandfathers eyes, until we learned more.
Over the next several days he underwent a few surgeries and while the doctors all felt they went well he just didn't seem to be responding as they hoped, so much so in fact that there was some worry he might not pull through so we decided to take the kids over to see him. My daughter was ten and my son maybe five months old. When we got to the hospital he didn't look very good and was hooked up to more lines than I thought humanly possible, little did I know at the time that 10 years later my son would try and beat his grandfathers record while at CHEO. My daughter went in with her grandmother and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand but had to leave as seeing him like that was too much for her. My wife went with her to get some fresh air so I went into the room to see things for myself, my son was in his carrier and started acting fussy so I took him out and was holding him in my arms when one of the lines became kinked and as I straightened it out my sons hand brushed against my father-in-laws hand and it was like lightning hit the room. Without opening his eyes he reached out with his hand and stroked the top of my sons head and all of his vital signs seemed to slow down to a more steady rhythm. My mother-in-law just stood there with her mouth open in amazement. I placed my son down next to him in the crook of his arm and he wrapped his hand around my son's tiny hand and I knew at that point he wasn't leaving us.
My mother in law ran from the room to get the doctor and nurses and the consensus was that the touch of his grandson triggered a will to overcome his injuries. It took several months for him to make a recovery and up to the moment he passed there wasn't a day where he didn't experience some pain or discomfort.
Over the years I noticed he would watch my son when he was playing and there would be this smile on his face like he knew something the rest of us didn't. We asked him if he remembered that moment when he was strong enough to talk and he claimed to have no memories of it but I think there was some jolt from his grandson telling him it wasn't his time yet.
As I told my son this he leaned into me and softly started to cry and told me he was going to miss grandpa very much. I hugged him and reminded him that now his grandpa wouldn't have to face the daily pain and he'd had the pleasure of seeing one grandchild graduate high school and college, play soccer and score goals, another start high school, play and score goals in both soccer and hockey, and known the unconditional love of his grandchildren. I told my son that there won't be a day that either his mom's father or my mother aren't watching out over him and his sister, that just because the body is gone it doesn't mean the spirit doesn't stay around.
It's been almost two weeks now that Serge has left us and while we didn't speak all that much over the past few years due to the ending of my marriage I miss him and how welcome he made me feel when I first made my appearance in his daughter and granddaughters lives.
There is a saying that we choose our friends wisely because we don't get to choose our family. I'd like to think that in Serge I not only had family but a friend...........
I started writing this entry a couple of weeks ago but have had to stop a few times when the emotions of it overcame me but feel the time is right to put to paper what my feelings are about a pretty wonderful man who was not only the father of my ex and grandfather to my children, but even more importantly a man I respected and enjoyed spending time with, even those moments when not many words were exchanged as he tried to teach me to fish or do repairs around the house.....
September 4/13
Yesterday my ex called me to let me know her father was in intensive care and the expectations were that he wouldn't make it through the night and could I pick up our son at school and talk to him about it and let him make the decision if he wanted to go and see his grandfather or keep his last memory of him when he was in better shape.
Never a call one wants to get but one I'd been expecting over the last year as my father-in-law has had some serious health issues the last few years and we all knew this day was coming.
I picked my son up from school early and we had a talk about things. I could see he was fighting the emotions of the loss and after a moment just reached over and hugged him. What could I possibly say to a 14 year old that would make sense of this? He decided he wanted to keep his memory of the last visit with his grandfather, a decision his mother and I were in agreement on since her father was in and out of consciousness and not very lucid due to the pain and medications. He called his mom and they talked a bit and we ended up going to my work so I could grab some stuff and than ended home.
He was quiet for most of the afternoon and early evening, snuggling with Moki the Wonder Puppy, and lost in his own thoughts. He came out to the living room around 6pm and asked if we could watch a movie and hang out. We ended up choosing "Under Cover Brother" as we both wanted something lite and funny to help counter our mood.
As we watched the movie he asked me questions about his grandfather, not because he didn't know him or see him often but more to get a feel for him from my perspective. He asked me if I was going to miss him and I smiled at my son and told him most definitely as he welcomed me into the family with open arms when I made the move to be with his daughter and granddaughter, commenting to me once that he knew they were in good hands and he could step back and enjoy watching us grow as a family.
As the night came to a close he got ready for bed and came by my room when he heard my cell signal a text message to see if it was about his grandfather, he looked anxious but I told him it was a friend asking me how his first day of high school had gone. We said our good nights and off to sleep we went.
This morning my cell rang at 5:15 and I knew without even needing to look at the caller ID that it was my ex calling to tell me her father had passed away quietly in his sleep just a short while ago. We talked for a moment and I told her I would keep our son home today and if her or her mother needed anything to not hesitate to call.
When my son's alarm went off he came out to the living room and sat down next to me, leaning against me, and started to softly cry. I hugged him and told him the story of how he saved his grandfathers life the year he was born.....
Back in the summer '99 my father-in-law was working construction over on the Gatineau side of the river doing some demolition work on an old factory when the hoist he was in broke and dropped him about 20 feet from the ceiling to a metal beam that stretched across the width of the building and than he fell another 15 feet to the concrete floor. The accident broke his hip, pelvic bones, ribs, his left left, right collar bone, and assorted ribs. It took almost 35 minutes for an ambulance to reach the accident site, even though there was a hospital literally 10 minutes away but that is the Quebec health care system for you, and when we got the call my wife raced over to the hospital while I stayed with the kids and tried to keep my daughter calm, she was the apple of her grandfathers eyes, until we learned more.
Over the next several days he underwent a few surgeries and while the doctors all felt they went well he just didn't seem to be responding as they hoped, so much so in fact that there was some worry he might not pull through so we decided to take the kids over to see him. My daughter was ten and my son maybe five months old. When we got to the hospital he didn't look very good and was hooked up to more lines than I thought humanly possible, little did I know at the time that 10 years later my son would try and beat his grandfathers record while at CHEO. My daughter went in with her grandmother and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand but had to leave as seeing him like that was too much for her. My wife went with her to get some fresh air so I went into the room to see things for myself, my son was in his carrier and started acting fussy so I took him out and was holding him in my arms when one of the lines became kinked and as I straightened it out my sons hand brushed against my father-in-laws hand and it was like lightning hit the room. Without opening his eyes he reached out with his hand and stroked the top of my sons head and all of his vital signs seemed to slow down to a more steady rhythm. My mother-in-law just stood there with her mouth open in amazement. I placed my son down next to him in the crook of his arm and he wrapped his hand around my son's tiny hand and I knew at that point he wasn't leaving us.
My mother in law ran from the room to get the doctor and nurses and the consensus was that the touch of his grandson triggered a will to overcome his injuries. It took several months for him to make a recovery and up to the moment he passed there wasn't a day where he didn't experience some pain or discomfort.
Over the years I noticed he would watch my son when he was playing and there would be this smile on his face like he knew something the rest of us didn't. We asked him if he remembered that moment when he was strong enough to talk and he claimed to have no memories of it but I think there was some jolt from his grandson telling him it wasn't his time yet.
As I told my son this he leaned into me and softly started to cry and told me he was going to miss grandpa very much. I hugged him and reminded him that now his grandpa wouldn't have to face the daily pain and he'd had the pleasure of seeing one grandchild graduate high school and college, play soccer and score goals, another start high school, play and score goals in both soccer and hockey, and known the unconditional love of his grandchildren. I told my son that there won't be a day that either his mom's father or my mother aren't watching out over him and his sister, that just because the body is gone it doesn't mean the spirit doesn't stay around.
It's been almost two weeks now that Serge has left us and while we didn't speak all that much over the past few years due to the ending of my marriage I miss him and how welcome he made me feel when I first made my appearance in his daughter and granddaughters lives.
There is a saying that we choose our friends wisely because we don't get to choose our family. I'd like to think that in Serge I not only had family but a friend...........
Sunday, September 8, 2013
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
September 8/13
In light of a rather rough week I present you with a wee bit of humour:
Colonial revision
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). Canada will be able to aid you in the education process.
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Canada will be asked to come down there and teach you how to make real beer. New Zealand beer is also acceptable as is Australian. They are all part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; one you call soccer. You will stop trying to take over hockey and come to grips with the fact that all the "American" teams have only Canadian players on them. Rugby is also an acceptable sport. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play it (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
16. You will of course be required to spend at least a month a year in Canada to learn how to survive in a multiplicity of climates to toughen you up (look up multiplicity). An remember the beaver is a builder and an Eagle is a scavenger, get over it.
17. For heaven's sake tell your youth to pull up there damn pants. It is bad enough your fiscal policies and military bullying makes you look like an arse already.
God Save the Queen!
In light of a rather rough week I present you with a wee bit of humour:
Colonial revision
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). Canada will be able to aid you in the education process.
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too)
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.)
8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. Canada will be asked to come down there and teach you how to make real beer. New Zealand beer is also acceptable as is Australian. They are all part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; one you call soccer. You will stop trying to take over hockey and come to grips with the fact that all the "American" teams have only Canadian players on them. Rugby is also an acceptable sport. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play it (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
16. You will of course be required to spend at least a month a year in Canada to learn how to survive in a multiplicity of climates to toughen you up (look up multiplicity). An remember the beaver is a builder and an Eagle is a scavenger, get over it.
17. For heaven's sake tell your youth to pull up there damn pants. It is bad enough your fiscal policies and military bullying makes you look like an arse already.
God Save the Queen!
Friday, September 6, 2013
One video with a simple message
September 6/13
I've had death in the family this week and have been spending time with my son helping him deal with the loss while also dealing with my own emotions - as I thought about the person I realized how much of an impact and influence they've had on my own life and it has hit me a bit harder than I expected so I've sort of been staying off the radar this week.
While reading something on a friends FaceBook account I noticed the link below and took a moment to watch it - moving beyond belief and during a trying period it reminded me that the strength of the human soul can sustain us through the most difficult of times and while this may not be the best week of my life I shall perserveer and be a better person for seeing things through to the end.
Take a look and tell me if you weren't moved by it..........
http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/new-guinness-commercial-will-give-you-the-chills
I've had death in the family this week and have been spending time with my son helping him deal with the loss while also dealing with my own emotions - as I thought about the person I realized how much of an impact and influence they've had on my own life and it has hit me a bit harder than I expected so I've sort of been staying off the radar this week.
While reading something on a friends FaceBook account I noticed the link below and took a moment to watch it - moving beyond belief and during a trying period it reminded me that the strength of the human soul can sustain us through the most difficult of times and while this may not be the best week of my life I shall perserveer and be a better person for seeing things through to the end.
Take a look and tell me if you weren't moved by it..........
http://www.buzzfeed.com/copyranter/new-guinness-commercial-will-give-you-the-chills
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