So I was chatting with a coworker yesterday and she was expressing some frustration with her husband as he doesn't seem to ever feel the need to go out on a date with her. She sat there looking pretty frazzled and looked me square in the face and said she hoped that wasn't what has been keeping me single for so long.
I laughed so hard I almost broke a rib and assured her that is the least of the issues keeping me from being in a relationship, that I actually enjoy getting out and having a meal, seeing a movie, taking a walk, or wandering around the Byward Market and Parliament Hill.
It did get me thinking about what I consider my own personal deal breakers when it comes to dating and I thought I'd share them with you and see what some of you consider a deal breaker.
In no particular order:
- Drugs - I don't think I should have to actually say that using drugs, and I qualify marijuana as a drug, is considered a total and non-negotiable deal breaker but you'd be surprised how many times I've been asked what my stance is on recreational drug use. I take great pride in being able to tell my kids I have never once tried any kind of recreational drug in my life and have no plans to start now.
- Family - I have kids, you can either accept that there are going to be times I have to bail on a date due to a conflict or something going on with one of them or we can go our separate ways. This isn't going to change in the foreseeable future so deal with it the best you can but don't even think of trying to make me feel guilty about putting my kids first, as I won't ever feel guilty about it.
- Dancing - Strange but true deal breaker. If you are looking for a dance partner let me save us both some time and headaches by being brutally honest and upfront when I say I don't dance. Not only don't I dance but there are bylaws written with me in mind to stop guys like me from dancing. How bad can it be you wonder? Think the Elaine dancing skit from Seinfeld and than ramp that bad boy up by a factor of say1,455!!!
- Books - if you haven't at least read a book in the last year the odds aren't in our favour as a couple. I think reading is one the most relaxing things I can do at night and have been known to have 3-4 different books on the go at one time, usually different genre's. To me reading is akin to breathing, it's that simple in my book - pun intended
- Religion - I don't care what your religion is or if you even follow one, what matters is that you understand that I do follow one, not as strictly as the Catholic Church would like but I'll deal with St. Peter about it when I see him many many years down the road. What I can't accept is someone who is an atheist. Wait, let me phrase that another way, what I'm not willing to do is enter into a relationship with someone who honestly doesn't believe in a higher power. I believe in God. I don't believe he sits up in the nether world watching everything we do down here. I think he has enough faith in us to let us fail and succeeed on our own as we live our lives the best we can day by day.
- Smoking - I don't and expect you won't. I did try and date someone who was an occasional smoker and found it completely unappealling. When I have to chew gum to get the taste of your cigarette out of my mouth after we kiss it means it's over, plain and simple.
- Alcohol - I partake of an alcoholic beverage now and again. I don't need a drink to relax after a tough day at work or to get that happy buzz going. In the course of an average month I may have 2-3 drinks. I don't care if you have more or less, but just don't let it get to the point where it is an every day thing or it becomes a deal breaker for me.
- Sex - you knew this one was coming so don't act all shocked. I enjoy sex. I enjoy sex as part of a monogamous relationship and expect the same in return. Being with someone doesn't mean going at it like bunny rabbits every single time you are together, ok maybe that happens in the beginning, and it doesn't mean having to schedule a tryst weeks in advance. Be an adult and enjoy yourself, enjoy your partner, and remember its ok to just kiss or snuggle without making the beast with two backs all the time.
- Kids - I got two and not looking to create any more. If you have them thats great and I'll do my best to take on the role we agree upon. Yes, this is sort of like family from above but important enough to mention again.
- Space - we all need some personal space and I'm no exception nor I imagine are you. Even if you love golf as much as I do, I can guarantee that I'm going to want to play some rounds without you. I enjoy the time spent chatting with my friends as we walk our way through a round.
I'm sure I can come up with more if I try but think this is a pretty good starting point.
Now there are probably some reading this thinking to themselves that it is no wonder I'm still single with these kinds of deal breakers, maybe you have a point, and maybe I respect myself enough to refuse to settle or compromise my own standards just to wake up next to a warm body rather than the sight of my puppy wagging her tail and expecting to be taken out for a walk.
What are your own deal breakers? I'd love to see where mine compare to the rest of the dating world.
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