Life Lessons

September 23/13

I started writing this entry a couple of weeks ago but have had to stop a few times when the emotions of it overcame me but feel the time is right to put to paper what my feelings are about a pretty wonderful man who was not only the father of my ex and grandfather to my children, but even more importantly a man I respected and enjoyed spending time with, even those moments when not many words were exchanged as he tried to teach me to fish or do repairs around the house.....


September 4/13

Yesterday my ex called me to let me know her father was in intensive care and the expectations were that he wouldn't make it through the night and could I pick up our son at school and talk to him about it and let him make the decision if he wanted to go and see his grandfather or keep his last memory of him when he was in better shape.

Never a call one wants to get but one I'd been expecting over the last year as my father-in-law has had some serious health issues the last few years and we all knew this day was coming.

I picked my son up from school early and we had a talk about things. I could see he was fighting the emotions of the loss and after a moment just reached over and hugged him. What could I possibly say to a 14 year old that would make sense of this?  He decided he wanted to keep his memory of the last visit with his grandfather, a decision his mother and I were in agreement on since her father was in and out of consciousness and not very lucid due to the pain and medications. He called his mom and they talked a bit and we ended up going to my work so I could grab some stuff and than ended home.

He was quiet for most of the afternoon and early evening, snuggling with Moki the Wonder Puppy, and lost in his own thoughts. He came out to the living room around 6pm and asked if we could watch a movie and hang out. We ended up choosing "Under Cover Brother" as we both wanted something lite and funny to help counter our mood.

As we watched the movie he asked me questions about his grandfather, not because he didn't know him or see him often but more to get a feel for him from my perspective. He asked me if I was going to miss him and I smiled at my son and told him most definitely as he welcomed me into the family with open arms when I made the move to be with his daughter and granddaughter, commenting to me once that he knew they were in good hands and he could step back and enjoy watching us grow as a family.

As the night came to a close he got ready for bed and came by my room when he heard my cell signal a text message to see if it was about his grandfather, he looked anxious but I told him it was a friend asking me how his first day of high school had gone. We said our good nights and off to sleep we went.

This morning my cell rang at 5:15 and I knew without even needing to look at the caller ID that it was my ex calling to tell me her father had passed away quietly in his sleep just a short while ago. We talked for a moment and I told her I would keep our son home today and if her or her mother needed anything to not hesitate to call.

When my son's alarm went off he came out to the living room and sat down next to me, leaning against me, and started to softly cry. I hugged him and told him the story of how he saved his grandfathers life the year he was born.....

Back in the summer '99 my father-in-law was working construction over on the Gatineau side of the river doing some demolition work on an old factory when the hoist he was in broke and dropped him about 20 feet from the ceiling to a metal beam that stretched across the width of the building and than he fell another 15 feet to the concrete floor. The accident broke his hip, pelvic bones, ribs, his left left, right collar bone, and assorted ribs. It took almost 35 minutes for an ambulance to reach the accident site, even though there was a hospital literally 10 minutes away but that is the Quebec health care system for you, and when we got the call my wife raced over to the hospital while I stayed with the kids and tried to keep my daughter calm, she was the apple of her grandfathers eyes, until we learned more.

Over the next several days he underwent a few surgeries and while the doctors all felt they went well he just didn't seem to be responding as they hoped, so much so in fact that there was some worry he might not pull through so we decided to take the kids over to see him. My daughter was ten and my son maybe five months old. When we got to the hospital he didn't look very good and was hooked up to more lines than I thought humanly possible, little did I know at the time that 10 years later my son would try and beat his grandfathers record while at CHEO. My daughter went in with her grandmother and kissed him on the forehead and held his hand but had to leave as seeing him like that was too much for her. My wife went with her to get some fresh air so I went into the room to see things for myself, my son was in his carrier and started acting fussy so I took him out and was holding him in my arms when one of the lines became kinked and as I straightened it out my sons hand brushed against my father-in-laws hand and it was like lightning hit the room.  Without opening his eyes he reached out with his hand and stroked the top of my sons head and all of his vital signs seemed to slow down to a more steady rhythm. My mother-in-law just stood there with her mouth open in amazement. I placed my son down next to him in the crook of his arm and he wrapped his hand around my son's tiny hand and I knew at that point he wasn't leaving us.

My mother in law ran from the room to get the doctor and nurses and the consensus was that the touch of his grandson triggered a will to overcome his injuries.  It took several months for him to make a recovery and up to the moment he passed there wasn't a day where he didn't experience some pain or discomfort.

Over the years I noticed he would watch my son when he was playing and there would be this smile on his face like he knew something the rest of us didn't. We asked him if he remembered that moment when he was strong enough to talk and he claimed to have no memories of it but I think there was some jolt from his grandson telling him it wasn't his time yet.

As I told my son this he leaned into me and softly started to cry and told me he was going to miss grandpa very much. I hugged him and reminded him that now his grandpa wouldn't have to face the daily pain and he'd had the pleasure of seeing one grandchild graduate high school and college, play soccer and score goals, another start high school, play and score goals in both soccer and hockey, and known the unconditional love of his grandchildren. I told my son that there won't be a day that either his mom's father or my mother aren't watching out over him and his sister, that just because the body is gone it doesn't mean the spirit doesn't stay around.

It's been almost two weeks now that Serge has left us and while we didn't speak all that much over the past few years due to the ending of my marriage I miss him and how welcome he made me feel when I first made my appearance in his daughter and granddaughters lives.

There is a saying that we choose our friends wisely because we don't get to choose our family. I'd like to think that in Serge I not only had family but a friend...........