December 30/13
My teacher friend L sent me this last night and thought I might get a kick out of it - I did and thought I'd share with all of you.......pretty cool answers when you consider the ages of the kids :)
Monday, December 30, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Tough time of year for many people
Dec 29/13
I know from personal experience that the holiday season coupled with dark days related to winter can be emotionally and mentally draining for some people.
For me it is the fact that my mom was born Christmas day and my kids are with me for half the day make things a tad bit rougher to handle. Well, they used to be hard to take but for some reason this season has been easier to handle. Can't quite put my hand directly on what is different this year over years past but I don't have that dark feeling hanging over my head.
I know from previous seasons how hard it was and it really impacted my ability to interact with people and I was not really all that fun to be around. My ex and kids did their best to help me deal with it and I think that was one factor that made it bearable.
As someone who has gone through these dark days I implore you to talk to someone if you are feeling down in any way, shape, or form. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out help, it does not make you any less of a person or parent, in fact I think it makes you a better person, being able to recognize that things might be getting out of hand and being strong enough to do something about it is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those who love you, and believe me when I say there are far more people who care about you than you'll ever know......
What makes me think that?
Over the past few weeks I've gotten several texts and calls from friends just checking in to see how I'm doing. These are subtle attempts to let me know they care and if I need anything they are only a phone call away. A couple of them came from people who I never even realized knew about my difficulties this time of year......pretty awesome to know I have people who care that extend beyond my kids......
If you still don't feel comfortable than feel free to email me and we can chat...sometimes just having someone to listen to you helps......
I care so hopefully you will too
Marcus
observations-of-a-single-man@gmail.com
I know from personal experience that the holiday season coupled with dark days related to winter can be emotionally and mentally draining for some people.
For me it is the fact that my mom was born Christmas day and my kids are with me for half the day make things a tad bit rougher to handle. Well, they used to be hard to take but for some reason this season has been easier to handle. Can't quite put my hand directly on what is different this year over years past but I don't have that dark feeling hanging over my head.
I know from previous seasons how hard it was and it really impacted my ability to interact with people and I was not really all that fun to be around. My ex and kids did their best to help me deal with it and I think that was one factor that made it bearable.
As someone who has gone through these dark days I implore you to talk to someone if you are feeling down in any way, shape, or form. There is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out help, it does not make you any less of a person or parent, in fact I think it makes you a better person, being able to recognize that things might be getting out of hand and being strong enough to do something about it is the greatest gift you can give yourself and those who love you, and believe me when I say there are far more people who care about you than you'll ever know......
What makes me think that?
Over the past few weeks I've gotten several texts and calls from friends just checking in to see how I'm doing. These are subtle attempts to let me know they care and if I need anything they are only a phone call away. A couple of them came from people who I never even realized knew about my difficulties this time of year......pretty awesome to know I have people who care that extend beyond my kids......
If you still don't feel comfortable than feel free to email me and we can chat...sometimes just having someone to listen to you helps......
I care so hopefully you will too
Marcus
observations-of-a-single-man@gmail.com
C'mon Target, show some restraint!
December 29/13
So I had to go into work today for a bit as I need to be off next weekend as it is my dad week and my son has an out of town hockey tournament and I don't miss them for anything, heck I can count on my left hand sans my thumb the number of games I've missed over his hockey career :)
I stopped at the new Target at the Hazeldean Mall to check out monitor prices, thinking of a second one for my home system but haven't quite convinced myself yet, and what do you think I saw front and center down the main aisle?
If you said Valentines Day cards and candy you win the grand prize.
Now I get that this day is just over the horizon in February but is there anything wrong with giving people a chance to recover from Christmas before starting to inundate everyone with reminders of how we need to have the perfect card and gift for our significant other else we come across as a loser? I mean for those who have a significant other that is.
Less than 5 days have passed since we celebrated the birth of the leading religious icon for western civilizations and already we must now face this new threat to our sanity.
I don't remember seeing these at Walmart when I was there yesterday so maybe I need to rethink shopping at Target going forward.
I understand the need to get the thought out there, but I also appreciate the change to catch my breathe before transitioning from a real holiday to one that was made up that really does nothing more than keep card and candy companies making money.
What is your take on how quickly merchants seem to move from one event to another?
Marcus
So I had to go into work today for a bit as I need to be off next weekend as it is my dad week and my son has an out of town hockey tournament and I don't miss them for anything, heck I can count on my left hand sans my thumb the number of games I've missed over his hockey career :)
I stopped at the new Target at the Hazeldean Mall to check out monitor prices, thinking of a second one for my home system but haven't quite convinced myself yet, and what do you think I saw front and center down the main aisle?
If you said Valentines Day cards and candy you win the grand prize.
Now I get that this day is just over the horizon in February but is there anything wrong with giving people a chance to recover from Christmas before starting to inundate everyone with reminders of how we need to have the perfect card and gift for our significant other else we come across as a loser? I mean for those who have a significant other that is.
Less than 5 days have passed since we celebrated the birth of the leading religious icon for western civilizations and already we must now face this new threat to our sanity.
I don't remember seeing these at Walmart when I was there yesterday so maybe I need to rethink shopping at Target going forward.
I understand the need to get the thought out there, but I also appreciate the change to catch my breathe before transitioning from a real holiday to one that was made up that really does nothing more than keep card and candy companies making money.
What is your take on how quickly merchants seem to move from one event to another?
Marcus
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Merry Christmas
December 25/13
Not really a blog entry today but more a message from me to you the readers.....
Over the course of the past year or so I've shared my thoughts, my experiences, and even my dreams through postings on this blog page. I hope they have entertained and made you take pause now and than to think about the things going on in your own lives.
As I sit back this evening and contemplate another Christmas and all it brings, I'd like to take this moment to wish each of you a Merry Christmas and very Happy Holiday's.
I'm using this quiet time to do some reflecting, well as I sit on the couch with Moki the Wonder Puppy I am doing it, and look forward to more blogs over the coming months.
Tomorrow is Boxing Day and for those brave enough to venture out to a mall I applaud you and also think you might need to seek some serious counselling lol
All the best and be good to one another :)
Marcus
Not really a blog entry today but more a message from me to you the readers.....
Over the course of the past year or so I've shared my thoughts, my experiences, and even my dreams through postings on this blog page. I hope they have entertained and made you take pause now and than to think about the things going on in your own lives.
As I sit back this evening and contemplate another Christmas and all it brings, I'd like to take this moment to wish each of you a Merry Christmas and very Happy Holiday's.
I'm using this quiet time to do some reflecting, well as I sit on the couch with Moki the Wonder Puppy I am doing it, and look forward to more blogs over the coming months.
Tomorrow is Boxing Day and for those brave enough to venture out to a mall I applaud you and also think you might need to seek some serious counselling lol
All the best and be good to one another :)
Marcus
Monday, December 23, 2013
Awesome Sunday
December 22/13
Sunday really turned out to be a great day.
Saturday night was my company Christmas party and I had a very nice time, would only have been better had I brought along a date but maybe next year :)
Saturday night transitioned into Sunday with more snow and delayed my son's flight from Mexico to Montreal and subsequent trip home until almost 2am. I texted with his mom telling her there was no rush on getting him to my place as the roads were bad, they were all tired and I had some errands to run.
I was able to get the last of my shopping done at Bayshore - amazing how the combination of getting there just as the doors opened at 10am and the poor roads due to all the snow can make life easier sometimes - and had a lot of them wrapped by the time he made it to my place around 3pm.
We spent about an hour getting caught up and than tackled getting the Christmas tree setup and decorated. Now this usually includes the daughter and more often than not means she takes the lead and we hand her things as directed, but yesterday was different as she was getting settled back into her new place, picked up her puppy from the friend who had been watching him, and spent time with the new boyfriend. So my son and I did the tree on our own and I have to say we talked about which decorations to include and worked pretty well as a team making our vision come to life.
Once we were done I cleaned up the mess, there is always a mess when the two of us do something together lol, and grabbed some food for us. We spent the rest of the night pretty much goofing around and trying our best to make the other fall off the couch as we watched the new Star Trek.
I love doing special things with my kids like taking a holiday or coaching them in soccer but have to say that some of the best memories come from the simplest of activities like watching a movie or just talking about anything and everything going on in our lives.
Should be a good week and looking forward to some big smiles come Wednesday morning :)
I'd like to take this moment to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Years, hope that 2014 brings you health, happiness, and for those single like myself, maybe the opportunity to cross paths with the one........................
Marcus
Sunday really turned out to be a great day.
Saturday night was my company Christmas party and I had a very nice time, would only have been better had I brought along a date but maybe next year :)
Saturday night transitioned into Sunday with more snow and delayed my son's flight from Mexico to Montreal and subsequent trip home until almost 2am. I texted with his mom telling her there was no rush on getting him to my place as the roads were bad, they were all tired and I had some errands to run.
I was able to get the last of my shopping done at Bayshore - amazing how the combination of getting there just as the doors opened at 10am and the poor roads due to all the snow can make life easier sometimes - and had a lot of them wrapped by the time he made it to my place around 3pm.
We spent about an hour getting caught up and than tackled getting the Christmas tree setup and decorated. Now this usually includes the daughter and more often than not means she takes the lead and we hand her things as directed, but yesterday was different as she was getting settled back into her new place, picked up her puppy from the friend who had been watching him, and spent time with the new boyfriend. So my son and I did the tree on our own and I have to say we talked about which decorations to include and worked pretty well as a team making our vision come to life.
Once we were done I cleaned up the mess, there is always a mess when the two of us do something together lol, and grabbed some food for us. We spent the rest of the night pretty much goofing around and trying our best to make the other fall off the couch as we watched the new Star Trek.
I love doing special things with my kids like taking a holiday or coaching them in soccer but have to say that some of the best memories come from the simplest of activities like watching a movie or just talking about anything and everything going on in our lives.
Should be a good week and looking forward to some big smiles come Wednesday morning :)
I'd like to take this moment to wish each of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Years, hope that 2014 brings you health, happiness, and for those single like myself, maybe the opportunity to cross paths with the one........................
Marcus
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
Kanye West could learn something from Josh Zuchowksi
December 18/13
It has been a been a pretty busy week what with work, soccer, and trying to get ready for Christmas.
So busy in fact, that while I've missed my son tonnes, not so much that I've been moping around feeling sorry for myself. Trust me that is a good think as a mopey Marcus is not a pretty Marcus lol
A couple of things caught my attention this week and while they aren't directly related to one another, they do show the huge gap that can exist between people who are worthy of our admiration and those people whose view of their importance is completely out of kilter with reality.
If you think the latter is about our good friend Kanye West you're today's grand prize winner
How can someone who sings songs for a living, prances around a stage, refers to himself as Yeezus, and pretty much feels that he is the most important person on the planet ever lose touch with reality to such an extent that they compare what they do for a living with law enforcement officers or the military. Yet that is just what Kanye had the nerve to do recently when he said that he lays his life on the line and subjects himself daily to the same dangers confronting police officers and the outstanding men and women of the military. I'm sure reaching for the microphone as he makes his way from the backstage green room where he was relaxing preshow with his crew, drinking cold beverages, eating from a buffet spread, watching a large flat screen is exactly the same as standing over-watch from the lead vehicle in a convoy making its way through the streets of Bagdad. I mean if he ignores the distinct possibility of the vehicle hitting an IED, coming under sniper or mortar attack, or even human suicide bombers than he is right. Oh wait, he really isn't as there are still the random attacks on the camps where the soldiers live, the loss of family thousands of miles away that they go months and month's without seeing, and the limited avenues for recreation that they face every single day.
So when Kanye gets bored with writing his latest rap masterpiece he can jet from outside Paris to go to a club in London or New York, should he miss his fiancé and mother of his child he can arrange to go see them or have them come see him, when he gets bored watching his flat screen he can hop in a car and take a drive, go shopping, or even play a round of golf.
Unfortunately for the men and women in the military they don't have the option or the resources to do the same things he takes for granted, options that are won and protected by the sweat and sacrifice of others. The real hero's in today's world, not the fake wanna-be's who have to shout at the top of their lungs just how fucking incredible they are, how they are so important to our overall wellbeing.
On the one hand you have what I like to refer to as the douche bags of the world...people like Kanye West.......and on the other hand you have youngsters like Josh Zuchowksi who do things not for themselves, not to ring their own bells seeking acknowledgement of just how great they are, but rather because the actions they take make a difference in someone else's life, even if for but a moment of time.
Josh is 9 years old and lives down in Florida.
Josh likes to swim and from what I can tell, he is pretty darn good at it.
Josh has a main rival whom he has looked up to for years and used as motivation to improve his times meet over meet.
Josh's rival has been sick with a bone infection and unable to compete or even able to socialize with other kids for fear he might be contagious.
Josh took first place in a meet on December 7th and promptly sent the trophy and a get well card to Reese Branzell saying he'd rather come in second at a meet featuring both of them than win first in one without Reese.
How can a 9 year old behave with such kindness and empathy where a grown man has the audacity to compare his job with those putting their lives on the line day in and day out?
My hat is off to Josh for his kindness, to his parents for raising a well rounded young man, to Reese as he works hard to regain his form and can once more push himself and Josh in the pool.
Maybe my good friend Kanye could take a few moments from the danger of opening that plastic bottle of water to look around himself and see what real heros do every day without feeling the need for fanfare and public adulation.
Just one man's take on something he read about this past week.
Marcus
It has been a been a pretty busy week what with work, soccer, and trying to get ready for Christmas.
So busy in fact, that while I've missed my son tonnes, not so much that I've been moping around feeling sorry for myself. Trust me that is a good think as a mopey Marcus is not a pretty Marcus lol
A couple of things caught my attention this week and while they aren't directly related to one another, they do show the huge gap that can exist between people who are worthy of our admiration and those people whose view of their importance is completely out of kilter with reality.
If you think the latter is about our good friend Kanye West you're today's grand prize winner
How can someone who sings songs for a living, prances around a stage, refers to himself as Yeezus, and pretty much feels that he is the most important person on the planet ever lose touch with reality to such an extent that they compare what they do for a living with law enforcement officers or the military. Yet that is just what Kanye had the nerve to do recently when he said that he lays his life on the line and subjects himself daily to the same dangers confronting police officers and the outstanding men and women of the military. I'm sure reaching for the microphone as he makes his way from the backstage green room where he was relaxing preshow with his crew, drinking cold beverages, eating from a buffet spread, watching a large flat screen is exactly the same as standing over-watch from the lead vehicle in a convoy making its way through the streets of Bagdad. I mean if he ignores the distinct possibility of the vehicle hitting an IED, coming under sniper or mortar attack, or even human suicide bombers than he is right. Oh wait, he really isn't as there are still the random attacks on the camps where the soldiers live, the loss of family thousands of miles away that they go months and month's without seeing, and the limited avenues for recreation that they face every single day.
So when Kanye gets bored with writing his latest rap masterpiece he can jet from outside Paris to go to a club in London or New York, should he miss his fiancé and mother of his child he can arrange to go see them or have them come see him, when he gets bored watching his flat screen he can hop in a car and take a drive, go shopping, or even play a round of golf.
Unfortunately for the men and women in the military they don't have the option or the resources to do the same things he takes for granted, options that are won and protected by the sweat and sacrifice of others. The real hero's in today's world, not the fake wanna-be's who have to shout at the top of their lungs just how fucking incredible they are, how they are so important to our overall wellbeing.
On the one hand you have what I like to refer to as the douche bags of the world...people like Kanye West.......and on the other hand you have youngsters like Josh Zuchowksi who do things not for themselves, not to ring their own bells seeking acknowledgement of just how great they are, but rather because the actions they take make a difference in someone else's life, even if for but a moment of time.
Josh is 9 years old and lives down in Florida.
Josh likes to swim and from what I can tell, he is pretty darn good at it.
Josh has a main rival whom he has looked up to for years and used as motivation to improve his times meet over meet.
Josh's rival has been sick with a bone infection and unable to compete or even able to socialize with other kids for fear he might be contagious.
Josh took first place in a meet on December 7th and promptly sent the trophy and a get well card to Reese Branzell saying he'd rather come in second at a meet featuring both of them than win first in one without Reese.
How can a 9 year old behave with such kindness and empathy where a grown man has the audacity to compare his job with those putting their lives on the line day in and day out?
My hat is off to Josh for his kindness, to his parents for raising a well rounded young man, to Reese as he works hard to regain his form and can once more push himself and Josh in the pool.
Maybe my good friend Kanye could take a few moments from the danger of opening that plastic bottle of water to look around himself and see what real heros do every day without feeling the need for fanfare and public adulation.
Just one man's take on something he read about this past week.
Marcus
Saturday, December 14, 2013
One long week ahead of me.....
December 14/13
So this morning my son left for a week in Mexico with his mom, her boyfriend, and my daughter.
Now under our custody agreement we go one week on and one week off with our son but I almost always still see him at some point during my off week whether it be for a soccer or hockey game, so this week is going to be really tough as I can't remember the last time I went more than 4 days without seeing him.
Before anyone gets up in arms about my only commenting about missing my son rest assured I don't miss him more than her but the truth of the matter is that at 24 she is far more independent and has such an incredibly busy life that a week can go by where I don't see her, though we will chat via phone or text so I know who the current boyfriend is or what her puppy Benji has been up to lately.
I enjoy my time with my son as well as my "me" time as they both offer time doing things I enjoy. When it is time with my son you might find us seeing a movie, grabbing lunch at his favourite place - East Side Mario's, or having a Wii night with some serious battles in tennis, basketball, baseball, bowling, and even archery.
When it is my "me" time, I'll run errands, take in a movie, do some reading, research music, and on the odd occasion that my dating profile actually pays off, maybe meet someone for a drink.
Now with this week being close to month end and year end I'm sure to be busy at work so that will help keep me occupied for a bit, I'll probably do some final Christmas shopping, and maybe even get the basement cleaned up like I've been promising to do for weeks now. Hey, I'm not perfect lol
The one constant this week will be Moki the Wonder Puppy. Granted at almost 2 years and 4 months she can't really be called a puppy anymore, I'm going to refer to her that way as she'll always act like one, just as I hoped when we brought her home back in October 2011. When my son is with me she can be found fairly close to him as they have a great bond and when it is just me here at the house, well she is usually not too far away. As I write this in my home office I can look to my left and see her laying on her side in the hallway, every now and than opening her eyes to check on me.
It is funny to watch her in the morning when we first get moving as my son likes to take his shower when I take her for her walk and than he closes his bedroom door when he gets out and takes what he likes to call "a little rest". Well the closed door does not sit well with Moki and I wish I could somehow describe the look on her face when she gets to it at the end of the hallway upon our return home. Imagine the most hurt look a dog can give you when you've played some trick on it and than factor that up by 100 and you'll be a quarter way there to the look she sends my way for the closed door, like somehow I've conspired against her....maybe if the little bed hog didn't curl up into a ball right in the middle of the bed he'd let her in sometimes lol
Today as I was sitting on the couch she jumped off the back of it from her prime spot used to monitor everything going on in the house to come sit in my lap and laid her head down on my stomach, looking up at me with the saddest eyes. I rubbed behind her ears and told her I knew how she felt as I was missing the boy as well, whereupon she raised her head, jumped off the couch and an down to his room, only to return a moment later looking even more bummed out.
It dawned on me that even though I'm going to miss my son like crazy it will come nowhere near what Moki is going to feel this week, so now I've got to keep my head up and give her lots of attention in order to help her get through the week. Over the course of the last year Moki has gone from being my dog to our dog to his dog.
So given how cold it is right now, -18 with a wind chill of -30, guess I'll go grab something to drink, find a movie to watch on Netflix, and go and let Moki know she isn't alone.
Wishing everyone a great Saturday night and hopefully a warm one to boot :)
Marcus
So this morning my son left for a week in Mexico with his mom, her boyfriend, and my daughter.
Now under our custody agreement we go one week on and one week off with our son but I almost always still see him at some point during my off week whether it be for a soccer or hockey game, so this week is going to be really tough as I can't remember the last time I went more than 4 days without seeing him.
Before anyone gets up in arms about my only commenting about missing my son rest assured I don't miss him more than her but the truth of the matter is that at 24 she is far more independent and has such an incredibly busy life that a week can go by where I don't see her, though we will chat via phone or text so I know who the current boyfriend is or what her puppy Benji has been up to lately.
I enjoy my time with my son as well as my "me" time as they both offer time doing things I enjoy. When it is time with my son you might find us seeing a movie, grabbing lunch at his favourite place - East Side Mario's, or having a Wii night with some serious battles in tennis, basketball, baseball, bowling, and even archery.
When it is my "me" time, I'll run errands, take in a movie, do some reading, research music, and on the odd occasion that my dating profile actually pays off, maybe meet someone for a drink.
Now with this week being close to month end and year end I'm sure to be busy at work so that will help keep me occupied for a bit, I'll probably do some final Christmas shopping, and maybe even get the basement cleaned up like I've been promising to do for weeks now. Hey, I'm not perfect lol
The one constant this week will be Moki the Wonder Puppy. Granted at almost 2 years and 4 months she can't really be called a puppy anymore, I'm going to refer to her that way as she'll always act like one, just as I hoped when we brought her home back in October 2011. When my son is with me she can be found fairly close to him as they have a great bond and when it is just me here at the house, well she is usually not too far away. As I write this in my home office I can look to my left and see her laying on her side in the hallway, every now and than opening her eyes to check on me.
It is funny to watch her in the morning when we first get moving as my son likes to take his shower when I take her for her walk and than he closes his bedroom door when he gets out and takes what he likes to call "a little rest". Well the closed door does not sit well with Moki and I wish I could somehow describe the look on her face when she gets to it at the end of the hallway upon our return home. Imagine the most hurt look a dog can give you when you've played some trick on it and than factor that up by 100 and you'll be a quarter way there to the look she sends my way for the closed door, like somehow I've conspired against her....maybe if the little bed hog didn't curl up into a ball right in the middle of the bed he'd let her in sometimes lol
Today as I was sitting on the couch she jumped off the back of it from her prime spot used to monitor everything going on in the house to come sit in my lap and laid her head down on my stomach, looking up at me with the saddest eyes. I rubbed behind her ears and told her I knew how she felt as I was missing the boy as well, whereupon she raised her head, jumped off the couch and an down to his room, only to return a moment later looking even more bummed out.
It dawned on me that even though I'm going to miss my son like crazy it will come nowhere near what Moki is going to feel this week, so now I've got to keep my head up and give her lots of attention in order to help her get through the week. Over the course of the last year Moki has gone from being my dog to our dog to his dog.
So given how cold it is right now, -18 with a wind chill of -30, guess I'll go grab something to drink, find a movie to watch on Netflix, and go and let Moki know she isn't alone.
Wishing everyone a great Saturday night and hopefully a warm one to boot :)
Marcus
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Something is going on and I can't quite put my finger on it....yet
December 11/13
December is always a tough month for me as it is my mom's birthday month and a reminder of something I've lost, the month my son almost died, and while Xmas is a joyous occassion with smiles and laughter, it is also lonely at times as my kids will spend Christmas Eve and morning with one parent and than Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other. Now this arrangement works well as it allows both my ex and I to spend time with our children but it also leaves a bit of a hole inside me when they depart or I'm alone on the Eve.....this year I'm the Eve and morning parent :)
But I have to admit that there is something else going on with me that I can't quite put my finger on yet. What is going on?
I'm extremley emotional these past few days.....literally almost anything leaves me battling back tears.
I see a great video about someone doing some random act of kindness and I want to cry.
I watch the HBO movie "Taking Change" and I want to cry.
I see a friends posting about the movie "Love Actually: and I want to cry.
I talk to a former g/f and learn she is getting married and expecting a child in the New Year and I want to cry....I know it isn't due to any sense of loss as we ended for all the right reasons and both were completely ok with the parting....but yet I still feel like crying
As I sit here writing this entry my eyes are misting up....
Maybe this might be a clue as to why I'm still single.........lol
Guess I'll be looking to see my doctor soon if things don't change as I really can't go through life fighting back tears now can I?
I'm perfectly fine with showing such emotions and don't think it reflects poorly on my masculinity in the least......but the ability to turn on the water works so easily is rather disturbing..........
Have you ever experienced such a thing before?
Dec 12/13 Side Note - a friend who reads the blog texted me that every 60 seconds spent feeling sad is a minute of life lost and suggested I go and hug Moki the Wonder Puppy to snap out of this funk.
I really don't feel sad at all....just feel like crying......strange......
On the way to drop my son off at school this morning I mentioned this cool WestJet YouTube video they created about being a secret Santa for two flights of passengers and as I told him about it I had to stop two times as I could feel myself choking up....he noticed and didn't say a word but as he got out of the car he leaned over and said what they did was pretty cool and it was ok to feel something inside about it and he got why I responded the way I did.........
December is always a tough month for me as it is my mom's birthday month and a reminder of something I've lost, the month my son almost died, and while Xmas is a joyous occassion with smiles and laughter, it is also lonely at times as my kids will spend Christmas Eve and morning with one parent and than Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other. Now this arrangement works well as it allows both my ex and I to spend time with our children but it also leaves a bit of a hole inside me when they depart or I'm alone on the Eve.....this year I'm the Eve and morning parent :)
But I have to admit that there is something else going on with me that I can't quite put my finger on yet. What is going on?
I'm extremley emotional these past few days.....literally almost anything leaves me battling back tears.
I see a great video about someone doing some random act of kindness and I want to cry.
I watch the HBO movie "Taking Change" and I want to cry.
I see a friends posting about the movie "Love Actually: and I want to cry.
I talk to a former g/f and learn she is getting married and expecting a child in the New Year and I want to cry....I know it isn't due to any sense of loss as we ended for all the right reasons and both were completely ok with the parting....but yet I still feel like crying
As I sit here writing this entry my eyes are misting up....
Maybe this might be a clue as to why I'm still single.........lol
Guess I'll be looking to see my doctor soon if things don't change as I really can't go through life fighting back tears now can I?
I'm perfectly fine with showing such emotions and don't think it reflects poorly on my masculinity in the least......but the ability to turn on the water works so easily is rather disturbing..........
Have you ever experienced such a thing before?
Dec 12/13 Side Note - a friend who reads the blog texted me that every 60 seconds spent feeling sad is a minute of life lost and suggested I go and hug Moki the Wonder Puppy to snap out of this funk.
I really don't feel sad at all....just feel like crying......strange......
On the way to drop my son off at school this morning I mentioned this cool WestJet YouTube video they created about being a secret Santa for two flights of passengers and as I told him about it I had to stop two times as I could feel myself choking up....he noticed and didn't say a word but as he got out of the car he leaned over and said what they did was pretty cool and it was ok to feel something inside about it and he got why I responded the way I did.........
Monday, December 9, 2013
19 Signs You're Doing Better than You Think
December 09/13
Saturday I had the pleasure of watching my son help an elderly couple load groceries into their car and take the empty cart to the shopping cart collection point. When the old man tried to give him money for helping he politely declined and wished them both happy holidays. When he got to our car he saw me smiling at him and said "What?".....I didn't reply and just gave him a hug and smiled to myself at how fortunate I am in life.
Moments like that make me realize that no matter what else I do in life I've helped raise a caring and wonderful young man!!!!
Marcus
- You are alive.
- You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.
- You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.
- You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.
- You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.
- You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
- You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.
- You had a choice of what clothes to wear.
- You haven’t feared for your life today.
- You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.
- You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.
- You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.
- You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.
- You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.
- You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’
- You have access to clean drinking water.
- You have access to medical care.
- You have access to the Internet.
- You can read.
Saturday I had the pleasure of watching my son help an elderly couple load groceries into their car and take the empty cart to the shopping cart collection point. When the old man tried to give him money for helping he politely declined and wished them both happy holidays. When he got to our car he saw me smiling at him and said "What?".....I didn't reply and just gave him a hug and smiled to myself at how fortunate I am in life.
Moments like that make me realize that no matter what else I do in life I've helped raise a caring and wonderful young man!!!!
Marcus
Sunday, December 1, 2013
A hug out of the blue that meant so much.
December 01/13
So as I've written more than once in the past, I'm a soccer coach and have been one on and off since 1996 starting with my daughter and transitioning over to my son's teams back in 2011.
Over the course of all those years I've had some amazing teams and some that left me scratching my head in wonder as to why I ever got involved in coaching - spoiler alert, my ex volunteered me lol
Back in 2012 I had probably one of the best teams I've ever coached, they won 16 of 17 games and the only blemish was a tie that was literally given to the other team by an incompetent referee - not my words but the coach from the other team who felt we had been robbed, nice to see sportsmanship alive and well :)
My 2012 team was strong across the board with one exception. We were assigned a player who we'll call M, now M has Aspergers Syndrome and according to his mom hadn't really enjoyed soccer prior to that season. I took it as a challenge to make sure he improved and had the best season of his young career but than went one step further when I tasked my son and two other players with looking out for M. I thought that if J, Z, and L all showed the team how much they cared about M that they would buy in as well and help him have a great season. As testimony to the kind of young men they all were, the season became a challenge to get M a goal, one they used set plays, trick plays, and wanted him left on the pitch for as long as he could run all in the desire to see him score. Now I'd love to say we got M his goal that season but we didn't, not for lack of trying that's for damned sure.
When the 2013 team list came out sure enough there was M assigned to my team once more. When I mentioned this to Chris, my assistant coach, he laughed and said the league must know how much M needs us in order to have a good season and I thought for a moment and said maybe what they know is how much I need M in order to be a good coach. Chris asked me what I meant and I said that having M around made me feel like a better coach in that it wasn`t all about the wins and goals anymore.
This season we were able to get M his first goal, well M did most of the work himself and I`ve posted before about the reaction we shared and the tears I let fall freely without any conscious thought.
Seems that the players from that 2012 team who advanced on to play in the U15/16 age division kept tabs on M and his progress as on Friday I was reminded about my challenge to those 3 players when I bumped into L when I stopped to buy some milk.
As I was coming out of the Quickie, L was coming down the sidewalk and when he saw me this huge smile lit his face up and instead of taking my outstretched hand for a handshake he wrapped both arms around me in a huge hug and said ``Way to go coach getting M his goal`` At first I was a little confused but soon realized what he meant and tried to explain how it was all M with some effort from J & Z to set him up (J being my son and Z being my assistant`s son). He smiled and said that might be true but my talk with them about taking M under their wings was what set it all in motion and made each of them realize what a special opportunity they had to do something nice for another person. We chatted for a moment and than went our separate ways, leaving me feeling a bit better on a somewhat cold and dreary night.
When I saw my son today as we helped his sister move into her own place he asked me if I`d cried any lately with a twinkle in his eye. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him and asked why that question and he said L had texted him on Friday to let him know he`d run into me and gave me a huge hug for M`s goal and to make sure he let me know there were still a few more players from the 2012 team looking to reward me for making M`s season............
There are times I despair at what I see when watching teenagers and than there are times like these when I know all it takes is some time and effort to help them realize the potential they all have inside.
With hockey now in full swing the odds are good that those other players will find me long before December comes to a close and while I know each meeting will result in some tears on my part, I can't wait for a couple more hugs as these young men express some joy in seeing another person succeed. All is not lost with our youth...as long as they turn out like these gentlemen have, things don't look too bad for us.........
So as I've written more than once in the past, I'm a soccer coach and have been one on and off since 1996 starting with my daughter and transitioning over to my son's teams back in 2011.
Over the course of all those years I've had some amazing teams and some that left me scratching my head in wonder as to why I ever got involved in coaching - spoiler alert, my ex volunteered me lol
Back in 2012 I had probably one of the best teams I've ever coached, they won 16 of 17 games and the only blemish was a tie that was literally given to the other team by an incompetent referee - not my words but the coach from the other team who felt we had been robbed, nice to see sportsmanship alive and well :)
My 2012 team was strong across the board with one exception. We were assigned a player who we'll call M, now M has Aspergers Syndrome and according to his mom hadn't really enjoyed soccer prior to that season. I took it as a challenge to make sure he improved and had the best season of his young career but than went one step further when I tasked my son and two other players with looking out for M. I thought that if J, Z, and L all showed the team how much they cared about M that they would buy in as well and help him have a great season. As testimony to the kind of young men they all were, the season became a challenge to get M a goal, one they used set plays, trick plays, and wanted him left on the pitch for as long as he could run all in the desire to see him score. Now I'd love to say we got M his goal that season but we didn't, not for lack of trying that's for damned sure.
When the 2013 team list came out sure enough there was M assigned to my team once more. When I mentioned this to Chris, my assistant coach, he laughed and said the league must know how much M needs us in order to have a good season and I thought for a moment and said maybe what they know is how much I need M in order to be a good coach. Chris asked me what I meant and I said that having M around made me feel like a better coach in that it wasn`t all about the wins and goals anymore.
This season we were able to get M his first goal, well M did most of the work himself and I`ve posted before about the reaction we shared and the tears I let fall freely without any conscious thought.
Seems that the players from that 2012 team who advanced on to play in the U15/16 age division kept tabs on M and his progress as on Friday I was reminded about my challenge to those 3 players when I bumped into L when I stopped to buy some milk.
As I was coming out of the Quickie, L was coming down the sidewalk and when he saw me this huge smile lit his face up and instead of taking my outstretched hand for a handshake he wrapped both arms around me in a huge hug and said ``Way to go coach getting M his goal`` At first I was a little confused but soon realized what he meant and tried to explain how it was all M with some effort from J & Z to set him up (J being my son and Z being my assistant`s son). He smiled and said that might be true but my talk with them about taking M under their wings was what set it all in motion and made each of them realize what a special opportunity they had to do something nice for another person. We chatted for a moment and than went our separate ways, leaving me feeling a bit better on a somewhat cold and dreary night.
When I saw my son today as we helped his sister move into her own place he asked me if I`d cried any lately with a twinkle in his eye. I stopped what I was doing and looked at him and asked why that question and he said L had texted him on Friday to let him know he`d run into me and gave me a huge hug for M`s goal and to make sure he let me know there were still a few more players from the 2012 team looking to reward me for making M`s season............
There are times I despair at what I see when watching teenagers and than there are times like these when I know all it takes is some time and effort to help them realize the potential they all have inside.
With hockey now in full swing the odds are good that those other players will find me long before December comes to a close and while I know each meeting will result in some tears on my part, I can't wait for a couple more hugs as these young men express some joy in seeing another person succeed. All is not lost with our youth...as long as they turn out like these gentlemen have, things don't look too bad for us.........
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