Something is going on and I can't quite put my finger on it....yet

December 11/13

December is always a tough month for me as it is my mom's birthday month and a reminder of something I've lost, the month my son almost died, and while Xmas is a joyous occassion with smiles and laughter, it is also lonely at times as my kids will spend Christmas Eve and morning with one parent and than Christmas afternoon and Boxing Day with the other. Now this arrangement works well as it allows both my ex and I to spend time with our children but it also leaves a bit of a hole inside me when they depart or I'm alone on the Eve.....this year I'm the Eve and morning parent :)

But I have to admit that there is something else going on with me that I can't quite put my finger on yet. What is going on?

I'm extremley emotional these past few days.....literally almost anything leaves me battling back tears.

I see a great video about someone doing some random act of kindness and I want to cry.

I watch the HBO movie "Taking Change" and I want to cry.

I see a friends posting about the movie "Love Actually: and I want to cry.

I talk to a former g/f and learn she is getting married and expecting a child in the New Year and I want to cry....I know it isn't due to any sense of loss as we ended for all the right reasons and both were completely ok with the parting....but yet I still feel like crying

As I sit here writing this entry my eyes are misting up....

Maybe this might be a clue as to why I'm still single.........lol

Guess I'll be looking to see my doctor soon if things don't change as I really can't go through life fighting back tears now can I?

I'm perfectly fine with showing such emotions and don't think it reflects poorly on my masculinity in the least......but the ability to turn on the water works so easily is rather disturbing..........

Have you ever experienced such a thing before?

Dec 12/13 Side Note - a friend who reads the blog texted me that every 60 seconds spent feeling sad is a minute of life lost and suggested I go and hug Moki the Wonder Puppy to snap out of this funk.

I really don't feel sad at all....just feel like crying......strange......

On the way to drop my son off at school this morning I mentioned this cool WestJet YouTube video they created about being a secret Santa for two flights of passengers and as I told him about it I had to stop two times as I could feel myself choking up....he noticed and didn't say a word but as he got out of the car he leaned over and said what they did was pretty cool and it was ok to feel something inside about it and he got why I responded the way I did.........