Be Strong & Willing to Let Go

October 31/15

I wish this blog entry was a scary story triggered by Halloween but unfortunately it's not.

Sometimes that which you fear the most comes true....not because it was going to happen but because you obsessed about it and made it a self fulfilling prophecy.

I managed to do that with my relationship with C this week and now I don't have one any longer.

This one was totally on me and I accept complete blame for what happened.

I was so worried about getting hurt that I saw things that weren't there, compared myself to people she associated with and found myself falling short when that very difference was partially what she liked the most about me, and in the end shut down communications when they were needed most in an attempt to make her show me I mattered to her..........

I did matter to her.....I know that but the insecure me needed to hear it more often lately and it does get wearing on a person after a while.

C rocks completely. She is the total package of looks, brains, and charm.  She has her own interests and indulged me with my addiction to golf....I think she actually encouraged it a bit and that is pretty rare to say the least.

I think I'm mature enough to give her some space and maybe at some point she'll give me/us another chance........if not it's my loss as she does make me a better me and I'll continue down that path as I sort of like the transformation she started me on the last year or so..........

Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself and let the past be just that, the past, so it doesn't come back and bite you in the ass. I wasn't able to do that and have the teeth marks to show for it now.

Life is like a long term university course that doesn't often offer a do over....sometimes you've got to study hard and other times you need to let loose and experience what it has to offer.

I'm taking an F on this phase of the course but will do my best to learn from it and hopefully get that grade up really soon.