Thursday, June 22/17
So I can say with all honesty that the last 7 to 10 days have been a bit trying for a number of reasons, both good and bad.
It started with my central air pretty much giving up the ghost back on June 10th, just in time for the weather to turn hot. Temps in my house were hitting close to 88 on the main level and that meant that I was pretty much living in the man cave as it was quite a bit cooler down there as well as leaving Moki down in the laundry room in order to protect her from the heat while I was at work. Now before anyone gets upset at the thought of the wonder puppy in the laundry room while I was gone let me assure you it wasn't all that bad as I had her big pillow set up, lots of food, water, tonnes of her toys, and left the radio on for her as well as positioning her crate so it blocked the door and let her see out into the man cave and some natural light. I don't like having her down there but the alternative was to risk her health with the extreme heat and that wasn't something I was even going to contemplate.
This was followed up with the information about the ceremony for C's position and the endless advice I received from friends and family on what I should do with this information. The majority was to go up and watch the ceremony and maybe see if the connection could somehow be rekindled, with the minority just telling me to let sleeping dogs lay. I was torn and didn't make my final decision until the drive to my daughters place to celebrate Father's Day. Now my daughter wasn't aware of the situation until her brother opened that can of worms for me by telling her "Guess what dad is thinking of doing tomorrow?" as she opened the door for us........
As he told her what was going on the look in her eyes was enough to tell me it was time to cut those strings once and for all and the decision was easily made to stay away. I'd pretty much made that call before this little impromptu discussion as my going up would have only been for myself and not benefited C in the least. I remember something she told me when she made the move up the valley to take on the position back in 2015, that the ceremony was more for the person giving up the position than the person taking it on, that means it was about her and her getting to celebrate the last two years honing her skills doing what she has spent her entire career trying to achieve, and it was not in me to even bring a small bit of doubt to her day. I'm pretty sure I could have been very unobtrusive and remained in the background but it would have taken only a glimpse to possibly make something so special just a tad bit less special for her and that is something I would never knowingly do.
I had already booked off the week of the 19th as my son has his final exams that week and I wanted to be around to offer him support and encouragement as he has tended to get really stressed during this week, more often than not unnecessarily as he puts too much pressure on himself.
So Monday instead of driving up the valley I drove down to Smith Falls to play a course ranked in the top 50 in Canada in an attempt to keep my mind occupied. For the most part it worked and I played one of my best rounds of the year but it didn't happen without one hiccup.
It seems that when I was pulling some tees and the divot repair tool C gave me on the first tee box that I somehow knocked the ball maker off of it and didn't find this out till I went to mark my ball on the first green. I was pretty upset and viewed this as some form of karma for not going up to see what was happening at the ceremony. I got myself settled and I think just let everything I was feeling out on the drive I launched on the 11th hole as the two guys I was playing with just watched the ball and than looked at me and asked what or who the hell was I so mad at as I think the ball literally exploded off my driver and ended up about 325 yards away dead straight now the middle of the fairway of a long par 5....by far the longest drive I've ever managed playing this game over the last 25 plus years and it seemed to be what I needed as I seemed to calm down after that and felt the most at ease that I have over the last week or so. Golf really is my zen and I need to remember that going forward when things aren't going like I would hope.
Tuesday was all about getting the new A/C installed. Turned out to be an all day process and let me spend a lot of time catching up on some reading. By 6 pm my place was bearable and everyone got a good nights sleep.
Wednesday was his first exam and while he was sitting for it I met my daughter at a local gymnastics spot and got to spend sometime with my most awesome grandson. I had shaved and trimmed my goatee as I think it was confusing him as he'd been crying the last few times he saw me leaving me feeling a bit sad but the new look seems to do the trick as he was very chatty and full of smiles as we goofed around on a trampoline. We hit Costco after wards to stock up on some supplies as this Sunday is his baptism and there is going to be a large party once it's over. I also got in another round of golf and still managed to BBQ some steaks for dinner as my son moved onto studying for today's data management exam.
Now today started off on a very weird note as I awoke @ 6:30 to see the following text on my cell that seemed to come in around 1 this morning while I slept "Hey, Why didn't it work out? What did you do?"
Nothing too strange about the text itself as it could cover any number of stupid things I've done over the last year or so but for the fact that it showed as coming from a number and not someone actually in my contacts. You can imagine the thoughts that went through my mind as I lay there in bed wondering who sent me the text.
I replied with "Who is this?" and got a response back around 9 saying "Sorry, wrong number"
I thought about it for a moment before sending "Are you sure? Those questions seem to be right up my alley given events in my life" and was rewarded with "Pretty sure, nobody could fuck up as bad as my cousin did" and this got me to send "Again, not so sure as you've never met me lol"
As it turns out Ashley's cousin did manage to fuck up worse than I ever could by getting caught screwing his fiance's best friend one week before the big day. I feel bad for the bride to be but it's also nice to know that I'm not the only guy who has managed to fuck up a perfectly good relationship.
Seems I've also picked up a new friend in Ashley who has been texting me off and on all day. From dark clouds come forth silver linings.
So once my son was off to his exam I went and played some more golf before meeting my daughter at Chapters and buying some books for my grandson, hoping he is as into books as his grandfather and so looking forward to reading him some bedtime stories, especially on New Years Eve as I'm already lined up to babysit him while his mom goes to a friends wedding.
So my week off has been all about getting a new A/C, being there to help my son any way he needed while taking exams, getting to see my daughter and grandson, while dealing with the last vestiges of a failed relationship. With C's move to D.C. coming up it will also mean I won't have to worry about bumping into her in the west end, something that was in the back of my mind.
I ended my day with a viewing of one of my favourite movies, one that makes me optimistic that love might be out there waiting for me to open my eyes.......Love Actually
My name is Marcus and most times I'm in control but sometimes life gets to me and I doubt what my future holds relationship wise. Even as I experience these moments I try and be the best parent, friend, and golfer possible as I search for my one, the imperfectly perfect woman who will make me smile and feel butterflies once again :)
I had a different song in mind for today's musical suggestion but as I was writing this entry I was listening to some music videos on YouTube and came across this one.....Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield and think it pretty much sums up my feelings at the moment
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