Wednesday, November 13/19
So as I've mentioned in a prior blog entry, I've once again entered the dating pool to see if lady luck might look favorably on me and maybe, just possibly, let me bump into the one who is imperfectly perfect for me.
Now I've been chatting with someone named Steph and had some hope that things might work out for us.
Yes, you read that correctly, had some hope, purely in the past tense.
So why the past tense you ask? Good question and one that leaves me wondering just what the hell I'm doing wrong.
We started chatting at the end of September but weren't able to meet as she was leaving shortly on a business trip to Europe that was going to last slightly over a week. Not the end of the world and totally understandable, she works for a crown corporation in a high-level capacity so travel comes part and parcel with the job, something I'm completely okay as I understand the demands a position like hers might make.
The trip wasn't the reason we are past tense.
No, it seemed like there was always a reason we couldn't meet, some meeting, some social obligation, some volunteer project, her own renovation, or any number of things that seemed to always come between us actually getting together.
When she got back from her trip she came down with a wicked cold, then Thanksgiving came up, then her daughter was with her for the following week. Are you seeing a trend here, I wish I had seen it sooner than this past weekend as I might have saved myself some time.
Sunday morning rolled around and she sent me a text asking me what I was up to and I said not much, probably hit the gym, maybe a little Christmas shopping, and then be home for the Packers game against Carolina. She said that sounded like fun, she was having some friends and family over for the late games, sort of sounded like she might ask me over to join them, but I was wrong. She did send me some pictures of the gathering and said she thought of asking me over but wasn't sure how I would feel so didn't follow through.
Monday night she texted me she was rearranging things in her new place as she had new furniture being delivered on Tuesday and it was really hard doing so by herself, again making it sound like a hint to offer to help out, which I did only to be told she would love to have the help but she was sweaty and didn't want me seeing her like that. She did say she might have some free time this week or weekend to meet for a drink though.
Last night was another series of texts about her needing to go and buy a new television for her family room as her kids felt the house needed something better than she had. She asked me questions about what she should look for in a new one and I offered to meet her at the places she was going to shop but once again got a subtle brush off.
So now you can imagine how I was feeling, I mean how many times can a person hint about meeting only to shoot down any offers. It got me thinking and I did some research and realized we'd been doing this whole back and forth thing for almost 50 days. FIFTY days.......like what the fuck!!!
So this afternoon I received a message from someone asking if I'd like to meet for a drink after work and I agreed as I was tired of waiting around for Steph to either fish or cut bait once again.
As I was shutting down my laptop and getting ready to leave for drinks I got a text from Steph asking if I was busy tonight. I responded to let her know I had plans and was meeting someone for drinks.
"Are you fucking kidding me? is this some lame attempt to make me jealous?" was the reply she sent almost immediately.
"No to both questions" was my initial response followed up with "We didn't have plans for tonight and I think waiting 50 days to meet was long enough"
"I can't believe you would do this to me" was her next text
"What do you mean bu 'do this to you?', it's not like we are even dating, that sort of requires us to meet now and again".
"Steph, I get it that you lead a busy life but I'm not sure you have the time to really date someone and have it develop into a relationship. I'm at the point where I'd like to rank in the top 3 priorities in a partners life and don't see that happening with you, I wish you nothing but the best but don't see any reason to continue our text relationship any longer"
Her last response was "You are so fucking unreasonable, how could you ever expect someone to just drop everything to meet you whenever the mood strikes you!!!!"
Now that one actually made me burst out laughing as I'm the last person to expect anyone to drop plans and see me, if anything I'm actually way too understanding and almost always put myself last in a relationship and adjust my own plans to accommodate them.
I know there is a wide degree of times to work from when you first meet someone you've been chatting with on a dating site, pretty sure one doesn't run off within the first hour and I'm equally sure you shouldn't be stringing the other party along for almost two months.
I readily admit most of the fault with this situation rests with me as I willing to be put off time and time again. Something that won't happen again moving forward.
My own history tends to be a couple of days of maybe texting and a phone call before arranging to meet for drinks or dinner.
So here is my question, really questions......
What is an acceptable time frame before agreeing to meet for the first time?
Does it always have to be the guy to make the request?
I'd love to hear back what you think about this particular post and your own expectations around when is the right time to meet face to face.
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures in dating, parenting, working, and trying to master the perfect 8 iron from 135 yards. Some are funny and some are kind of sad, not sure if today's blog doesn't qualify as both funny and sad.
As always comments, questions, and complaints can be sent to ooasm2018@gmail.com and you are about 98.735% guaranteed to get a response back within 2-3 non-business days
Today's musical suggestion seems pretty appropriate given the topic of the blog "I Want You to Want Me" by Cheap Trick. Sometimes even I can hit a lob ball out of the park lol.
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