Monday, March 25/19
Tried going into work today but that was a huge mistake on my part.
Sitting in a 9 am bank reconciliation meeting and was asked if I felt well as I looked really pale, laughed it off.
Started to go to the 10 am weekly IT meeting and had a coughing attack so bad that it made the CFO turn to me and tell me "Your cough hurts my chest, go home, go home now!"
So home I went but until I made an appointment at my family doctor for 4:15 pm.
As I entered the house my son was heading out to his first class and looked up in surprise at seeing me in the doorway but after one look he stopped asking what I was doing home and grabbed me a bottled water from the fridge and pointed me down the hall to my room.
I slept nonstop from 10:45 to 3:30 and man was it the best.
My doctor told me I've got more congestion that she liked to hear in my chest and out me on some antibiotics to try and head off this developing into bronchitis or pneumonia.
I'm home on bed rest tomorrow and supposed to make an honest assessment of how I'm feeling on Wednesday morning. I'm actually crossing my fingers I'm feeling well enough to go back to work as I feel like a free loader taking sick days when I can be there helping with the year end close.
My name is Marcus and experience has told me to never mess around when feeling sick - get attention and follow the directions.
Nothing musical comes to mind but that might just be because all my senses are sort of messed up at the moment.
You can reach the blogger, that's me, at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, March 25, 2019
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Hit by the Flu
Sunday, March 24/19
So the lack of blog entries is entirely related to me being crushed by a bout with the flu.
Crushed to the extent that on Tuesday I thought I was going to die and on Wednesday I was wishing I would die due to the sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose, fever, aches and pains, and complete lack of appetite.
I think over the last week I've maybe slept about 3 straight hours before waking up with the worst cough, imagine that annoying person at the theatre who coughs all during the movie, the one who should have stayed home, well that was me minus the leaving the house.
So this weekend has been about getting lots of rest and trying to shake the last of the symptoms as this coming week is the last before year end and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on call next weekend to help deal with system issues as we have to have all inventory related transactions posted before midnight on March 31st to get them to count as part of the fiscal year.
Yes, those of you who have followed the blog for a bit might sense something different with that last paragraph and I'll get more into it with an additional entry that I need to get vetted before posting.
My name is Marcus and getting the flu shot doesn't always mean avoiding the flu but hopefully it lessened the impact, least I hope it did.
Comments and questions are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So the lack of blog entries is entirely related to me being crushed by a bout with the flu.
Crushed to the extent that on Tuesday I thought I was going to die and on Wednesday I was wishing I would die due to the sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose, fever, aches and pains, and complete lack of appetite.
I think over the last week I've maybe slept about 3 straight hours before waking up with the worst cough, imagine that annoying person at the theatre who coughs all during the movie, the one who should have stayed home, well that was me minus the leaving the house.
So this weekend has been about getting lots of rest and trying to shake the last of the symptoms as this coming week is the last before year end and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on call next weekend to help deal with system issues as we have to have all inventory related transactions posted before midnight on March 31st to get them to count as part of the fiscal year.
Yes, those of you who have followed the blog for a bit might sense something different with that last paragraph and I'll get more into it with an additional entry that I need to get vetted before posting.
My name is Marcus and getting the flu shot doesn't always mean avoiding the flu but hopefully it lessened the impact, least I hope it did.
Comments and questions are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
The Goatee is Safe
Tuesday, March 12/19
So I've received a few emails since posting my entry comparing online dating to the wild west and all were about the one request to shave off my goatee so someone would meet me for the first time.
When I think back to that whole exchange I'm shocked someone would think themselves so entitled that they would expect another person to make such a change and also really amused that anyone over the age of 5 could act like that.
The one thing I can say with 100% certainty is there is only one person who has the power to get me to shave it off and his name is Jack, also called Baby Jack in some previous postings.
Yes, my grandson has that kind of power over me and one day when he has a sibling or my son produces a grandchild than they'll have that power as well. I know they won't use that power blindly and will respect that with such power comes a great responsibility, the responsibility to make sure grandpa doesn't look like an idiot too often.
So to everyone out there telling me to keep the goatee, which is always well trimmed I might add, take a breath and relax and to those few who suggested I mix it up and shave it off, well not going to happen as I can mix things up without such drastic measures to my appearance.
Miss Wanda, thanks for words of encouragement and I'll admit I'm sure I've spoken about Corinne on the first few attempts to date after the breakup so I sympathize with you on your own experience and with him for his feelings.
Daylight savings means that golf isn't that far away, can you just imagine how excited I'm getting?
My name is Marcus and the goatee stays for now, right Jack?
Observations and questions can be directed to ooasm2018@gmail.com
So I've received a few emails since posting my entry comparing online dating to the wild west and all were about the one request to shave off my goatee so someone would meet me for the first time.
When I think back to that whole exchange I'm shocked someone would think themselves so entitled that they would expect another person to make such a change and also really amused that anyone over the age of 5 could act like that.
The one thing I can say with 100% certainty is there is only one person who has the power to get me to shave it off and his name is Jack, also called Baby Jack in some previous postings.
Yes, my grandson has that kind of power over me and one day when he has a sibling or my son produces a grandchild than they'll have that power as well. I know they won't use that power blindly and will respect that with such power comes a great responsibility, the responsibility to make sure grandpa doesn't look like an idiot too often.
So to everyone out there telling me to keep the goatee, which is always well trimmed I might add, take a breath and relax and to those few who suggested I mix it up and shave it off, well not going to happen as I can mix things up without such drastic measures to my appearance.
Miss Wanda, thanks for words of encouragement and I'll admit I'm sure I've spoken about Corinne on the first few attempts to date after the breakup so I sympathize with you on your own experience and with him for his feelings.
Daylight savings means that golf isn't that far away, can you just imagine how excited I'm getting?
My name is Marcus and the goatee stays for now, right Jack?
Observations and questions can be directed to ooasm2018@gmail.com
How Much Do We Share..........
Saturday, March 09/19
So I've been asked numerous times over the last few years how I come up with the topics I write blogs about and my answer has been consistent that they come from things that happen to me, that I see around me, and that I read about.
Today's blog is one such example as it came to me as I was sitting on the couch with Moki curled up in my lap while reading a story on my iPad this morning.
Total disclosure I was reading "Taking it Easy" by Erin Nicholas. To save you the trouble I'll go ahead right now and confess it is a romantic story and yes, that does mean I'm still reading them, actually haven't really stopped since this time last year, if I really think about it I'd say I've probably read a couple of hundred by now, enjoying every single one of them too!
Okay, enough about my not so secret vice and onto the blog entry.........
I'm not going to do a whole outline of the story other than to say it involves two people who end up together due to unforeseen circumstances who realize they don't know as much about each other as people who've been dating for a little while would and her worry about how much does she share about her prior relationship.
So that is my question......how much do you share about prior relationships with your current partner and how soon or long do you wait before sharing things, how deep does the sharing go, and if you really feel like they are the one for you, do you hold anything back.........
Lots to ponder there right?
I can only speak from my own experiences being married twice and in what I'd call 2.5 other serious relationships outside of marriage.
I can't say there was much to share with my first wife as I'd only had a couple of high school girlfriends before her but I do know that I found it difficult at times to share my dreams and worries with her from about the mid point of our marriage till the end. I think it was about that time that I realized we weren't really meant for one another and it didn't make sense to open myself up to her and share what could be used against me later on. Now I know some will read that and say I was acting in a self-fulfilling way by not sharing with her and thus the inevitable end of our relationship was being hastened along, and maybe they're right, but I was the one in the relationship and knew we'd reached the point of no return with some of her comments and actions and wasn't willing to endure any more heartache and just cut my losses at that point.
I know I've blogged before how I left my first marriage with almost no self confidence and how Suzanne made me realize during our brief but rather intense relationship, the .5 of the 2.5 I've had for those wondering, that I was a far better man than I thought or was led to believe. But I only shared some superficial thoughts or experiences with Suzanne, maybe because I knew what we had was more transitory than either of us were willing to admit, and it didn't seem like something that needed to be done. I'll admit this one was more about the physical than anything else and I have no shame from any walks I made from her place the next morning and know for a fact she had a little hitch in her step and smile on her face when she made her own from my place.
Marriage number two was a little different in that my ex was pretty independent and had already been raising her daughter, soon to be my daughter, for almost five years before we started seeing one another. In some ways I rejoiced in her independence as it meant all the decision making wasn't being left up to me and in some ways that made it a little harder to share my experiences from the first marriage as in her eyes she couldn't see how someone would have put up with what I did for that many years, as she told me once "Bitch was crazy and didn't deserve the love" and she was right but I've not always been able to see such things so clearly. I shared more with her than I thought and yet at times it felt like I hadn't shared anything at all, sort of a strange statement to read but it really is how I felt most of the time. To this day I don't think I ever talked to her about Suzanne as I'm pretty sure that would have made her more than a little jealous to hear and I don't like playing games like that in the least. I don't think she was ever really worried I would stray but did let me know two times that she didn't like the way a couple of women would look at me or flirt, things I never noticed being mister oblivious lol
Karine was the first serious relationship post marriage and interesting for a number of reasons. First off was the fact that she lived on the Gatineau side of the river and was French Canadian. Neither of these things is bad but more out of the ordinary where I am concerned as I perfectly unilingual and never saw myself dating from the Quebec side. The second interesting fact was that she was the first time I'd dated someone ten years younger than myself, coupled with she had no children. We dated for about seven months and shared quite a bit with one another, including the fact that I was not adverse to having more children and she wasn't sure if she wanted to have any at all, exclusive of my son and daughter, who she never even met as I wasn't sure the time was right. Maybe that should be my litmus test on when the time is right to share the deep feelings or experiences, when I reach that point in time when I think meeting my kids is good is also the time to share deep things. Maybe that is backwards as what if we share things and find them so different from what we expect that we don't want them to meet our kids, interesting conundrum don't you think.
With Karine I can say I shared more and yet not enough as things sort of broke down between us when I started looking for a house to buy and didn't think to include her in the process, well from her perspective I should have included her, and it came up when I showed her the floor plans for one I was seriously considering making an offer on and she commented that she hadn't even seen it yet and it looked like there was only room for one car in the driveway. My response of "But I've only got one car" brought complete silence on the call and it was at that point I realized that we hadn't shared any thoughts whatsoever on where each of us saw things going. I saw us dating for another year or so before we came to the big decisions and she saw us at that point now and told me she'd been talking to a realtor about selling her place so she could help with a bigger down payment on the one we were going to buy and wasn't against living in Kanata as long as I promised to visit her family every couple of weekends in Montreal. Needless to say we both realized that while we enjoyed spending time with one another we hadn't felt the need to verbalize what we both were feeling and that probably wasn't an good indicator of how we'd do as a couple living together.
And then there was Corinne................
Of anyone I've let into my life I can honestly say I think I was the most open with her about things that had transpired with me before meeting her, I shared the good and the bad, and I'm pretty sure I was open about my hope for the future.
Hindsight says I might have been a too open on that future part as maybe my seeing us together as she transitioned through the various phases of her movements through her organization was what made her take a step back and say to herself "Oh, Hell No!"
I'm kidding with that last bit......mostly as I do wonder if my being open to talking about what might happen to us made her nervous as I'm sure not many guys would have been as open and honest about not minding following a partner around.
I don't think there was a subject we didn't talk about or were afraid to talk about if the moment called for it. Communicating wasn't really an issue with her and it was that way from the start with some really good conversations on the phone before we even met for the first time. I think it was that easy rapport that made the initial date, yes it was a date and not a meet-n-greet as it involved a meal, go so well and left neither one of us wanting it to end that chilly Saturday down in the market.
I think it's clear to see that I've run the gamut from not sharing enough to sharing everything important and maybe sharing too much too soon.
If I had to take one approach I'd follow the one I employed with Corinne but maybe leave out some of the thoughts about the future and let her more lead that aspect of the sharing so she would have been more comfortable.
How much do you share and why that amount?
My name is Marcus and I'm searching for my one but along the way I'm going to see what life brings me by way of new friends and adventures.
Today's musical suggestion is "Really Don't Care" by Postmodern Jukebox with Morgan James on lead vocals and the happiest guy I've ever seen on tambourine.
Watch the YouTube video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddjOiFcp9Y
As always, comments and questions are welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So I've been asked numerous times over the last few years how I come up with the topics I write blogs about and my answer has been consistent that they come from things that happen to me, that I see around me, and that I read about.
Today's blog is one such example as it came to me as I was sitting on the couch with Moki curled up in my lap while reading a story on my iPad this morning.
Total disclosure I was reading "Taking it Easy" by Erin Nicholas. To save you the trouble I'll go ahead right now and confess it is a romantic story and yes, that does mean I'm still reading them, actually haven't really stopped since this time last year, if I really think about it I'd say I've probably read a couple of hundred by now, enjoying every single one of them too!
Okay, enough about my not so secret vice and onto the blog entry.........
I'm not going to do a whole outline of the story other than to say it involves two people who end up together due to unforeseen circumstances who realize they don't know as much about each other as people who've been dating for a little while would and her worry about how much does she share about her prior relationship.
So that is my question......how much do you share about prior relationships with your current partner and how soon or long do you wait before sharing things, how deep does the sharing go, and if you really feel like they are the one for you, do you hold anything back.........
Lots to ponder there right?
I can only speak from my own experiences being married twice and in what I'd call 2.5 other serious relationships outside of marriage.
I can't say there was much to share with my first wife as I'd only had a couple of high school girlfriends before her but I do know that I found it difficult at times to share my dreams and worries with her from about the mid point of our marriage till the end. I think it was about that time that I realized we weren't really meant for one another and it didn't make sense to open myself up to her and share what could be used against me later on. Now I know some will read that and say I was acting in a self-fulfilling way by not sharing with her and thus the inevitable end of our relationship was being hastened along, and maybe they're right, but I was the one in the relationship and knew we'd reached the point of no return with some of her comments and actions and wasn't willing to endure any more heartache and just cut my losses at that point.
I know I've blogged before how I left my first marriage with almost no self confidence and how Suzanne made me realize during our brief but rather intense relationship, the .5 of the 2.5 I've had for those wondering, that I was a far better man than I thought or was led to believe. But I only shared some superficial thoughts or experiences with Suzanne, maybe because I knew what we had was more transitory than either of us were willing to admit, and it didn't seem like something that needed to be done. I'll admit this one was more about the physical than anything else and I have no shame from any walks I made from her place the next morning and know for a fact she had a little hitch in her step and smile on her face when she made her own from my place.
Marriage number two was a little different in that my ex was pretty independent and had already been raising her daughter, soon to be my daughter, for almost five years before we started seeing one another. In some ways I rejoiced in her independence as it meant all the decision making wasn't being left up to me and in some ways that made it a little harder to share my experiences from the first marriage as in her eyes she couldn't see how someone would have put up with what I did for that many years, as she told me once "Bitch was crazy and didn't deserve the love" and she was right but I've not always been able to see such things so clearly. I shared more with her than I thought and yet at times it felt like I hadn't shared anything at all, sort of a strange statement to read but it really is how I felt most of the time. To this day I don't think I ever talked to her about Suzanne as I'm pretty sure that would have made her more than a little jealous to hear and I don't like playing games like that in the least. I don't think she was ever really worried I would stray but did let me know two times that she didn't like the way a couple of women would look at me or flirt, things I never noticed being mister oblivious lol
Karine was the first serious relationship post marriage and interesting for a number of reasons. First off was the fact that she lived on the Gatineau side of the river and was French Canadian. Neither of these things is bad but more out of the ordinary where I am concerned as I perfectly unilingual and never saw myself dating from the Quebec side. The second interesting fact was that she was the first time I'd dated someone ten years younger than myself, coupled with she had no children. We dated for about seven months and shared quite a bit with one another, including the fact that I was not adverse to having more children and she wasn't sure if she wanted to have any at all, exclusive of my son and daughter, who she never even met as I wasn't sure the time was right. Maybe that should be my litmus test on when the time is right to share the deep feelings or experiences, when I reach that point in time when I think meeting my kids is good is also the time to share deep things. Maybe that is backwards as what if we share things and find them so different from what we expect that we don't want them to meet our kids, interesting conundrum don't you think.
With Karine I can say I shared more and yet not enough as things sort of broke down between us when I started looking for a house to buy and didn't think to include her in the process, well from her perspective I should have included her, and it came up when I showed her the floor plans for one I was seriously considering making an offer on and she commented that she hadn't even seen it yet and it looked like there was only room for one car in the driveway. My response of "But I've only got one car" brought complete silence on the call and it was at that point I realized that we hadn't shared any thoughts whatsoever on where each of us saw things going. I saw us dating for another year or so before we came to the big decisions and she saw us at that point now and told me she'd been talking to a realtor about selling her place so she could help with a bigger down payment on the one we were going to buy and wasn't against living in Kanata as long as I promised to visit her family every couple of weekends in Montreal. Needless to say we both realized that while we enjoyed spending time with one another we hadn't felt the need to verbalize what we both were feeling and that probably wasn't an good indicator of how we'd do as a couple living together.
And then there was Corinne................
Of anyone I've let into my life I can honestly say I think I was the most open with her about things that had transpired with me before meeting her, I shared the good and the bad, and I'm pretty sure I was open about my hope for the future.
Hindsight says I might have been a too open on that future part as maybe my seeing us together as she transitioned through the various phases of her movements through her organization was what made her take a step back and say to herself "Oh, Hell No!"
I'm kidding with that last bit......mostly as I do wonder if my being open to talking about what might happen to us made her nervous as I'm sure not many guys would have been as open and honest about not minding following a partner around.
I don't think there was a subject we didn't talk about or were afraid to talk about if the moment called for it. Communicating wasn't really an issue with her and it was that way from the start with some really good conversations on the phone before we even met for the first time. I think it was that easy rapport that made the initial date, yes it was a date and not a meet-n-greet as it involved a meal, go so well and left neither one of us wanting it to end that chilly Saturday down in the market.
I think it's clear to see that I've run the gamut from not sharing enough to sharing everything important and maybe sharing too much too soon.
If I had to take one approach I'd follow the one I employed with Corinne but maybe leave out some of the thoughts about the future and let her more lead that aspect of the sharing so she would have been more comfortable.
How much do you share and why that amount?
My name is Marcus and I'm searching for my one but along the way I'm going to see what life brings me by way of new friends and adventures.
Today's musical suggestion is "Really Don't Care" by Postmodern Jukebox with Morgan James on lead vocals and the happiest guy I've ever seen on tambourine.
Watch the YouTube video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddjOiFcp9Y
As always, comments and questions are welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Online Dating is Like The Wild, Wild West
Wednesday, March 06/19
So as I've previously mentioned in other posts, I've returned to the world of dating and reactivated an online account to help me meet new people.
The online dating world certainly has changed over the past few years as now it seems as if every other profile contains photo shopped pictures or pictures of 25 year old's on profiles saying they are 45-50 years old.
Because nobody is ever going to question that on a profile.........
But even though I find those facts alone to be a little disturbing, what is really offsetting is some of the messages I've received over the last few weeks.
I had one woman contact me telling me I had a well written profile that made her laugh, cute pictures, and she wanted to get to know me better but she had one special request.......could I please shave off my goatee and send her proof of a clean shaven face before she would consider meeting me for drinks.
Really? You want me to change my appearance so as to please someone I've never even met, someone I might not click with should we even meet, I don't think so, not here and not now.
Does that mean I wouldn't ever consider shaving it off? No, of course it doesn't, but it does mean I'm not doing so after a few dates let alone before we've even met.
There are so many online dating sites these days that I wonder how anyone chooses one over another....
Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, and eHarmony seem to dominate the landscape, all targeting a different slice of the dating pool.
The funnies messages come from fake profiles where they incorporate a persons full name as the user name, as if that will somehow make them seem more real.....SusanEvans278 or BarbJones88B are a couple I've seen.
Add in when they let you know their favorite drink in the tag line so you know just what to order them when you two finally meet........I like Harvey Wallbangers or I only drink Gin & Tonic are popular, which means the profiles were set up to scam people.......
The final giveaway is when they say something like "I'm hardly ever on here but you can always find me on nakedhump.com or easyholes.com"...........so you set up a profile on a dating site and list a relationship as your objective but don't spend time on the site but do spend time on a porn site.....please let me grab my wallet and see what it's all about
I think it fair to say I'm becoming a little jaded about dating given all the crap you have to endure to even have someone look at your profile and if you are lucky, they'll send you a message, but odds are that about 85% of messages come from these fake profiles hoping to separate you from your hard earned money.
Now not being on the female side of the equation I have no clue that you women are going through but can't imagine it's really any better, maybe not as blatantly obvious but probably still just as likely to make your skin crawl and feel the need for a very hot shower with lots of soap....
Think I might need to reassess my decision to unhide my profile and let nature take it's course and meet someone the old fashioned way, passing notes in homeroom.......oh yeah, those days are long past me so maybe I'm screwed and not in the fun way.......
My name is Marcus and as open minded as I try to be some things still have me scratching my head and asking myself WTF?
Questions/comments care of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is a duet with Sting & Shaggy on "Just One Lifetime"
So as I've previously mentioned in other posts, I've returned to the world of dating and reactivated an online account to help me meet new people.
The online dating world certainly has changed over the past few years as now it seems as if every other profile contains photo shopped pictures or pictures of 25 year old's on profiles saying they are 45-50 years old.
Because nobody is ever going to question that on a profile.........
But even though I find those facts alone to be a little disturbing, what is really offsetting is some of the messages I've received over the last few weeks.
I had one woman contact me telling me I had a well written profile that made her laugh, cute pictures, and she wanted to get to know me better but she had one special request.......could I please shave off my goatee and send her proof of a clean shaven face before she would consider meeting me for drinks.
Really? You want me to change my appearance so as to please someone I've never even met, someone I might not click with should we even meet, I don't think so, not here and not now.
Does that mean I wouldn't ever consider shaving it off? No, of course it doesn't, but it does mean I'm not doing so after a few dates let alone before we've even met.
There are so many online dating sites these days that I wonder how anyone chooses one over another....
Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, and eHarmony seem to dominate the landscape, all targeting a different slice of the dating pool.
The funnies messages come from fake profiles where they incorporate a persons full name as the user name, as if that will somehow make them seem more real.....SusanEvans278 or BarbJones88B are a couple I've seen.
Add in when they let you know their favorite drink in the tag line so you know just what to order them when you two finally meet........I like Harvey Wallbangers or I only drink Gin & Tonic are popular, which means the profiles were set up to scam people.......
The final giveaway is when they say something like "I'm hardly ever on here but you can always find me on nakedhump.com or easyholes.com"...........so you set up a profile on a dating site and list a relationship as your objective but don't spend time on the site but do spend time on a porn site.....please let me grab my wallet and see what it's all about
I think it fair to say I'm becoming a little jaded about dating given all the crap you have to endure to even have someone look at your profile and if you are lucky, they'll send you a message, but odds are that about 85% of messages come from these fake profiles hoping to separate you from your hard earned money.
Now not being on the female side of the equation I have no clue that you women are going through but can't imagine it's really any better, maybe not as blatantly obvious but probably still just as likely to make your skin crawl and feel the need for a very hot shower with lots of soap....
Think I might need to reassess my decision to unhide my profile and let nature take it's course and meet someone the old fashioned way, passing notes in homeroom.......oh yeah, those days are long past me so maybe I'm screwed and not in the fun way.......
My name is Marcus and as open minded as I try to be some things still have me scratching my head and asking myself WTF?
Questions/comments care of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is a duet with Sting & Shaggy on "Just One Lifetime"
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Love is.........
Wednesday, February 27/19
On March 11th I've got a meeting scheduled and once it's over I think I'll be in a position to post some blog entries about changes that have been going on in my life, so please be patient and some of the references in entries over the past month or so will make a little more sense, I hope.....
So I was sitting in the lobby of my building just outside the cafe that serves the twin towers this afternoon and I happened to overhear a conversation between two women that made me rethink some of my thoughts about love and my approach, well what I think was my approach going back a few years.
Now neither of these women work for the same company as me so I have no clue who they are and I'm pretty confident I've never seen them before and probably won't ever run into them again given the large number of people who cross paths over the course of the day in the building, all of which makes this random encounter that much more interesting.
There are these little areas setup in the lobby that have really comfy low seats arranged around a central low table and spread around them are 2 or 4 top tables where people can eat lunch, work on laptops, or play cards, really whatever strikes a persons mood. I was sitting in one of the low seats with my ear buds in acting like sound dampeners without any music playing just reading my tablet and snacking on some fruit and veggies I'd packed for my lunch, just minding my own business when two women sat at a 2 top table sort of to my right and started to chat while eating salads.
I didn't really pay them much attention as they sat down and I'm pretty sure they thought I had music playing as they didn't hesitate to begin having a rather interesting conversation about relationships and love.
Since I won't likely come across them again I'm going to go ahead and use the names they called one another as I don't think it's breaking any privacy issues, least ways that is what I'm trying to convince myself of right now.
I'd say they were between late 20's to early 40's and that shows you just how broken my age detector really is these days as I have no clue how old they could of been other than they were younger than me, but that's not so hard to be given my own advanced age lol
The blond was named Emily and the brunette was named Yvette and had a delectable little French accent.
The conversation basically centered around Emily's decision, made from the sound of things that very morning, to end things with her boyfriend of close to two years and her basis for the decision. Here is my best recollection of the exchange.
Emily: So I've decided I'm done with Matt and I'm going to end things tonight when I go to his place for dinner
Yvette: WHAT! Why? I thought things were good between you two
Emily: They are good but I don't see him in the plan.
Yvette: Oh Em, you know I love you, but sometimes your views on relationships and love make me want to pull my hair out. You can't treat love like a business plan and lay it out so formally.
Emily: How is wanting someone that fits into my life plan wrong?
Now this is where it made me pay attention, probably more than I should have....
Yvette: Relationships aren't business, They're messy and they're complicated - they're organic, they breathe, they evolve over timer, they don't live by any set of rules
Emily: <Huge Sigh> But I don't like messy and I hate complicated
Yvette: Of course you don't but you don't get to decide these things as they aren't controllable, the best you can hope for is to find someone with whom you can share the ride with
Emily: Well that sure as shit isn't Matt and I'm more certain of that than anything else right now, a girl in a relationship shouldn't have to use her vibrator as much as I do these days......
At this point Yvette started having a coughing attack as she had been taking a drink when she heard that and tried her best not to spit it out all over her friend.
I think they realized this was a conversation they needed to have in a less public place and picked up their stuff and left to head back to work. I sat there for a few more minutes thinking about all I had just heard.
Love is organic is my biggest takeaway from the entire conversation as it's so true. We can try and plan things out but we'd best be ready for the proverbial monkey wrench to be thrown our way now and again, rolling with the punch is something we're all told growing up and it's nowhere truer than when it comes to love.
Love is messy. It evokes emotions, it makes us feel like we are floating above the clouds one moment and plummeting to our deaths the next, it causes our hearts to beat with anticipation and with dread, love doesn't play favourites, it doesn't care about your race, age, religion, or sexual orientation.
Love will make you feel alive one day and dead to the world the next, it'll make you the centre of the universe and then as quickly leave you feeling completely isolated and alone.
Love hurts, love excites, love is what we all want in our lives, no matter what we might try and tell ourselves.
I know that I used to be more like Emily than I ever thought. I like to sort of plan things out and when my plan didn't pan out I'd get rattled, this led me to sort of start taking a step back whenever someone showed interest in me as I'd ask myself "why bother, they'll just end up hurting me"
Pretty sad way to go into it with someone new right?
When I would go out with anyone I'd start looking for those little signs that meant it wouldn't work out and than I'd use them to justify my decision to not see them again.
The only time I didn't follow this model was when I met Corinne. No, this isn't a post about laminating for a lost love, it's about how people can change you from one mind set to another.
When I met her for lunch I sensed a connection, helped by the several hours prior that we'd spend chatting on the phone, but even thought my heart kicked a beat faster while we sat across from one another I was already mentally cataloging the ways I wasn't good enough for her, trying to find my exit strategy when she blew that out of the water and leaned over to kiss me, telling me she'd been imaging the feel of my lips on hers all day long.
She side tracked me and when I tried to distance myself the next day she called me out on my bullshit and wouldn't let me act so stupidly, making me agree that we had something strong developing between us.
Now I know there are those who have read some of the older posts and want to point out that we did end up breaking up but that's not the point I'm trying to make here....she got me to think outside my normal box and that is what love does, it mixes things up.
Sure we split up a year later but oh what a year it was in my books, the most alive I'd felt since the first years of my marriage, she reminded me that I am a good guy and just need to stop getting into my own head so damn much, that I don't need to let others expectations control me, that changing things up is never a bad thing.
I miss that aspect of being with her and think I need to force that train of thought to become a more central theme in how I approach things going on in my life, sort of what I started to do back in October but won't be able to talk about for another week or so.
It's funny that you can have your heart broken by someone and still be thankful for the time you were with them as you know that in the end you came out of it a better person, which is how I feel about my time with Corinne.
Love isn't rooted in concrete, it can be permanent and it can be as fleeting as the clouds floating across the sky, it really depends on the people involved and how they mesh what they want from each other.
I don't try and imagine things with anyone that extend past the next month or so, least not until there is a relationship developing, and then I'd probably push things out a few months at a time.
In hindsight, such a wonderful superpower to have, I'm sure I got too invested in things with Corrine and scared the shit out her as she has to do more planning for her carer and didn't need it at home as well. They say a smart person learns from their mistakes so here's hoping I'm as smart as I like to think I am and don't sabotage the next relationship I'm in.......
My name is Marcus and I hope love finds it's way into my life as I like to think I'm a good catch but guess that is more something I should let others decide upon for themselves.
Questions and/or comments are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tonight's musical suggestion is "Echoes of You" from the new Marianas Trench album. I'm really liking the sound of this one and think the wait between albums was well worth it.
P.S. Emily, If you ever come across this blog, know that real relationships mean not needing a vibrator, I'm just saying :-)
On March 11th I've got a meeting scheduled and once it's over I think I'll be in a position to post some blog entries about changes that have been going on in my life, so please be patient and some of the references in entries over the past month or so will make a little more sense, I hope.....
So I was sitting in the lobby of my building just outside the cafe that serves the twin towers this afternoon and I happened to overhear a conversation between two women that made me rethink some of my thoughts about love and my approach, well what I think was my approach going back a few years.
Now neither of these women work for the same company as me so I have no clue who they are and I'm pretty confident I've never seen them before and probably won't ever run into them again given the large number of people who cross paths over the course of the day in the building, all of which makes this random encounter that much more interesting.
There are these little areas setup in the lobby that have really comfy low seats arranged around a central low table and spread around them are 2 or 4 top tables where people can eat lunch, work on laptops, or play cards, really whatever strikes a persons mood. I was sitting in one of the low seats with my ear buds in acting like sound dampeners without any music playing just reading my tablet and snacking on some fruit and veggies I'd packed for my lunch, just minding my own business when two women sat at a 2 top table sort of to my right and started to chat while eating salads.
I didn't really pay them much attention as they sat down and I'm pretty sure they thought I had music playing as they didn't hesitate to begin having a rather interesting conversation about relationships and love.
Since I won't likely come across them again I'm going to go ahead and use the names they called one another as I don't think it's breaking any privacy issues, least ways that is what I'm trying to convince myself of right now.
I'd say they were between late 20's to early 40's and that shows you just how broken my age detector really is these days as I have no clue how old they could of been other than they were younger than me, but that's not so hard to be given my own advanced age lol
The blond was named Emily and the brunette was named Yvette and had a delectable little French accent.
The conversation basically centered around Emily's decision, made from the sound of things that very morning, to end things with her boyfriend of close to two years and her basis for the decision. Here is my best recollection of the exchange.
Emily: So I've decided I'm done with Matt and I'm going to end things tonight when I go to his place for dinner
Yvette: WHAT! Why? I thought things were good between you two
Emily: They are good but I don't see him in the plan.
Yvette: Oh Em, you know I love you, but sometimes your views on relationships and love make me want to pull my hair out. You can't treat love like a business plan and lay it out so formally.
Emily: How is wanting someone that fits into my life plan wrong?
Now this is where it made me pay attention, probably more than I should have....
Yvette: Relationships aren't business, They're messy and they're complicated - they're organic, they breathe, they evolve over timer, they don't live by any set of rules
Emily: <Huge Sigh> But I don't like messy and I hate complicated
Yvette: Of course you don't but you don't get to decide these things as they aren't controllable, the best you can hope for is to find someone with whom you can share the ride with
Emily: Well that sure as shit isn't Matt and I'm more certain of that than anything else right now, a girl in a relationship shouldn't have to use her vibrator as much as I do these days......
At this point Yvette started having a coughing attack as she had been taking a drink when she heard that and tried her best not to spit it out all over her friend.
I think they realized this was a conversation they needed to have in a less public place and picked up their stuff and left to head back to work. I sat there for a few more minutes thinking about all I had just heard.
Love is organic is my biggest takeaway from the entire conversation as it's so true. We can try and plan things out but we'd best be ready for the proverbial monkey wrench to be thrown our way now and again, rolling with the punch is something we're all told growing up and it's nowhere truer than when it comes to love.
Love is messy. It evokes emotions, it makes us feel like we are floating above the clouds one moment and plummeting to our deaths the next, it causes our hearts to beat with anticipation and with dread, love doesn't play favourites, it doesn't care about your race, age, religion, or sexual orientation.
Love will make you feel alive one day and dead to the world the next, it'll make you the centre of the universe and then as quickly leave you feeling completely isolated and alone.
Love hurts, love excites, love is what we all want in our lives, no matter what we might try and tell ourselves.
I know that I used to be more like Emily than I ever thought. I like to sort of plan things out and when my plan didn't pan out I'd get rattled, this led me to sort of start taking a step back whenever someone showed interest in me as I'd ask myself "why bother, they'll just end up hurting me"
Pretty sad way to go into it with someone new right?
When I would go out with anyone I'd start looking for those little signs that meant it wouldn't work out and than I'd use them to justify my decision to not see them again.
The only time I didn't follow this model was when I met Corinne. No, this isn't a post about laminating for a lost love, it's about how people can change you from one mind set to another.
When I met her for lunch I sensed a connection, helped by the several hours prior that we'd spend chatting on the phone, but even thought my heart kicked a beat faster while we sat across from one another I was already mentally cataloging the ways I wasn't good enough for her, trying to find my exit strategy when she blew that out of the water and leaned over to kiss me, telling me she'd been imaging the feel of my lips on hers all day long.
She side tracked me and when I tried to distance myself the next day she called me out on my bullshit and wouldn't let me act so stupidly, making me agree that we had something strong developing between us.
Now I know there are those who have read some of the older posts and want to point out that we did end up breaking up but that's not the point I'm trying to make here....she got me to think outside my normal box and that is what love does, it mixes things up.
Sure we split up a year later but oh what a year it was in my books, the most alive I'd felt since the first years of my marriage, she reminded me that I am a good guy and just need to stop getting into my own head so damn much, that I don't need to let others expectations control me, that changing things up is never a bad thing.
I miss that aspect of being with her and think I need to force that train of thought to become a more central theme in how I approach things going on in my life, sort of what I started to do back in October but won't be able to talk about for another week or so.
It's funny that you can have your heart broken by someone and still be thankful for the time you were with them as you know that in the end you came out of it a better person, which is how I feel about my time with Corinne.
Love isn't rooted in concrete, it can be permanent and it can be as fleeting as the clouds floating across the sky, it really depends on the people involved and how they mesh what they want from each other.
I don't try and imagine things with anyone that extend past the next month or so, least not until there is a relationship developing, and then I'd probably push things out a few months at a time.
In hindsight, such a wonderful superpower to have, I'm sure I got too invested in things with Corrine and scared the shit out her as she has to do more planning for her carer and didn't need it at home as well. They say a smart person learns from their mistakes so here's hoping I'm as smart as I like to think I am and don't sabotage the next relationship I'm in.......
My name is Marcus and I hope love finds it's way into my life as I like to think I'm a good catch but guess that is more something I should let others decide upon for themselves.
Questions and/or comments are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tonight's musical suggestion is "Echoes of You" from the new Marianas Trench album. I'm really liking the sound of this one and think the wait between albums was well worth it.
P.S. Emily, If you ever come across this blog, know that real relationships mean not needing a vibrator, I'm just saying :-)
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Let's Talk, PLEASE!!!!!
Saturday, February 23/19
I had a couple of blog entries about my recent experience with online dating and my plans for 2019 almost completed and ready for posting but have shelved them for this blog entry instead.
I was sitting in Baton Rouge reading my tablet and waiting for a late lunch to be served when I heard a statistic over the radio that made me pause and start to get tremors.
This year there will be over 4,000 suicides in Canada, 4,000!!!!!
Suicide is now listed as ranking in the top ten sources of death in Canada, and we aren't even in the top 25 in national rates of suicide per 100K of population.
This is a scary statistic and only gets worse with each passing year.
I'm on Instagram and follow about 90 people, as you can imagine most are athletes or sports teams but one is a comedian named Kate Quigley who goes by kateqfunny and I think is pretty hilarious with her zero fucks given attitude.
She lost a close friend this week in fellow comedian Brody Stevens and has posted a couple of entries about it and her feelings. One takeaway I got was that he didn't express or display any signs of what he was feeling and that everyone wishes he would have called someone.......
I never met Brody and I wish he would have known at that moment the sense of loss his act would leave with his friends though it might not have led him to make a different decision as sometimes that feeling is just too overpowering at that particular moment.
I have someone close to me who recently lost a family member to suicide and I know they are struggling with the aftermath, partially because the person called them repeatedly to lay some massive guilt on them for things they had suppossedly done over the years.
I've reached out to my friend and reminded them that depression does not use logic and that even though the person said some pretty hateful things that there was no true meaning behind the words.
I've called them a few times just to check in on them and remind them that they are loved and I'm only as far away as a telephone call, my shoulder is there to cry on or to punch, a cold beer is always in my fridge and the couch makes a comfy bed if they need to sleep over.
The bottom line is that they are not alone but none of us can read minds so please reach out and talk to us when things aren't going as you want.
The person you pass on the sidewalk who is smiling might be reliving horrible things someone as said to them and the person you pass with the frown might be having a wonderful day, the bottom line is we never know by just looking at someone what is going on inside them.
I may not know any of you all that well but I am here if you just need someone to talk to about things and beg you to reach out to me or someone close to you if you feel like the world is closing in around you.
I've been there myself, years before I moved to Canada, but I know that darkness still lurks somewhere deep inside me and know that should it ever resurface that I have a circle of friends I can turn too if needed, and yes I know how fortunate I am to have them and that is why I am putting myself out there for any of you in need.
Please talk to someone if you ever feel that the only way out is to embrace the darkness by crossing into the abyss as it's not, it really isn't...........
My name is Marcus and I stepped back from the abyss and now you can too!!!!
My email contact is ooasm2018@gmail.com and I get instant notifications when I get new messages
I had a couple of blog entries about my recent experience with online dating and my plans for 2019 almost completed and ready for posting but have shelved them for this blog entry instead.
I was sitting in Baton Rouge reading my tablet and waiting for a late lunch to be served when I heard a statistic over the radio that made me pause and start to get tremors.
This year there will be over 4,000 suicides in Canada, 4,000!!!!!
Suicide is now listed as ranking in the top ten sources of death in Canada, and we aren't even in the top 25 in national rates of suicide per 100K of population.
This is a scary statistic and only gets worse with each passing year.
I'm on Instagram and follow about 90 people, as you can imagine most are athletes or sports teams but one is a comedian named Kate Quigley who goes by kateqfunny and I think is pretty hilarious with her zero fucks given attitude.
She lost a close friend this week in fellow comedian Brody Stevens and has posted a couple of entries about it and her feelings. One takeaway I got was that he didn't express or display any signs of what he was feeling and that everyone wishes he would have called someone.......
I never met Brody and I wish he would have known at that moment the sense of loss his act would leave with his friends though it might not have led him to make a different decision as sometimes that feeling is just too overpowering at that particular moment.
I have someone close to me who recently lost a family member to suicide and I know they are struggling with the aftermath, partially because the person called them repeatedly to lay some massive guilt on them for things they had suppossedly done over the years.
I've reached out to my friend and reminded them that depression does not use logic and that even though the person said some pretty hateful things that there was no true meaning behind the words.
I've called them a few times just to check in on them and remind them that they are loved and I'm only as far away as a telephone call, my shoulder is there to cry on or to punch, a cold beer is always in my fridge and the couch makes a comfy bed if they need to sleep over.
The bottom line is that they are not alone but none of us can read minds so please reach out and talk to us when things aren't going as you want.
The person you pass on the sidewalk who is smiling might be reliving horrible things someone as said to them and the person you pass with the frown might be having a wonderful day, the bottom line is we never know by just looking at someone what is going on inside them.
I may not know any of you all that well but I am here if you just need someone to talk to about things and beg you to reach out to me or someone close to you if you feel like the world is closing in around you.
I've been there myself, years before I moved to Canada, but I know that darkness still lurks somewhere deep inside me and know that should it ever resurface that I have a circle of friends I can turn too if needed, and yes I know how fortunate I am to have them and that is why I am putting myself out there for any of you in need.
Please talk to someone if you ever feel that the only way out is to embrace the darkness by crossing into the abyss as it's not, it really isn't...........
My name is Marcus and I stepped back from the abyss and now you can too!!!!
My email contact is ooasm2018@gmail.com and I get instant notifications when I get new messages
Sunday, February 17, 2019
Amber Alerts
Sunday, February 17/19
Friday night I was just falling asleep when my iPhone gave out a loud and distinctive screech that scared the crap out of me.
I scrambled to grab my phone thinking it was somehow broken when I noticed a text message on my home screen advising that an Amber Alert had been issued by the Peel Regional Police Service for a missing 11 year old girl who was in the custody of her father but had not been returned to her mother per the visitation section of their custody arrangement.
I went into my son's room to see if he had gotten the same alert and he confirmed he had.
A little later another message was delivered saying the Amber Alert had been called off.
It was called off as the young girls body was found and she had been killed, allegedly by her own father, who had been seen by someone who had received the same Amber Alert I had and reported his presence to local authorities.
Why am I blogging about this senseless tragedy?
Well it seems there are a lot of people who were angry about being woken up by the Amber Alert.
Yes, you heard me correctly, the Peel Regional Police Service has received complaints about the decision to send out an Amber Alert by people who didn't want their precious sleep disturbed, like the life of a child was somehow less important than an hours sleep lost to the two text messages.
Over the course of the last two days I've seen countless posts on my Facebook account from friends stating they don't care how much sleep they might lose to such alerts but to keep them coming as the life they might save is far more valuable than a few minutes of lost sleep.
I am 100% behind the forced delivery of such text messages and would be so even if I didn't have a grandchild as first and foremost I consider myself a decent human being, one who puts the health and safety of children, no matter who's child they might be, above my own comfort.
To all of those people who are so put out by getting such an important message I have one response - Move the Fuck Out of Canada, We Don't Want You Here!!!!!!
My name is Marcus and Amber Alerts are fantastic tools to help keep our children safe and sound!!!
Friday night I was just falling asleep when my iPhone gave out a loud and distinctive screech that scared the crap out of me.
I scrambled to grab my phone thinking it was somehow broken when I noticed a text message on my home screen advising that an Amber Alert had been issued by the Peel Regional Police Service for a missing 11 year old girl who was in the custody of her father but had not been returned to her mother per the visitation section of their custody arrangement.
I went into my son's room to see if he had gotten the same alert and he confirmed he had.
A little later another message was delivered saying the Amber Alert had been called off.
It was called off as the young girls body was found and she had been killed, allegedly by her own father, who had been seen by someone who had received the same Amber Alert I had and reported his presence to local authorities.
Why am I blogging about this senseless tragedy?
Well it seems there are a lot of people who were angry about being woken up by the Amber Alert.
Yes, you heard me correctly, the Peel Regional Police Service has received complaints about the decision to send out an Amber Alert by people who didn't want their precious sleep disturbed, like the life of a child was somehow less important than an hours sleep lost to the two text messages.
Over the course of the last two days I've seen countless posts on my Facebook account from friends stating they don't care how much sleep they might lose to such alerts but to keep them coming as the life they might save is far more valuable than a few minutes of lost sleep.
I am 100% behind the forced delivery of such text messages and would be so even if I didn't have a grandchild as first and foremost I consider myself a decent human being, one who puts the health and safety of children, no matter who's child they might be, above my own comfort.
To all of those people who are so put out by getting such an important message I have one response - Move the Fuck Out of Canada, We Don't Want You Here!!!!!!
My name is Marcus and Amber Alerts are fantastic tools to help keep our children safe and sound!!!
RBF - Otherwise Known as........
Sunday, February 17/19
There is a term that gets used to described the look a person has when they don't realize anyone is looking and it's called "Resting Bitch Face" or RBF.
Now usually this term is applied to a woman and I don't agree that it is gender specific as I know I've come across RAF or Resting Asshole Face on a man on more than a few occasions.
Hell, truth be told, I'm probably guilty of having RAF a lot of the time and don't even realize I'm giving it off.
I think we, and by we I mean society in general, view a person who isn't displaying a smiling face or appearing to be happy as to equate to someone who is mad or not enjoying life.
I also think this is a horrible fallacy as speaking for myself I know I've been walking down a street, say Bank Street in the Glebe, in a really good mood and I've glanced into a store front and done a double take when I've seen my own reflection, thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with me as I look like I am so pissed off when reality couldn't be farther from the truth.
We've probably all had one of those days where things just weren't going our way, our mood wasn't meshing with the day to day we were experiencing, and out of the blue someone tells us to stop frowning, enjoy life, smile a little bit, a pretty woman like you should'n't look so sad..........
Granted sometimes we might need a reminder to smile as we might not realize we weren't but there are those times that smiling is the last thing on our mind and all we want to do is tell that person to fuck off and mind your own business, but most of the time we don't, we bite our tongue and fake it till we make it.
Truth is we don't have a clue what the person is thinking about or just faced a few moments ago.
I stopped offering platitudes to people years ago as I don't know what they are going through and know from my own experience that not everything can be solved with a smile, wouldn't it be nice if they could but I prefer to live in this place called reality and know that sometimes the world just isn't getting anything better than Resting Bitch Face or Resting Asshole face from me and truth be told, the fucking world ought to be glad I'm even willing to give it either of those rather than the real message it needs to be told now and again.
Never confuse seeing a person with RBF or RAF as needing anything from you other than acknowledgement that they are alive, they don't owe you anything and probably don't expect anything more or less from you.
My name is Marcus and I think there are days I've perfected Resting Asshole Face and could probably make a decent living offering courses in the correct and enjoyable way to employ one in your daily life. I don't think this makes me anything other than human.
Today's musical suggestion is "Broken" by Patrick Watson
There is a term that gets used to described the look a person has when they don't realize anyone is looking and it's called "Resting Bitch Face" or RBF.
Now usually this term is applied to a woman and I don't agree that it is gender specific as I know I've come across RAF or Resting Asshole Face on a man on more than a few occasions.
Hell, truth be told, I'm probably guilty of having RAF a lot of the time and don't even realize I'm giving it off.
I think we, and by we I mean society in general, view a person who isn't displaying a smiling face or appearing to be happy as to equate to someone who is mad or not enjoying life.
I also think this is a horrible fallacy as speaking for myself I know I've been walking down a street, say Bank Street in the Glebe, in a really good mood and I've glanced into a store front and done a double take when I've seen my own reflection, thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with me as I look like I am so pissed off when reality couldn't be farther from the truth.
We've probably all had one of those days where things just weren't going our way, our mood wasn't meshing with the day to day we were experiencing, and out of the blue someone tells us to stop frowning, enjoy life, smile a little bit, a pretty woman like you should'n't look so sad..........
Granted sometimes we might need a reminder to smile as we might not realize we weren't but there are those times that smiling is the last thing on our mind and all we want to do is tell that person to fuck off and mind your own business, but most of the time we don't, we bite our tongue and fake it till we make it.
Truth is we don't have a clue what the person is thinking about or just faced a few moments ago.
I stopped offering platitudes to people years ago as I don't know what they are going through and know from my own experience that not everything can be solved with a smile, wouldn't it be nice if they could but I prefer to live in this place called reality and know that sometimes the world just isn't getting anything better than Resting Bitch Face or Resting Asshole face from me and truth be told, the fucking world ought to be glad I'm even willing to give it either of those rather than the real message it needs to be told now and again.
Never confuse seeing a person with RBF or RAF as needing anything from you other than acknowledgement that they are alive, they don't owe you anything and probably don't expect anything more or less from you.
My name is Marcus and I think there are days I've perfected Resting Asshole Face and could probably make a decent living offering courses in the correct and enjoyable way to employ one in your daily life. I don't think this makes me anything other than human.
Today's musical suggestion is "Broken" by Patrick Watson
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Happy Valentine's Day
Thursday, February 14/19
Even though I've said it in the past and will say it again at some point in the future that I'm not really a fan of this artificially created day meant to celebrate romance, it doesn't mean I won't or can't wish those of you celebrating it a good time.
I don't believe my lack of enthusiasm for the days makes me unromantic as I'd like to think I exhibited my feelings to those I was with throughout our relationship and didn't limit it to just one day but I guess I'm not really the best judge of my past actions and should leave any proclamations to those who know me best........
So even though I'm single once again I am hopeful that the majority of you are getting to spend the day or night with someone special and if you aren't, well let us embrace the moment with some chilled wine and a romantic movie or two.
I'm getting ready to watch two of my favorites......Love Actually and She's Out of My League
My name is Marcus and I don't limit my romantic thought to just this one day, no I tend to let those rascals run rampant throughout the year, sometimes it's good and sometimes I'd like nothing more than to lock them up but we do what we can with what we've been given now don't we.....
Observations, comments, questions, or even downright mocking can be sent my way courtesy of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Let's go a little old school and spool up some "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics
Even though I've said it in the past and will say it again at some point in the future that I'm not really a fan of this artificially created day meant to celebrate romance, it doesn't mean I won't or can't wish those of you celebrating it a good time.
I don't believe my lack of enthusiasm for the days makes me unromantic as I'd like to think I exhibited my feelings to those I was with throughout our relationship and didn't limit it to just one day but I guess I'm not really the best judge of my past actions and should leave any proclamations to those who know me best........
So even though I'm single once again I am hopeful that the majority of you are getting to spend the day or night with someone special and if you aren't, well let us embrace the moment with some chilled wine and a romantic movie or two.
I'm getting ready to watch two of my favorites......Love Actually and She's Out of My League
My name is Marcus and I don't limit my romantic thought to just this one day, no I tend to let those rascals run rampant throughout the year, sometimes it's good and sometimes I'd like nothing more than to lock them up but we do what we can with what we've been given now don't we.....
Observations, comments, questions, or even downright mocking can be sent my way courtesy of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Let's go a little old school and spool up some "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
A Most Excellent Question As To My Motives With The Blog
Wednesday, February 13/19
So here is a little exchange I recently had with a follower named L, not going to use her first name as I'm not sure how she'd feel about that and I strive to respect the privacy of my readers :)
So here is a little exchange I recently had with a follower named L, not going to use her first name as I'm not sure how she'd feel about that and I strive to respect the privacy of my readers :)
Received on February 2/19 @ 10:34 pm
"Hmmm...
I had wondered if you liked receiving people's responses or comments on your blog topics, or if you liked them introducing new topics...you being more on the receiving end of people's thoughts.
I think I know,
L"
My response sent on February 03/19 @ 8:23 am
"I like both!
I find it fascinating to hear peoples thoughts on the things I've posted about and always welcome new topics to ponder and possibly blog about that my readers are facing.
Marcus"
The followup received on February 03/19 @ 2:36 pm
"Right...but do you want dialogue?
From your posts, you seem very much a thinker...a thinker of human behaviour, of connections among people/friends/family, and also of connecting with self, understanding one's actions/thoughts.
If readers/people reach out to engage in dialogue regarding any topics, blog or otherwise, do you participate? Or do you see it as feedback from your readers, for your blog?
I saw your blog as thoughts that you'd like to engage in. But maybe they are thoughts that you want to voice, or find cathartic to express...more of an outlet for you.
Your posts do stir, 'hey, I agree' or 'yeah, that happened to me'. Or 'Oh, this idea might be liked by someone like M'.
Is the purpose of your blog to engage in conversation? What's your purpose Mr. Marcus? Or more of a cathartic outlet for you, more one-sided?
Either is great! Just need to know if you want emails or not.
L"
I've been thinking quite a bit about these exchanges and here is what I've come up with so far......
I blog to let my own thoughts out from within the confines of my mind, I blog to get people thinking about things that they might not otherwise have given any consideration, and I blog about issues that touch close to home for both myself and my followers. The "Bell Let's Talk" day is one such issue that not only touches me because of my own struggles in the past but from exchanges I've had with people who have shared some heart rendering moments, some good with laughter and joy, and some not so good with heartache and tears.
I describe myself as an extroverted introvert and know that that simple statement made Corinne laugh more often than not as she used to call bullshit on it whenever I spoke it out loud. But the truth is that I really do see myself in that context and the blog lets me actually reach out and have a dialogue with people that I might never have the chance to do so if I depended on my actual face to face interpersonal skills.
Topics come and go over the course of the week and month that I find interesting to myself and think maybe others might as well, thus an entry gets written and sometimes there is feedback and sometimes there isn't.
I monitor the blog statistics to see how well an entry might be doing in terms of views and where around the world it might have gotten the most views from in terms of geographic locales.
I absolutely love it when someone writes me to comment on an entry or pose a thought or question about something else, more often than not running with it to create a new blog entry.
So I guess my answer to L's question is this.......I use the blog as my own cathartic release in the hope it makes people stop and think about things, even if just for a moment, and offer a venue for dialogue about the world around us, with the reader option to call me out on my thoughts, offer me an alternative, or provide a comment whether in the positive or negative.
When I made the decision many years ago to completely uproot my life and move over 3,000 miles I was asked this question - what if it doesn't work out?
My response was change is good, even if it doesn't go as expected, it's still good as it made you think about things in your life.
That is how I view the blog..........whether someone agrees with me or not, it got both of us to think about the topic and possibly have a dialogue.
I've been accused of being a thinker, to be more life a left handed person than the right handed person that I am, as if that is somehow something bad, but it's not bad at all, you couldn't be more right about me if you tried and I'll always embrace that side of me and hope my followers know that about me.
When my daughter was really young and hesitant about broaching certain subjects with me I told her the following and eventually did the same with my son.........you can come and talk to me about anything, I promise to listen to you with an open mind and more importantly, an open heart, I promise to respect what you say to me but that does not mean I have to like what you say or agree with your words........but that doesn't mean I'll try to change how you feel but rather that I might discuss alternatives so that you at least stand by your words from a position of knowledge and understanding.
My name is Marcus and I blog to express my feelings and to provoke you to think about things with the understanding that I'm open to hearing what you think and maybe we can come to some common ground on things and if not, let's be respectful towards one another.
Today's musical suggestion is "Over My Head' by Echosmith
Comments, questions, or possible topics you'd like to see addressed in a future entry are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Karma can be a fickle mistress when she wants
Wednesday, February 13/19
I originally started to write this entry on Saturday, February 09/19 but held off on posting as I worked my way through the emotions.
Apologies for not posting anything the past little while but there was a family issue that developed that unfortunately was a little closer to my last blog entry than I would have ever liked and I've been trying to help someone deal with it.
By deal with it I mean just being there for them to vent on about the unfairness of one persons decision and the complete impact it has on everyone they leave behind. When someone decides to step into that abyss they don't eliminate the pain they might be experiencing but rather leave it behind for everyone who cares about them to carry and try to understand just what made them do it.
I spoke with my ex about the whole situation and she asked me to reach out to our kids to talk to them about it and reassure both of them that nothing like this will ever come their way from either of us. Her request seemed a a bit odd to me but she explained that the kids seem to understand things better when I express them than when she does as I seem to be able to reach down deeper inside to understand and explain things than she thinks she does when talking to them so I honoured it in a call with my daughter and a conversation with my son when he got to my place last night to start his week with me
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever done and yet there are times it has also been the hardest thing I've had to do, talking to your kids about crossing over that line into the abyss ranks right up there with taking a rusty bat to my gonads.
When I right a blog it usually isn't something I expect to come back and impact me so hard or so damn immediately as has happened with this action.
That is all I'm going to say on the matter as even though they are not directly related to me I'm going to respect the privacy they have requested while dealing with things.
Please remember that every action has an impact on someone, whether you can see it or not, and that impact might not be what you think it is.
My name is Marcus and sometimes I hate the blog for the truth it brings to light.
Some entries don't get a musical suggestion due to the topic or depth of emotions, this is one such entry
Observations, comments, or questions are more than welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
I originally started to write this entry on Saturday, February 09/19 but held off on posting as I worked my way through the emotions.
Apologies for not posting anything the past little while but there was a family issue that developed that unfortunately was a little closer to my last blog entry than I would have ever liked and I've been trying to help someone deal with it.
By deal with it I mean just being there for them to vent on about the unfairness of one persons decision and the complete impact it has on everyone they leave behind. When someone decides to step into that abyss they don't eliminate the pain they might be experiencing but rather leave it behind for everyone who cares about them to carry and try to understand just what made them do it.
I spoke with my ex about the whole situation and she asked me to reach out to our kids to talk to them about it and reassure both of them that nothing like this will ever come their way from either of us. Her request seemed a a bit odd to me but she explained that the kids seem to understand things better when I express them than when she does as I seem to be able to reach down deeper inside to understand and explain things than she thinks she does when talking to them so I honoured it in a call with my daughter and a conversation with my son when he got to my place last night to start his week with me
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever done and yet there are times it has also been the hardest thing I've had to do, talking to your kids about crossing over that line into the abyss ranks right up there with taking a rusty bat to my gonads.
When I right a blog it usually isn't something I expect to come back and impact me so hard or so damn immediately as has happened with this action.
That is all I'm going to say on the matter as even though they are not directly related to me I'm going to respect the privacy they have requested while dealing with things.
Please remember that every action has an impact on someone, whether you can see it or not, and that impact might not be what you think it is.
My name is Marcus and sometimes I hate the blog for the truth it brings to light.
Some entries don't get a musical suggestion due to the topic or depth of emotions, this is one such entry
Observations, comments, or questions are more than welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, February 4, 2019
The Moment at the Abyss
Monday, February 04/19
So my "Let's Talk" blog entry from January 31st has resulted in more than a few questions asking if it really meant what it sounded like and the answer is a yes.
For those not familiar with the actual paragraph in question here it is again....
"I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all."
There are things each of us have done that we are not proud of or ever want to share for fear of how they might make us look, that is true for me as well so actually putting into words that there was once a moment where I came close to just letting go still causes me issues to this very day.
I'm a Roman Catholic so the mere thought of suicide and the eternal damnation of my soul should have been enough to keep those thoughts from my mind but we all have those moments where we just question whether it is even worth it to continue, that maybe the world around us would be a better place, that we wouldn't be missed as we really don't matter a rats ass to anyone.
How close was I you wonder? Probably a few hours away close.
What made me step back from the edge and just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward in life?
The thought of how much pain my friend Kelly suffered when her mother committed suicide, the thought that I had only really started to live my life, that I had a lot more years to go to see if I could actually improve myself.
I'd love to say it was the thought of my kids growing up without me but I was a long way from that point in my life so I can't use them as my reason, though I did wonder what it would be like to be a father in my own right, the things I'd try to emulate that I had learned from observing my grandfather and the things I'd never do or say to my child that I'd had to endure from my own stepfather growing up.
Tough love is what it used to be called but it really was nothing more than pure physical abuse on a bad and extreme mental abuse on a good day. The mental part stays with me to this day and sometimes has me questioning whether I really became the son of a bitch I was told I'd be in the end........I don't think so but that self doubt is kind of hard to shake....
I'm so far from perfect but the one thing I've tried to do is learn from my mistakes and be a better person each and every damn day.
Yes, I once stood at the abyss but in the end I felt that as bad as I was feeling at that very moment that I had to take ownership of the process and make some drastic changes in my life, including cutting out my family for several years so I could just focus on myself and not have to constantly defend my decisions, like going to university and moving into my own place, pretty simple stuff but both were actions that I was told were stupid and selfish.
The flip is that my take on education just grew stronger and both my kids have had the opportunity to attend university and I'd sell a kidney to make sure that option was there for them.
There are times I feel the doom and gloom approaching over the horizon and that is when I make sure to talk to someone, to let my emotions out so that they don't fester into something I might not be able to control.
I'm lucky in that I've had the resources to talk to someone when needed and know that is more the exception than the norm and the reason I've always told those in my life that I'll always be there for them to talk to about things, that I might not be able to solve the issues they are facing, but we can and will face them together.
The abyss doesn't offer the solution you may think and I know it took a lot for me to step away as I did as the pain was so intense at times I just wanted it to go away.
Unfortunately we don't know what is on the other side so I think it better to face the problem we do know in the here and now to one we might encounter from stepping off the edge, an act we don't get any do overs from.............
My name is Marcus and I've been to the edge and back, it's a scary place to stand but one I'm glad I've seen as it makes me appreciate all that has happened in my life since.
Comments and observations are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So my "Let's Talk" blog entry from January 31st has resulted in more than a few questions asking if it really meant what it sounded like and the answer is a yes.
For those not familiar with the actual paragraph in question here it is again....
"I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all."
There are things each of us have done that we are not proud of or ever want to share for fear of how they might make us look, that is true for me as well so actually putting into words that there was once a moment where I came close to just letting go still causes me issues to this very day.
I'm a Roman Catholic so the mere thought of suicide and the eternal damnation of my soul should have been enough to keep those thoughts from my mind but we all have those moments where we just question whether it is even worth it to continue, that maybe the world around us would be a better place, that we wouldn't be missed as we really don't matter a rats ass to anyone.
How close was I you wonder? Probably a few hours away close.
What made me step back from the edge and just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward in life?
The thought of how much pain my friend Kelly suffered when her mother committed suicide, the thought that I had only really started to live my life, that I had a lot more years to go to see if I could actually improve myself.
I'd love to say it was the thought of my kids growing up without me but I was a long way from that point in my life so I can't use them as my reason, though I did wonder what it would be like to be a father in my own right, the things I'd try to emulate that I had learned from observing my grandfather and the things I'd never do or say to my child that I'd had to endure from my own stepfather growing up.
Tough love is what it used to be called but it really was nothing more than pure physical abuse on a bad and extreme mental abuse on a good day. The mental part stays with me to this day and sometimes has me questioning whether I really became the son of a bitch I was told I'd be in the end........I don't think so but that self doubt is kind of hard to shake....
I'm so far from perfect but the one thing I've tried to do is learn from my mistakes and be a better person each and every damn day.
Yes, I once stood at the abyss but in the end I felt that as bad as I was feeling at that very moment that I had to take ownership of the process and make some drastic changes in my life, including cutting out my family for several years so I could just focus on myself and not have to constantly defend my decisions, like going to university and moving into my own place, pretty simple stuff but both were actions that I was told were stupid and selfish.
The flip is that my take on education just grew stronger and both my kids have had the opportunity to attend university and I'd sell a kidney to make sure that option was there for them.
There are times I feel the doom and gloom approaching over the horizon and that is when I make sure to talk to someone, to let my emotions out so that they don't fester into something I might not be able to control.
I'm lucky in that I've had the resources to talk to someone when needed and know that is more the exception than the norm and the reason I've always told those in my life that I'll always be there for them to talk to about things, that I might not be able to solve the issues they are facing, but we can and will face them together.
The abyss doesn't offer the solution you may think and I know it took a lot for me to step away as I did as the pain was so intense at times I just wanted it to go away.
Unfortunately we don't know what is on the other side so I think it better to face the problem we do know in the here and now to one we might encounter from stepping off the edge, an act we don't get any do overs from.............
My name is Marcus and I've been to the edge and back, it's a scary place to stand but one I'm glad I've seen as it makes me appreciate all that has happened in my life since.
Comments and observations are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
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