Dinner with the daughter

May 20/2015

Today's song is "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam

I think the lyrics sum up perfectly how I've been feeling the past few weeks.


Last night I had dinner with my daughter which of itself isn't all that shocking but the fact that I'm blogging about it really is as I've tended to not talk about her that much in the blogs, not because I feel any less for her than I do her brother but more from a sense of letting her have her privacy as she charts her way into adulthood. Now you may ask why I don't extend the same courtesy to my son and the best answer I have is that his path isn't set yet and I tend to interact with him more than I do her as he still needs some dad advice whereas most days my daughter turns to her mother for such things.

It used to bother me that I wasn't her first choice when she needed to talk but one day I realized that when there is something heavy weighing on her that she does turn to me to talk about things, not have me provide her with an answer but more to be her sounding board and allow her the time to reach her own conclusion and find the path that best suits her needs. I think it was with her that I learned the difference between listening to a person and really hearing the message they are sending. Hopefully you understand the context of that last sentence and if not please think about it as it is really important in how you interact with a person, especially someone you may feel close too.

My daughter turns 26 this week and because there is a family birthday dinner planned for the actual day we moved our own dinner up to last night so I could see her, tell her how much I love her, and spend some one on one time together with out any distractions. I grilled up some steaks and we watched the season premier of "The Bachelorette" and generally had a pretty nice time. She was even patient with my repeated question as to who was who on the show lol

When I was getting dinner ready there was a moment that made me pause and reminded me that not everything is peaches and cream with me these days. It came when I asked her to get the butter out of the fridge for the green beans while I was pulling the roasted potatoes out of the oven and she laughed and made a comment about the nice bottle of champagne she saw in the back of the fridge and said she was surprised to see one in my house. There is a running joke, well the joke is really on me if truth be told, that I should never be around champagne as it is literally my own private kryptonite and renders me powerless, not in the sense that I can't do anything but more along the lines that if someone suggests something to me I tend to take it as instructions.....not always to my own best interests if you know what I mean lol

I didn't answer her right away and she turned to find me staring out of the kitchen window thinking about how that particular bottle came to be in my house, she asked me what was wrong and I shook my head and told her nothing, that she just reminded me I needed to return it. She laughed again and said she was pretty sure you can't return bottles to the LCBO and I told her I meant to C as she had bought it to see if it really was my weakness as I'd confessed that to her on our first date back in November. She tried to change the subject by saying how good the potatoes smelled and I sort of sighed and said it was another reminder of C as he had taught me to dice them as I did and the perfect blend of seasonings to use on them. I looked back out the window and it dawned on me just how many little things serve as reminder of the impact a person can have on you that you don't see at the time.  My daughter came over and gave me a hug and asked me how I was doing, I told her fine, and she said to me "No dad, I mean how are you really doing?" and for only the fifth time I shed tears in front of my daughter as I let the hurt and loss overwhelm my heart, the other times being the passing of my mother, the birth of my son, the day he came home from CHEO back in 2010 after his brain surgeries, and the day she graduated from high school.

She hugged me tightly and reminded me of what I'd told her in the past about allowing oneself to let the feelings out, that time does heal all wounds, and that I would come out of this stronger for having allowed myself to care about someone. I smiled down at her and asked her when she got so smart and she just smiled back and told me she'd had a couple of good role models growing up......

After dinner and the end of the show we shared some birthday cupcakes and as she was getting ready to leave she softly kissed me on the cheek and told me that I didn't know what the future holds so the best thing I could do was to take things one day at a time and remind myself of all the good times I've experienced over my life and ways I can add to them going forward.

As I watched her drive away I wondered when had the child become the parent and I knew at that moment that whenever she is blessed with children of her own that they'll be in good hands.......