Some recent life changes

May 17/2015

Today's song is "Use Me" by Bill Withers

Well here we are at the tail end of the long weekend and my keyboard won out the fight and has me back blogging once more.

There have been many changes in my life since the last time I posted a blog and I thought I'd take this moment to share some before once more beginning the process of posting blog entries.

Let's see......back in March I took my first real vacation since it seems like forever, though my son resented that comment when I told him how much I was looking forward to it, but then he thinks spending a week down in Orlando is the perfect getaway and it is, for us as a father and son where I am completely focused on making sure he is having fun.

No, this vacation was spent at an all inclusive down in Jamaica with the wonderful woman who I was seeing, booked by her for us and I can't ever tell her how much that week meant to me, I think it literally saved my sanity as my work was driving me over the deep end. Nothing beats relaxing on the beach or by the pool, being plied with drinks, while sitting next to someone who really makes you think the sun won't ever sit. The lady shall remain nameless following my rule about not naming names with anything other then the first initial, in this case C.

April saw me attending a very formal function related to her career that required me to wear a tuxedo. Now I'm not one to get a big head about my appearance, if you saw a picture of me you'd better understand that line, but I have to say I wore that tux quite well. The night was a lot more fun than I expected as I was really nervous about all the people I'd be meeting and more than a bit nervous that I might say something that would reflect poorly on C as she holds a rather important position within her organization and has actually been given a promotion that is her dream assignment and one that will be the highlight of her career - that is all I'm going to say other than she worked hard for it, deserves it, and will kick ass in the new role.

April also begin a streak of some dark actions as my company finished a major review of it's worldwide operations and as I'm sure you can guess resulted in my own position being moved from Canada to the USA as part of the process. Now I knew it was coming as I'm smart enough to understand that when you move 90% of your sales from one country to another there isn't the same need for someone with my skill set but I was caught unaware by the timing.

April was also my son's 16th birthday and it reminded me just how much time has passed since he used to fall asleep on my chest as but a wee little thing, leaving me with a nice little pool of drool on my shirt. To this day the mere thought of that young man can bring me to tears as I don't know what I did in a prior life to earn the joy he's brought me along with his older sister but I thank the stars above every night before I go to sleep for another day spent being they're dad!

So they say things happen in 3's and May saw the second one come along when C had to make a decision about her life. See she is trying to sell her house as her new promotion requires her to move about an hour and a half away, won't include her own boys as they'll transition to their dad's due to school and some travel requirements she is facing, spend as much time with her son's as possible before the new position starts, find a new house, attend a language course that is mandatory for her career, complete another critical course she needs to stay on her career path, and take over her new very time consuming assignment. Something had to give and it was a pretty basic equation that the one thing that wasn't critical was a relationship with me. Now I don't say that glibly but rather as a statement of fact as I do my best not to kid myself.

I'll admit this one hit me harder than the job loss as I can find another one of those but finding someone you actually like, have some common interests with, enjoy the new interests she has brought into your life is pretty damn hard to do these days, much as my older posts attest too......

Is my world ending? No, but it has gotten a bit darker lately. Will it remain dark? No, as my kids are a huge source of support and continue to remind me that things happen for a reason and as my son told me on Thursday just before he went to bed "Remember dad, everything's going to be ok" and gave me a huge hug.

The hardest part is there are so many reminders of what I had around me that there are times my heart aches and I have to fight back the tears. Simple things like a picture, a home renovation show, or the way I prepare a meal as C was a great source of new meals and really worked on me to improve my eating habits.

I miss her and I'm sure that won't go away anytime soon but that's ok because it reminds me that anyone worth having is worth having strong feelings for and about, and I do, oh how I do.

I spent the weekend hoping I might get a call or text saying she made a mistake and wanted to see me but that is the romantic in me as I know she didn't make her decision lightly and she feels some of the same pain I am feeling.

A friend told me that maybe once she gets settled she might reach out to me but I don't see her as the kind of person to do that and thus am not holding out any hope as that will do nothing but prolong the pain I do feel and pain is only meant to be endured for a time before it does more bad than good.

Love might be bittersweet but I'd rather to have loved and lost than never loved at all.

C, you made me a better man and I thank you for that, truly wish you nothing but happiness, and hope you find someone who makes your heart skip a beat as you did mine............