Saturday, July 30/16
The Ontario Civic long weekend began last night at 4pm when I left work.
So what is on tap for this weekend?
Today is white water rafting with my son, we leave for Wilderness Tours in 5 minutes, some golf tomorrow with the M&M boys from work, that darn side deck hasn't repaired itself so looks like that will get some attention, probably a round of golf with B on Monday, and finally the new Jason Bourne movie with my son and his girlfriend on Monday.
Sounds busy and it will be, but sure to provide plenty of laughs and smiles.
Best part is the drive to and from Wilderness Tours as it's a little over an hour each way and sure to provide some interesting conversations with the worlds greatest son. He'll more than likely sleep on the way home, if history repeats itself after our other white water rafting adventures, and that's all good as we will chat before and after his naps ;)
I'll post later on how the river went and maybe add some pictures as well...don't get excited as there won't be any shots of me or my son....privacy and safety are still the words of the day
Marcus
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Sunday, July 24, 2016
A weekend of golf and the moment when things sort of clicked
Sunday, July 24/16
My weekend started off with my usual weekly round with my friend B and catching up on the things going on in our lives. Seems my old company has been bought so there is a bit of uncertainty surrounding positions and he has decided to start looking for something new. He asked if I would be a reference and I laughed as I told him if I wasn't one we have some serious issues.
My Saturday morning round was the complete polar opposite of my Friday round to such an extent that I stopped scoring after taking an unbelievable 9 on the easiest par 4 I've ever played in my life, things got so bad that I started to experiment with shots since nothing I was doing seemed to work out for me. I sort of got things turned around a little on the back nine but by that time my mood was so bad I apologized to B for the hideous display of golf. He smiled and reminded me of his own round from hell I got to experience a few weeks ago and told me to hit the range and work on my club takeaway as that looks to be the issue causing my slice.
When I got home I took Moki for a walk and did some laundry as I tidied up around the house. My goal was to do the yard when I got home but it was too damn hot with the humidity so I stayed inside and just took it easy and had a little nap with Moki resting her head on my hip.
I only napped for about an hour and made myself a bite to eat as I was famished. Once done with that and cleaning up the dishes the thought of yard work was so very unappealing that I made the tough call to play another round of golf. The question was where to play as neither Pakenham or Glen Mar held much interest for me. I looked at eQuinelle down in Kemptville, The Smith Falls Golf & Country Club, and Perth Golf Course. I ended up going with Perth as I liked that it is Canada's oldest course at the same location since opening.
The front nine was kind of strange as it played long, played short, had weird angles, and sort of left me feeling a sense of vertigo until I was able to get to the back nine. I think I was 8 over on the front and everything I'd done wrong in my morning round at Pakenham was perfect in this round. My distance were spot on and my slice was minimal. I tinkered with my takeaway and think I found the cure to that damn slice, least for now. I loved the back nine and shot a 6 over 42 to finish with an 85 on a par 71 course. It doesn't play as long as some of the usual courses I play but there were a couple of holes that were monster long and really had me hitting fairway woods on the 2nd and 3rd shots when I'm used to hitting a short iron on the 3rd shot.
It's sort of amazing how Jekyll and Hyde my game can go from one round to the next. The only saving grace is that I can usually find holes in each round where I did everything just right.
I grabbed a pizza for dinner as cooking wasn't on the agenda and had some wine with it and can honestly say I was asleep by 9pm as the golf and fresh air had tired me out big time.
Sunday broke bright and early with the usual walk in the park with Moki and some breakfast. As I was getting ready to head out and tackle the yard my daughter sent me a text asking what I was up to and if I was interested in helping her and the fiancé put together a flower box as she was craving some colours in her yard as the grass isn't scheduled to be done till the middle of August.
I made the heroic decision to put off my own yard to help them and headed over with a shovel, some gloves, and a smile.
Two hours later we had a nice flower garden set up along the house right next to the front steps up onto the porch. I had forgotten how rocky the soil is in Kanata/Stittsville but was given a quick reminder when I had to constantly dig up rocks and work around patches of clay.
My daughter had to run over to Lowe's to get more topsoil and as her fiancé and I waited we had a cool drink on the porch and I just sat there looking around at the new homes being built and the people out and about walking dogs, washing cars, jogging, and doing yard work.
It dawned on my that I have it pretty good in life and all the things I've been letting get to me don't define who I am or how I carry myself. I've got friends and hobbies that keep me busy so there is no damn reason to be moping around. For the first time in a very long time I felt as ease with my life and the things going on in it. I think things sort of clicked for me Thursday and now I know my path is clear and open to new possibilities, as long as I keep my eyes open and my heart clear.
Of course once I got done helping them I was in no mood to do my own yard so I've put it off until Monday and will do it once I'm home from work.
So how did I spend my Sunday afternoon? Well for those who guessed playing another round of golf please give yourself a gold star and for those who had no clue, well might I suggest reading some of my older posts to brush up on what this blogger does for fun.
I played up at Pakenham and continued the fine play from Saturday afternoon, shooting a nice 89 that included putting a ball into the ponds on the Canyon 3rd and 4th holes and adding an out of bounds on the 8th that sort of pissed me off as I nailed my 3 wood a good 230 yards only to see it hit something in the fairway and kick way right OB. Oh well, I took some satisfaction in crushing that 3 wood and am really starting to like hitting it, almost as much as my Callaway 4 hybrid but don't tell her that as than she'll top my next shot lol
It's 9:45 pm and I'm off to bed soon as I'm hitting Movati in the morning and getting back into the gym routine again. Think I'm going to give myself a 2 week head start on getting my legs back before letting Connor know I'm back and ready for more of his sadism.
My name is Marcus and the clouds have parted and the sunshine feels pretty damn good these days.
My weekend started off with my usual weekly round with my friend B and catching up on the things going on in our lives. Seems my old company has been bought so there is a bit of uncertainty surrounding positions and he has decided to start looking for something new. He asked if I would be a reference and I laughed as I told him if I wasn't one we have some serious issues.
My Saturday morning round was the complete polar opposite of my Friday round to such an extent that I stopped scoring after taking an unbelievable 9 on the easiest par 4 I've ever played in my life, things got so bad that I started to experiment with shots since nothing I was doing seemed to work out for me. I sort of got things turned around a little on the back nine but by that time my mood was so bad I apologized to B for the hideous display of golf. He smiled and reminded me of his own round from hell I got to experience a few weeks ago and told me to hit the range and work on my club takeaway as that looks to be the issue causing my slice.
When I got home I took Moki for a walk and did some laundry as I tidied up around the house. My goal was to do the yard when I got home but it was too damn hot with the humidity so I stayed inside and just took it easy and had a little nap with Moki resting her head on my hip.
I only napped for about an hour and made myself a bite to eat as I was famished. Once done with that and cleaning up the dishes the thought of yard work was so very unappealing that I made the tough call to play another round of golf. The question was where to play as neither Pakenham or Glen Mar held much interest for me. I looked at eQuinelle down in Kemptville, The Smith Falls Golf & Country Club, and Perth Golf Course. I ended up going with Perth as I liked that it is Canada's oldest course at the same location since opening.
The front nine was kind of strange as it played long, played short, had weird angles, and sort of left me feeling a sense of vertigo until I was able to get to the back nine. I think I was 8 over on the front and everything I'd done wrong in my morning round at Pakenham was perfect in this round. My distance were spot on and my slice was minimal. I tinkered with my takeaway and think I found the cure to that damn slice, least for now. I loved the back nine and shot a 6 over 42 to finish with an 85 on a par 71 course. It doesn't play as long as some of the usual courses I play but there were a couple of holes that were monster long and really had me hitting fairway woods on the 2nd and 3rd shots when I'm used to hitting a short iron on the 3rd shot.
It's sort of amazing how Jekyll and Hyde my game can go from one round to the next. The only saving grace is that I can usually find holes in each round where I did everything just right.
I grabbed a pizza for dinner as cooking wasn't on the agenda and had some wine with it and can honestly say I was asleep by 9pm as the golf and fresh air had tired me out big time.
Sunday broke bright and early with the usual walk in the park with Moki and some breakfast. As I was getting ready to head out and tackle the yard my daughter sent me a text asking what I was up to and if I was interested in helping her and the fiancé put together a flower box as she was craving some colours in her yard as the grass isn't scheduled to be done till the middle of August.
I made the heroic decision to put off my own yard to help them and headed over with a shovel, some gloves, and a smile.
Two hours later we had a nice flower garden set up along the house right next to the front steps up onto the porch. I had forgotten how rocky the soil is in Kanata/Stittsville but was given a quick reminder when I had to constantly dig up rocks and work around patches of clay.
My daughter had to run over to Lowe's to get more topsoil and as her fiancé and I waited we had a cool drink on the porch and I just sat there looking around at the new homes being built and the people out and about walking dogs, washing cars, jogging, and doing yard work.
It dawned on my that I have it pretty good in life and all the things I've been letting get to me don't define who I am or how I carry myself. I've got friends and hobbies that keep me busy so there is no damn reason to be moping around. For the first time in a very long time I felt as ease with my life and the things going on in it. I think things sort of clicked for me Thursday and now I know my path is clear and open to new possibilities, as long as I keep my eyes open and my heart clear.
Of course once I got done helping them I was in no mood to do my own yard so I've put it off until Monday and will do it once I'm home from work.
So how did I spend my Sunday afternoon? Well for those who guessed playing another round of golf please give yourself a gold star and for those who had no clue, well might I suggest reading some of my older posts to brush up on what this blogger does for fun.
I played up at Pakenham and continued the fine play from Saturday afternoon, shooting a nice 89 that included putting a ball into the ponds on the Canyon 3rd and 4th holes and adding an out of bounds on the 8th that sort of pissed me off as I nailed my 3 wood a good 230 yards only to see it hit something in the fairway and kick way right OB. Oh well, I took some satisfaction in crushing that 3 wood and am really starting to like hitting it, almost as much as my Callaway 4 hybrid but don't tell her that as than she'll top my next shot lol
It's 9:45 pm and I'm off to bed soon as I'm hitting Movati in the morning and getting back into the gym routine again. Think I'm going to give myself a 2 week head start on getting my legs back before letting Connor know I'm back and ready for more of his sadism.
My name is Marcus and the clouds have parted and the sunshine feels pretty damn good these days.
Friday, July 22, 2016
Fantastic Friday
Friday, July 22/16
"My Sharona" by The Knack - the guitars totally make this one in my mind.
So the new Star Trek Beyond movie was a total kick ass experience and has some pretty good music to boot, a double win for me since I do love me some good tunes. The previews have me salivating as there are some pretty good movies coming out over the next month or so and now I've just got to find the time to take them all in when they arrive.
We stayed to the very end of the credits as I wanted to see the sign offs to Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin, both of whom left us this year. As we left the theatre the new Rihanna tune for the movie came on and my son couldn't believe it was her, the voice was so strong and the lyrics moving across the spectrum.
He dropped me off at home before heading over to his girlfriends so I did my usual thing and grabbed my clubs and headed off to Pakenham to play 18.
I got lucky and was sent out on the Lake/Canyon nines and fell into a really good groove once I was able to play through the 2 dads and 3 sons playing in front of me. Somehow I managed to shoot a 45 on the Lake 9, impressive when you consider I put two into the lake on the 5th hole as I was trying to overcome the damn slice that has worked it's way into my swing mechanics. I finished Lake strong with a pair of par's on the 8th and long par 5 9th.
I was on fire on Canyon and can't tell you for the life of me why I was playing so well. I was 1 over through 5 when the storm started to roil overhead. I hit a massive drive on the 6th , had to be close to 280+ yards which is super long for me, and just as I headed down the fairway I could feel the first drops of rain coming down. Normally I'd try to play through the rain to finish a round, especially one where I had a great chance to shoot under 90 but overhead I could hear the thunder starting to boom and decided that discretion was the better part of valour and headed towards the club house.
Just as I was moving my clubs from the cart to my car I saw lighting flash by and knew I'd made the right call. I ran the cart back to the clubhouse and received a credit for the unfinished 9 and headed home. As I pulled out of the parking lot the clouds opened up and I swear it was like someone was standing on the roof of my car and throwing buckets of water on my windshield, it was coming down so hard my wipers going at full blast couldn't give me any visibility so I stayed put until the worst had passed and I could see out of the windows again.
As much as I love golf I'm also smart enough to know when it's time to vamoose as I plan on playing many more rounds and want to be around to see my son graduate and the birth of my grandchild come this December. It kind of sucks such a great round was cut short but once again I have more proof that my game is almost where I want it. One thing I've noticed is that my confidence is growing so that I no longer shy away from using certain clubs or dread a couple of the holes on the course like I have in the past.
I'm just getting ready to open a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio and enjoy this weeks episode of Suits and maybe a movie on Netflix.
Stay dry, stay warm, stay safe, and stay tuned for more weekend updates :)
Marcus
"My Sharona" by The Knack - the guitars totally make this one in my mind.
So the new Star Trek Beyond movie was a total kick ass experience and has some pretty good music to boot, a double win for me since I do love me some good tunes. The previews have me salivating as there are some pretty good movies coming out over the next month or so and now I've just got to find the time to take them all in when they arrive.
We stayed to the very end of the credits as I wanted to see the sign offs to Leonard Nimoy and Anton Yelchin, both of whom left us this year. As we left the theatre the new Rihanna tune for the movie came on and my son couldn't believe it was her, the voice was so strong and the lyrics moving across the spectrum.
He dropped me off at home before heading over to his girlfriends so I did my usual thing and grabbed my clubs and headed off to Pakenham to play 18.
I got lucky and was sent out on the Lake/Canyon nines and fell into a really good groove once I was able to play through the 2 dads and 3 sons playing in front of me. Somehow I managed to shoot a 45 on the Lake 9, impressive when you consider I put two into the lake on the 5th hole as I was trying to overcome the damn slice that has worked it's way into my swing mechanics. I finished Lake strong with a pair of par's on the 8th and long par 5 9th.
I was on fire on Canyon and can't tell you for the life of me why I was playing so well. I was 1 over through 5 when the storm started to roil overhead. I hit a massive drive on the 6th , had to be close to 280+ yards which is super long for me, and just as I headed down the fairway I could feel the first drops of rain coming down. Normally I'd try to play through the rain to finish a round, especially one where I had a great chance to shoot under 90 but overhead I could hear the thunder starting to boom and decided that discretion was the better part of valour and headed towards the club house.
Just as I was moving my clubs from the cart to my car I saw lighting flash by and knew I'd made the right call. I ran the cart back to the clubhouse and received a credit for the unfinished 9 and headed home. As I pulled out of the parking lot the clouds opened up and I swear it was like someone was standing on the roof of my car and throwing buckets of water on my windshield, it was coming down so hard my wipers going at full blast couldn't give me any visibility so I stayed put until the worst had passed and I could see out of the windows again.
As much as I love golf I'm also smart enough to know when it's time to vamoose as I plan on playing many more rounds and want to be around to see my son graduate and the birth of my grandchild come this December. It kind of sucks such a great round was cut short but once again I have more proof that my game is almost where I want it. One thing I've noticed is that my confidence is growing so that I no longer shy away from using certain clubs or dread a couple of the holes on the course like I have in the past.
I'm just getting ready to open a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio and enjoy this weeks episode of Suits and maybe a movie on Netflix.
Stay dry, stay warm, stay safe, and stay tuned for more weekend updates :)
Marcus
The Weekend Starts Early
Friday, July 22/16
So I'm now enjoying my 3 day weekend courtesy of taking today off.
I was up bright and early taking the diva princess for a walk, suddenly for some reason the backyard isn't good enough for her and all she does is give me the look whenever I try and get her to go out there quickly, ran some errands, and now getting ready to head out and grab some lunch with my son before we see the new Star Trek Beyond in 3D Imax.
Later he'll transition to his moms for the week and I'll be looking to get in some golf, it's been almost 5 days since I last played and I'm feeling a bit antsy.
The weekend is wide open in terms of possibilities with just some yard work, laundry, the side deck repairs, and new WIFI router to install......ok, maybe it's not as wide open as I first thought but I'm flexible and will adjust my plans accordingly should something better open up :)
What is on your agenda? Maybe some family time, recreational time, clubbing, or even a date or two.
The world is your oyster so make the most of it!!!
Marcus
Oh....almost forgot today's musical suggestion....well in honour of Star Trek Beyond how about we go with Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.......great guitar riffs and the back drum beat isn't too bad
So I'm now enjoying my 3 day weekend courtesy of taking today off.
I was up bright and early taking the diva princess for a walk, suddenly for some reason the backyard isn't good enough for her and all she does is give me the look whenever I try and get her to go out there quickly, ran some errands, and now getting ready to head out and grab some lunch with my son before we see the new Star Trek Beyond in 3D Imax.
Later he'll transition to his moms for the week and I'll be looking to get in some golf, it's been almost 5 days since I last played and I'm feeling a bit antsy.
The weekend is wide open in terms of possibilities with just some yard work, laundry, the side deck repairs, and new WIFI router to install......ok, maybe it's not as wide open as I first thought but I'm flexible and will adjust my plans accordingly should something better open up :)
What is on your agenda? Maybe some family time, recreational time, clubbing, or even a date or two.
The world is your oyster so make the most of it!!!
Marcus
Oh....almost forgot today's musical suggestion....well in honour of Star Trek Beyond how about we go with Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.......great guitar riffs and the back drum beat isn't too bad
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Dinner with friends, a text, a call, and some closure
Thursday, July 21/16
I had dinner with my former CFO and controller last night and of course the subject of my dating life came up during the course of our talks. Sometimes I think those two get more worked up over things going on in my life than I do.
I'll admit it is nice to have them looking out for me and giving me some feedback on things, especially from K my old controller as she is female and offers a different perspective on things that I sorely need at times.
Of course the topic of my break up with C was broached and I was interested in they're take on how it ended and if I was as stupid as I thought I was with the way I acted. C, my former CFO just shook his head at me and K was quick to point out I'd done the wrong thing and was totally in the wrong.
I think they sensed it was still a tender subject for me, even after almost nine months, and they changed the subject to work related things, other people we knew, and future plans. They both encouraged me to start my job search now and be open and up front about my desire to stay where I am until September 30th so as to get my retention bonus, given it's large enough to make it worth my while, or to match it with a signing bonus. I think getting to stay until the end is more likely lol
As we parted ways in the parking lot K turned to me and said I needed to reach out to my C and make sure things were over, with CFO C nodding in agreement. I said I wasn't sure that was a good idea as I might not like the response I received and K said she was pretty sure C still thought of me and I owed to myself and her to try. I told them I'd think about it without really agreeing to make the call.
I mentioned this to my friend A at work this morning and he told me they were right, that no matter what I learned it was better than being in limbo.
Around 2 pm I sent a text to C and didn't really expect a response from her. as I was driving home she tried to call me but I couldn't take it as it would have meant taking my eyes off the road to grab my phone and I try to live by what I tell my son so that was not an option.
When I got home I called her but got her voice mail and left a message. She called me back about 5 minutes later and we had a chat.
I won't get into what was said other than to say I wish we'd had this talk back in September as it might have led things to turning out differently. Nothing says we wouldn't have broken up down the road anyways but I think that time, should it have come, would have been much farther in the future than turned out.
She did tell me that she didn't think any thing she had to say would give me the closure I needed but the truth is that hearing what she said did give me some peace of mind, it made me sad as I know things shouldn't have gotten to that point but they say life is one long lesson to learn from and maybe I'll do better with communicating or at least understanding what is happening to those around me than I did with C.
I wished her well and told her I will always be here for her as I think she is an amazing woman. Something I've only felt with two women in my life, the mother of my children and C. The difference between them being one makes me smile and one makes me feel butterflies whenever I think of her.........I'll leave you to figure out which one does which to me
There is a weight lifted off my shoulders now and I can sort of see my path stretching out in front of me as the fog that had shrouded it has at long last started to fade away.
Love can make your heart beat with joy, with anticipation, and ache with pain at a loss.
Love is all those moments when lust has been overcome.
Love makes 1 + 1 equal 1
Love........something I've had and hope to have again when the moment is right
My name is Marcus and life isn't looking too bad these days.
I struggled to come up with a musical suggestion to pair with this blog posting but nothing really seemed to fit the mood I was in when writing it so I was going to leave it blank but then I came across Sledgehammer by Rihanna.......perfect song for this one and I've got it playing as I hit post on this entry
I had dinner with my former CFO and controller last night and of course the subject of my dating life came up during the course of our talks. Sometimes I think those two get more worked up over things going on in my life than I do.
I'll admit it is nice to have them looking out for me and giving me some feedback on things, especially from K my old controller as she is female and offers a different perspective on things that I sorely need at times.
Of course the topic of my break up with C was broached and I was interested in they're take on how it ended and if I was as stupid as I thought I was with the way I acted. C, my former CFO just shook his head at me and K was quick to point out I'd done the wrong thing and was totally in the wrong.
I think they sensed it was still a tender subject for me, even after almost nine months, and they changed the subject to work related things, other people we knew, and future plans. They both encouraged me to start my job search now and be open and up front about my desire to stay where I am until September 30th so as to get my retention bonus, given it's large enough to make it worth my while, or to match it with a signing bonus. I think getting to stay until the end is more likely lol
As we parted ways in the parking lot K turned to me and said I needed to reach out to my C and make sure things were over, with CFO C nodding in agreement. I said I wasn't sure that was a good idea as I might not like the response I received and K said she was pretty sure C still thought of me and I owed to myself and her to try. I told them I'd think about it without really agreeing to make the call.
I mentioned this to my friend A at work this morning and he told me they were right, that no matter what I learned it was better than being in limbo.
Around 2 pm I sent a text to C and didn't really expect a response from her. as I was driving home she tried to call me but I couldn't take it as it would have meant taking my eyes off the road to grab my phone and I try to live by what I tell my son so that was not an option.
When I got home I called her but got her voice mail and left a message. She called me back about 5 minutes later and we had a chat.
I won't get into what was said other than to say I wish we'd had this talk back in September as it might have led things to turning out differently. Nothing says we wouldn't have broken up down the road anyways but I think that time, should it have come, would have been much farther in the future than turned out.
She did tell me that she didn't think any thing she had to say would give me the closure I needed but the truth is that hearing what she said did give me some peace of mind, it made me sad as I know things shouldn't have gotten to that point but they say life is one long lesson to learn from and maybe I'll do better with communicating or at least understanding what is happening to those around me than I did with C.
I wished her well and told her I will always be here for her as I think she is an amazing woman. Something I've only felt with two women in my life, the mother of my children and C. The difference between them being one makes me smile and one makes me feel butterflies whenever I think of her.........I'll leave you to figure out which one does which to me
There is a weight lifted off my shoulders now and I can sort of see my path stretching out in front of me as the fog that had shrouded it has at long last started to fade away.
Love can make your heart beat with joy, with anticipation, and ache with pain at a loss.
Love is all those moments when lust has been overcome.
Love makes 1 + 1 equal 1
Love........something I've had and hope to have again when the moment is right
My name is Marcus and life isn't looking too bad these days.
I struggled to come up with a musical suggestion to pair with this blog posting but nothing really seemed to fit the mood I was in when writing it so I was going to leave it blank but then I came across Sledgehammer by Rihanna.......perfect song for this one and I've got it playing as I hit post on this entry
Friday, July 15, 2016
Live in the moment
Friday, July 15/16
When I started this blog a few years back I made a promise to be honest to myself and you about my feelings about being a father and trying to date once again in the hope of meeting that one woman who could make my heart beat a bit faster when we were near or I thought about her, my last first kiss if you will.
I think it started off well enough but somewhere along the way I sort of lost touch with what I really wanted to say with this blog, I let my feelings get in the way and sort of drag things down over time.
For that I apologize and promise to try my best to get back to writing entries about the stuff I observe, that happens to me, or I just plain wish would happen.
No more morose pondering about what could have been had I only just acted one way instead of another, no more pining away over lost love for if truth be told it's possible I only fooled myself into thinking I was ever really the object of love to begin with. I can't say with any certainty that I know anymore whether the feelings expressed towards me were real or just a phase for the moment.
What I can say is that life is nothing more than a series of interconnected moments and I'm going to do my best to jump down the stream of life from one moment to the next, hopefully generating some interesting blog entries along the way.
As the saying goes, tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to work my ass off to make each new tomorrow worth living. This doesn't mean I'll be doing crazy things like buying a motorcycle or going sky diving but it does mean pushing my boundaries and trying to expand my experiences in life.
Spending time with my son, helping my daughter as she prepares for the arrival of her own child this year, feeding my self confessed addiction to golf, and getting out there and meeting people, specifically women, so I can maybe, just perhaps, fingers crossed share my very last first kiss with an amazing woman who reminds me what the L word really means.
Stay tuned and I hope the ride is worth at least three E tickets :)
Marcus
When I started this blog a few years back I made a promise to be honest to myself and you about my feelings about being a father and trying to date once again in the hope of meeting that one woman who could make my heart beat a bit faster when we were near or I thought about her, my last first kiss if you will.
I think it started off well enough but somewhere along the way I sort of lost touch with what I really wanted to say with this blog, I let my feelings get in the way and sort of drag things down over time.
For that I apologize and promise to try my best to get back to writing entries about the stuff I observe, that happens to me, or I just plain wish would happen.
No more morose pondering about what could have been had I only just acted one way instead of another, no more pining away over lost love for if truth be told it's possible I only fooled myself into thinking I was ever really the object of love to begin with. I can't say with any certainty that I know anymore whether the feelings expressed towards me were real or just a phase for the moment.
What I can say is that life is nothing more than a series of interconnected moments and I'm going to do my best to jump down the stream of life from one moment to the next, hopefully generating some interesting blog entries along the way.
As the saying goes, tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to work my ass off to make each new tomorrow worth living. This doesn't mean I'll be doing crazy things like buying a motorcycle or going sky diving but it does mean pushing my boundaries and trying to expand my experiences in life.
Spending time with my son, helping my daughter as she prepares for the arrival of her own child this year, feeding my self confessed addiction to golf, and getting out there and meeting people, specifically women, so I can maybe, just perhaps, fingers crossed share my very last first kiss with an amazing woman who reminds me what the L word really means.
Stay tuned and I hope the ride is worth at least three E tickets :)
Marcus
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Ikea, some anger, and a son's well timed question
Wednesday, July 13/16
Sunday was an interesting day in that in the middle of a store I felt an intense wave of anger and it took me a moment to understand what triggered it.
So as I blogged Friday was all about the golf but Sunday was all about feeling the anger and letting it go, hopefully once and for all.
I got up a little late on Sunday and after doing a few chores and taking Moki for a nice walk in the park I headed over to Ikea as there was this desk blotter I'd seen the last time I was there with my daughter that I've convinced myself will look really nice on my desk. Spoiler alert, it looks awesome and makes me feel cool.
Now I normally love me a good walk through Ikea as there is almost always something I come across that I need or can use in my house. Usually I have a nice little bounce in my step when wandering around and this time everything just seemed off and left me feeling really uneasy. You know that feeling you get when you just know something unpleasant is going to happen and there isn't damn thing you can do to avoid that oncoming disaster, well that was how I felt and it just slammed me out of the blue and I couldn't quite put a finger on the trigger point.
Well I took a moment and sat down on a couch and sort of let my mind go and took in all the sights around me and it dawned on me there were couples all over the place, literally in any direction I looked, checking things out, measuring items, talking about colours and styles, kidding around with one another, holding hands, and just basically being part of something greater than themselves individually.
As I took all this in I felt that anger building in me and was really confused as to why I was feeling that particular emotion before realizing that it was anger at not having something that I was given after refusing to seek it out.
When my marriage ended it hurt, the loss of my family was pretty damn intense and the only thing that saved me was getting some counseling that helped me see that while I was a participant in the ending of a relationship, I was one of two and it took both of us to make it work and both of us to stop trying that led to it's ending.
I didn't date for almost the first two years after the separation and it was for a number of reasons, primary being my son and wanting to spend as much time with him when he was with me and secondary being an unwillingness to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt again.
When I did decide to start dating I held back and never let myself become fully invested in the process, always backing away before things got to serious, that moment of truth when you take the next step in the process, that act of intimacy. It's not that I didn't enjoy those moments but I held back and denied myself, slowly over time convincing myself that I didn't need those kinds of complications in my life, that somehow free time spent golfing, taking walks, watching and coaching my kids in sports, reading books, listening to music, and watching movies was more than enough to satisfy my needs.
This strategy worked for me, for many years I was able to fool myself into thinking I was complete and happy following this path.
Until you came into my life and showed me what love, yes the dreaded L word, could bring me and what I could bring you. You didn't just come into my life you came in like a banshee and woke up all my repressed feelings, leaving me floundering like a virgin, showing me what it was like to be part of something bigger than just myself. You took me from being happy as is to wondering what life might hold if I was willing to follow you around as your career progressed, something I had never once contemplated before in my life. The touch of your hand on my shoulder as you walked past sent shivers up my spine, the brush of your lips on my cheek gave me goose bumps, my emotions bursting to be felt and acknowledged like never before. I told you I loved you way sooner than I thought I would and even before you had expressed such feelings, heady new ground for this introvert.
Being around you made me come out of my shell in ways I never imagined possible. You teased me for calling myself an introvert but the truth is that is exactly what I was before I met you, somehow you changed me into an extroverted introvert, if such a thing makes sense.
And that was the basis for my anger. I missed those feelings, those times with you, and I just wanted to scream out "How fucking dare you change my life and than just walk away from us" I was happy before you came and stole my heart with your smile, infectious laugh, and that Goddamn twinkle in your brown eyes whenever you looked at me.
As I sat there I screamed these things deep inside and could feel my chest tighten as I knew that moment was critical to my survival and ability to move forward.
Over the past few weeks I've given thought to driving up and trying to talk you, to contacting your friend F on Facebook and asking her how you're doing, to just about doing anything to make contact as I've been feeling so lost these days. But I didn't do any of them nor will I. Not for fear of the response I might receive, lets be honest here and admit that nothing you say could make me feel worse than putting all this out there for the world to read, at least you have your anonymity whereas I post my name to these entries every single day.
So there I sat feeling real anger towards you for the very first time ever. Anger that is deserved and yet leaves me feeling slightly sullied, as if it is beneath me to admit this emotion. It frightens me a bit, knowing you breached my armour and were able to hurt me in this way. I'll get over it but the sad fact is that I doubt I'll ever be as open with someone as I was with you.
After a bit I was able to regain my inner calm and finished up my shopping, taking in all the couples around me and now adding a twinge of jealousy to my emotions as I know we once acted just as they were doing now around me.
I ended up going to play golf once I was done at Ikea and don't think I've ever hit a golf ball as hard as I did that round, it was very cathartic just letting my anger flow down my arms into my hands and feeling the club head explode against the golf ball over and over.
Monday was a blur at work and I played more golf, a full 18 at Glen Mar that saw me shoot a solid 89 and left me feeling a bit better.
Tuesday was soccer practice for my son's team and I just wasn't feeling it and almost bailed but ended up going so I could see him for a bit, he's with his mom this week, and help the lads prepare for our game this Thursday.
My role with this team seems to have evolved without my even knowing it from 2nd assistant to defacto head coach as the 1st assistant just defers all decision making to me. The good thing is that the lads seem to enjoy the coaching and my son has reassured me that he is more than happy to have me involved this season.
I had them working on some passing drills followed up with some crossing and shooting drills to remind them that it's ok to take a shot now and than, we seem to hesitate at this and it's costing them dearly so the reminders needs to be sent over and over to shoot and shoot again.
When practice ended my son came over and gave me a fist bump as he asked me what happened to me. I didn't understand the question and asked what he meant and he told me that I seemed more like my old self, less distracted, and happier with things. I sort of did a double take at that and pulled him in a for a hug and told him I was fine, that something that had been on my mind had been sorted out.
He smiled at me and asked if that meant I'd talked to C and I shook my head and said that wasn't happening and for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like that was just my loss anymore.
He looked at me not sure what I meant and I took pity on him and said the anger I had for the breakup was out of me and it was time to move forward with life.
He asked if that meant I'd refuse to talk to her if she called or came by the house and I told him no, I'd talk to her but my life wasn't on hold waiting for that day to happen, I had too much to gain and wasn't waiting around for her anymore.
It's almost funny that the deep emotions I didn't know were inside me and controlling my responses to everything going on in my life were so obvious to my son and yet I was oblivious to them myself.
C, I'm still angry at you and hope someday you open up to me as to why you did what you did but I'm not waiting around on you anymore. I know we made each other happy but for some reason that wasn't enough for you and I hope you do find that with someone as we all deserve to love and be loved, you and me both more than some people I know.
Take care, be safe, keep those eyes open, and know that every time I hit a golf ball I'm reminded of you and that feeling you brought back into my life.
Semper Fi.....wrong saying but you get the drift
Marcus
I've been the man in the box these last few months and now I'm not so this song is pretty appropriate in my mind - Alice in Chains "Man In the Box"......great bass riffs and some interesting lyrics
Sunday was an interesting day in that in the middle of a store I felt an intense wave of anger and it took me a moment to understand what triggered it.
So as I blogged Friday was all about the golf but Sunday was all about feeling the anger and letting it go, hopefully once and for all.
I got up a little late on Sunday and after doing a few chores and taking Moki for a nice walk in the park I headed over to Ikea as there was this desk blotter I'd seen the last time I was there with my daughter that I've convinced myself will look really nice on my desk. Spoiler alert, it looks awesome and makes me feel cool.
Now I normally love me a good walk through Ikea as there is almost always something I come across that I need or can use in my house. Usually I have a nice little bounce in my step when wandering around and this time everything just seemed off and left me feeling really uneasy. You know that feeling you get when you just know something unpleasant is going to happen and there isn't damn thing you can do to avoid that oncoming disaster, well that was how I felt and it just slammed me out of the blue and I couldn't quite put a finger on the trigger point.
Well I took a moment and sat down on a couch and sort of let my mind go and took in all the sights around me and it dawned on me there were couples all over the place, literally in any direction I looked, checking things out, measuring items, talking about colours and styles, kidding around with one another, holding hands, and just basically being part of something greater than themselves individually.
As I took all this in I felt that anger building in me and was really confused as to why I was feeling that particular emotion before realizing that it was anger at not having something that I was given after refusing to seek it out.
When my marriage ended it hurt, the loss of my family was pretty damn intense and the only thing that saved me was getting some counseling that helped me see that while I was a participant in the ending of a relationship, I was one of two and it took both of us to make it work and both of us to stop trying that led to it's ending.
I didn't date for almost the first two years after the separation and it was for a number of reasons, primary being my son and wanting to spend as much time with him when he was with me and secondary being an unwillingness to put myself in a situation where I could get hurt again.
When I did decide to start dating I held back and never let myself become fully invested in the process, always backing away before things got to serious, that moment of truth when you take the next step in the process, that act of intimacy. It's not that I didn't enjoy those moments but I held back and denied myself, slowly over time convincing myself that I didn't need those kinds of complications in my life, that somehow free time spent golfing, taking walks, watching and coaching my kids in sports, reading books, listening to music, and watching movies was more than enough to satisfy my needs.
This strategy worked for me, for many years I was able to fool myself into thinking I was complete and happy following this path.
Until you came into my life and showed me what love, yes the dreaded L word, could bring me and what I could bring you. You didn't just come into my life you came in like a banshee and woke up all my repressed feelings, leaving me floundering like a virgin, showing me what it was like to be part of something bigger than just myself. You took me from being happy as is to wondering what life might hold if I was willing to follow you around as your career progressed, something I had never once contemplated before in my life. The touch of your hand on my shoulder as you walked past sent shivers up my spine, the brush of your lips on my cheek gave me goose bumps, my emotions bursting to be felt and acknowledged like never before. I told you I loved you way sooner than I thought I would and even before you had expressed such feelings, heady new ground for this introvert.
Being around you made me come out of my shell in ways I never imagined possible. You teased me for calling myself an introvert but the truth is that is exactly what I was before I met you, somehow you changed me into an extroverted introvert, if such a thing makes sense.
And that was the basis for my anger. I missed those feelings, those times with you, and I just wanted to scream out "How fucking dare you change my life and than just walk away from us" I was happy before you came and stole my heart with your smile, infectious laugh, and that Goddamn twinkle in your brown eyes whenever you looked at me.
As I sat there I screamed these things deep inside and could feel my chest tighten as I knew that moment was critical to my survival and ability to move forward.
Over the past few weeks I've given thought to driving up and trying to talk you, to contacting your friend F on Facebook and asking her how you're doing, to just about doing anything to make contact as I've been feeling so lost these days. But I didn't do any of them nor will I. Not for fear of the response I might receive, lets be honest here and admit that nothing you say could make me feel worse than putting all this out there for the world to read, at least you have your anonymity whereas I post my name to these entries every single day.
So there I sat feeling real anger towards you for the very first time ever. Anger that is deserved and yet leaves me feeling slightly sullied, as if it is beneath me to admit this emotion. It frightens me a bit, knowing you breached my armour and were able to hurt me in this way. I'll get over it but the sad fact is that I doubt I'll ever be as open with someone as I was with you.
After a bit I was able to regain my inner calm and finished up my shopping, taking in all the couples around me and now adding a twinge of jealousy to my emotions as I know we once acted just as they were doing now around me.
I ended up going to play golf once I was done at Ikea and don't think I've ever hit a golf ball as hard as I did that round, it was very cathartic just letting my anger flow down my arms into my hands and feeling the club head explode against the golf ball over and over.
Monday was a blur at work and I played more golf, a full 18 at Glen Mar that saw me shoot a solid 89 and left me feeling a bit better.
Tuesday was soccer practice for my son's team and I just wasn't feeling it and almost bailed but ended up going so I could see him for a bit, he's with his mom this week, and help the lads prepare for our game this Thursday.
My role with this team seems to have evolved without my even knowing it from 2nd assistant to defacto head coach as the 1st assistant just defers all decision making to me. The good thing is that the lads seem to enjoy the coaching and my son has reassured me that he is more than happy to have me involved this season.
I had them working on some passing drills followed up with some crossing and shooting drills to remind them that it's ok to take a shot now and than, we seem to hesitate at this and it's costing them dearly so the reminders needs to be sent over and over to shoot and shoot again.
When practice ended my son came over and gave me a fist bump as he asked me what happened to me. I didn't understand the question and asked what he meant and he told me that I seemed more like my old self, less distracted, and happier with things. I sort of did a double take at that and pulled him in a for a hug and told him I was fine, that something that had been on my mind had been sorted out.
He smiled at me and asked if that meant I'd talked to C and I shook my head and said that wasn't happening and for the first time in a long time I didn't feel like that was just my loss anymore.
He looked at me not sure what I meant and I took pity on him and said the anger I had for the breakup was out of me and it was time to move forward with life.
He asked if that meant I'd refuse to talk to her if she called or came by the house and I told him no, I'd talk to her but my life wasn't on hold waiting for that day to happen, I had too much to gain and wasn't waiting around for her anymore.
It's almost funny that the deep emotions I didn't know were inside me and controlling my responses to everything going on in my life were so obvious to my son and yet I was oblivious to them myself.
C, I'm still angry at you and hope someday you open up to me as to why you did what you did but I'm not waiting around on you anymore. I know we made each other happy but for some reason that wasn't enough for you and I hope you do find that with someone as we all deserve to love and be loved, you and me both more than some people I know.
Take care, be safe, keep those eyes open, and know that every time I hit a golf ball I'm reminded of you and that feeling you brought back into my life.
Semper Fi.....wrong saying but you get the drift
Marcus
I've been the man in the box these last few months and now I'm not so this song is pretty appropriate in my mind - Alice in Chains "Man In the Box"......great bass riffs and some interesting lyrics
Sunday, July 10, 2016
Toothbrush
Sunday, July 10/16
Today's musical suggestion is also the basis of the blog: "Toothbrush" by DNCE
I was up early this morning which is unusual since I didn't get to bed until almost 2am this morning as I sort of got lost between reading and watching a documentary on Ronaldo Cristiano. Don't tell my son about the last one as he is a die hard Messi fan and would never forgive me for going over to the dark side, so to speak.
Moki and I did a nice little walk along the Trans Canada and while walking I had my ear buds in and listened to music, including today's song.
Prior to this morning I hadn't really paid much attention to the words but as we walked they sort of broke past my wandering mind and made it think about the things I still have at my place that were C's and wondered if any of the items I left at her place were still there or if she'd gotten rid of those reminders.
None of the stuff we'd left at each others place included clothing though I'd been getting ready to start leaving some stuff at her place as I was spending more time there than she was at my place and it seemed the natural evolution in the process.
It's kind of funny that we pretty much had some of the same things at each others place though each geared more to the others sexuality if you know what I mean.
I read somewhere that when a relationship ends you go through several phases and each can take anywhere from 2-4 months to complete. The first is phase covers the hurt you feel at the loss of the relationship and the attempts you make to try and get it back. The second phase is the anger stage and where you just seemed pissed off all the time at the perceived unfairness of it all. The third phase is what I would call the stage of neutrality and where you don't think so much about the other person nor do you really look outside your own immediate circle and envision moving on, it's sort of like being in a numb state of limbo, dull but not going to rock the waves the boat of life is resting upon. The final stage is where you awaken and begin to remember that life is something to be experienced and that is usually best done with someone who makes you smile and feel good inside.
These phases are passed through in order but a person can relapse into a previous phase should something act like a trigger point. For myself, I think I've done the first three phases and slowly started to acknowledge the existence and desire to enter the last stage. I have my moments where I sort of revert to stage one but they are becoming fewer and farther apart, lasting less and less as time passes. I think it is this that has kept me from embracing the last stage as fully as I should as I worry not about myself but how unfair it might be to meet someone, like them , them like me, only to have a reminder of what was and be in a down mood for a bit, no matter how short a time it might be.
I sort of reverted back to phase one momentarily last weekend when I was driving home from my late Sunday round at Pakenham and noticed a black SUV pass me on the way down the valley to Ottawa. At first I didn't think anything of it but than it hit me that C drove the exact same model and maybe she was heading down to drop her youngest off at his dad's place. My heart literally exploded into a faster beat and I felt my stomach churn with butterflies. I debated on whether I should speed up and see if it was her or leave things alone. I ended up speeding up and while it was an attractive female driving the SUV it wasn't C. I can honestly say I felt a sense of relief as I don't know what I would have done if it had been her, make some weak assed wave saying hello or just stare straight ahead down the highway.
So in my one night stand is a small box with a toothbrush and other items that C left many months ago. I should dispose of them but somehow doing so feels wrong, not that I expect her to show up and be part of my life as I've accepted that isn't going to happen, yet the thought of disposing of those items makes me feel dirty and unworthy in some way.
How have you dealt with items left over after the end of a relationship and how did doing that make you feel? Did it give you a sense of liberation and help you move onto phase 4 or leave you feeling a bit sad? I think it might do both for me but not sure I'm ready to face the sadness just quite yet.
Marcus
Today's musical suggestion is also the basis of the blog: "Toothbrush" by DNCE
I was up early this morning which is unusual since I didn't get to bed until almost 2am this morning as I sort of got lost between reading and watching a documentary on Ronaldo Cristiano. Don't tell my son about the last one as he is a die hard Messi fan and would never forgive me for going over to the dark side, so to speak.
Moki and I did a nice little walk along the Trans Canada and while walking I had my ear buds in and listened to music, including today's song.
Prior to this morning I hadn't really paid much attention to the words but as we walked they sort of broke past my wandering mind and made it think about the things I still have at my place that were C's and wondered if any of the items I left at her place were still there or if she'd gotten rid of those reminders.
None of the stuff we'd left at each others place included clothing though I'd been getting ready to start leaving some stuff at her place as I was spending more time there than she was at my place and it seemed the natural evolution in the process.
It's kind of funny that we pretty much had some of the same things at each others place though each geared more to the others sexuality if you know what I mean.
I read somewhere that when a relationship ends you go through several phases and each can take anywhere from 2-4 months to complete. The first is phase covers the hurt you feel at the loss of the relationship and the attempts you make to try and get it back. The second phase is the anger stage and where you just seemed pissed off all the time at the perceived unfairness of it all. The third phase is what I would call the stage of neutrality and where you don't think so much about the other person nor do you really look outside your own immediate circle and envision moving on, it's sort of like being in a numb state of limbo, dull but not going to rock the waves the boat of life is resting upon. The final stage is where you awaken and begin to remember that life is something to be experienced and that is usually best done with someone who makes you smile and feel good inside.
These phases are passed through in order but a person can relapse into a previous phase should something act like a trigger point. For myself, I think I've done the first three phases and slowly started to acknowledge the existence and desire to enter the last stage. I have my moments where I sort of revert to stage one but they are becoming fewer and farther apart, lasting less and less as time passes. I think it is this that has kept me from embracing the last stage as fully as I should as I worry not about myself but how unfair it might be to meet someone, like them , them like me, only to have a reminder of what was and be in a down mood for a bit, no matter how short a time it might be.
I sort of reverted back to phase one momentarily last weekend when I was driving home from my late Sunday round at Pakenham and noticed a black SUV pass me on the way down the valley to Ottawa. At first I didn't think anything of it but than it hit me that C drove the exact same model and maybe she was heading down to drop her youngest off at his dad's place. My heart literally exploded into a faster beat and I felt my stomach churn with butterflies. I debated on whether I should speed up and see if it was her or leave things alone. I ended up speeding up and while it was an attractive female driving the SUV it wasn't C. I can honestly say I felt a sense of relief as I don't know what I would have done if it had been her, make some weak assed wave saying hello or just stare straight ahead down the highway.
So in my one night stand is a small box with a toothbrush and other items that C left many months ago. I should dispose of them but somehow doing so feels wrong, not that I expect her to show up and be part of my life as I've accepted that isn't going to happen, yet the thought of disposing of those items makes me feel dirty and unworthy in some way.
How have you dealt with items left over after the end of a relationship and how did doing that make you feel? Did it give you a sense of liberation and help you move onto phase 4 or leave you feeling a bit sad? I think it might do both for me but not sure I'm ready to face the sadness just quite yet.
Marcus
Saturday, July 9, 2016
Friday Was All About The Golf And A Hug Out Of The Blue
Saturday, July 09/16
Today's musical suggestion is "Take It From Me" by the KONGOS
As I've previously mentioned my company was bought by an American competitor and we've been going through a rather disjointed integration these past couple of months. Whenever I'm asked what I mean by disjointed I liken it to being asked to play quarterback and being inside a closed off freight car rumbling down railroad tracks doing 55 miles per hours at 3am with a howling wind blowing rain, sleet, snow in your face and being asked to make the perfect throw through a hoop.
It's possible but not likely and nothing I'd bet the mortgage money on.
Our American counterparts get two days off for American Independence day, both the 4th and 5th, and in order to balance things out we were given July 1st and the 4th off as well. The only problem being we are at quarter end and with tight SEC reporting deadlines looming a few of us had to work on Monday, yours truly included.
So to make up for it we took yesterday off and I went golfing with one of the other M's from my group up at Pakenham. M lives near the course and we both really like it so it seemed like the perfect choice to play on our day off. It was my first time playing with M and I have to say it was much more enjoyable than I first thought possible.
Unlike when I play with my regular golf buddy B, I felt no pressure to play well and it really relaxed me and I was able to just play the course and have some fun. M played really well, much better than he says he normally plays but it was all good. We commiserated over bad shots and took pleasure when the other made a great shot, like when M sank a nice 18 foot putt from just off the green on the 7th hole on the Lake 9 for a sweet birdie
We took a couple of selfies and had to share them with the other M who couldn't get off as he didn't work on Monday. M2 wasn't too thrilled with us and said he hoped we hit all our shots into the ponds spread across the course. We just laughed at that one.
After we finished our front 9 we stopped by the clubhouse to grab something cold to drink, not alcohol as it was only 10am, and I noticed a very unique tattoo on the arm of the young lady working the counter. Now I've seen it before during my other rounds on the course but never thought to ask her about it and this time I didn't even think about it and asked her what it signified. You see it was two separate dates in Roman numerals, one above the other on her left forearm, the side that faces you when you can see the palm of your hand.
She paused to look down at it and smiled at me when she looked up and told me they were the dates of her fathers birth and death. I looked down at them once again before smiling back at her and told her I couldn't think of a nicer tribute and I'm sure it made him smile whenever he looked down upon her from heaven. I left money on the counter and took the drinks out to the cart where M was waiting and as I stood there talking to him the young lady came out and before I could say anything she hugged me and said thank you for the kind words as it reminded her of how much her father loved her and her mother.
As I drove the cart over to the next 9 I have to admit to fighting back a tear as the thought of her losing her dad at such a young age made my heart ache and so glad I'm still around for my own children.
I could sense M looking at me and without taking my eyes the path I said "What?"
He shook his head and replied "You are very different outside the office away from all the stress and crap"
I asked what meant by that and he said that I come across as just fed up with everything and I admitted that working for our controller was taking a lot out of me as he does nothing, takes credit for everything we're doing, and has to be one of the most incompetent managers I've ever worked for in my career. Feelings I've done nothing to hide from him or our bosses in Sunnyvale when they've asked me about how he is doing. The consensus is he is in way over his head and they should have just made one of the existing team a senior lead and gone from there when they bought us out but they don't think they can do that this late in the game, most of us are only there till the end of September and in order to keep us from leaving they've basically told us to deal directly with our managers in Sunnyvale and bypass the on site controller. Pretty shitty way to deal with the mess they created themselves.
I sort of laughed and told him if he mentioned one word of what just happened to anyone in the office I'd pull the tires off his car, put them on the roof, and light the whole thing on fire.
"And he's back" was his response with a deep laugh.
Our back 9 was pretty good and I'd say it was one of my best rounds of golf over the past few seasons, not based on the score but solely on how much fun I had and that's the ultimate objective.
When I got home I was surprised to see my son still there as he told me he was going to meet some friends at the movies for 11:30 am and then head to his mom's afterwards to start his week with her.
As I came in through the side door I found him in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and asked what was he still doing home. He said the movie they wanted to see didn't start till 2pm so he was just tidying up before heading out. I thanked him and told him to have a great weekend with his mom and I'd see him at soccer practice on Tuesday. As he headed to the door he stopped and gave me a hug and I held on for a bit longer than usual and told him how much joy he gave me and he said smiled and said he loved me too.
I ended up heading out around 4pm and managed to play another round of golf at Glen Mar and didn't fare too badly. The best thing is that my body didn't seem to mind the extra holes and might be telling me it's time to head back to the gym now that my back is healed up from the surgery.
I know where I'll be tomorrow at some point :)
I also know what my next tattoo will be............some pretty damn important dates in my life
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to write about being a father, friend, co-worker, coach, and maybe some day someone's significant other once again.........
Today's musical suggestion is "Take It From Me" by the KONGOS
As I've previously mentioned my company was bought by an American competitor and we've been going through a rather disjointed integration these past couple of months. Whenever I'm asked what I mean by disjointed I liken it to being asked to play quarterback and being inside a closed off freight car rumbling down railroad tracks doing 55 miles per hours at 3am with a howling wind blowing rain, sleet, snow in your face and being asked to make the perfect throw through a hoop.
It's possible but not likely and nothing I'd bet the mortgage money on.
Our American counterparts get two days off for American Independence day, both the 4th and 5th, and in order to balance things out we were given July 1st and the 4th off as well. The only problem being we are at quarter end and with tight SEC reporting deadlines looming a few of us had to work on Monday, yours truly included.
So to make up for it we took yesterday off and I went golfing with one of the other M's from my group up at Pakenham. M lives near the course and we both really like it so it seemed like the perfect choice to play on our day off. It was my first time playing with M and I have to say it was much more enjoyable than I first thought possible.
Unlike when I play with my regular golf buddy B, I felt no pressure to play well and it really relaxed me and I was able to just play the course and have some fun. M played really well, much better than he says he normally plays but it was all good. We commiserated over bad shots and took pleasure when the other made a great shot, like when M sank a nice 18 foot putt from just off the green on the 7th hole on the Lake 9 for a sweet birdie
We took a couple of selfies and had to share them with the other M who couldn't get off as he didn't work on Monday. M2 wasn't too thrilled with us and said he hoped we hit all our shots into the ponds spread across the course. We just laughed at that one.
After we finished our front 9 we stopped by the clubhouse to grab something cold to drink, not alcohol as it was only 10am, and I noticed a very unique tattoo on the arm of the young lady working the counter. Now I've seen it before during my other rounds on the course but never thought to ask her about it and this time I didn't even think about it and asked her what it signified. You see it was two separate dates in Roman numerals, one above the other on her left forearm, the side that faces you when you can see the palm of your hand.
She paused to look down at it and smiled at me when she looked up and told me they were the dates of her fathers birth and death. I looked down at them once again before smiling back at her and told her I couldn't think of a nicer tribute and I'm sure it made him smile whenever he looked down upon her from heaven. I left money on the counter and took the drinks out to the cart where M was waiting and as I stood there talking to him the young lady came out and before I could say anything she hugged me and said thank you for the kind words as it reminded her of how much her father loved her and her mother.
As I drove the cart over to the next 9 I have to admit to fighting back a tear as the thought of her losing her dad at such a young age made my heart ache and so glad I'm still around for my own children.
I could sense M looking at me and without taking my eyes the path I said "What?"
He shook his head and replied "You are very different outside the office away from all the stress and crap"
I asked what meant by that and he said that I come across as just fed up with everything and I admitted that working for our controller was taking a lot out of me as he does nothing, takes credit for everything we're doing, and has to be one of the most incompetent managers I've ever worked for in my career. Feelings I've done nothing to hide from him or our bosses in Sunnyvale when they've asked me about how he is doing. The consensus is he is in way over his head and they should have just made one of the existing team a senior lead and gone from there when they bought us out but they don't think they can do that this late in the game, most of us are only there till the end of September and in order to keep us from leaving they've basically told us to deal directly with our managers in Sunnyvale and bypass the on site controller. Pretty shitty way to deal with the mess they created themselves.
I sort of laughed and told him if he mentioned one word of what just happened to anyone in the office I'd pull the tires off his car, put them on the roof, and light the whole thing on fire.
"And he's back" was his response with a deep laugh.
Our back 9 was pretty good and I'd say it was one of my best rounds of golf over the past few seasons, not based on the score but solely on how much fun I had and that's the ultimate objective.
When I got home I was surprised to see my son still there as he told me he was going to meet some friends at the movies for 11:30 am and then head to his mom's afterwards to start his week with her.
As I came in through the side door I found him in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher and asked what was he still doing home. He said the movie they wanted to see didn't start till 2pm so he was just tidying up before heading out. I thanked him and told him to have a great weekend with his mom and I'd see him at soccer practice on Tuesday. As he headed to the door he stopped and gave me a hug and I held on for a bit longer than usual and told him how much joy he gave me and he said smiled and said he loved me too.
I ended up heading out around 4pm and managed to play another round of golf at Glen Mar and didn't fare too badly. The best thing is that my body didn't seem to mind the extra holes and might be telling me it's time to head back to the gym now that my back is healed up from the surgery.
I know where I'll be tomorrow at some point :)
I also know what my next tattoo will be............some pretty damn important dates in my life
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to write about being a father, friend, co-worker, coach, and maybe some day someone's significant other once again.........
Something to ponder.....
Saturday, July 09/16
So as I was walking with Moki at the park down the street from my place something caught my eye and made me pause to think about it.
It rained last night and this morning and yet as we walked I noticed there were distinct patches of the sidewalk that had already dried out whereas the majority of the sidewalk was still showing the effects of the rain.
So it made me think what makes one patch dry quicker than another when the entire sidewalk was put down at the exact same time.
Think about that and how it relates to real world situations you come across all the time.
I'm off to run some errands and will be adding another post this afternoon once I'm home.
Marcus
So as I was walking with Moki at the park down the street from my place something caught my eye and made me pause to think about it.
It rained last night and this morning and yet as we walked I noticed there were distinct patches of the sidewalk that had already dried out whereas the majority of the sidewalk was still showing the effects of the rain.
So it made me think what makes one patch dry quicker than another when the entire sidewalk was put down at the exact same time.
Think about that and how it relates to real world situations you come across all the time.
I'm off to run some errands and will be adding another post this afternoon once I'm home.
Marcus
Monday, July 4, 2016
Happy Birthday America!
Monday, July 04/16
I am in the unique position of holding dual citizenship between Canada and America so I get to celebrate national birthday's twice a year and within just days of one another.
Happy 4th of July to all my American followers and distant family.
Hoping you are able to enjoy the fantastic weather, have a hot dog or two, a cold beverage of your choice, and some great firework displays.
Marcus
I am in the unique position of holding dual citizenship between Canada and America so I get to celebrate national birthday's twice a year and within just days of one another.
Happy 4th of July to all my American followers and distant family.
Hoping you are able to enjoy the fantastic weather, have a hot dog or two, a cold beverage of your choice, and some great firework displays.
Marcus
Friday, July 1, 2016
Happy Canada Day!
Friday, July 01/16
Today is Canada's birthday as an independent nation and I'd like to wish all my followers from Canada a Happy Birthday.
We're looking pretty darn good for being 149 years old!!!!
True North, Proud & Strong.
Marcus
Today is Canada's birthday as an independent nation and I'd like to wish all my followers from Canada a Happy Birthday.
We're looking pretty darn good for being 149 years old!!!!
True North, Proud & Strong.
Marcus
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