Thursday, July 21/16
I had dinner with my former CFO and controller last night and of course the subject of my dating life came up during the course of our talks. Sometimes I think those two get more worked up over things going on in my life than I do.
I'll admit it is nice to have them looking out for me and giving me some feedback on things, especially from K my old controller as she is female and offers a different perspective on things that I sorely need at times.
Of course the topic of my break up with C was broached and I was interested in they're take on how it ended and if I was as stupid as I thought I was with the way I acted. C, my former CFO just shook his head at me and K was quick to point out I'd done the wrong thing and was totally in the wrong.
I think they sensed it was still a tender subject for me, even after almost nine months, and they changed the subject to work related things, other people we knew, and future plans. They both encouraged me to start my job search now and be open and up front about my desire to stay where I am until September 30th so as to get my retention bonus, given it's large enough to make it worth my while, or to match it with a signing bonus. I think getting to stay until the end is more likely lol
As we parted ways in the parking lot K turned to me and said I needed to reach out to my C and make sure things were over, with CFO C nodding in agreement. I said I wasn't sure that was a good idea as I might not like the response I received and K said she was pretty sure C still thought of me and I owed to myself and her to try. I told them I'd think about it without really agreeing to make the call.
I mentioned this to my friend A at work this morning and he told me they were right, that no matter what I learned it was better than being in limbo.
Around 2 pm I sent a text to C and didn't really expect a response from her. as I was driving home she tried to call me but I couldn't take it as it would have meant taking my eyes off the road to grab my phone and I try to live by what I tell my son so that was not an option.
When I got home I called her but got her voice mail and left a message. She called me back about 5 minutes later and we had a chat.
I won't get into what was said other than to say I wish we'd had this talk back in September as it might have led things to turning out differently. Nothing says we wouldn't have broken up down the road anyways but I think that time, should it have come, would have been much farther in the future than turned out.
She did tell me that she didn't think any thing she had to say would give me the closure I needed but the truth is that hearing what she said did give me some peace of mind, it made me sad as I know things shouldn't have gotten to that point but they say life is one long lesson to learn from and maybe I'll do better with communicating or at least understanding what is happening to those around me than I did with C.
I wished her well and told her I will always be here for her as I think she is an amazing woman. Something I've only felt with two women in my life, the mother of my children and C. The difference between them being one makes me smile and one makes me feel butterflies whenever I think of her.........I'll leave you to figure out which one does which to me
There is a weight lifted off my shoulders now and I can sort of see my path stretching out in front of me as the fog that had shrouded it has at long last started to fade away.
Love can make your heart beat with joy, with anticipation, and ache with pain at a loss.
Love is all those moments when lust has been overcome.
Love makes 1 + 1 equal 1
Love........something I've had and hope to have again when the moment is right
My name is Marcus and life isn't looking too bad these days.
I struggled to come up with a musical suggestion to pair with this blog posting but nothing really seemed to fit the mood I was in when writing it so I was going to leave it blank but then I came across Sledgehammer by Rihanna.......perfect song for this one and I've got it playing as I hit post on this entry
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