I broke a vow and it made me smile

Monday, December 10/18

I took a vow about a year ago after some serious time spent pondering what was the sense in reminding myself over and over of what once was.

Seriously, the question was why was I continuously doing something that did nothing but make me sad and brought me no pleasure, unless of course I was a masochist who needed the constant reminder of what I was missing in my life.

So by now you are probably trying to figure out what was I doing that was so horrible that I had taken a vow to stop.........

No, I was not touching myself so please get that thought of your minds!!!  This isn't that kind of blog, if that's something you are interested in than please Google it and find another blog please.

Nope, it was nothing more than looking at a  Facebook profile every few days.

No harm in that right? Wrong when than profile is that of your former girlfriend......

Pathetic?  Absolutely (there is that damn honesty thing again)

Stubborn? For sure

Rewarding? Not in the least, well partially not in the least as I never came across any updates that she had moved onto someone else.

Reckless?  I don't think so as I never once did more than peek.

Smart? Hell's No!!!!  There is smart and there is dumb. Usually I'm a pretty smart guy but sometimes the heart makes us, me in particular, very very dumb.

So I had come to all of these same conclusions on my own back in early 2017 and made a solemn vow to stop torturing myself and refrain from looking at her profile. She had moved on and this was the last thing I needed to do in order to begin doing so myself.

I'll admit the temptation has always been there and never more so than the first few months to go and take a sneak peek, but I didn't give in to the temptation and grew more and more proud of myself for having the willpower to honour the vow.

So you might ask just what happened that led me to break my vow now after being so good for the past 18+ months?

Honestly not a clue as I was online yesterday doing some research to help my son study for his Financial Accounting Final exam when Facebook notified me that I had new friend request, which is odd in and of itself given I don't have a public profile for a variety of reasons, primarily related to privacy for my children, and I opened my FB account to see this notification and literally before I even knew I was doing it found myself typing Corinne's name in the search box.

Of course FB being the little enabler that it is completed my search with her full name and opened up her profile right before my very eyes. Damn Mark Zuckerberg and his creation.

So as I sat there pondering the betrayal of my vow it dawned on me that I really liked her profile picture, it was a new selfie taken in her SUV and in it she was flashing that sweet smile I had grown accustomed to seeing flashed my way.

But something about it just screamed out to me.

That rattled me a bit as beside that smile, which is plenty enough reason for me, I wasn't sure what was keeping my focus so intent on the picture.

Think I sat there for a few minutes before I started to smile and knew what it was..........

I'm more than positive that the earrings she is wearing in the picture were my Christmas gift to her from 2014. I'm pretty sure that was the only time in my life I've purchased earrings for a woman before and it just came to me as I was walking past the Pandora store in the Bayshore Shopping Centre one day after work.

It makes me feel good to know she still has them and hopefully each time she puts them on she thinks of me and has good memories of me and our time together, as I do of her when I play a round of golf with the clubs she bought me for my birthday.

Someone once said to me that sometimes we meet the right person at the wrong time and I used to wonder if that was our story but I tend to think that......

if the heart matters enough, timing doesn't

My name is Marcus and I've renewed that vow once again, not because of any pain but rather to keep that memory untainted in my heart.

Today's musical recommendation is a little old school.......The Way You Look Tonight by old blue eyes himself, Mister Frank Sinatra