Saturday, February 23/19
I had a couple of blog entries about my recent experience with online dating and my plans for 2019 almost completed and ready for posting but have shelved them for this blog entry instead.
I was sitting in Baton Rouge reading my tablet and waiting for a late lunch to be served when I heard a statistic over the radio that made me pause and start to get tremors.
This year there will be over 4,000 suicides in Canada, 4,000!!!!!
Suicide is now listed as ranking in the top ten sources of death in Canada, and we aren't even in the top 25 in national rates of suicide per 100K of population.
This is a scary statistic and only gets worse with each passing year.
I'm on Instagram and follow about 90 people, as you can imagine most are athletes or sports teams but one is a comedian named Kate Quigley who goes by kateqfunny and I think is pretty hilarious with her zero fucks given attitude.
She lost a close friend this week in fellow comedian Brody Stevens and has posted a couple of entries about it and her feelings. One takeaway I got was that he didn't express or display any signs of what he was feeling and that everyone wishes he would have called someone.......
I never met Brody and I wish he would have known at that moment the sense of loss his act would leave with his friends though it might not have led him to make a different decision as sometimes that feeling is just too overpowering at that particular moment.
I have someone close to me who recently lost a family member to suicide and I know they are struggling with the aftermath, partially because the person called them repeatedly to lay some massive guilt on them for things they had suppossedly done over the years.
I've reached out to my friend and reminded them that depression does not use logic and that even though the person said some pretty hateful things that there was no true meaning behind the words.
I've called them a few times just to check in on them and remind them that they are loved and I'm only as far away as a telephone call, my shoulder is there to cry on or to punch, a cold beer is always in my fridge and the couch makes a comfy bed if they need to sleep over.
The bottom line is that they are not alone but none of us can read minds so please reach out and talk to us when things aren't going as you want.
The person you pass on the sidewalk who is smiling might be reliving horrible things someone as said to them and the person you pass with the frown might be having a wonderful day, the bottom line is we never know by just looking at someone what is going on inside them.
I may not know any of you all that well but I am here if you just need someone to talk to about things and beg you to reach out to me or someone close to you if you feel like the world is closing in around you.
I've been there myself, years before I moved to Canada, but I know that darkness still lurks somewhere deep inside me and know that should it ever resurface that I have a circle of friends I can turn too if needed, and yes I know how fortunate I am to have them and that is why I am putting myself out there for any of you in need.
Please talk to someone if you ever feel that the only way out is to embrace the darkness by crossing into the abyss as it's not, it really isn't...........
My name is Marcus and I stepped back from the abyss and now you can too!!!!
My email contact is ooasm2018@gmail.com and I get instant notifications when I get new messages
Saturday, February 23, 2019
Sunday, February 17, 2019
Amber Alerts
Sunday, February 17/19
Friday night I was just falling asleep when my iPhone gave out a loud and distinctive screech that scared the crap out of me.
I scrambled to grab my phone thinking it was somehow broken when I noticed a text message on my home screen advising that an Amber Alert had been issued by the Peel Regional Police Service for a missing 11 year old girl who was in the custody of her father but had not been returned to her mother per the visitation section of their custody arrangement.
I went into my son's room to see if he had gotten the same alert and he confirmed he had.
A little later another message was delivered saying the Amber Alert had been called off.
It was called off as the young girls body was found and she had been killed, allegedly by her own father, who had been seen by someone who had received the same Amber Alert I had and reported his presence to local authorities.
Why am I blogging about this senseless tragedy?
Well it seems there are a lot of people who were angry about being woken up by the Amber Alert.
Yes, you heard me correctly, the Peel Regional Police Service has received complaints about the decision to send out an Amber Alert by people who didn't want their precious sleep disturbed, like the life of a child was somehow less important than an hours sleep lost to the two text messages.
Over the course of the last two days I've seen countless posts on my Facebook account from friends stating they don't care how much sleep they might lose to such alerts but to keep them coming as the life they might save is far more valuable than a few minutes of lost sleep.
I am 100% behind the forced delivery of such text messages and would be so even if I didn't have a grandchild as first and foremost I consider myself a decent human being, one who puts the health and safety of children, no matter who's child they might be, above my own comfort.
To all of those people who are so put out by getting such an important message I have one response - Move the Fuck Out of Canada, We Don't Want You Here!!!!!!
My name is Marcus and Amber Alerts are fantastic tools to help keep our children safe and sound!!!
Friday night I was just falling asleep when my iPhone gave out a loud and distinctive screech that scared the crap out of me.
I scrambled to grab my phone thinking it was somehow broken when I noticed a text message on my home screen advising that an Amber Alert had been issued by the Peel Regional Police Service for a missing 11 year old girl who was in the custody of her father but had not been returned to her mother per the visitation section of their custody arrangement.
I went into my son's room to see if he had gotten the same alert and he confirmed he had.
A little later another message was delivered saying the Amber Alert had been called off.
It was called off as the young girls body was found and she had been killed, allegedly by her own father, who had been seen by someone who had received the same Amber Alert I had and reported his presence to local authorities.
Why am I blogging about this senseless tragedy?
Well it seems there are a lot of people who were angry about being woken up by the Amber Alert.
Yes, you heard me correctly, the Peel Regional Police Service has received complaints about the decision to send out an Amber Alert by people who didn't want their precious sleep disturbed, like the life of a child was somehow less important than an hours sleep lost to the two text messages.
Over the course of the last two days I've seen countless posts on my Facebook account from friends stating they don't care how much sleep they might lose to such alerts but to keep them coming as the life they might save is far more valuable than a few minutes of lost sleep.
I am 100% behind the forced delivery of such text messages and would be so even if I didn't have a grandchild as first and foremost I consider myself a decent human being, one who puts the health and safety of children, no matter who's child they might be, above my own comfort.
To all of those people who are so put out by getting such an important message I have one response - Move the Fuck Out of Canada, We Don't Want You Here!!!!!!
My name is Marcus and Amber Alerts are fantastic tools to help keep our children safe and sound!!!
RBF - Otherwise Known as........
Sunday, February 17/19
There is a term that gets used to described the look a person has when they don't realize anyone is looking and it's called "Resting Bitch Face" or RBF.
Now usually this term is applied to a woman and I don't agree that it is gender specific as I know I've come across RAF or Resting Asshole Face on a man on more than a few occasions.
Hell, truth be told, I'm probably guilty of having RAF a lot of the time and don't even realize I'm giving it off.
I think we, and by we I mean society in general, view a person who isn't displaying a smiling face or appearing to be happy as to equate to someone who is mad or not enjoying life.
I also think this is a horrible fallacy as speaking for myself I know I've been walking down a street, say Bank Street in the Glebe, in a really good mood and I've glanced into a store front and done a double take when I've seen my own reflection, thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with me as I look like I am so pissed off when reality couldn't be farther from the truth.
We've probably all had one of those days where things just weren't going our way, our mood wasn't meshing with the day to day we were experiencing, and out of the blue someone tells us to stop frowning, enjoy life, smile a little bit, a pretty woman like you should'n't look so sad..........
Granted sometimes we might need a reminder to smile as we might not realize we weren't but there are those times that smiling is the last thing on our mind and all we want to do is tell that person to fuck off and mind your own business, but most of the time we don't, we bite our tongue and fake it till we make it.
Truth is we don't have a clue what the person is thinking about or just faced a few moments ago.
I stopped offering platitudes to people years ago as I don't know what they are going through and know from my own experience that not everything can be solved with a smile, wouldn't it be nice if they could but I prefer to live in this place called reality and know that sometimes the world just isn't getting anything better than Resting Bitch Face or Resting Asshole face from me and truth be told, the fucking world ought to be glad I'm even willing to give it either of those rather than the real message it needs to be told now and again.
Never confuse seeing a person with RBF or RAF as needing anything from you other than acknowledgement that they are alive, they don't owe you anything and probably don't expect anything more or less from you.
My name is Marcus and I think there are days I've perfected Resting Asshole Face and could probably make a decent living offering courses in the correct and enjoyable way to employ one in your daily life. I don't think this makes me anything other than human.
Today's musical suggestion is "Broken" by Patrick Watson
There is a term that gets used to described the look a person has when they don't realize anyone is looking and it's called "Resting Bitch Face" or RBF.
Now usually this term is applied to a woman and I don't agree that it is gender specific as I know I've come across RAF or Resting Asshole Face on a man on more than a few occasions.
Hell, truth be told, I'm probably guilty of having RAF a lot of the time and don't even realize I'm giving it off.
I think we, and by we I mean society in general, view a person who isn't displaying a smiling face or appearing to be happy as to equate to someone who is mad or not enjoying life.
I also think this is a horrible fallacy as speaking for myself I know I've been walking down a street, say Bank Street in the Glebe, in a really good mood and I've glanced into a store front and done a double take when I've seen my own reflection, thinking to myself what the hell is wrong with me as I look like I am so pissed off when reality couldn't be farther from the truth.
We've probably all had one of those days where things just weren't going our way, our mood wasn't meshing with the day to day we were experiencing, and out of the blue someone tells us to stop frowning, enjoy life, smile a little bit, a pretty woman like you should'n't look so sad..........
Granted sometimes we might need a reminder to smile as we might not realize we weren't but there are those times that smiling is the last thing on our mind and all we want to do is tell that person to fuck off and mind your own business, but most of the time we don't, we bite our tongue and fake it till we make it.
Truth is we don't have a clue what the person is thinking about or just faced a few moments ago.
I stopped offering platitudes to people years ago as I don't know what they are going through and know from my own experience that not everything can be solved with a smile, wouldn't it be nice if they could but I prefer to live in this place called reality and know that sometimes the world just isn't getting anything better than Resting Bitch Face or Resting Asshole face from me and truth be told, the fucking world ought to be glad I'm even willing to give it either of those rather than the real message it needs to be told now and again.
Never confuse seeing a person with RBF or RAF as needing anything from you other than acknowledgement that they are alive, they don't owe you anything and probably don't expect anything more or less from you.
My name is Marcus and I think there are days I've perfected Resting Asshole Face and could probably make a decent living offering courses in the correct and enjoyable way to employ one in your daily life. I don't think this makes me anything other than human.
Today's musical suggestion is "Broken" by Patrick Watson
Thursday, February 14, 2019
Happy Valentine's Day
Thursday, February 14/19
Even though I've said it in the past and will say it again at some point in the future that I'm not really a fan of this artificially created day meant to celebrate romance, it doesn't mean I won't or can't wish those of you celebrating it a good time.
I don't believe my lack of enthusiasm for the days makes me unromantic as I'd like to think I exhibited my feelings to those I was with throughout our relationship and didn't limit it to just one day but I guess I'm not really the best judge of my past actions and should leave any proclamations to those who know me best........
So even though I'm single once again I am hopeful that the majority of you are getting to spend the day or night with someone special and if you aren't, well let us embrace the moment with some chilled wine and a romantic movie or two.
I'm getting ready to watch two of my favorites......Love Actually and She's Out of My League
My name is Marcus and I don't limit my romantic thought to just this one day, no I tend to let those rascals run rampant throughout the year, sometimes it's good and sometimes I'd like nothing more than to lock them up but we do what we can with what we've been given now don't we.....
Observations, comments, questions, or even downright mocking can be sent my way courtesy of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Let's go a little old school and spool up some "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics
Even though I've said it in the past and will say it again at some point in the future that I'm not really a fan of this artificially created day meant to celebrate romance, it doesn't mean I won't or can't wish those of you celebrating it a good time.
I don't believe my lack of enthusiasm for the days makes me unromantic as I'd like to think I exhibited my feelings to those I was with throughout our relationship and didn't limit it to just one day but I guess I'm not really the best judge of my past actions and should leave any proclamations to those who know me best........
So even though I'm single once again I am hopeful that the majority of you are getting to spend the day or night with someone special and if you aren't, well let us embrace the moment with some chilled wine and a romantic movie or two.
I'm getting ready to watch two of my favorites......Love Actually and She's Out of My League
My name is Marcus and I don't limit my romantic thought to just this one day, no I tend to let those rascals run rampant throughout the year, sometimes it's good and sometimes I'd like nothing more than to lock them up but we do what we can with what we've been given now don't we.....
Observations, comments, questions, or even downright mocking can be sent my way courtesy of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Let's go a little old school and spool up some "The Living Years" by Mike + The Mechanics
Wednesday, February 13, 2019
A Most Excellent Question As To My Motives With The Blog
Wednesday, February 13/19
So here is a little exchange I recently had with a follower named L, not going to use her first name as I'm not sure how she'd feel about that and I strive to respect the privacy of my readers :)
So here is a little exchange I recently had with a follower named L, not going to use her first name as I'm not sure how she'd feel about that and I strive to respect the privacy of my readers :)
Received on February 2/19 @ 10:34 pm
"Hmmm...
I had wondered if you liked receiving people's responses or comments on your blog topics, or if you liked them introducing new topics...you being more on the receiving end of people's thoughts.
I think I know,
L"
My response sent on February 03/19 @ 8:23 am
"I like both!
I find it fascinating to hear peoples thoughts on the things I've posted about and always welcome new topics to ponder and possibly blog about that my readers are facing.
Marcus"
The followup received on February 03/19 @ 2:36 pm
"Right...but do you want dialogue?
From your posts, you seem very much a thinker...a thinker of human behaviour, of connections among people/friends/family, and also of connecting with self, understanding one's actions/thoughts.
If readers/people reach out to engage in dialogue regarding any topics, blog or otherwise, do you participate? Or do you see it as feedback from your readers, for your blog?
I saw your blog as thoughts that you'd like to engage in. But maybe they are thoughts that you want to voice, or find cathartic to express...more of an outlet for you.
Your posts do stir, 'hey, I agree' or 'yeah, that happened to me'. Or 'Oh, this idea might be liked by someone like M'.
Is the purpose of your blog to engage in conversation? What's your purpose Mr. Marcus? Or more of a cathartic outlet for you, more one-sided?
Either is great! Just need to know if you want emails or not.
L"
I've been thinking quite a bit about these exchanges and here is what I've come up with so far......
I blog to let my own thoughts out from within the confines of my mind, I blog to get people thinking about things that they might not otherwise have given any consideration, and I blog about issues that touch close to home for both myself and my followers. The "Bell Let's Talk" day is one such issue that not only touches me because of my own struggles in the past but from exchanges I've had with people who have shared some heart rendering moments, some good with laughter and joy, and some not so good with heartache and tears.
I describe myself as an extroverted introvert and know that that simple statement made Corinne laugh more often than not as she used to call bullshit on it whenever I spoke it out loud. But the truth is that I really do see myself in that context and the blog lets me actually reach out and have a dialogue with people that I might never have the chance to do so if I depended on my actual face to face interpersonal skills.
Topics come and go over the course of the week and month that I find interesting to myself and think maybe others might as well, thus an entry gets written and sometimes there is feedback and sometimes there isn't.
I monitor the blog statistics to see how well an entry might be doing in terms of views and where around the world it might have gotten the most views from in terms of geographic locales.
I absolutely love it when someone writes me to comment on an entry or pose a thought or question about something else, more often than not running with it to create a new blog entry.
So I guess my answer to L's question is this.......I use the blog as my own cathartic release in the hope it makes people stop and think about things, even if just for a moment, and offer a venue for dialogue about the world around us, with the reader option to call me out on my thoughts, offer me an alternative, or provide a comment whether in the positive or negative.
When I made the decision many years ago to completely uproot my life and move over 3,000 miles I was asked this question - what if it doesn't work out?
My response was change is good, even if it doesn't go as expected, it's still good as it made you think about things in your life.
That is how I view the blog..........whether someone agrees with me or not, it got both of us to think about the topic and possibly have a dialogue.
I've been accused of being a thinker, to be more life a left handed person than the right handed person that I am, as if that is somehow something bad, but it's not bad at all, you couldn't be more right about me if you tried and I'll always embrace that side of me and hope my followers know that about me.
When my daughter was really young and hesitant about broaching certain subjects with me I told her the following and eventually did the same with my son.........you can come and talk to me about anything, I promise to listen to you with an open mind and more importantly, an open heart, I promise to respect what you say to me but that does not mean I have to like what you say or agree with your words........but that doesn't mean I'll try to change how you feel but rather that I might discuss alternatives so that you at least stand by your words from a position of knowledge and understanding.
My name is Marcus and I blog to express my feelings and to provoke you to think about things with the understanding that I'm open to hearing what you think and maybe we can come to some common ground on things and if not, let's be respectful towards one another.
Today's musical suggestion is "Over My Head' by Echosmith
Comments, questions, or possible topics you'd like to see addressed in a future entry are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Karma can be a fickle mistress when she wants
Wednesday, February 13/19
I originally started to write this entry on Saturday, February 09/19 but held off on posting as I worked my way through the emotions.
Apologies for not posting anything the past little while but there was a family issue that developed that unfortunately was a little closer to my last blog entry than I would have ever liked and I've been trying to help someone deal with it.
By deal with it I mean just being there for them to vent on about the unfairness of one persons decision and the complete impact it has on everyone they leave behind. When someone decides to step into that abyss they don't eliminate the pain they might be experiencing but rather leave it behind for everyone who cares about them to carry and try to understand just what made them do it.
I spoke with my ex about the whole situation and she asked me to reach out to our kids to talk to them about it and reassure both of them that nothing like this will ever come their way from either of us. Her request seemed a a bit odd to me but she explained that the kids seem to understand things better when I express them than when she does as I seem to be able to reach down deeper inside to understand and explain things than she thinks she does when talking to them so I honoured it in a call with my daughter and a conversation with my son when he got to my place last night to start his week with me
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever done and yet there are times it has also been the hardest thing I've had to do, talking to your kids about crossing over that line into the abyss ranks right up there with taking a rusty bat to my gonads.
When I right a blog it usually isn't something I expect to come back and impact me so hard or so damn immediately as has happened with this action.
That is all I'm going to say on the matter as even though they are not directly related to me I'm going to respect the privacy they have requested while dealing with things.
Please remember that every action has an impact on someone, whether you can see it or not, and that impact might not be what you think it is.
My name is Marcus and sometimes I hate the blog for the truth it brings to light.
Some entries don't get a musical suggestion due to the topic or depth of emotions, this is one such entry
Observations, comments, or questions are more than welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
I originally started to write this entry on Saturday, February 09/19 but held off on posting as I worked my way through the emotions.
Apologies for not posting anything the past little while but there was a family issue that developed that unfortunately was a little closer to my last blog entry than I would have ever liked and I've been trying to help someone deal with it.
By deal with it I mean just being there for them to vent on about the unfairness of one persons decision and the complete impact it has on everyone they leave behind. When someone decides to step into that abyss they don't eliminate the pain they might be experiencing but rather leave it behind for everyone who cares about them to carry and try to understand just what made them do it.
I spoke with my ex about the whole situation and she asked me to reach out to our kids to talk to them about it and reassure both of them that nothing like this will ever come their way from either of us. Her request seemed a a bit odd to me but she explained that the kids seem to understand things better when I express them than when she does as I seem to be able to reach down deeper inside to understand and explain things than she thinks she does when talking to them so I honoured it in a call with my daughter and a conversation with my son when he got to my place last night to start his week with me
Being a parent is the most rewarding thing I've ever done and yet there are times it has also been the hardest thing I've had to do, talking to your kids about crossing over that line into the abyss ranks right up there with taking a rusty bat to my gonads.
When I right a blog it usually isn't something I expect to come back and impact me so hard or so damn immediately as has happened with this action.
That is all I'm going to say on the matter as even though they are not directly related to me I'm going to respect the privacy they have requested while dealing with things.
Please remember that every action has an impact on someone, whether you can see it or not, and that impact might not be what you think it is.
My name is Marcus and sometimes I hate the blog for the truth it brings to light.
Some entries don't get a musical suggestion due to the topic or depth of emotions, this is one such entry
Observations, comments, or questions are more than welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, February 4, 2019
The Moment at the Abyss
Monday, February 04/19
So my "Let's Talk" blog entry from January 31st has resulted in more than a few questions asking if it really meant what it sounded like and the answer is a yes.
For those not familiar with the actual paragraph in question here it is again....
"I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all."
There are things each of us have done that we are not proud of or ever want to share for fear of how they might make us look, that is true for me as well so actually putting into words that there was once a moment where I came close to just letting go still causes me issues to this very day.
I'm a Roman Catholic so the mere thought of suicide and the eternal damnation of my soul should have been enough to keep those thoughts from my mind but we all have those moments where we just question whether it is even worth it to continue, that maybe the world around us would be a better place, that we wouldn't be missed as we really don't matter a rats ass to anyone.
How close was I you wonder? Probably a few hours away close.
What made me step back from the edge and just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward in life?
The thought of how much pain my friend Kelly suffered when her mother committed suicide, the thought that I had only really started to live my life, that I had a lot more years to go to see if I could actually improve myself.
I'd love to say it was the thought of my kids growing up without me but I was a long way from that point in my life so I can't use them as my reason, though I did wonder what it would be like to be a father in my own right, the things I'd try to emulate that I had learned from observing my grandfather and the things I'd never do or say to my child that I'd had to endure from my own stepfather growing up.
Tough love is what it used to be called but it really was nothing more than pure physical abuse on a bad and extreme mental abuse on a good day. The mental part stays with me to this day and sometimes has me questioning whether I really became the son of a bitch I was told I'd be in the end........I don't think so but that self doubt is kind of hard to shake....
I'm so far from perfect but the one thing I've tried to do is learn from my mistakes and be a better person each and every damn day.
Yes, I once stood at the abyss but in the end I felt that as bad as I was feeling at that very moment that I had to take ownership of the process and make some drastic changes in my life, including cutting out my family for several years so I could just focus on myself and not have to constantly defend my decisions, like going to university and moving into my own place, pretty simple stuff but both were actions that I was told were stupid and selfish.
The flip is that my take on education just grew stronger and both my kids have had the opportunity to attend university and I'd sell a kidney to make sure that option was there for them.
There are times I feel the doom and gloom approaching over the horizon and that is when I make sure to talk to someone, to let my emotions out so that they don't fester into something I might not be able to control.
I'm lucky in that I've had the resources to talk to someone when needed and know that is more the exception than the norm and the reason I've always told those in my life that I'll always be there for them to talk to about things, that I might not be able to solve the issues they are facing, but we can and will face them together.
The abyss doesn't offer the solution you may think and I know it took a lot for me to step away as I did as the pain was so intense at times I just wanted it to go away.
Unfortunately we don't know what is on the other side so I think it better to face the problem we do know in the here and now to one we might encounter from stepping off the edge, an act we don't get any do overs from.............
My name is Marcus and I've been to the edge and back, it's a scary place to stand but one I'm glad I've seen as it makes me appreciate all that has happened in my life since.
Comments and observations are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So my "Let's Talk" blog entry from January 31st has resulted in more than a few questions asking if it really meant what it sounded like and the answer is a yes.
For those not familiar with the actual paragraph in question here it is again....
"I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all."
There are things each of us have done that we are not proud of or ever want to share for fear of how they might make us look, that is true for me as well so actually putting into words that there was once a moment where I came close to just letting go still causes me issues to this very day.
I'm a Roman Catholic so the mere thought of suicide and the eternal damnation of my soul should have been enough to keep those thoughts from my mind but we all have those moments where we just question whether it is even worth it to continue, that maybe the world around us would be a better place, that we wouldn't be missed as we really don't matter a rats ass to anyone.
How close was I you wonder? Probably a few hours away close.
What made me step back from the edge and just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward in life?
The thought of how much pain my friend Kelly suffered when her mother committed suicide, the thought that I had only really started to live my life, that I had a lot more years to go to see if I could actually improve myself.
I'd love to say it was the thought of my kids growing up without me but I was a long way from that point in my life so I can't use them as my reason, though I did wonder what it would be like to be a father in my own right, the things I'd try to emulate that I had learned from observing my grandfather and the things I'd never do or say to my child that I'd had to endure from my own stepfather growing up.
Tough love is what it used to be called but it really was nothing more than pure physical abuse on a bad and extreme mental abuse on a good day. The mental part stays with me to this day and sometimes has me questioning whether I really became the son of a bitch I was told I'd be in the end........I don't think so but that self doubt is kind of hard to shake....
I'm so far from perfect but the one thing I've tried to do is learn from my mistakes and be a better person each and every damn day.
Yes, I once stood at the abyss but in the end I felt that as bad as I was feeling at that very moment that I had to take ownership of the process and make some drastic changes in my life, including cutting out my family for several years so I could just focus on myself and not have to constantly defend my decisions, like going to university and moving into my own place, pretty simple stuff but both were actions that I was told were stupid and selfish.
The flip is that my take on education just grew stronger and both my kids have had the opportunity to attend university and I'd sell a kidney to make sure that option was there for them.
There are times I feel the doom and gloom approaching over the horizon and that is when I make sure to talk to someone, to let my emotions out so that they don't fester into something I might not be able to control.
I'm lucky in that I've had the resources to talk to someone when needed and know that is more the exception than the norm and the reason I've always told those in my life that I'll always be there for them to talk to about things, that I might not be able to solve the issues they are facing, but we can and will face them together.
The abyss doesn't offer the solution you may think and I know it took a lot for me to step away as I did as the pain was so intense at times I just wanted it to go away.
Unfortunately we don't know what is on the other side so I think it better to face the problem we do know in the here and now to one we might encounter from stepping off the edge, an act we don't get any do overs from.............
My name is Marcus and I've been to the edge and back, it's a scary place to stand but one I'm glad I've seen as it makes me appreciate all that has happened in my life since.
Comments and observations are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
Let's Talk!!
Wednesday, January 30/19
Today is the annual Bell "Let's Talk" day to promote mental health awareness and remove the stigma that suffering from it has carried for far too many years.
First off, my apologies for getting this blog entry out so late today but some new things have been happening in my life that have been taking up a lot of my time. Having said that, this is an important topic to me and I feel pretty shitty about the lateness of today's post.
You either suffer from some form of mental health issue or you know someone who does. Period, end of story, it's not really something you can debate in this day and age. You might not suffer from it yourself but I can guarantee you that a family member, close friend, or co-worker does suffer from it and behooves all of us to be aware of it and know what to do should the moment arise when it becomes more apparent than not.
Lot of males grow up being told "Stop crying, what are you a little girl" or "Big boys don't cry"
Bullshit!!!!! Real men do cry and let emotions show for all to see. I've cried and I'm sure I'll do it again more than likely sooner rather than later. My kids have seen me cry and I'm not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it as I think it shows them that bottling emotions up can be damaging.
My son is not afraid to show his emotions when something is bothering him and I couldn't love him anymore than if I tried as it shows me he gets it and isn't keeping things inside, that while his mother or I might not be able to solve the problem that we are here to listen and let him get things off his chest. Both of my kids and now my son-in-law have heard my offer to always be there and do whatever they need me to do.......even if it is just to lend a a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, really listen to the message they want to communicate.
Sometimes listening means understanding what the words aren't really saying but rather what the other person is trying to express. We can't always do anything about the problem but we can always make time to just be there for them and sometimes that is all the other person wants or needs at that particular moment.
In years past I've suffered from depression and learned to talk about the things that bother me with a therapist and a few close friends. It was the hardest thing I've ever done as I'm one of those guys grew up in a house where boys were told it's not manly to express emotions.
I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all.
But for the memory of my high school friend Kelly and all she suffered from her own mothers suicide I might have really done the unthinkable and missed out on so much life.
I've done my best to impart this on my children and as my grandson gets older he'll likely hear me telling him that not matter what is going on in his life that I'm always going to be there for him to lean on and just talk to about anything and everything he's feeling.
We can't solve all the problems we are presented but we can all be warm, decent. caring people and offer a smile, a kind word, and the opportunity for someone to talk the things they are going through. You might be surprised how much it may help someone, someone you might not have even realized was on the edge at that moment.
I love the "Let's Talk" message but don't limit myself to following it on just one day but try and use it every single day.
My name is Marcus and I'm here if you ever just want to talk to someone.
Reach out to me at ooasm2018@gmail.com and let's talk!!!
Today is the annual Bell "Let's Talk" day to promote mental health awareness and remove the stigma that suffering from it has carried for far too many years.
First off, my apologies for getting this blog entry out so late today but some new things have been happening in my life that have been taking up a lot of my time. Having said that, this is an important topic to me and I feel pretty shitty about the lateness of today's post.
You either suffer from some form of mental health issue or you know someone who does. Period, end of story, it's not really something you can debate in this day and age. You might not suffer from it yourself but I can guarantee you that a family member, close friend, or co-worker does suffer from it and behooves all of us to be aware of it and know what to do should the moment arise when it becomes more apparent than not.
Lot of males grow up being told "Stop crying, what are you a little girl" or "Big boys don't cry"
Bullshit!!!!! Real men do cry and let emotions show for all to see. I've cried and I'm sure I'll do it again more than likely sooner rather than later. My kids have seen me cry and I'm not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it as I think it shows them that bottling emotions up can be damaging.
My son is not afraid to show his emotions when something is bothering him and I couldn't love him anymore than if I tried as it shows me he gets it and isn't keeping things inside, that while his mother or I might not be able to solve the problem that we are here to listen and let him get things off his chest. Both of my kids and now my son-in-law have heard my offer to always be there and do whatever they need me to do.......even if it is just to lend a a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen, really listen to the message they want to communicate.
Sometimes listening means understanding what the words aren't really saying but rather what the other person is trying to express. We can't always do anything about the problem but we can always make time to just be there for them and sometimes that is all the other person wants or needs at that particular moment.
In years past I've suffered from depression and learned to talk about the things that bother me with a therapist and a few close friends. It was the hardest thing I've ever done as I'm one of those guys grew up in a house where boys were told it's not manly to express emotions.
I learned to compartmentalize my feelings at a very young age in order to avoid being mocked and not really deal with them. This led me to suffer from severe bouts of self doubt and extremely low self esteem, so much so that at one point I stood on the edge of the abyss and contemplated just stepping off into the darkness once and for all.
But for the memory of my high school friend Kelly and all she suffered from her own mothers suicide I might have really done the unthinkable and missed out on so much life.
I've done my best to impart this on my children and as my grandson gets older he'll likely hear me telling him that not matter what is going on in his life that I'm always going to be there for him to lean on and just talk to about anything and everything he's feeling.
We can't solve all the problems we are presented but we can all be warm, decent. caring people and offer a smile, a kind word, and the opportunity for someone to talk the things they are going through. You might be surprised how much it may help someone, someone you might not have even realized was on the edge at that moment.
I love the "Let's Talk" message but don't limit myself to following it on just one day but try and use it every single day.
My name is Marcus and I'm here if you ever just want to talk to someone.
Reach out to me at ooasm2018@gmail.com and let's talk!!!
Sunday, January 27, 2019
It's a lazy Sunday so a little of this and a little of that
Sunday, January 27/19
So it's just a lazy Sunday at my place as the son has to work today, one of his last shifts for the job, and I'm just back from getting a few things at the grocery store. Kanata Centrum Loblaw's to be exact and I still haven't managed to bump shopping carts in the produce section with any interesting females lol
I have a blog entry all written, edited, and ready to post but have to keep it on hold for the next little while as there are somethings going on in my life that could be impacted by it that I'd rather see come to fruition before addressing them on here so please be patient. I know that is kind of silly to ask since you've have never known about this blog entry if I hadn't just mentioned it right? Silly rabbit!
So here are some random thoughts and/or observations that I've had over the past week or so, in no particular order............
After having dealt with some real interesting characters lately in my life I can completely understand why Noah only took paired animals on the ark.....
Why do people think it okay to walk behind a car that is backing up out of a parking spot? I mean I've had people walk right behind me as I've been backing to the extent that that literally took extra steps to walk behind my car after being 2 or more car lengths away.........
If an ice tray pops in the freezer but nobody is in the house, does it make a sound?
Not all things old are good and not all things new are bad, I'm just putting that one out there for thought
When did being vegan give anyone the right to belittle another person?
Neither the Liberals or Conservatives can brag as one has Justin Trudeau making Canada a laughing stock around the world and the other has Doug Ford trashing Ontario and dragging the provincial education system back into the 80's
Someone once commented that maybe my golfing so much was the reason I was single and unable to attract the attention of a female. I counter that I only golf that much because I'm single and need something to fill all my free time
Kissing is the best form of foreplay and should be practiced as often as possible
There are approximately four people who read this blog who know what I look like and only one has pictures of me but hopefully won't ever post any of them, I do my best to stay on her good side :-)
I'm a righty that thinks more like a lefty
I'll take Rom-Com for $800 Alex
Currently my favorite beer is "Big Wave" by the Kona Brewery in Hawaii. Yes, I've moved on from the ciders to real beer these days, aren't you all proud of me for growing up?
I've never faked an orgasm.
I'm researching making a trip to England this year. Yes, it will include a visit to Manchester to see Old Trafford and hopefully a ManU game. Additionally, I want to take the train down to London and see some sights. It's about time I visit that side of my heritage. Any suggestions on places to see?
If you could invite one person from history to share a meal with who would you choose and why? I lean towards Napoleon at this moment as I'd love to understand his vision for Europe.
My daughter was shocked to hear I've dated outside my race and that made me laugh. I had to endure a game of 20 questions about my dating history over dinner on Friday.
Special thanks to Leela and Wanda for the really kind emails about Moki. She is doing super good and we are enjoying as much time with her as we are being granted.
I still believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Sometimes providing a shoulder to lean on is all you need to do to help someone, we don't always have to solve the problem, but being there to listen to them is just as important.
Words and actions can be forgiven but they are rarely forgotten.
My name is Marcus and most days I have my shit together than some days I just fake my way through it.
Today's musical suggestion is a little bit country - "Girl" by Maren Morris
YouTube video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0vXCY-h9ks
As always, comments and questions are more than welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
So it's just a lazy Sunday at my place as the son has to work today, one of his last shifts for the job, and I'm just back from getting a few things at the grocery store. Kanata Centrum Loblaw's to be exact and I still haven't managed to bump shopping carts in the produce section with any interesting females lol
I have a blog entry all written, edited, and ready to post but have to keep it on hold for the next little while as there are somethings going on in my life that could be impacted by it that I'd rather see come to fruition before addressing them on here so please be patient. I know that is kind of silly to ask since you've have never known about this blog entry if I hadn't just mentioned it right? Silly rabbit!
So here are some random thoughts and/or observations that I've had over the past week or so, in no particular order............
After having dealt with some real interesting characters lately in my life I can completely understand why Noah only took paired animals on the ark.....
Why do people think it okay to walk behind a car that is backing up out of a parking spot? I mean I've had people walk right behind me as I've been backing to the extent that that literally took extra steps to walk behind my car after being 2 or more car lengths away.........
If an ice tray pops in the freezer but nobody is in the house, does it make a sound?
Not all things old are good and not all things new are bad, I'm just putting that one out there for thought
When did being vegan give anyone the right to belittle another person?
Neither the Liberals or Conservatives can brag as one has Justin Trudeau making Canada a laughing stock around the world and the other has Doug Ford trashing Ontario and dragging the provincial education system back into the 80's
Someone once commented that maybe my golfing so much was the reason I was single and unable to attract the attention of a female. I counter that I only golf that much because I'm single and need something to fill all my free time
Kissing is the best form of foreplay and should be practiced as often as possible
There are approximately four people who read this blog who know what I look like and only one has pictures of me but hopefully won't ever post any of them, I do my best to stay on her good side :-)
I'm a righty that thinks more like a lefty
I'll take Rom-Com for $800 Alex
Currently my favorite beer is "Big Wave" by the Kona Brewery in Hawaii. Yes, I've moved on from the ciders to real beer these days, aren't you all proud of me for growing up?
I've never faked an orgasm.
I'm researching making a trip to England this year. Yes, it will include a visit to Manchester to see Old Trafford and hopefully a ManU game. Additionally, I want to take the train down to London and see some sights. It's about time I visit that side of my heritage. Any suggestions on places to see?
If you could invite one person from history to share a meal with who would you choose and why? I lean towards Napoleon at this moment as I'd love to understand his vision for Europe.
My daughter was shocked to hear I've dated outside my race and that made me laugh. I had to endure a game of 20 questions about my dating history over dinner on Friday.
Special thanks to Leela and Wanda for the really kind emails about Moki. She is doing super good and we are enjoying as much time with her as we are being granted.
I still believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
Sometimes providing a shoulder to lean on is all you need to do to help someone, we don't always have to solve the problem, but being there to listen to them is just as important.
Words and actions can be forgiven but they are rarely forgotten.
My name is Marcus and most days I have my shit together than some days I just fake my way through it.
Today's musical suggestion is a little bit country - "Girl" by Maren Morris
YouTube video can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0vXCY-h9ks
As always, comments and questions are more than welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, January 14, 2019
Moki.......
Monday, January 14/19
So Moki was feeling lethargic and had swollen lymph nodes in her neck 2 weeks ago and my son and I took her to the vet to see what was going on.
The vet aspirated them and sent the results off to be tested with the hope it was going to come back showing a viral infection that we could have treated.
Well January 4th I got the call that her symptoms were lymphoma and there was nothing that could be done about it. Initial prognosis is between 6-12 months if everything goes well and more likely 3-6 months. I really couldn't talk to the vet and had to hang up and I just can't imagine not having my little pupper in my life.
I sat on the couch and held her in my arms and balled my eyes out and I'm pretty sure I was howling like a maniac as it woke my son up and he came out to see what the hell was going on. Not really a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son and one of the hardest talks we've ever had.
We sat with her and just gave her lots of love and made the decision to just love her and at the point she is no longer comfortable to make the tough call and let her go out in peace. I can honestly say that this news has hit me harder than even when I was contemplating my own cancer scare back in March.
That first weekend was all about Moki and doing things that I knew would make her tail wag with pleasure. We did a trip to PetSmart for a new stuffed toy that she can tear apart, spent Sunday down at my daughters place walking the trail at the back of her property, and she's been getting lots and lots of treats, even some scraps of people food.
I went into see the vet on Tuesday so I could better understand what to expect over the next weeks and hopefully months. One thing we decided to do was begin her on a daily dose of a corticosteroid called Prednisone that should help with the swollen nodes and make it easier for her.
By Friday I noticed her lymph nodes had almost returned to normal and she seemed to have regained her appetite. I know it's not a cure but anything helps and I'll gladly deal with it as long as possible.
I have a list of things to look out for and will be talking to our vet often to make sure we are doing the best for her and making her as happy as possible. Sometimes she just looks at me as if to tell me things will be okay and I just break down sobbing, life seems so unfair at times as she is only half way through her expected life expectancy and now this happens.
I've had three amazing dogs in my life and each of them gave me and my families nothing but love and made us so happy.
Brishc aka Brishcollete was my first and a lovely female poodle. We got her when I was 5 and had her until my senior year of high school. She was more my mom's dog and didn't really warm up to me until I hit middle school, think I became mature enough to appreciate her at that point. But from around age 13 on that dog was all mine, she was never far from me when I was home and very protective of me, so much so that she actually once barked at a girlfriend when she went to give me a hug.
Shadow was next and we got him in 1998 on the spur of the moment when out running errands. My ex never mentioned wanting a dog but for some unknown reason we crossed paths with Shadow and he stole her heart. Shadow was a Cockapoo or Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix with the softest light brown fur. He was my ex's dog for the longest time and when my son came around we watched with amazement as Shadow switched his affection to this little ball of blubber that had no clue he was even there. When my son was little we'd find Shadow sleeping under his crib and when he eventually started school Shadow would lay on his bed and look out the window until his school bus would go past and drop my son off at the corner, with Shadow running downstairs to wait for him by the door.
Moki rounds out the trio in her all glory. A female Schnoodle or Schnauzer Poodle mix with the sweetest disposition I've ever seen in a dog. She loves nothing more than laying next to her humans as they watch TV, read a book, or sleep. Lately she has taken a shining to my grandson and now I'm sorry he won't get to know her and her playful nature.
My daughter found Moki for us on Kajiji, my son picked her out, and I've been her daily companion now for over 7 years, some of the best times I've ever had.
I know when she meets Brishc and Shadow there are going to be some stories shared between the three of them about my son and the family. I'm sure Brishc will talk to her about me as a young lad and Shadow will tell her all about my son and what he was like as an infant.
I'm sure there will be those who read this entry wonder what all the fuss is about just a dog and that's okay for them to feel that way. They don't get it but those of us who really let our dogs and cats into our hearts understand the connection they share with us. I know she provided me serious emotional support when I was at my darkest last year and I want nothing more than to be there for her in return.
My emotions are going to be all over the place the next little while as it doesn't take too much to make me cry right now, the look of her sitting in my office chair while I write this entry has me battling tears right now, when I go to bed and she curls up into a little ball and leans into the small of my back will make me want to cry, and seeing her stretch in the morning before we head out for a walk will test my strength for sure.
I blog about my search for the one and I think I need to clarify that I have my one right now, albeit in canine form as I'm pretty sure Moki is my one given how calm she makes me feel all the time.
I was going to put the blog on hold but I've always tried to share emotions or actions that have made me happy, sad, angry, scared, and don't think this is any different. My life is being impacted by something totally out of my control that I never saw coming and it sucks in the worst possible ways.
My name is Marcus and I'm owned by a wonderful little pupper named Moki.
My goal is to be the human she thinks I am and to be worthy of her unconditional love........
Thoughts, comments, and questions are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
So Moki was feeling lethargic and had swollen lymph nodes in her neck 2 weeks ago and my son and I took her to the vet to see what was going on.
The vet aspirated them and sent the results off to be tested with the hope it was going to come back showing a viral infection that we could have treated.
Well January 4th I got the call that her symptoms were lymphoma and there was nothing that could be done about it. Initial prognosis is between 6-12 months if everything goes well and more likely 3-6 months. I really couldn't talk to the vet and had to hang up and I just can't imagine not having my little pupper in my life.
I sat on the couch and held her in my arms and balled my eyes out and I'm pretty sure I was howling like a maniac as it woke my son up and he came out to see what the hell was going on. Not really a conversation I ever wanted to have with my son and one of the hardest talks we've ever had.
We sat with her and just gave her lots of love and made the decision to just love her and at the point she is no longer comfortable to make the tough call and let her go out in peace. I can honestly say that this news has hit me harder than even when I was contemplating my own cancer scare back in March.
That first weekend was all about Moki and doing things that I knew would make her tail wag with pleasure. We did a trip to PetSmart for a new stuffed toy that she can tear apart, spent Sunday down at my daughters place walking the trail at the back of her property, and she's been getting lots and lots of treats, even some scraps of people food.
I went into see the vet on Tuesday so I could better understand what to expect over the next weeks and hopefully months. One thing we decided to do was begin her on a daily dose of a corticosteroid called Prednisone that should help with the swollen nodes and make it easier for her.
By Friday I noticed her lymph nodes had almost returned to normal and she seemed to have regained her appetite. I know it's not a cure but anything helps and I'll gladly deal with it as long as possible.
I have a list of things to look out for and will be talking to our vet often to make sure we are doing the best for her and making her as happy as possible. Sometimes she just looks at me as if to tell me things will be okay and I just break down sobbing, life seems so unfair at times as she is only half way through her expected life expectancy and now this happens.
I've had three amazing dogs in my life and each of them gave me and my families nothing but love and made us so happy.
Brishc aka Brishcollete was my first and a lovely female poodle. We got her when I was 5 and had her until my senior year of high school. She was more my mom's dog and didn't really warm up to me until I hit middle school, think I became mature enough to appreciate her at that point. But from around age 13 on that dog was all mine, she was never far from me when I was home and very protective of me, so much so that she actually once barked at a girlfriend when she went to give me a hug.
Shadow was next and we got him in 1998 on the spur of the moment when out running errands. My ex never mentioned wanting a dog but for some unknown reason we crossed paths with Shadow and he stole her heart. Shadow was a Cockapoo or Cocker Spaniel and Poodle mix with the softest light brown fur. He was my ex's dog for the longest time and when my son came around we watched with amazement as Shadow switched his affection to this little ball of blubber that had no clue he was even there. When my son was little we'd find Shadow sleeping under his crib and when he eventually started school Shadow would lay on his bed and look out the window until his school bus would go past and drop my son off at the corner, with Shadow running downstairs to wait for him by the door.
Moki rounds out the trio in her all glory. A female Schnoodle or Schnauzer Poodle mix with the sweetest disposition I've ever seen in a dog. She loves nothing more than laying next to her humans as they watch TV, read a book, or sleep. Lately she has taken a shining to my grandson and now I'm sorry he won't get to know her and her playful nature.
My daughter found Moki for us on Kajiji, my son picked her out, and I've been her daily companion now for over 7 years, some of the best times I've ever had.
I know when she meets Brishc and Shadow there are going to be some stories shared between the three of them about my son and the family. I'm sure Brishc will talk to her about me as a young lad and Shadow will tell her all about my son and what he was like as an infant.
I'm sure there will be those who read this entry wonder what all the fuss is about just a dog and that's okay for them to feel that way. They don't get it but those of us who really let our dogs and cats into our hearts understand the connection they share with us. I know she provided me serious emotional support when I was at my darkest last year and I want nothing more than to be there for her in return.
My emotions are going to be all over the place the next little while as it doesn't take too much to make me cry right now, the look of her sitting in my office chair while I write this entry has me battling tears right now, when I go to bed and she curls up into a little ball and leans into the small of my back will make me want to cry, and seeing her stretch in the morning before we head out for a walk will test my strength for sure.
I blog about my search for the one and I think I need to clarify that I have my one right now, albeit in canine form as I'm pretty sure Moki is my one given how calm she makes me feel all the time.
I was going to put the blog on hold but I've always tried to share emotions or actions that have made me happy, sad, angry, scared, and don't think this is any different. My life is being impacted by something totally out of my control that I never saw coming and it sucks in the worst possible ways.
My name is Marcus and I'm owned by a wonderful little pupper named Moki.
My goal is to be the human she thinks I am and to be worthy of her unconditional love........
Thoughts, comments, and questions are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Saturday, January 5, 2019
On a Hiatus
Saturday, January 05/19
I received some crushing news Friday that I'm trying to deal with and think it wise I take a little break from the blog for now.
The news isn't about my health but rather concerns Moki the Wonder Puppy and has left both my son and I devastated to our cores.
Please keep us and our amazing pupper in your thoughts.
#NotJustAPupperButPartoftheFamily
#Moki4Life
2019 is so not starting as I had hoped............
Marcus
I received some crushing news Friday that I'm trying to deal with and think it wise I take a little break from the blog for now.
The news isn't about my health but rather concerns Moki the Wonder Puppy and has left both my son and I devastated to our cores.
Please keep us and our amazing pupper in your thoughts.
#NotJustAPupperButPartoftheFamily
#Moki4Life
2019 is so not starting as I had hoped............
Marcus
Monday, December 31, 2018
Happy New Years!!!!
December 31, 2018
I would like to wish each of you a Very Happy New Years!!!
My hope is that as you look back on 2018 you feel that it was good to you and that 2019 brings you nothing but peace, love, health, and contentment.
My year had both lows and highs, to be expected and really probably not much different from what most of you experienced, although those things that may have been a low or a high might differ between us.
My low was the health scare and side affects I experienced from the treatment.
My highs were many and far outweighed the low.........
My daughter got married in January and I had the pleasure of walking her down the aisle.
My son survived his first year of university and earned excellent grades, not that his mother or I thought he'd do otherwise but it was nice for his self confidence nonetheless.
Getting the news that my tumor was benign and I wouldn't have to undergo any more chemotherapy
My son golfing with me for the first time in over 10 years on my birthday
Shooting my first round of sub 88 golf on the next to last round of the year.
Being part of the winning team at the work golf tournament
Realizing I wasn't happy with my life and having the courage to make some changes that I hope bring me some equilibrium and a more grounded sense of happiness.
Starting to put myself back out into the dating world once again..............
I was asked what my New Years resolutions are for 2019 and I don't have any.
For me resolutions are about as useful as celebrating Valentines Day............I have no need for either as I'm mature enough and in tune with my own feelings to know I can create an arbitrary list of things I want to accomplish at any point in the year, that the first day of the new year is as critical to this process as discovering the secrets behind cold fusion.
I have the same opinion about Valentines Day......the single most pressure filled day to be a guy in a relationship. Why is there is so much pressure to show your partner how much you love them on this one predetermined day? Does that mean they get a free pass the the day before or the day after? Why can't we celebrate the love every day in our own special ways? I don't think I was ever remiss in letting my partner know how much she meant to me or how much I cared for her. Heck, if any of the women I've dated feel differently please reach out and let me know as I'm all about improving myself in every way possible.
Okay, reading the last paragraph has me thinking I might have gotten a little off topic and I apologize but promise to revisit this rant a little farther into the year when it's more appropriate.
So, no resolutions will be made by me come the strike of the clock at midnight.
Tonight I'll be home with Moki watching a movie, enjoying a cold pint of beer, and thinking a little bit about what might have been. This has been my norm for the last few years and one I've sort of grown accustomed to over time.
2014 was the last time I really celebrated New Years Eve and it was with friends of a very special friend, one of the best I can remember sharing with someone.
Snow and freezing rain are in the forecast tonight so please be careful out there wherever you might find yourself. My son is working until 11 pm and then heading to a house party with some friends, but he knows I'm only a call away should he need me, though I've gotten assurances they have a designated driver all set up, one of the group is Muslim and doesn't drink at all.
My name is Marcus and I'm hoping 2019 is the year I can change the title of this blog once and for all as maybe I'll finally meet my one and experience my last first kiss.............
Not sure I can really name the perfect song for tonight but lets give "Someone like You" by Adele a try and see how things turn out for us and we'll reconnect next year :-)
As always comments, questions, or complaints can be sent my way via ooasm2018@gmail.com and I promise to reply to all emails.
H A P P Y N E W Y E A R S !!!!!!!
I would like to wish each of you a Very Happy New Years!!!
My hope is that as you look back on 2018 you feel that it was good to you and that 2019 brings you nothing but peace, love, health, and contentment.
My year had both lows and highs, to be expected and really probably not much different from what most of you experienced, although those things that may have been a low or a high might differ between us.
My low was the health scare and side affects I experienced from the treatment.
My highs were many and far outweighed the low.........
My daughter got married in January and I had the pleasure of walking her down the aisle.
My son survived his first year of university and earned excellent grades, not that his mother or I thought he'd do otherwise but it was nice for his self confidence nonetheless.
Getting the news that my tumor was benign and I wouldn't have to undergo any more chemotherapy
My son golfing with me for the first time in over 10 years on my birthday
Shooting my first round of sub 88 golf on the next to last round of the year.
Being part of the winning team at the work golf tournament
Realizing I wasn't happy with my life and having the courage to make some changes that I hope bring me some equilibrium and a more grounded sense of happiness.
Starting to put myself back out into the dating world once again..............
I was asked what my New Years resolutions are for 2019 and I don't have any.
For me resolutions are about as useful as celebrating Valentines Day............I have no need for either as I'm mature enough and in tune with my own feelings to know I can create an arbitrary list of things I want to accomplish at any point in the year, that the first day of the new year is as critical to this process as discovering the secrets behind cold fusion.
I have the same opinion about Valentines Day......the single most pressure filled day to be a guy in a relationship. Why is there is so much pressure to show your partner how much you love them on this one predetermined day? Does that mean they get a free pass the the day before or the day after? Why can't we celebrate the love every day in our own special ways? I don't think I was ever remiss in letting my partner know how much she meant to me or how much I cared for her. Heck, if any of the women I've dated feel differently please reach out and let me know as I'm all about improving myself in every way possible.
Okay, reading the last paragraph has me thinking I might have gotten a little off topic and I apologize but promise to revisit this rant a little farther into the year when it's more appropriate.
So, no resolutions will be made by me come the strike of the clock at midnight.
Tonight I'll be home with Moki watching a movie, enjoying a cold pint of beer, and thinking a little bit about what might have been. This has been my norm for the last few years and one I've sort of grown accustomed to over time.
2014 was the last time I really celebrated New Years Eve and it was with friends of a very special friend, one of the best I can remember sharing with someone.
Snow and freezing rain are in the forecast tonight so please be careful out there wherever you might find yourself. My son is working until 11 pm and then heading to a house party with some friends, but he knows I'm only a call away should he need me, though I've gotten assurances they have a designated driver all set up, one of the group is Muslim and doesn't drink at all.
My name is Marcus and I'm hoping 2019 is the year I can change the title of this blog once and for all as maybe I'll finally meet my one and experience my last first kiss.............
Not sure I can really name the perfect song for tonight but lets give "Someone like You" by Adele a try and see how things turn out for us and we'll reconnect next year :-)
As always comments, questions, or complaints can be sent my way via ooasm2018@gmail.com and I promise to reply to all emails.
Tuesday, December 25, 2018
Merry Christmas
Tuesday, December 25/18
I'm just home from midnight mass at St. Patrick's Parish in Fallowfield and wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas before turning in for a rest as today will be a busy one with family and friends.
I'd also like to wish my mom a Happy Birthday as she would have been 81 today, you left us far too early mom but I know you are watching out over everyone and I'm sure you are enjoying seeing how quickly your great grandson Jack is growing each day.
Peace on earth to each of you.
My name is Marcus and I want nothing more than health and happiness for one and all this holiday season and into the new year.
Today's musical suggestion is a tie between Christmas Canon by Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Carol of the Bells by David Foster.
YouTube links are here:
Christmas Canon - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cP26ndrmtg
Carol of the Bells - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcp3_VdL80s
I'm just home from midnight mass at St. Patrick's Parish in Fallowfield and wanted to take a quick moment to wish everyone a Merry Christmas before turning in for a rest as today will be a busy one with family and friends.
I'd also like to wish my mom a Happy Birthday as she would have been 81 today, you left us far too early mom but I know you are watching out over everyone and I'm sure you are enjoying seeing how quickly your great grandson Jack is growing each day.
Peace on earth to each of you.
My name is Marcus and I want nothing more than health and happiness for one and all this holiday season and into the new year.
Today's musical suggestion is a tie between Christmas Canon by Trans-Siberian Orchestra and Carol of the Bells by David Foster.
YouTube links are here:
Christmas Canon - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4cP26ndrmtg
Carol of the Bells - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcp3_VdL80s
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