What I Learned in Mexico

Saturday, April 07/18

So the last few months have taken a toll on me both physically and mentally, more than I thought until people began to mention it to me, not always in a good way either I might add. Seems there were some days I was sort of not fun to be around and that doesn't sit well with me at all, I've always hated people who turn inside and here I did the exact thing I disliked.

So Wednesday afternoon on my drive back to the office I reminded myself that I needed to be the person who would bring the changes to my life that I desired and to stop putting things on hold. Getting told I was cancer free was the most liberating news I could receive and I'm not going to waste the second chance I've been given.

I'm still dealing with some complications but nothing that the new med's and a little time won't see cured. My goal was to go out and get drunk on Wednesday, either to drain my sorrows or celebrate, but I didn't do either, it's not really who I am and I didn't have anyone to be my designated driver that night lol

I did go out last night and have a drink as my son thought it was something I needed to do and as we sat there we got to talking about what my plan was now and I smiled and told him I'd been thinking about this for a while and I was going to stop thinking about the past, just relax and enjoy things as they come and maybe find my one!

He looked at me and said he knew exactly when I started to think about letting go and I laughed and asked when he thought that happened. He pushed my drink over to me and said when we were in Mexico and he came back to the room Saturday afternoon to find me sitting on the balcony sipping on a Pina Colada, reading a book, and pausing every now and than to watch golfers play down the 5th fairway that was just down below our room at the resort.

He said I never heard him come into the room as I was just sort of looking off into the distance and he watched me for a few minutes and knew I was feeling alone even though we were down there in a group of 20 in a resort with hundreds of other people. I just sat there and looked at him for a moment without saying anything as what he was telling me hit home.

"Tell me I'm wrong" was his next comment but I couldn't as he was right.

I took a sip of my drink and than looked up at him as I replied "Don't take this the wrong way son as I loved getting to spend time with you in Mexico, but that was really a trip I should have taken with a girlfriend and you're right, I sat on that balcony thinking I was tired of being alone"

"I'm going to repeat something you told me after Victoria and I broke up dad, Man up and go find the one you're meant to be with and stop sitting on the sidelines, you've had every thing in life on hold waiting to see what was going to happen with the surgery and now you know, it's time to act and be happy again"

I smiled as he took the bill from the waitress before I could and paid it saying it was his treat.

It's true that I did do a lot of thinking while in Mexico and realized I was tired of being alone, that once I was past the surgery and any recovery I needed that I was done sitting on the sidelines.

I miss the small things that come with a relationship as well as the big things. Washing dishes after dinner, sitting in the back yard on a lazy weekend afternoon, the scent of her perfume in my bedroom days after her last visit, reminding me of what we did as well as promising what we'll do in the not so distant future.

I'm going to restart my membership and see what develops over the next few months, as well as just keeping my head up and my eyes open to everything going on around me, maybe that way I won't miss any obvious attempts to get my attention when I'm grocery shopping at Sobey's or wandering the aisles at Chapters :-)

My name is Marcus and I'm done sitting on the sidelines, it's time I found my one since I seem to encourage everyone around me to do so.........