Friday Afternoon Funk

Saturday, December 07/19

Normally I look forward to my weekends, even if I've got nothing planned, but for some reason, I felt myself in a funk yesterday around lunchtime and as the day progressed I felt my mood getting worse and worse.

A typical Friday with my son finds me trying to determine his plans so I can figure out dinner but a single Friday, what I refer to when he starts his week with his mother, sort of can vary from doing some errands, meeting for a drink, to just crashing on the couch with a book or binging something on either Netflix or Amazon Prime.

Last night my original plan was to head to Bayshore and do some Christmas shopping and with my mood getting me down I almost cancelled and headed home but for some reason that didn't sit well with me and I went ahead and did some shopping. I got lucky and found a nice sweater and a couple of shirts for my son before hitting Sugar Mountain for a couple of 100 Grand bars, dads deserve a treat too, don't we?

Once done I did head home and felt that uneasy feeling begin all over again as I drove down Richmond Road into Kanata.

As I unlocked my door it hit me what was going on with my mood.

The deafening silence in my house.

I am used to coming home and hearing the radio on in the kitchen and seeing Moki either standing near the door with her little tail wagging with happiness to see me again or sitting on the back of the couch looking at me as if to say "Where've you been?"

I used to joke that I didn't mind being single and alone but the real truth was that I was only really single as Moki was with me and so I was not alone.

Now I am both single and alone and it honestly absolutely fucking sucks!!!

You never know how much a pet really integrates its way into your life until you have to face time alone, constantly remembering little things about how they made you smile without any effort. For me just writing this blog entry is a reminder of her, as when I wrote older entries she'd lay in the doorway of my home office and wag her tail or every now and then walk over and bump my leg with her head to remind me to give her some attention.

I'd like to say the days are getting easier but I'd be lying, well partially lying as there are some days way better than others. The holidays are sort of tough as I liked to give the kids a gift from her and this year that isn't happening, something I'm still trying to wrap my head around.

Knowing what has been causing this mental funk would lead one to think I can find ways to counter it but I'm not sure I'm quite there yet.

My name is Marcus and these are my observations on trying to be a good parent, friend, coworker, and maybe even someday partner to one who might not mind my imperfections.

I wasn't going to post a musical suggestion as I didn't think anything would come to mind given my mood and tone of the blog but in the end, one did come to mind, and while not one I'd normally suggest, I think the title says it all.....I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. It isn't so much about the lyrics as they don't apply here at all but more the fact that I will survive.......

Want to comment on a blog? Ask a question? Share a story? send me a message at ooasm2018@gmail.com and I'll make sure to respond, Scouts Honor!!