The Year in Review

Saturday, December 31st, 2016

So this year ends for me like it began, with snow falling and me contemplating what life has brought me, taken from me, and possibly offers me if I'm only willing to reach out and grab that brass ring.

It's currently 12:45pm EST and snow has been softly falling for several hours now making a wonderful picture outside my front window. The son is cleaning up and we'll be heading out for a late breakfast before I drive him over to a New Years party at a friends house later this evening. The plan is for him to sleepover but I'll be ready to do the designated driver thing later should those plans change, like they usually do.

So over the course of the next few hours I'll be writing the last blog entry for 2016. You can bet house money that there will be many edits done to it before the final version is posted, there are even small odds the final posting won't happen before midnight but that's ok as there are far more enjoyable things to be doing at the strike of midnight than reading this blog.

And yes my mind went there and so should yours this time as it's the end of the year and what better activity is there to do than that with your special someone.......

So onwards to my State of the Union for 2016. The year just passed was filled with far more good times and highlights than not but it still seemed to feel somewhat empty for most of the year.

The State of the Economy

 

2016 saw me end one job and begin another almost immediately, much to the satisfaction of my bank accounts.

In some ways 2016 was a repeat of 2015 in terms of one position ending and another opportunity presenting itself. The big difference this time around was that I was better positioned financially and emotionally to deal with the sudden news that my company had been bought by a U.S. based competitor. They kept two people full time and offered the rest of us transition contracts that made it financially worthwhile to hang around for the desired 6 months, six months that ended up getting extended by another month when they realized there were some statutory audits to complete that were not going to get done by September 30th.

Besides the payout from agreeing to stay through the transition I learned a lot about how to actually manage such a transition in the future should I ever have to do one myself. I really should say I learned what not to do in a transition as it seemed like anything the new company could do wrong they did, almost as if it was an attempt to try every one's patience. It's kind of almost funny as I thought the company that came in and bought my old employer, the one I exited in 2015, really screwed the pooch in how they handled things but I can now honestly say they aced the process compared the recent process I went through.

I was extremely lucky in that my CFO from my previous employer started a new job himself and within a matter of days knew he needed to beef up his staff and reached out to me to see if I had found anything new yet as he knew about the sale of my employer and pending job search.

Over the course of two phone calls we worked out a position for me and the parameters of my employment that I was told by my people and cultures contact on my start date were the fastest they've ever created in the history of the organization.

So far I've been there for about 11 weeks and while I'm crazy busy I'm also loving every minute of it as I much prefer busy over bored any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

Somehow I managed to get a small boost in wages but the kicker was that they offer a pension that is more than generous with the company contributing 2x what I do to my plan. So can't beat that and I don't see any reason why I'll be thinking about leaving - work is interesting, pay is good, benefits are excellent, and the office is down in the Glebe so lots to do at lunch.

Even better is that now I can shift the money I was sending to my RRSP to my son's RESP and should be able to meet my target by this time next year for his university requirements.

I'm giving some serious thought to selling my house in the spring and buying something a tad bit newer in a new development going up in my area. If my initial calculations are correct than I should be able to walk away with a bit of a nest egg and a better house with a garage. There is a bit more research to do and I'll keep you updated as things progress.

All in all, I'd say that coming off of back to back years in which my position was eliminated, I'm doing pretty damn good. My bank balance is good and I've set myself up to continue to see marked improvements in my position year over year.

The State of Domestic Affairs

 

The year saw some firsts that made me begin to feel my age and yet also revitalized me in such a way that actually left me feeling years younger than I am.

My son earned his G1 license and broke one more string that somewhat bound him to his parents. It reminded me on just how much my own life changed when that new found freedom came my way many more years than I care to admit too. He's been a very consciousness driver and not let himself get talked into becoming the taxi service for all of his friends. Something it took his sister a lot longer to grasp and maybe he remembered some of those discussions, really arguments, his mother and I had with her about those kinds of activities.

I was able to continue keeping my bond strong with him by just being there when he needed someone to talk to without being judgmental about the things he wanted to talk about. It's almost sad that anyone can be a parent but you've got to get a license to drive a boat or snowmobile these days.

My relationship with my daughter seemed to grow stronger over the course of the year and I really can't pinpoint a reason for it other than maybe we both learned to be a bit more patient with one another. Though she is not my daughter biologically she has far more of me in her than anyone thought possible, prove positive that DNA is not the sole basis for establishing parentage.

She has my competitive streak inside her, maybe too much as sometimes I've wondered who the real alpha is when we are on a soccer pitch. My son's own competitive nature seems to have picked up a bit itself as he wasn't willing to put up with as much goofing around during soccer practises as he has in the past, even going so far this past summer to tell me it was time I reverted to my former coaching style in order to right the ship lol

I enjoyed my season coaching his team but really think deep down inside that my days as a coach are over and done with as I didn't have the same motivation I've had in seasons past, finding myself watching the games, and him, more than I was coaching the players.

The biggest change on the domestic front was the arrival of baby Jack. I think it is safe to say that that little boy has completely stolen his grandfathers heart. Nothing can make me smile more than getting a random text from my daughter with a picture or video of him.

It's funny that when I think of my children I almost always have a particular image in mind, my daughter running down the sidewalk from her aunts house in '94 to see me for the very first time or teaching her to ride a bike in '94 and my son sitting in the living room when he was about a year old in nothing more than a diaper holding my putter and smiling at his mother as she took a picture of that moment.

Now here is my daughter a mother of her own and my son soon heading off to university. The times may have changed but my devotion to my family will never wane. If my Latin is correct than the words I choose to live by would be Fides et familia

State of Foreign Affairs

This one is the easiest and yet most painful to contemplate and present.

For the truth be told there were no foreign affairs of any kind in the past year. I spent the first part of the year attempting to understand my mistake with C and than heal from it. I'd say I'm about 90% of the way there and getting better each day that passes. I still have far too many reminders of her happening around me on a daily basis but the saying that time heals all wounds is a good one as it's true, just sometimes it seems to take more time to heal than you'd like. But thems the cards we're dealt so no need to cry over them, just go ahead and play the hand you are dealt and make the most of the results.

I have gone out on a few meet and greets, can't come to call them dates as none where more than a drink and some chat, without anything developing, least on my end. I've got my profile up on one dating site but not really paying it much attention as it just seems like an exercise in futility on my part right now.

C and my ex set the bar pretty high when it comes to intelligence, beauty, compassion, and that overall hard to define feeling of "it"

If I end up never really feeling that connection with another woman it won't be the end of things for me as I consider myself pretty damn fortunate to have been in love with two amazing women in my life and to have somehow hood winked them into loving me back.

Now I'm not saying I'm not open to falling in love again but it's going to take a lot to get me to open myself up once again and be so vulnerable. The rather ironic thing is that with one of those women the door has been closed for years by mutual consent and the other could come back into my life and I'd embrace her once more as if no time has passed between us. Of course that won't be happening as she has moved on as well but the truth is that she possessed my heart the most of anyone I've ever  been with, more than I thought at the time, and that is what has made it so difficult to move on as it wouldn't be fair to anyone I meet as there is no way they could ever come close to measuring up to what makes me feel deep inside the way this woman did, does, and could.

The State of Me

Wasn't sure really how to phrase this section but since it's basically about me that header seems good enough.

My health was good for most of the year with the only real blip being the back surgery I had back in June that took me a bit longer to recover from that I originally anticipated.

I have not always been the most patient person around nor the most outgoing but think that really changed this year as I can't recall losing my temper this year and had some comments made to me at the new job complimenting me for always seeming to be in a good mood. I don't know how true that is but I've been trying hard not to let things get me down as much as I used too.

Again this is partially the influence of being with C as she was really good at reminding me that my life is pretty damn good compared to a lot of people around the world, in essence making me open my eyes to what I have here and now and not being so worried about what I don't have.

I'd say the biggest change this year came in my golf game, you didn't think I'd fail to mention my addiction now did you.

The back issue forced me to slow down my swing and lessen the pressure I was placing on my lower back that was coming from the quick shift in my hips as I transitioned from the back swing to the fore swing. I think I lost about 20-25 yards but was able to keep the ball on a more playable flight line.

Pre-surgery I was shooting mid 90's and slowly creeping closer to my targeted handicap of 18. As I began to feel more comfortable post surgery I was able to push the speed envelope and regain those lost yards without giving up any of the ball control I'd established, resulting in a few sub 90 rounds and moving my handicap down from around a 26 to a decent 19 on average.

The season was far too short for me and that comes after still managing to play around 60 rounds this past season. The one thing I missed was my caddy at Pembroke and Roanoke up in the valley :-)

I love my Ping G30's but found something was missing with the Ping Driver I bought myself a few years back and made the move to the Nike Vapour with standard flex graphite shaft - holy crap did that make a huge difference, going from about 220 off the tee to around 245-260 on most drives. I also started to use my fairway woods more and noticed a huge difference in my distances. My son and daughters fiancé combined to buy me the 3 wood and 3 hybrid in the Nike Vapour line and now I'm literally salivating for the season to start.

I'm giving some serious thought to driving down to Myrtle Beach this March when my son is in Europe for the Spring Break and getting in as many rounds as I can in the course of a weeks play, figuring I can leave on a Friday right from work and get down there sometime on Sunday, play that afternoon and every day for the next 5 days and than leave Saturday morning and be back in Ottawa for Sunday night. Sounding better and better to me as I've got nothing else going on and it might be the perfect reward for surviving the year end audit at work that will just be closing out.


So now you have my state of the union. Probably not as good as the one Obama will do for the last time next month or the one Trump will attempt to do in 2018.

But it is a capsule of my recent year, both the good and the bad, for better or worse.

My hope is that 2017 continues just like the year that is ending did with one exception, I have someone special in my life who makes me smile just by thinking of her.

Reminder that closed doors can still be opened, even the locked ones if you just remember to use the right key.......

My name is Marcus and I hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as I enjoy writing them. Cheapest form of therapy I could ever hope to utilize in my life.

I hope each of you has a very Happy New Years Eve and find that which you are seeking in 2017.

My last musical suggestion for 2016 is "If I Get High" by Nothing But Thieves and comes courtesy of my son as it was one he played for me today as we were driving to get breakfast. I've got to say I love that boys varied taste in music more and more each day....just more proof that he's so mine

A Random Question from My Son

Saturday, December 31/16

Rihana's "Please Don't Stop the Music" is my morning jam today.

So in an earlier blog I commented about doing one about my son and how I know he's mine.

Well it is a work in progress as there are so many ways I know that boy is mine that go far and beyond what any blood test could prove, should I even have to think about one which I don't.

I think we can all agree that my mind works in mysterious ways given some of my blog topics, I'm willing to bet the majority of you wonder just what the hell  goes on in the deep and darker corridors that is my mind but trust me that is a trip you only want to undertake if there is a guide as that place scares the crap out of me some days and I'm the proprietor.

So last night I'm sitting on the couch reading a book while listening to some music when my son comes out of his room during a break in the Rocket League tournament he's playing online with some of his friends to get a snack and drink. I really don't pay much attention as my book is pretty good and I've got Moki the Wonder Puppy curled up in my lap so between that and having my son over the world is doing right by me.

He grabs the remainder of the baguette and sliced cheese along with some water and heads back to his room when he stopped at the couch and without even any facial movement asks me in a very matter of fact voice "Do you ever wonder who would win between Predator and Kevin from the Home Alone movies?" and before even hearing my response continues on his way back to finish dominating his buddies.

I paused and thought about it for a moment and than went back to scratching the dogs ear and seeing how the protagonist in my book was going to fare.

About an hour later the question came back to the surface and I sort of laughed out loud at how it is exactly the kind of thing that I would ponder at some point when my mind had a down moment. It made me think back to all of the off the wall questions he's asked me over the years and how each was actually a pretty cool question when one took a moment to think about it.

Case in point with this latest query, how would a small adolescent child do against a battle hardened blood thirsty alien whose sole aim in life was the hunt. When you really think about it the question is age old and can be reviewed against historical results: David vs. Goliath, Sparta vs. Persia, England vs. Napoleon, and Israel vs. The Arab League.  All are resplendent with the little guy prevailing over a noted superior power.

But this is just a question about two movie characters from established franchises right?

You'd like to think so but knowing my son as I do there was a real question there and one he was expecting me to answer at some point.

Once more I went back to my book and tending the dog lest she show her displeasure by harrumphing at me like she has recently taken to doing when I'm not doing something she expects me to do. Still trying to figure out how she learned to communicate her feelings to me and/or how I came to understand them so completely lol

Now as time passed I could sense my son getting anxious to hear my response but decided to be mean and make him wait for a bit.

Around midnight I decided it was time for this old man to hit the sheets and get some beauty sleep so I tidied up briefly and headed off to my room. As I passed the doorway to my son's room I saw him look up and smile at me but didn't say a word to him. Sometimes the slow torture is so rewarding :)

I went to brush my teeth and wash my face.

As I headed back to my room I paused at his door and simply said "Give Kevin an hours prep time and I'd pick him to win" and saw him thinking that over as I closed his door.

An hour later my cell chirped me out of a light sleep to tell me that I had a text message.

"I agree and wonder if he'd even need the hour prep time"

followed by another

"Can't wait till baby Jack is old enough to watch those with me"

I smiled and texted him back

"Careful what you wish for as he just might view you as the predator and respond accordingly"

All I heard after that was his laugh and I could picture his smile as he imagined matching wits with his nephew in the years to come.........as much as I love my son I'm going to go out and say right now my money is on his nephew to win any future battles.........I mean how can that kid lose given he has both his mother and grandfather's DNA lurking just under the surface of what my son views as a calm pool of  water.............

My name is Marcus and these are my  continuing adventures at being a parent, friend, co-worker, new grandfather, and maybe even the special one to someone.

P.S. still to come later today is the official state of the union :-)

Merry Christmas

Sunday, December 25th, 2016

I would like to wish each and every one of my followers a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday's!!

I've been up since 7am and in the last few hours Moki and I have been for a walk, tidied up the house, set out the service and cutlery for Christmas dinner, and are now awaiting the onslaught that will be my daughter, her fiancé, my grandson, their dogs, and my son.

It's going to be a great time, we're sure to get a bit loud as we laugh and joke with one another, watch the dogs fight over toys, each has one under the tree from yours truly, and make comments on the gifts we've given one another.

Along the way my daughter will hug me and tell me she's sure that grandma, my mom, is looking out over all of us and smiling as she watches her great grandson sleep quietly with the new stuffed polar bear his grandpa gave him.

My son will come up to me at some point and simply hug me and tell me he loves me and is lucky to have me as his father, where the truth is just the opposite as I'm the lucky one to have two amazing children who bring me so many smiles and laughs.

Christmas isn't about the exchange of gifts, it's about sharing the time with those important to you and reminding oneself that even in our darkest hours there are people who love us for us and would do anything for us.......

My biggest wish is that you are able to share the holidays with those you love.

This Christmas will be extra special for me due to the arrival of my early gift in the form of Baby Jack :-)

As my kids open gifts you'll find me holding him and softly kissing his cheek, whispering to wait till next year little man and see how spoiled we'll all make you feel with our love first and foremost.

Please take a moment and say a silent prayer for those unable to be with loved ones due to circumstances out of their control.

A special prayer and warm thoughts to those manning the wall of freedom on this day, keeping us safe in our homes while they are thousands of miles away from home and family.

I'll be sending those wishes to one special person up in the valley and hoping she is able to enjoy some well deserved time off with her sons and parents.

Christmas comes but once a year but wouldn't it be nice if the spirit could be shared year round......

Marcus

Update: so my daughter gave me a picture of baby Jack from the photo shoot she just had done last week where he is resting in her cupped hands in a frame of an amazing bleached wood and I admit I started crying right away.....she asked me what was wrong and all I could do was shake my head and say it was the most beautiful gift I've ever received.......amazing how one little baby can change one's outlook on life and the possibilities to offers

Beauty comes to us in many forms......

Saturday, December 24th, 2016

As I was getting ready to write a holiday message on my Facebook account I noticed a link a friend had posted about a rendition of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" and I clicked on it to listen.

If you don't feel tears at some point while watching and listening to this video than there is something wrong with you and I beseech you to seek immediate mental health assistance, I kid you not wit this comment.

Give a listen and have a reminder that beauty truly does come to us from in many forms....

http://www.edge.ca/syn/123/26265/10-year-old-girl-with-autism-sings-leonard-cohens-hallelujah-and-its-breathtaking

Marcus

P.S. the Christmas blog entry is still to come so don't fret

Christmas Holiday

Monday, December 19/16

So this year is the very first time in my working career that I'll be at a company that closes down between Christmas and New Years and lets everyone have the time off with pay.

The funny thing is that I have absolutely no plans for that week and feel like fate is sort of laughing at me because of that.......

Back in 2014 when C and I started dating she talked about maybe going somewhere but I was in the middle of a transition at work and didn't think I could get the time off and was a little nervous about taking a trip as we'd literally just started dating so it didn't happen until she put her foot down and said we were going on a holiday during March break in 2015.  One of the best weeks of my life!

Last year at the start of fall during one of my visits to her place she mentioned how she almost booked us a trip to Mexico over Christmas as a surprise but didn't as she wasn't sure if I'd be able to get the time off given I'd only been at that company since June.  Guess in hindsight it worked out well for her as things went off the rail the next month and one can only imagine how tough that trip might have been.......just kidding, we'd have had a blast as I'm a total party animal.....still kidding, she'd have been able to replace me without a hitch lol

So here I am this year and I'm actually able to take off and have nobody in my life I'd be willing to go away with.....if that's not case of Karma laughing her ass off at me I don't know what it

Now I can hear some of you giggling and that's ok.......I mean if I can't laugh at myself and these kinds of situations than I don't have any right to be blogging about things do I?

I start my holiday's this Friday as I booked it off in order to get some servicing done on the car and get Moki in for a wash and cut. The princess has to look her best for the family when they come over on Christmas morning. Both my son and I are really curious to see how she reacts to baby Jack. He thinks she's going to curl up next to him and be protective and I think she's going to be a little confused and either come sit next to me or go and see if she can get a snuggle out of my daughter. Whatever she ends up doing is bound to be cute and cause lots of laughs.

Since I'll be solo on Christmas Eve I'll be going to midnight mass at the parish down in Fallowfield as I love the old stone church and the amazing setup inside. When mass ends I'll head home and before retiring for the night I'll raise a drink and toast my family and friends before snuggling under the covers for a long winters nap.........

On Christmas day I know at some point I'll silently wish my mom a happy birthday and hope she is looking down to watch over her grandchildren and great grandson, maybe even that brat she raised as well.

The week will fly by faster than I'll expect and I'll not do as much as I originally hoped to do but that will be ok as long as I get some time with my family and a few moments to reflect on life.

Hopefully you'll be surrounded by family and friends as well.

Maybe one of you will be somewhere farther south on a beach and raise a drink in my honour :)

Marcus

Btw....I found the perfect gift for her and without even thinking bought it only to realize as I left the store that I wouldn't be seeing her to give her the gift......kind of funny how sometimes the heart just takes over and you act without even thinking...........looks like she'll be finding a box on her desk when she gets back to the office in the new year lol

Trailer teaser

Saturday, December 17/16

Thought I'd give you a little preview of some upcoming posts to whet your appetite.

• The Year in Review - if it's good enough for Trudeau or Obama it's more than good enough for me!

• Spider Webs

• Parenting - no manual included

• My WTF moment at Jack Astors

• My Son, so mine I'll never need a DNA test to confirm it

I'm off work the week between Christmas and New Years as our office closes and it's my intention to get caught up on some sleep, exercise, and the blog.

Btw...that last one isn't derived from anyone questioning my parentage but more from comments he makes to me that just remind me of how much of me is in him,,...,,poor kid ;-)

Charity........

Thursday, December 15/16

So last weekend was my bachelor weekend in that my son was scheduled to be with his mom thus making this guy carefree and single. Of course anyone who has been following this little adventure through the deep and dark recesses of that which I call my mind knows I'm never not in dad mode, least in how I view myself....once a parent, always a parent.

Anyways, I made arrangements to take my son Christmas shopping after his soccer game on Saturday as the arrival of baby Jack last Wednesday sort of through a wrench in our plans to go shopping after I got home from work one night during the week.

My son scored only his 3rd goal of the season in his teams 7th win in 8 games and boy was it a doozy!  It was a form of a roundhouse kick that just happened out of the blue. It was so amazing I actually did a double take and looked at his mom and asked her if I really saw what I thought I saw and she said she was going to ask me the same question. Both teams literally stopped playing and looked at him as if he'd just walked through a blazing fire with nary a mark on him.

Once the game ended we headed off to Bayshore Shopping Centre to get our shopping on!

After parking and entering the mall on the third level we were passing the Moxie's and my son noticed there was an English Premier League game on inside and seeing him pause I asked if he wanted to go in and get some lunch before we hit the stores and much to my surprise he agreed.

We had a great meal of steak and eggs and even better was the easy and casual conversation we shared with one another. No major revelations came forward but it was relaxing and was one of these moments that I think go along way in keeping that bond open between a parent and teenager. I think he understands that I'm always there for him and there isn't anything he can't talk to me about.

We finished our meal and I closed out the bill before we went forth to bravely do battle with the crowds in the mall, two men on a mission to get it down in one clean sweep.

My son was there to find gifts for his mom, sister, and sister's fiance, with me shopping for the daughter, her fiance, while keeping an eye on anything that might catch his attention.

Two hours later and he was done, I was mostly done, and had a few thoughts for things to get him after taking note of some reactions he had to things while we shopped.

We had started on the third level and worked our way down to the ground floor as we checked things off our lists. Having finished off with some soccer related items for his sister, who says she will be playing indoor come the beginning of February, we called it a day and went to find the escalator that would take directly from the ground floor back to the 3rd floor. As we rode it up I took the opportunity to comment to my son that the mall wasn't as crowded as I thought it would be and we made really good time as it was only around 2pm. He looked at me and said that couldn't be right as it felt to him like it had to be much later than that but once he checked his phone he shook his head and just smiled at me.

As we got to the top my son noticed the Salvation Army volunteer gently ringing her bell as she stood next to her kettle, the majority of people passing her by without a second glance, only occasionally  would someone stop to toss some change in the kettle. In one of those moments that remind me my son has a good level head on his shoulder and will always do the right thing he walked over to the kettle and without saying or a word pulled all the cash in his wallet out and placed it in the kettle before turning to the lady and saying "Thank you" and then walking over to where I was standing.

The lady looked in the kettle and than turned to look at me with a smile and teary eyes as she mouthed "thank you" to me. I smiled and nudged him as we headed back to the exit, asking what made him do that. He kept looking ahead but I could tell he was a bit teary eyed as he replied "I have a good life thanks to you and mom and it just feels right to share with those less fortunate whenever I can"

He asked me why it seemed like the holiday season was the only time we notice things like the Salvation Army kettles or hear the public service announcements for places like the Ottawa Food Bank and Ottawa Mission.

I thought about that as we put the bags in the trunk and responded as we were getting back into the car.

"This time of year brings out feelings in people that aren't normally present the rest of the time. Our hearts are more full of compassion and understanding, we tend to be more open to the needs of others and do more about it, sometimes out of a sense of social responsibility, like you just did, but more often than not out of a sense of guilt about what we have that others don't, and sometimes as a form of paying it forward insurance".

Now that last one confused the hell out of him and before he could ask me to explain what I meant I preempted him by answering the follow up question before it was even asked.

"Most people don't have huge amounts of money saved and if they really looked hard at their finances would know they are probably no more than 2-3 missed pay cheques from being in dire straits"

I let that sink in before asking him how much he thought I needed each month to live the life we do or how much his mom needed. I'll give him credit as he didn't just toss out a number but actually went over what he thought I paid each month. He wasn't close but he tried and that is part of the teaching moment I was striving for at that moment.

I let him know the real number and could see the wheels turning as he digested it.

"9" was my next words to him

He looked over at me more than a little confused

"9 months" were my next words

"I don't understand, what do you mean 9 months?"

"That is how long my savings would last me without any income coming in"

He pondered that and asked if I worried about money.

I smiled and said yes and no. I don't think about it every day but do keep an eye on my spending as not only did I have to meet my day to day expenses but also save for his education and now put some aside for his new nephew and my grandson, baby Jack.

As we got home and started to unload the car he asked if I donated money and why.

I told him I did and through a payroll deduction to the United Way and also made contributions through the year to various other charities like the Ottawa Mission and Ottawa Food Bank. That I didn't do so as any kind of Karma insurance but because it's the right thing to do as sometimes a person just needs a hand to get back on their feet and there was nothing wrong with needing that hand as it didn't mean a person was a failure or lazy as a lot of people like to think.

He asked me how much I gave and I smiled and said that was between me and my conscience, but it was the right amount for our family. He hugged me and told me he was proud to be my son.

It's funny how doing the right thing brings one rewards that you can't put a price on.

My name is Marcus and sometimes life gives us a chance to change who we are, I'd like to think I'm taking advantage of as many of them as I can but in the end my goal is really just to be a good father, friend, and maybe partner to my one................

Welcome to my world baby Jack

Thursday, December 7th, 2016

Today at approximately 10:57am Jack Aaron made his way into the world and my heart.

He came in weighing 6.4 pounds and a little more than 3 weeks early due to some complications with both my daughter and grandson. I am more than happy to say both mother and child are doing wonderful but for a brief moment it was kind of nerve wracking to say the least.

Don't think I've seen so many smiles as I did this morning waiting to hear how things were going and getting the word that he had made his arrival and promptly gone to sleep. My son commented that he has an early start on those teenage years where sleep is everything.

Because he was born through an emergency C section it meant that either mom or dad has to be present whenever a family member goes into the baby center to see him. L, my daughters fiancé, took my son to see his nephew for the first time and when he walked back to the recovery room you could see his eyes watering up and all he said was "He's incredible" and hugged both his mother and I. He tried to wipe his eyes but his mom smiled at him and said "Your father has already cried tears of happiness so go ahead and let your own out" He turned to look at me and I laughed and said "Hell, I was crying on the walk down the hallway to find the baby unit" and then proceeded to feel more wetness on my cheeks as I thought about the amazing thing my daughter just did.

Life is sure to be more interesting over the coming years as baby Jack, my nickname for him, grows up and reminds all of his family what the innocence and joy of youth looks like over and over.

I have violated my rule on using names by saying my grandson's name but special moments call for some rule breaking don't you agree.

My name is Marcus and my grandson already has me wrapped around his awesome little fingers

What is Dating?

Saturday, December 03/16

I was listening to the Morning Hot Tub on Hot 89.9 on my drive into work yesterday and heard an interesting statistic that got me to thinking.

Mauler said that eHarmony had recently done a study that showed single people on average dated six people at the same time!!

Now as I listened to this it sort of pissed me off as I was thinking who was the SOB that was dating my 6 potential partners and thus depriving me of their company but then came the twist, you just know there had to be a twist with me involved right?

eHarmony says dating defined in the here and now includes text only relationships and not the old standard definition of actually meeting someone face to face for a series of activities like drinks, a movie, dinner, or walking the dog. No, that last one isn’t some code for making nasty, get your mind out of the gutter as I'm trying to broaden my target market for the blog, my former marketing professors at SDSU would be proud that I'm actually using some of the materials they tried so hard to impart to me over the course of my studies.

So my question is do you consider a text only relationship to actually be dating?

I can see if you are in a long distance relationship how texting can be part of the process you employ to keep things fresh and on the go but in and of itself  texting only seems to a real stretch of the definition of dating in my mind.

Maybe that is a generational thing on my part given my age but I'd like to think I'm open minded enough to give all possibilities a fair shake before making my mind up one way or another. In this approach I can thank the last two women who really meant anything to me for giving me some insight in how to approach and deal with life. That saying that you can't teach an old dog new tricks is complete bullshit, this old dog learned more tricks over the past ten years than he cares to count.

One advantage that was noted for the text only relationship is that when that connection is no longer there that you can ghost the other person and vanish when you want things to be over without the usual drama associated with breaking up with someone face to face or over the phone.

Can you really develop and feel that kind of connection from just texting so much that you actually think you are in a real relationship?

People are visual creatures, men especially so, and I don't think I could ever see myself meeting someone through a text site and developing feelings for them that I could ever put on the same level that I have when seeing someone face to face....there is just something intrinsic to being able to sit across from that person while sharing brunch and seeing the twinkle in her eyes when you are talking. The ability to reach over and touch hands can never be replaced by the click of a keyboard nor could the sound of her laugh when you have one of those rare witty moments be surpassed by the sound of an incoming text.

No, in my rather small world I'm going to go out on a limb, a rather strong one I hope given I'm still working on my pear shape, and say that any relationship that is based entirely on texting is not a real relationship and therefore can't be considered dating.

Texting can be part of the process, along with telephone calls, but it can't the only medium used to develop or sustain a dating relationship. I've used both in the past but as part of a real relationship that involved us actually coming into physical contact with one another, and once more let me remind you to get your mind out of the gutter as I didn't mean making the beast with two backs....ok, this time I did mean it that way lol

So how do you define dating and would you ever be tempted to just have a text only relationship with someone? Nope, not an offer to exchange cell numbers folks but nice try lol

My name is Marcus and I like to date in the here and now with some eye contact.

It feels like it has been awhile since I made a musical suggestion so give a listen to "Perfectly Perfect" by Simple Plan........the title says it all and than some

It's My Blog...........

Thursday, December 01/16

So just a reminder to the couple of Internet trolls who bashed me for my recent blog entry........

It's my blog.

That means I am the sole contributor, copyright editor, and final authority on what makes it to print.

That means I write what I want, when I want, for whom I want.

I will not submit content for pre-screening. Not now, not ever.

I write to please myself and maybe help someone else who might be facing some of the same things I am as a single parent, friend. co-worker, or even romantic partner.

I write as it is the cheapest form of therapy available. Trust me on this one, we've all needed some type of therapy at one moment or another in our lives. When I find the blog isn't cutting it for me in that department I go and talk to someone. I'm not so macho as to think I never need it or it's not for me, any help is good help.

If you don't like my blog or any of the postings than I have a very simple solution for you. STOP READING IT!

I'm not paid to post entries nor do I receive any form of compensation. I do it because it makes me feel good inside and helps me deal with life's little ups and downs.

The topics I choose come at me randomly more often than not, but sometimes I blog about how I'm feeling, whether it's something awesome like learning I'm going to be a grandfather or something kind of sad like being in love but no longer loved.

So I'm just going to keep on blogging and let you decide if you'd like to read it or not. Really no skin off my back either way.

Keep in mind that future blogs could be about C, could be about how woeful my beloved ManU is playing, my inability to consistently hit my driver farther than 220 yards, or something as mundane as why do all the leaves in my neighbourhood seem to end up in my driveway.

So having said my piece and now feeling less angry at the Internet trolls let me wish each of you  a goodnight and many happy days to come.

Marcus the merry blogger

Happy Birthday C

Tuesday, November 29/16

C,

Today is your birthday and I hope family and friends make it as warm and happy as you make those around you.

May the thoughts and words make your eyes twinkle and lips part into that little smile I love so much.

But most of all may you have a wonderful day and remember that you truly are only as old as you feel.

You will always be second to none to in my books.

Love,
Marcus

Happy Thanksgiving to my American followers

Thursday, November 24/16

A very hearty shout out to all the blog followers who live in the United States and are enjoying Thanksgiving today and preparing for the madness that is tomorrow aka Black Friday.

When I lived San Diego and had Black Friday off I'd go and golf with friends while our significant others went shopping.

What? you imagined I'd be in a mall when I could be walking down a fairway trying to visualize my approach shot over a bunker......silly reader

Marcus

The First Snow of the Winter Season

Sunday, November 20/16

So today was one of those lazy Sunday's we all like and deserve sometimes.

Saturday was busy with my son's indoor soccer game in the morning, doing some errands afterwards, and finished with us going to see the Senator game with the tickets his co-op placement gave him on Thursday.  The funny thing was that his mom and sister were at the same too but sitting almost directly across the arena from us - we signaled each other with the light function on our cell phones and gave everyone around a good chuckle when we explained what was going on lol

The plan for today was to just take it easy as he had some reading to do for English and some progress to make on a Law project. I was planning on just doing some analysis on the payroll to make sure our parent company isn't over/under charging us for benefits and than watch the Red Blacks in the CFL Eastern Finals against Edmonton.

The topper to the day was the snow that started falling around 9am and continued all day long. It made for some interesting plays in the Red Blacks game and gave me some chilled fingers when I switched out his floor mats for the new winter mats I got last month for my son's car.

Now as much as I love golf and knowing that the falling white stuff means my game is on hold, I also love how it looks when it's snowing outside, the wind blowing flakes all willy nilly outside my front window.

I cooked up a nice little pork roast with mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner and my son commented on how much he loved seeing the snow outside as ate our meal.

The rest of the night will see him doing some more reading and I'll use the time to tidy things up as well as make my lunch for tomorrow as I'm bound and determined to cut down on my dining out costs moving forwards, I mean I do have to keep adding to my son's RESP account so he can pursue his dream and not end up in massive debt while doing so.

I hope everyone's weekend was as fulfilling as mine and that you drive safe and take a moment to tell those close to you how much you care for them.

Marcus

P.S. Red Blacks beat Edmonton and are off to their second straight Grey Cup next weekend down in Toronto!!!!

The Crown

Sunday, November 20/16

On November 4th Netflix released a new series about the early years of Queen Elizabeth's reign and I started watching it right off the bat for a couple of reasons.

First and foremost being part of my heritage directly comes from the United Kingdom by way of my maternal grandfather and the second being it just looked like a pretty damn good show, those being hard to come by lately.

I went into my viewing wondering how they would portray the royal family and Elizabeth's rise to the head of the monarchy upon her father's passing. So far they've done an outstanding job and along the way I've learned a little bit more about the trials and tribulations she had to face as she established her reign in the aftermath of the Second World War, continued rationing of the basics faced by her people, dealing with those heading her government who were unsure of her ability to pull her people together, and the continuing decline of the British empire in the face of the growing cold war between the west and east.

I've found the portrayal of Prince Philip to be extremely fascinating as you can see how hard being the royal consort could be on a male who was established in a career in the royal navy before meeting and eventually wedding the future queen of England. Now that is not to say he is a lovable character or even a nice person as he is neither of those in my mind but it does go along way in showing the impact it had not only on himself but his children as well, especially Charles.

I loved the show from the opening scene and found the music that opens and closes each episode to be entrancing, In my mind it captures the period as it was meant to be captured but feels like it belongs in the here and now. A subtle blend of the old with the new that doesn't just work it makes the show move and move perfectly. Something that I've never experienced before, where the music makes the show seem more alive, more real, almost as if you were literally standing right there in each scene, wanting to help a young Elizabeth navigate her way through the decisions she must make not just as a Queen but as a daughter, sister, mother, wife, and lover.

As I was watching the story unfold through the opening episodes I found my son would wander out of his room now and again to catch a scene while getting a drink or snack and more often than not I'd find him watching me as I watched a scene that had Elizabeth in it.

After going through this a few times I paused the episode I was watching and asked him what was going on and why the scrutiny. He smiled as he looked from me to the scene frozen on the screen that showed Claire Foy as Queen Elizabeth and back to me again before replying "I've never seen you so into a show like this before and just wondering what has you so drawn to this one, and I think I know now"

I must have looked a little confused as he told me to hold on a second and walked back down the hallway to my office before returning a moment later with a picture frame in his hand and a sad smile on his face.

Before he even handed me the picture frame I knew who was in it and turned to gaze back at the scene and softly said to myself "C"

I think I knew all along deep inside me that I saw the resemblance but wouldn't let myself openly acknowledge it and that every time I saw Claire Foy on the screen my heart gave a little skip.

It is rather ironic that over the past couple of months I've done a fairly decent job of getting back into the dating world with a few drink dates only to start a new job with my old CFO and have one of his opening questions on my first day be about my efforts towards C and now this series comes along as just another reminder of the one who was the one but ended up not being my one.....

The funny thing is that not only does Claire Foy remind me of C in regards to her looks but also in terms of how lonely her life can be at times as both sit in positions that have seen them have to make a decision that they know is right but goes against what their hearts wanted them to do. Neither one has someone close they can turn to and unload after a tough day in a way that will remain confidential as they both stand apart from those around them. I think both are doing what they want to do, least I know C is, and yet by doing that very thing they find themselves alone in a crown of people.

Watching The Crown has made me think back about how I acted with C while we were together and I hope with all my heart I did far better for C than Philip has done for Elizabeth, that she knew I was there for her and loved the time spent with her, learning her world, and hopefully helped her in some small ways in dealing with the pressures of being who she has to be day to day.

When I hear the opening and closing theme from The Crown it makes me feel incredibly sad and yet hopeful in some way.

We don't always get what we want in life but I'm coming to realize that sometimes we get it for brief moments and those moments are meant to be enjoyed for all they are worth and later in life to be brought out and relived momentarily when needed to help you get through a tough time. I have a few of those and know they will see me through what ever difficult times lay ahead of me.

So if you ever wonder what my C looked like I invite you to watch The Crown and note the way Claire Foy looks into your soul,  the tilt of her neck, and the smile that graces the viewer. Those simple acts are part of what made me fall so hard and openly for C.

Marcus

The link I've added to today's entry will take you to YouTube and allow you to hear the theme song that makes this blogger smile wistfully every time he hears it.....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JpNCuMRurmc

University Open Houses

Saturday, November 12/16

So the past two weekends have been spent at the open houses run by Carleton University and University of Ottawa with my son, his girlfriend, and my ex as we try and determine the entrance requirements, costs, and which programs he would like to attend.

I think back to my own senior year in high school and what I went through and it was so different from what I'm seeing with my son.

First off, growing up in Southern California offered me a much larger pool of schools from which to consider than my son has now in Ontario. There were four universities, two college's, and close to 6 community colleges in San Diego alone to choose from, whereas my son is looking at 2 universities and 2 colleges here in Ottawa. If I add in those located in Los Angeles and San Francisco I probably had more schools to choose from than he does in all of Canada.

Guess size does matter sometimes depending on the subject matter :-)

I never really went through the process he is going through as I knew from my early teens I would end up at San Diego State University and pursue a business degree as my parents had their own real estate based business and their goal was to eventually retire and I would take it over. My father saw me following in his footsteps and earning my degree in marketing and possibly participating in debate as well. But like they say a funny thing happened on the way to the show and I fell in love with accounting and finance. Now this might not sound all that odd but you'd have to have a little background and understand how much I loathed numbers. I dreaded math and am pretty sure I did my utmost best to take the bare minimum in high school to meet my degree requirements. I'm also confident that neither of my parents could have told you in any one high school semester what I was taking or how I was doing. Those two simple statements have resonated with me since my high school years and have been the foundation for my own interest in both my children's education.

Now don't get me wrong and think my parents didn't care as I know they did, it's just they were running a new business that they saw as a future for the family. I don't begrudge them that lack of knowledge and in some ways thank them for it now as it helped shape the parent I was to my daughter and am to my son. Sometimes we get lucky and are able to use something that wasn't all that great for us to improve ourselves for those who are important to us later in life.

I've enjoyed the campus visits with my son and his mother. We went in thinking his degree objective was one thing and have come out of the process with him making a change that should help him in the end achieve his career aspirations. I've also come to realize I need to start adding more to his RESP so as to cover off my half of his costs. His mother and I are completely focused on paying for this from our own resources and helping him avoid having to take on any student debt as we don't want him starting of his post university with student loans to repay while settling into his new career.

We'll be heading back to one campus over the next couple of weeks and taking a walk around it so he can feel the pulse and know if it really is the one for him. I'm sure it is but I'm not the one who is going to be spending the next four years walking the paths between buildings, making new friends, finding out just how far I can be pushed in a class or while working in a group on a grade critical project. No, I've had my time doing those things and now it's his turn, something I'm really excited to witness as I watch the continual transformation of my son into a man in his own right.

Marcus is my name and not a nom de plume as some have thought.

Lest We Forget

Lest We Forget......

November 11/16

On the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month in our lords year nineteen hundred and eighteen did the guns fall silent across Europe but long before that moment did Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae pen these words.......

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields

 

 

 

Every year we remind ourselves of the sacrifices made by so many in order to safeguard our liberties and freedom through the wearing of the poppy

 

 

I will spend my moment of silence thinking of my great grandfather who lays silently in Flanders Field, my uncle resting near Anzio, and all the others who have taken a place on the ramparts so that I may lead the life I've been afforded without worry or fear.

 

I can now add two more names to my list of those I honour today though those names shall be kept in my heart for me alone to know for that is where my memories of them belong.

 

I shall not ever forget the past nor the present when thinking of them.

 

Thank you...............

How does one choose between two equally vile candidates?

Tuesday, November 8th, 2016.

I can honestly say without a moments hesitation that I am so glad I moved from the U.S. to Canada for no other reason than it let me avoid having to try and choose between the lesser of two evils running for president.

On one hand you have a egotistical buffoon who thinks he can bully his way out of any situation not to his liking, someone who tends to forget the silver spoon that aided him in his rise to his current financial standing,

On the other hand you have a career politician who wouldn't know the truth if it stood in front of her wearing a pink tutu holding a sign proclaiming it was the truth. Add her philandering husband to the mix and I'm sure more than one young female intern at the White House is thinking of ways to avoid being in a room alone with wily old Bill.

So has it come down to where we now are no longer voting for the candidate that we think will do the best job for the country but rather the one we think will do the least amount of damage and not leave the United States looking like a laughing stock on the world stage.

I've been checking out some websites during the day and found it interesting that the race was as close as it is given the tone of the campaigns run by each candidate.

One says if he loses it means the election was rigged and the other tells voters in one of her last campaign stops to not vote for the evil candidate. How about the first accept the results like an adult and not whine when he doesn't get his way and the other actually present a viable platform that makes her stand above the first and not tell voters she is the lesser of the two evils.

Both Hilary and Donald are evil and neither should have the privilege of running an outhouse least of all a country.

So how do you pick who gets your vote?

If I was still voting down there I'd probably be leaning independent this time around. Maybe if enough people did that the message might get through that it's time for a change in the partisan politics that uses nothing more than smear tactics to frighten voters and demean opponents.

My name is Marcus and I weep a silent tear for the Armageddon that is tonight's elections in America.

Media Games

Thursday, November 04/16

So on my 40+ minute drive to work this past week I've had lots of time to think about things, sometimes this is good thing and sometimes it's not so good, and I started thinking back about some of the major stories we've been flooded with over the past year or so.

Do any of these rings a bell?

Ebola outbreak in West Africa sees first major cases in America. There was some panic but not as much as could have been expected given some of the reporting that was going on around this story.

Greece close to defaulting on national debt. I remember reading countless stories about how the Greek people were not going to let the government cut pensions or try and enforce the tax code as the rest of Europe was demanding they do if Greece expected to receiver any more funding. Seem to remember Germany being painted as the bad guys in this scenario given how they control the purse strings in the European Common Market.

China builds islands in the South China Sea and declares a 20o mile sea zone radius that will choke off trade. America and Japan both tested the no fly zone and found no response forthcoming but the region was up in arms over this blatant act of militarism by China.

Syrian refugees flood the soft underbelly of Europe seeking to reach Germany and the rest of Northern Europe. Canada responded to the crises by allowing 25,000 refugees into the country under one of the first acts initiated by the Justin Trudeau government. It was a fly by your seats response by our JT and probably not his last. Oh lucky us.

Britain votes to leave the European Common Market or the Brexit as the pundits have come to call it.

So here are 5 major events that captivated the wold for a few brief moments in time and than faded back into obscurity.

So what does that tell us about our ability to remain focused on an event? I mean none of these issues have been solved in the least and yet we never hear about them anymore.

Are we as a society incapable of staying tuned to something for longer than a week?

I'd like to think we can but evidence suggests otherwise. Now the wait begins for the next story or issue the media can latch onto and inundate us about.

My name is Marcus and sometimes I scratch my head at the world and welcome the voices in my head :-)

Two reminders, two smiles, and no regrets

Tuesday, October 18/16

It's funny how life has a way of reminding you of both the good and bad times you've experienced....

So last Thursday I left work early in order to go and play some golf and on the way up highway 7 to Pakenham I started to change lanes in order to pass a white delivery van but didn't really think much of it  until I was directly along side it and than just had to smile at the business name.

Ulrich's on Main.  A combination little bistro and food emporium that I was introduced to last year when visiting C on one of my many weekends up in the valley. A quaint little place and one of many that seem to populate Pembroke and make exploring new places worthwhile.

The second smile came Saturday when I was sitting on the couch watching the Blue Jay's in game two of the ALCS and my phone buzzed saying I had a Facebook message. I opened up my phone to see who it was from and ended up on the screen showing all conversations, don't get too excited as there were only 3 of them as I'm not a huge FB messenger kind of guy.

The message was from a friend I hadn't talked to in quite some time and she was asking how I was doing and what was new with me. We chatted for a bit and got all caught up with one another for now and as I signed off I noticed an older conversation that I had forgotten to delete from last year.

I had sent congratulations to C's son has he had secured early admission to university and I was pretty sure both of his parents were over the moon with happiness.

I opened the conversation to see how I go about deleting it and noticed his current status had been updated and as I read it I felt this huge smile on my face as it seems he his following in his parents footsteps in his choice of university and career. His road will be hard and full of obstacles but if there is one thing I've come to realize it is that that young man has an inner drive that will be more than ample to see him through to the end. Given how successful his mother has been I can only imagine how far he'll push that bar himself. Being a legacy is never easy but I'm confident his only limitations will be those he accepts and I don't see many of those. Go forth and conquer A for the world is your playground.

It's sort of funny how both those reminders somehow had C at the center and yet both made me smile without any hesitation or regret. I'm am truly a better man for my time with her and it has taken me a little while to understand the benefits from our relationship far outweigh the hurt I had to endure.

I once wrote that love means accepting the hurt as well as the joy and if you can understand that simple truth that everything else will fall into place over time.

My time is now and I'm continuing my journey through life. It has been interesting to say the least and I wonder at times what my future holds but in the end the only way to know is to get out there and live that life the best you can........

My name is Marcus and these are my journeys. Care to come along for the ride, it might not be all fun and games but I don't think you'll be too bored :-)

Oh snap!  Almost forgot to give you today's musical suggestion. Lets go with Work Shoes by USS

Only in Canada

Tuesday, October 11/16

So yesterday I went out and played what might turn out to be my final round of golf this year and had one of those moments that can only be described as truly Canadian.

I met my buddy B at Glen Mar for our 2:02 tee time and off we went.

We both hit nice drives on the opening par 3 hole, I still hate the fact that GM switched to the old back nine as the opening front nine as I think it strange to start off with a  par 3 but it is what it is, and we ended up with a pair of pars to begin the round.

The second is a really long par 5 that plays about 545 yards slightly uphill to a partially hidden green. There is a hill on the right side and it hides a pond that is about 225 yards out from the tee box.  Somehow I boomed my drive just slightly past the pond in the middle of the fairway and hit a super 3 wood that left me about 138 yards out but on the right side along the tree line and behind the trees guarding the right approach to the green.

As I was getting ready to hit my 8 iron I looked up to see a golfer coming down the tree line looking for what had to be a very wayward tee shot off of the 15th box. Now this and of itself isn't anything special until it dawned on me he was wearing shorts in 8 degree Celsius weather. Again, nothing special as I've been known to do the same and almost did yesterday lol

No, what makes this so Canadian was the fact that he was smiling as he walked past me, apologized for disrupting my swing, and was wearing a big red and white toque!.

Yes, you read that right, he was in shorts and golf polo with a toque.

How so very Canadian and worth the high five we exchanged as he passed me by.

B was standing about 5 yards away and all he could do was smile and mutter "Only in Canada"

My name is Marcus and that is how we roll in Canada....................

Happy Thanksgiving Canada

Monday, October 10/16

Like everything else we do when compared to the United States, we do Thanksgiving sooner than the Americans :)

We celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday of each October so that means that today is turkey day in Canada as well as sugar pie and ham day.

Last year I cooked my first turkey dinner with a lot of help from C and I spent some time this weekend looking back on last years Thanksgiving celebrations with a lot of smiles and love in my heart.  This time last year my son and I got spend Thanksgiving with C's family on Saturday and then we came home to cook our own dinner for Thanksgiving Monday that included my daughter, her fiancé, and C.

Yesterday I broke bread at my ex's house and it was a lot less strange than I thought it would be.

I was a little surprised when she asked if my son and I would like to come over for family dinner but agreed as it would let me see her family and they always treated me well.

We played some cards, Joker Rummy, and I proved to be very bad at it but still had fun. My ex's partners father was there and seemed to take a shine to me and we talked a lot about golf and the various clubs we've played. He said he'd heard I played some up in the valley and asked which were my favourite so I told him Pembroke, Petawawa, and Roanoke in that order but I hadn't played up there this past season as my reason for being there was no longer true.

Dinner was perfect and the pies afterwards were the icing on the cake.

My former mother-in-law promised to make a sugar pie for Christmas and would make my son bring it to me as he is with his mom on Christmas eve and morning this year.

When it was time to leave I thanked my ex and her partner for having me over and she smiled and said "Once family, always family" and that is so true, especially in this day and age of hyper connections and stress to make ends meet.

So as I start to get ready to head out and play my final round of golf for this season I'd like to wish each of my Canadian followers a very Happy Thanksgiving and hope you are/were able to spend it with loved ones, family, and friends.

My name is Marcus and though the days are turning cold the heart grows stronger..........

Tears.......unbidden and quite confusing

Thursday, October 06/16

So there is something going on with me and I don't have a fucking clue what it is and I'm starting to wonder if I'm cracking up.

For the last two weeks I've literally been crying at the drop of a feather. Don't believe me than consider these recent episodes.....

I see a family going for a walk in the park and I feel like crying.

I think of my unborn grandson and I cry. OK, this one sort of makes sense

I look at the picture taken of my son and me at the end of this past seasons soccer tournament and I cry

Moki snuggles in my lap while I'm watching TV and looks up at me and I feel like crying

I'm driving back from playing golf and suddenly feel my cheeks moist from tears that I had no clue I was shedding. This one has to have happened at least 3 times over the last month

Now it looks like I'm crying in my sleep as I woke up this morning to find my pillow soaked and blood shot eyes staring back at me in the mirror.

I don't think it's health related, leastways physically, as I had my 6 month check up last week with my doctor and I can't remember seeing her so happy when we went over my recent blood work and blood pressure readings. Of course I didn't mention the free flowing waterworks as I was hoping it would work itself out but that doesn't seem to be the case and I'm guessing a call to book a fresh appointment is on order.

Has this ever happened to you and what did you do to cope with it?

I'm worried it's going to happen when my son is around and get him worrying about me or even worse, telling his sister or mom. Don't want the pregnant daughter worrying about me and don't have any explanation in case the ex asks me what is going on.

Being on good terms with one's ex is a double edged sword. On one hand we co-parent pretty good and on the other hand it also means we care about the other and never want to see them hurt.

Believe or not just writing this entry has be almost balling my eyes out............

My name is Marcus and something is wrong and I can't figure it out and that scares me more than anything right now.

Two Commercials, Two Different Reactions

Thursday, September 29/16

So there are currently two TV commercials airing from competing car companies and each makes me feel a different emotion. One makes me smile and the other has me convinced I'll never buy a vehicle from that particular manufacturer ever again.

Let's start with the one that pisses me off to no end.

Opening scene shows a teenage boy at night sitting on the curb in front of a house where it is quite obvious a house party is being held. Nothing wrong with that. Scene evolves to show the father arriving in the family mini van. Still nothing wrong. Now we see a close up of the son looking worried about dads reaction and the scowl on dad's face as the son looks at him as the voice over says "It's the family chauffeur"

For me the message is quite clear, don't waste my time calling me to come get you and find your own way home. That is not the message I've ever given my children and I've gladly roused myself out of bed at 1am to go and pick them up with friends from a party. I'd rather do that than have one of them try and get a ride from a friend who might have had a few drinks or try and walk home in the dark with other people whizzing by.  Now some of you might think I'm reading too much into the scene as the rest of the commercial shows fun family scenes but that one just sticks in my craw and leaves me angry at Chrysler Canada for even producing any scene where it could be misconstrued and works against our kids having the knowledge that they can call upon us at any time and we'll be there for them no matter what.

Now the one that makes me smile is from Subaru and shows 2 parents getting their kids out of the house late one night for a drive outside the city so they can experience the joy of seeing the northern lights.  I've been lucky enough to see them while standing on a hill with my parents, cousins, and grandfather at his cottage outside of Regina when I was younger, it's something that will live with me forever and that commercial takes me back to some fun times when I was but a youth.

The music for the Subaru commercial is perfect and sets the tone, the scenes where the son is excited to be heading out and the teenage daughter barely tolerant of everything going on. The smiles shared by the parents when the see the reaction in each child as they climb out of the car is priceless.

I know they are just commercials but I appreciate the one and doubt my business will ever go to the other again.

Just my take on things and you are free to unbuckle and move about the cabin at will, agreeing or disagreeing with me as you choose :)

Marcus

Two words that caused some laughter and anger

Wednesday, September 21/16

It has been far longer than I like since I last posted and I'd like to offer up an apology but upon further review don't know that I really owe anyone one as I was pretty clear a little while back when I said I post entries at my own pace depending on my mood and what is going on around me and with me.

Please don't take the lack of postings to mean life has been boring as it's been anything but that the last few weeks............

I'm going to start this one off with a teaser as I'm literally getting ready to walk out the door for an appointment and promise to finish it off tonight when I'm home safe and sound once more.

So two recent words I uttered at different times caused some people to laugh and one person to get extremely angry with me.

The words?

Introvert & Content

To be continued..........................................................

11:13 PM
Two weeks ago I was having lunch with A, T, and M from work and the conversation turned to how things will be different in the office come the end of September when both M & I aren't around anymore as our transitional contracts come to an end.

Now T was sitting across from me trying not to spill anything as she was dressed to the 9's like usual, swear I've never seen the woman in the same outfit yet and it's been almost 15 months, with M next to me and A across from him.

As we talked about work I smiled and said I was going to miss the team and really appreciated how they've all helped me overcome being such an introvert.

Now as those words left my mouth a couple of things happened all at once. The first was T just looking at me and laughing and the second was A spitting out his drink all over M and looking over at me like I'd suddenly started speaking in Latin.

As he wiped soda off his shirt, frowning at A as he did so, M asked me what I called myself and I smiled and said "I'm an introvert, well I'd say now more of an extroverted introvert, if that is possible"

A asked me what made me think I'm an introvert as I have to be the most extroverted person he's ever met in his life, talking to everyone and anyone who crosses my path, striking up conversations with people whenever we are out for lunch or down in the cafeteria.

I looked down at my plate and told them that dealing with people is one of the hardest things I do every day, that I have massive insecurity when it comes to other people, and I have to force myself to talk to people lest the shyness take over my life.

A asked me how that can be possible as he's seen me in action , his words, and if that's the case how the hell can I coach as well as I do if dealing with people is so hard. I smiled and said the soccer pitch is the one place I've never felt the terror of dealing with people and think it has something to do with the adrenaline that gets going once a match starts.

T reached over and put her hand on mine and asked if that is why I'm single and not even trying to date anymore. I looked at her a bit shocked that she knew that and she laughed and said she might not sit in the bullpen, what we call our quad workspace, but she can literally hear everything we say from her own area and we really do need to get me a girlfriend or at the very least laid.

I thought A was going to spit out on M again as he heard that but managed to hold it back.

I think growing up an only child had a lot to do with being an introvert, couple that with having a lazy eye as a youth and I tended to avoid talking to people as much as possible.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely rip it speaking in public and tended to be the last presenter for each group I was in during my university and graduate school days as I could sway a room like nobody's business. But being able to do that doesn't mean I wasn't fighting the shakes at the same time and trying to fend off those inner voices trying to spread doubt inside me.

So while to this day I have some anxiety about speaking to people or working a room I make myself do them as I refuse to abdicate control of my life to an insecurity as I am the master of my own destiny, least to some extent given I'm also a father and we all know who runs my life.......

Therefore I stand by my declaration of being an extroverted introvert and am glad I've made the move to being somewhat more extroverted.

Now the anger came last week from my son and was the end result of a discussion over dinner between myself, his girlfriend and himself.

It developed when I asked how his co-op class was going and he let me know he'd managed to land a placement with one of the local sports groups but it didn't start till this week. I asked what he was doing in the meantime and he laughed and said getting his teacher a coffee from Tim Horton's.

I sat back and asked him to expand upon that and he said expand how, he drove to Tim Horton's and got his teacher a double double and an iced capp for himself as the teacher gave him $10.

I told him his teacher was lucky he hadn't been in an accident as I would have sued his ass off.

My son said that was stupid as I should sue the person who would have hit him and I told not to worry about that as our insurance company would have done that but his teacher was all my job to sue. He said that made no sense as he it wouldn't be his fault there was an accident.

That statement should have been my first reminder that I was dealing with the mind of a teenager as he couldn't put the cause and effect into place when thinking about the scenario. But me being me I tried to show him the error of his logic and to his girlfriends benefit, she did the same.

I outlined how if his teacher hadn't sent him to get the coffee he would not be in a position to possibly be in an accident but his mind could not grasp the relationship between being sent to get the coffee is what put him potentially in harms way. I explained his teacher has a legal responsibility to keep him safe and sending a student off campus on a personal matter does not lessen that position.

He responded by saying that was just the "American" in me coming out and wanting to sue, that I was no better than the person who orders coffee from McDonalds and then sues them when she spills it and says it was too hot!!.

I took a moment before replying as that was the first time one of my children has ever mentioned my being American in a disagreement and it actually stung me far more than I thought it would.

I looked at him and said "you are wrong, that is not the American in me coming out as you claim but rather the more important parent in me looking to protect my only son" I started to gather the plates from the table and looked at him and said "I don't mean to sound condescending, but I'm more willing to bet that in 20 years your position would be more like mine is today than yours"

He started to rebut my statement and I smiled at him and said "I can say that with all my heart as I also know that if our positions were reversed and I was in your spot I'd be arguing the exact same position you are right now and you'd be arguing mine"

"Why do you say that and still argue for suing the teacher"

"Because our beliefs are molded by the experiences we go through and I know the younger me would see things as you do as we are very much alike, just as I know when you are a father, you are going to everything under the sky to keep your children safe, just as I do now as an older version of you"

I don't know that he fully understood what I was trying to say but his girlfriend looked at him with a huge smile and said she got what I was saying and to not try to overthink it too much but to try and remember this conversation as she was sure it would come up many years from now and he'd likely have one of those "ah ha" moments afterwards and think about it and me with a smile.

Now that wasn't the part that really made him mad but it's late and I've got to get some sleep so I'll add that part tomorrow as I think I've done a pretty good job whetting your appetite for this entry don't you?

Today was my birthday

Wednesday, August 31/16

So today was my 54th birthday and it was pretty damn awesome.

I spent my morning getting new plates and tags for my car as the old plates were peeling right off the metal and the tags would expire at midnight tonight.

Followed that up with the best round of golf that I've ever played, maybe a gift from the golf Gods on this special day. A wicked 85 on the Lake/Canyon courses at Pakenham that could easily have been an 83 or lower had I not managed to sail one into the pond on Canyon's 4th hole. Still pretty damn good and has me feeling like I'm walking on cloud nine right now.

The day ended with dinner at my daughters for some butter chicken over steamed rice with a Caesar salad and a very nice cheesecake with fruit toppings. We followed that up with movie night where we sent to see "Don't Breathe" and I think I aged another year with some of the jumping I did on certain scenes lol

My son got me a wonderful picture frame with a clock and pen holder on it for my desk. The picture inside is of the two of us at last weekends soccer tournament so you know there were some tears I was fighting back. I also got some movie gift cards, iTunes gift card, and a movie quiz book that makes you piece together pictures to try and figure out the movie that is very cool and harder than you'd think.

All day long I was getting Facebook messages from friends wishing me a happy birthday.

The say you can measure a person's worth by the company they keep and if that's true than I'm doing quite well as I have far more friends than I ever realized :-)

I turned 54 today but I don't feel my age at all, and some would say I hardly ever act it either, not sure that is meant to be the compliment I take it as but that's life.

I don't thin I've ever felt my real age and I embrace that with a gusto as I really do feel like I'm just hitting my stride and am better than I've ever been. Sure there are some things I don't do quite as well as when I was younger, and no I'm not referring to that particular thing so lets keep our minds out of the gutter for the moment ok, and there are things I do much better now at 54 than I ever did at 27, and yes this time I might be referring to certain things that could be considered gutter worthy but its my birthday so I get to take certain liberties as the birthday boy.

The one thing I am is much more patient with my life and everything going on around me. I'm more empathetic to those less fortunate than myself and have tried my best to instill that in my children as well, to show them that it is the right thing to do to help those not as gifted as ourselves.

Today I turned 54 and it feels like I've just hit the mid point and I'm looking forward to what the next half century brings my way :)

Marcus

Goodbye Gord, thanks for making me so proud of my heritage

August 21/16

Last night was the last concert to ever be performed by The Tragically Hip.

Not because the band is breaking up over artistic differences, not due to inflated egos, not because of jealousies, and not because they just reached the end and wanted to stop playing together.

The Tragically Hip have come to the end of performing due to the health of Gord Downie, lead singer and by most accounts Canada's Poet Laureate.

They say that time waits for no man and that is true but in this case time has come too early. Gord is 52, two years younger than this blogger, and in the prime of his life artistically speaking.

His songs have evoked memories for Canadians from shore to shore and far up into the north.

He has used his position to remind us of our obligations to leave the planet better than we found it, to stand up for those less fortunate than ourselves, and to be the best person we can be each and every day we walk this earth.

My first concert in Canada was at the old Corel Centre in Ottawa to see The Hip. I was spellbound as Gord described my new home through choice lyrics that left me wanting to explore all this great land has to offer.

In many ways he was our conscious and reminded us of how fortunate we are to live in such an amazing country, to never take things for granted, and to celebrate the smallest things as if they meant the most to us as they do.

Watching the end of the concert made me cry like I've only cried before at the loss of a loved one.

The look in his eyes said it all, he has more stories to tell us but not the time and it makes him angry.

He let those emotions out in one of the last songs they performed with some raw tears flowing down his cheeks as he yelled his protest at the unfairness of it all. Yet he also took the time to remind us to solve our northern problems, typical Gord to be thinking of others as time is ticking away.

I don't know how long Gord has but I hope he spends it with family and friends, taking in the love and affection he richly deserves as well as giving it to those he loves.

Gord Downie and The Tragically Hip shall forevermore be part of the Canadian landscape.

"A Head By A Century" is by far my favourite Hip song and one I'll listen too as I raise a glass in his memory at some point in the future.

Thank you Gord for the music but more importantly for reminding me what it means to be Canadian.

#Downie #TragicallyHip #Hip4Life

Marcus

Two things that count as a strike for me

Sunday, August 14/16

I've been thinking about what makes me take a pass on a dating profile when I'm actually on a site and two come to mind right off the bat.

Before I say what these are let me start off by saying we all have choices to make in life and I try really hard to have an open mind when dealing with people, now having said that there is really no middle ground for me when it comes to these two things.........

I am a non practicing Roman Catholic. I believe in God but take the position that he, call me sexist if you will but when I think of my Deity I think in terms of a male gender, might be a tad bit too busy to worry about me hour by hour, least that is my hope as it is a very large universe out there and I'm not convinced we have it all to ourselves.

So though I might not attend church on a regular basis it does not mean I have forsaken my belief nor am I willing to even consider that there is not a higher power. That means for me that it is not even within the realms of possibility that I could ever date an Atheist. There are no if, ands, or buts about this one. But here is the wrinkle in the belief, and there is almost always a wrinkle where I am concerned, I could entertain the possibility of dating an Agnostic. Why you ask? They don't believe in or not believe in a higher power and take the stance of "show me the proof of said existence"

Now I'm not looking at these women as a challenge as I don't think it my obligation to either prove or disprove their beliefs, I look at them as having an open mind and that is something I find extremely attractive in a potential partner. They are willing to listen to the arguments for and against and reach a conclusion on their own. For the most part they haven't been given ample enough evidence to make a sound and lasting decision. That is cool with me.

As a person who thinks himself somewhat educated and logical, I somehow managed to trick one college, and two universities into bestowing upon myself multiple degrees, and cannot fathom the stance that someone can take that there is no higher power. I get and follow the big bang theory, the evolution of man from primordial swamp to reaching for the stars, and Darwin's Theory of Evolution quite well. I also think someone had to put that initial component of matter into play that was the start of everything.

So what is the other thing that makes me take a pass on a profile?

This one is easier and totally a personal preference.

Facial piercings. Well other than those lovely auditory lobes we call the ears.

I don't understand the attraction of nose studs, nose rings, eye piercings, lips piercings, or any other such items. I'm not one to say they are horrible or should be banned, but for me they are a huge turnoff and nothing I would ever enjoy seeing on my partner.

Now before you ask and trust me one of you will ask me via an email, I have been with someone who had other piercings in places not normally exposed to the light of day. I'm neither for or against those kind of piercings and thing my take on them rests on the premise that they are private and shared at the consent of both parties.

I'd say my only hesitation would come from knowing that someone else, hopefully a female, was the installer of said piercing and thus was entitled to viewing a part of her body that I would like to think is my private domain, or could become mine over time lol.

Yes, I agree that is rather sexist and elitist of me, but I am who I am when it comes to my feelings towards my partner.

So when I am online and take the time to look at some profiles I determine whether to continue in this order: smile, religion, and if I can see any visible facial piercings.

I don't care what the religion is or if they list Agnostic, I'm down to possibly chat. Atheist? Have a good day and I'm moving on.

I'm sure there are things on my own profile that might make women take a pass, I am still single after all so there is some validity to that statement, and I am perfectly fine with that as I'm not perfect nor do I seek perfection. No, rather it could be said that I am seeking the one who is imperfectly perfect for me.

What is you take on this? I'd love to know.

Marcus

A round of golf with a great score and more than a little fear

Saturday, August 13/16

Ok, let me say this before any of you continue to inundate me with messages about the missing white water rafting post.

Yes, I owe you a post but the truth of the matter is that some posts write themselves, some take a bit of thought in expressing the thought into words, and others sound wicked awesome in my head but are harder than hell to express in such a manner that makes me happy with the finished product.

I've finally got the bulk of the post completed and just working on the ending so it all ties together. There are times preparing a post makes me think it compares to blocking out scenes for a movie, everything has to be just right lest it feel forced.


So pending the final editing to that posting please enjoy the following entry from my experience this past Wednesday.

I only played golf twice last weekend, I'm as shocked as you by this, with my normal round Saturday morning with B at Pakenham on the Lake and Island courses. I didn't play bad nor did I play all that well so Saturday afternoon found me feeling a bit antsy so I drove down to Manotick to play Manderley on the Green. When I got there they were just finishing off a tournament and sent me off on the South 9 with a transition to the Central 9 for my 18. Now it has been at least 16 years since I last played Manderley and given the shape of the course it's probably going to be another 16 years before I go back again. That's all I'm going to say about it but it should be enough to form a sound opinion of how I found the course..........

So Monday was the usual rehash of weekends with M & M and vacation recap for A.

Inventory M asked if I was going to play during the week given my weekend and I replied that with no soccer game this week it was looking good. He suggested Wednesday as he has men's league play on Thursday's.

So Wednesday rolled around and it was super hot, like +32c with strong humidity. I've found that when it gets too hot Inventory M will skip golf as he is a rather big guy, standing about 5'10 and has to be close to 300-325 lbs. He is a great guy and wonderful to work with but I wonder how his future looks given he is about 15 years younger than me but putting so much pressure on his body.

Imagine my surprise when he asked if I was still golfing after work. I told him I was game and though he was only looking to play 9 I was more than likely going to shoot to play a full 18 darkness permitting.

The day dragged and it seemed to take an eternity for 4pm to roll around but as soon as it did we jetted for the course. I got there first as M had to stop by his house and get his clubs, he lives like 5 minutes from the course, and warmed up on the practise putting green while I waited for him.

The wait let me work on my stroke as I've been trying to incorporate the things I learned from the putting class I took back in May. I know that is almost 3 months ago but I never said I was quick learner now did I?

Putting went well and just as I was finishing up M arrived so we headed off to the first tee on the Pakenham Lake course - my favourite as it offers me chances to use all my clubs and I can usually score well when things click.

To say things were clicking would be like saying the sun rises in the East and sets in the West. Suddenly my slice was gone and I was long bombing my driver off the tee. On the 357 yard par 4 first hole my drive was so good that I was left with a wedge from 107 yards, which I nailed perfectly and two putted for a par. M was playing equally well but at the same time I could sense him struggling with the heat. We were both 1 over after the first 4 holes and feeling good about things. It was about this time that I started to become more worried about M as the heat was taxing my endurance and I couldn't imagine what it was doing to him. I've played golf in the heat and suffered heat stroke but I'd been hydrating all day and continued to do so as we played. I know M was doing the same but the difference in our sizes was begin to take a toll on him.

We both hit good drives on the 5th with me nipping his by about 25 yards. After he hit his second shot to clear the edge of the pond and put himself in shape for a easy wedge to the green I noticed him labouring again and without even thinking about it pulled my iPhone out of my bag and checked the signal strength, putting it in the cup holder of our cart. I hit my second shot dead perfect and left myself a wee little pitch to the pin and a legitimate shot at an eagle though I was shooting for my birdie. As he hit his wedge shot I started to mentally review the steps required to perform CPR and had brought my hands together in front of me and started practicing the 5 push heart compression I learned in my St; Johns course last year.

M looked over at me and said "Really?" and then down at my hands when I didn't get his comment. It was at that point that I noticed my hands for the first time. I smiled at him sheepishly and before I could say anything he softly punched me on the arm and said "Thanks, but I'm not going to have a heart attack on you out here".......

We finished the nine and totaled up our scores. Though he started strong the heat did wear M down quite a bit and it cost him on the last 4 holes where he triple bogeyed all of them and ended up shooting a 49. Because of my worries about him I hadn't been paying attention to my actual score but knew it would be good as I was striking and putting lights out. Good is an understatement as I came in at 43, my best 9 ever scored. It would have been even better had I not 3 putted the 6th on my way to a horrendous triple bogey.

As I dropped him off at his car I asked him to text me later so I knew he was ok and he smiled at me as he agreed and told me I was a bigger worry wart than his aunt.

After watching him drive off I headed back out and finished off my back nine. I'd love to say I continued my hot streak but have to admit to double bogeying the first three holes as I was a bit concerned about M. It wasn't until he sent me a text saying he was home and his aunt was over to keep an eye on him did I relax and my game slowly come back. I shot a respectable 46 and know that the 4 over par I played the last six holes was more like how my game is trending than the 6 over on the opening three holes.

I'm a big guy.....stand about 5'9 and weigh in around 225 so there is room for improvement in my physique and conditioning, both things I've started to address at Movati once again, but watching M really made me think about life and how I don't ever want to put myself in such a position that a simple round of golf can lead to a stroke or heart attack.

I've got too much living to do to let myself fall behind like that. My son graduates high school this year and I'm going to be there to watch. My daughter is giving birth to my first grandchild this coming December and I plan on being around to take him for ice cream after soccer. I've yet to experience my last first kiss and hope it happens soon but have to be here for that to happen.

Marcus

Yes, I did say grandson as we learned the sex of the baby last weekend and I admit to crying as I looked over at my daughter and her fiancé and seeing the joy and love they shared at the news.