Monday, April 08/19
and I'm still no closer to finding my elusive one than I was at the start of this blog.
Actually it's over 6 years as I began this little adventure on my profile on my first dating site, don't bother searching for it as it's long since been deleted.
So my one takeaway from all of this is that as much as you might want the one in your life there is no guarantee that life is going to see things your way and bring them to you......
I'll admit there are times I'm so frustrated by it all that I just want to toss in the towel, say "Fuck it", and make my unofficial vow of celibacy official.........
But than I'll be out running an errand and I'll see a couple so obviously in love, that head over heels, moon floating high in the sky, kind of attraction where they just look at one another with the knowledge that anything goes......
That always seems to bring me back to my own desire to have someone in my life.
Do I need someone in my life?
No, I've managed well on my own, bought a couple of cars, a house, put some money away for my son's university tuition, my own retirement, taken a vacation or two, and even had a golf membership along the way.
Life has been good but I know it could be better and that's what I want....the better than good that being part of something special can bring.....that mathematically incorrect formula where one plus one equals far more than the two we've come to expect.....
I want someone to drunk dial me at 2 am after a night out with her girls and tell me to get my cute ass over to her place.
I want someone to show up at my place on a Sunday morning with warm croissants and a cup of French Vanilla coffee for me as we cuddle and talk about everything that crosses our minds.
There are times I feel like just chucking it all in, blog included, and then ask myself where else can I get such cheap therapy sessions that might help me finally get over the crap in my head and make some progress in life.
I sincerely hope some of the entries have been more help to you than they've been to me in finding that person who is perfectly imperfect for you.
There is one, maybe two or three, for all of us and they say timing is everything.
Damn those "they's" and the logic of timing lol
My name is Marcus and I'm tired of being alone, but not so tired that I'd willingly enter into a relationship so I could have someone in my life, that wouldn't be fair to myself or honest with them.
I don't have any more of a clue today than I did yesterday or will probably have tomorrow if I'm going to ever meet my one, but I was so close once before that I know the possibility exists for me to grab that brass ring again, if just all the star perfectly align as the moon crests full in the night sky.
Sounds like I might be overreaching a bit and asking for too much doesn't it?
Maybe I am and Karma will come along and bitch slap me back to reality.......but there is also the outside chance that I might just run into her at Loblaws reaching for the same box of cereal or bump into her at Chapters looking at recent releases or if I'm really lucky, at the Kevin Haime Golf Centre where we both go to work on our short game and end up chatting about the proper way to read a green. God only knows what could happen if I just keep an open mind.
So no matter how frustrated or sad I might get at times, I'm going to do my best to remember that without any effort on my part nothing will ever come to pass as I'd like..........
Questions and comments welcome as always at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tonight's musical suggestion is Snow Patrol's reworked "Chasing Cars" and the YouTube link is right here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEeTaF7unrc
Here's to another 6 years but hopefully some of those future blog posts might be about my new girlfriend and awesome relationship where we both enjoy making the other smile and tease each other with little kisses......it could happen
Monday, April 8, 2019
Sunday, April 7, 2019
Comments on the Blog Entries
Sunday, April 07/19
So I've been trying to do a better job in both responding to emails sent to the blog email account at ooasm2018@gmail.com and those posted directly to an entry itself.
One thing I noticed was some of the direct comments seem to have little hidden links on key words so please don't click on them as I have no clue where they might redirect you and have no connection to these links in any way. In fact, I've been going through and deleting those I do find as that isn't how we roll in this shire. Yes, a Lord of the Rings quote!
The best bet is to just use the email address and if you want the message posted as a blog entry with my response than just let me know and I'll see what I can do but no promises, thought I think I rarely decline to respond that way so the odds are in your favour :)
Marcus
So I've been trying to do a better job in both responding to emails sent to the blog email account at ooasm2018@gmail.com and those posted directly to an entry itself.
One thing I noticed was some of the direct comments seem to have little hidden links on key words so please don't click on them as I have no clue where they might redirect you and have no connection to these links in any way. In fact, I've been going through and deleting those I do find as that isn't how we roll in this shire. Yes, a Lord of the Rings quote!
The best bet is to just use the email address and if you want the message posted as a blog entry with my response than just let me know and I'll see what I can do but no promises, thought I think I rarely decline to respond that way so the odds are in your favour :)
Marcus
Justin Trudeau is Wrong!
Sunday, April 07/19
No, this isn't about the debacle that is the SNC Lavalin affair, though I should probably write a blog about it to counter some of the stories I've read on my Facebook about how it's much ado about nothing. It isn't much ado about nothing, it's all about respecting the system and separation of the executive branch from meddling with the judicial branch but that isn't what I'm talking about.
When the Liberals ran for office in 2015 they made promises to a host of groups in order to win votes and come back into power.
They've partially fulfilled some of those promises and ignored some others.
The indigenous peoples are still suffering from low employment and horrendous living conditions.
Our veterans still have to wait long time frames to get assistance, when they can even get it.
Our esteemed Prime Minister, insert sarcastic tone of voice here, recently was asked about the veterans and how underfunded the programs are that were created to help them and with a straight face he responded at a town hall by saying "They ask too much of us"......
Really? This from a silver spoon aristocrat from Montreal who has never held a real job or served in the military.
I've had the great fortune to know more than a few members of the Canadian Forces, might even have dated one or two over the years, and even had the honour of attending the Army Ball once a upon a time.
They ask not for too much, they respond to the call of duty when presented with a challenge.
They leave family and hearth to stand watch thousands of miles from home without complaint.
They make do with obsolete equipment that has other armed forces laughing at them.
They stand willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to make the world a better place and safeguard the rights we at times take so lightly. Many have left our shores for duty elsewhere and not all have come home, some of those who have returned have not done so in whole.
They ask for nothing more than was promised them Mister Prime Minister.
So the next time you offer up compensation for a convicted terrorist think about where that blood money can better be spent on those making it possible for you to prance around in costumes while making state visits.
The next time you open our borders to refugees without doing real homework on the cost ask yourself if you've done enough for our own people before writing cheques off of our accounts.
I've always prided myself on voting for the best candidate when entering the polling station regardless of party affiliation but come this October you'll have to force my hand to vote for any Liberal candidate in my own riding as I'll be damned if I'll do a single thing to keep that trumped up little peacock in office one day longer than necessary.
Is Canada better off with the conservatives back in power? Probably not and that is the problem when you only have a choice between the right (Conservatives) and the left (Liberals) when choosing who will run the country. It's unfortunate that there is no proven middle ground party at this stage to balance the other two out but maybe we'll get lucky some day.
My name is Marcus and this is my little rant on the uselessness of Justin Trudeau as PM of Canada.
No, this isn't about the debacle that is the SNC Lavalin affair, though I should probably write a blog about it to counter some of the stories I've read on my Facebook about how it's much ado about nothing. It isn't much ado about nothing, it's all about respecting the system and separation of the executive branch from meddling with the judicial branch but that isn't what I'm talking about.
When the Liberals ran for office in 2015 they made promises to a host of groups in order to win votes and come back into power.
They've partially fulfilled some of those promises and ignored some others.
The indigenous peoples are still suffering from low employment and horrendous living conditions.
Our veterans still have to wait long time frames to get assistance, when they can even get it.
Our esteemed Prime Minister, insert sarcastic tone of voice here, recently was asked about the veterans and how underfunded the programs are that were created to help them and with a straight face he responded at a town hall by saying "They ask too much of us"......
Really? This from a silver spoon aristocrat from Montreal who has never held a real job or served in the military.
I've had the great fortune to know more than a few members of the Canadian Forces, might even have dated one or two over the years, and even had the honour of attending the Army Ball once a upon a time.
They ask not for too much, they respond to the call of duty when presented with a challenge.
They leave family and hearth to stand watch thousands of miles from home without complaint.
They make do with obsolete equipment that has other armed forces laughing at them.
They stand willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in order to make the world a better place and safeguard the rights we at times take so lightly. Many have left our shores for duty elsewhere and not all have come home, some of those who have returned have not done so in whole.
They ask for nothing more than was promised them Mister Prime Minister.
So the next time you offer up compensation for a convicted terrorist think about where that blood money can better be spent on those making it possible for you to prance around in costumes while making state visits.
The next time you open our borders to refugees without doing real homework on the cost ask yourself if you've done enough for our own people before writing cheques off of our accounts.
I've always prided myself on voting for the best candidate when entering the polling station regardless of party affiliation but come this October you'll have to force my hand to vote for any Liberal candidate in my own riding as I'll be damned if I'll do a single thing to keep that trumped up little peacock in office one day longer than necessary.
Is Canada better off with the conservatives back in power? Probably not and that is the problem when you only have a choice between the right (Conservatives) and the left (Liberals) when choosing who will run the country. It's unfortunate that there is no proven middle ground party at this stage to balance the other two out but maybe we'll get lucky some day.
My name is Marcus and this is my little rant on the uselessness of Justin Trudeau as PM of Canada.
One of those Sunday's for sure..........
Sunday, April 07/19
So with this being our year end at work and my role as a Business Analyst supporting the accounting team in all matters related to the new software my weekend has been all about being on call answering emails and texts about issues.
That combined with the approaching end of the university term for my son and the building stress of papers coming due and writing final exams has meant I've been keeping close to home this weekend so as to support both of these diametrically opposite demands on my time.
Having said that, I've been doing a lot of reading and YouTube watching around everything else going on.
My reading is still focused on romantic stories more than anything else, yes my man card has been cut in half and burned by a roving band of Alpha males so no comments needed from the peanut gallery please.
The YouTube watching has been more diversified of late, lots of music videos coupled with some Married at First Sight videos as well. Who knew Jamie and Doug would end up so in love with a cute little family from such a rocky start. I know I didn't see that one coming and I have to admit the optimist in me takes great delight in such an outcome.
This morning I came across a video by Omeleto about a guy who decides to try dating offline, by that he means to meet women around him in his day to day life without depending on any of the dozens of websites or apps to be found on our phone. It was kind of interesting and I applaud his efforts as more often then not he was shot down but there were a few successes as well.
The one video that made me smile wasn't romantic at all but did make me think about life and relationships. It is a short drama titled "Whispers among Wolves" and I found it quite captivating and hope you do to should you decide to take a gamble on it. I've attached the link to it below.
Whispers Among Wolves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGJqY3zQFXg
Seems Omeleto has quite a few short films posted that cover a number of genres, from romance to drama to comedy.
If you've got a couple of minutes to kill I highly recommend the one noted above as well as the following:
Reception - Romance Short film, made me smile and root for the ending I wanted
Proposal - Romance Short Film, the tables get turned, at first that is
Sometimes we can gain inspiration and happiness from the most unlikely of places.......
My name is Marcus and my efforts continue to be a good father, co-worker, friend, to hit the perfect wedge from 115 yards, and to hopefully meet the one woman who is imperfectly perfect for me.
Questions and comments are always welcome at the blog email address: ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is "If You Want My Love" by Cheap Trick. Pretty much says it all where I am concerned :-)
So with this being our year end at work and my role as a Business Analyst supporting the accounting team in all matters related to the new software my weekend has been all about being on call answering emails and texts about issues.
That combined with the approaching end of the university term for my son and the building stress of papers coming due and writing final exams has meant I've been keeping close to home this weekend so as to support both of these diametrically opposite demands on my time.
Having said that, I've been doing a lot of reading and YouTube watching around everything else going on.
My reading is still focused on romantic stories more than anything else, yes my man card has been cut in half and burned by a roving band of Alpha males so no comments needed from the peanut gallery please.
The YouTube watching has been more diversified of late, lots of music videos coupled with some Married at First Sight videos as well. Who knew Jamie and Doug would end up so in love with a cute little family from such a rocky start. I know I didn't see that one coming and I have to admit the optimist in me takes great delight in such an outcome.
This morning I came across a video by Omeleto about a guy who decides to try dating offline, by that he means to meet women around him in his day to day life without depending on any of the dozens of websites or apps to be found on our phone. It was kind of interesting and I applaud his efforts as more often then not he was shot down but there were a few successes as well.
The one video that made me smile wasn't romantic at all but did make me think about life and relationships. It is a short drama titled "Whispers among Wolves" and I found it quite captivating and hope you do to should you decide to take a gamble on it. I've attached the link to it below.
Whispers Among Wolves: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGJqY3zQFXg
Seems Omeleto has quite a few short films posted that cover a number of genres, from romance to drama to comedy.
If you've got a couple of minutes to kill I highly recommend the one noted above as well as the following:
Reception - Romance Short film, made me smile and root for the ending I wanted
Proposal - Romance Short Film, the tables get turned, at first that is
Sometimes we can gain inspiration and happiness from the most unlikely of places.......
My name is Marcus and my efforts continue to be a good father, co-worker, friend, to hit the perfect wedge from 115 yards, and to hopefully meet the one woman who is imperfectly perfect for me.
Questions and comments are always welcome at the blog email address: ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is "If You Want My Love" by Cheap Trick. Pretty much says it all where I am concerned :-)
Wednesday, April 3, 2019
Awesome News For My Ex :)
Wednesday, April 03/19
So my son has been working on setting up a guys vacation down in the Dominican Republic with a group of friends he's known since high school.
It was his goal to pay for the trip himself but I spoke with my ex and we agreed to split the cost 3 ways so he doesn't have to use too much of his savings. He wasn't too happy at first but we've convinced him to let us make it part of our birthday gifts to him for his 20th.
Used to be when he got done with a year of school we'd get him something nice as a way of letting him know how much we appreciated all the hard work he put into his studies but now being at university has sort of thrown a wrench into that and this gives us an opportunity to help him relax with his buddies before he starts his summer helping to run a soccer camp for one of the local soccer clubs our family has been part of over the years.
As part of the planning process he was dealing with a travel agent and my ex forwarded me one of the chains so I could get an idea of where he was looking to go and what the costs might be.
I guess somewhere along the way she got to chatting with the travel agent about some plans for herself related to next year and I read those as well. What? they were part of the email she sent me so it wasn't like I was snooping around, it wasn't!!
Well one of things that got my eye on her thread was the phrase "destination wedding"......
So I decided to tease her and sent a text asking "Is there anything you'd like to share with me?"
She texted back "Nope, not much going on, the kids are great, don't think I'm golfing this year due to my back issues. What's up with you?"
"Really?, that's how you are going to play this off with me....."
"Marcus. what are you talking about???"
"Well I was hoping he'd have at least asked my permission first!!"
"Asked your permission first for what? Who should have asked you? You are really confusing me now, are you on pain medication for your foot?"
"OMG! No, I'm not on pain medication, well not much lol. Are you going somewhere next year in February??"
There was a long pause after I sent that message and lots of little bubbles signifying she started and stopped writing a response several times.
Finally I got this "I'm getting married next year"
"I know"
"I wanted to tell you in person and not have you find out in an email"
"Don't be silly, I'm very happy for you and think you and T make a great couple"
"Thank you, you don't know how much I like hearing you say that. Are you shocked given how I said I'd never marry again?"
I laughed when I read that and sent her back a smiley face along with "Someone once told me to never say never and I've tried to remember that line for the last twenty years or so"
"Damn you, I told you that not ever thinking it would be used back at me lol"
"I am truly very happy for you and know you are happier now than you've been in years so embrace it and enjoy yourself"
"You are going to make me cry and then I've got to explain why to T"
She then sent me another quick one before I could reply to her last one "Do you think you'll ever marry again?"
"I came close in 2015 to popping the question to Corinna"
"Holy Shit!! Why didn't I know about this? Did the kids know?"
"No, things went south on me before I could actually talk to our kids or her sons so I never bothered mentioning it until you asked me just now"
"I'm sorry, I hope this doesn't bring up old wounds, you know you're a great guy and there is a woman out there just dying to meet you right?"
"Thanks. This is why I like you as one of my close friends, we've always been able to talk and have each others back when needed"
"Maybe but it's always seemed like you've done more to have my back than I've done to have yours Marcus"
"Nonsense, you've always given me good advice and I never want that to stop. Now go tell your fiance I said congratulations and he's paying for a round at Loch March this summer!"
"He said deal :)"
So as odd as this may sound to some of you reading the blog, I really am super happy for her as well as her fiance. Things didn't work out for us as a couple but we've been fantastic co-parents and I know if I was ever in a jam she'd be there for me. When I had the cancer scare last year she spent hours researching the various treatments, side effects, survival rates and was the one who drove me to the hospital the day of my surgery. Can't ask for better than that from an ex.
It did sort of remind me how close I came to asking Corinna to be my wife and that did hurt a bit when I thought back on it. Sometimes those who you love can make you want to cry now and then but I always try and offset that with memories of our times together and that look we would share that said it all to one another.
My name is Marcus and I doubt I'll ever be tempted to take that walk again but I'll also never say never and you just never know what the future has in store for you...........
Questions and comments always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is "Clair de lune" by Debussy. Listening to this one both makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.
So my son has been working on setting up a guys vacation down in the Dominican Republic with a group of friends he's known since high school.
It was his goal to pay for the trip himself but I spoke with my ex and we agreed to split the cost 3 ways so he doesn't have to use too much of his savings. He wasn't too happy at first but we've convinced him to let us make it part of our birthday gifts to him for his 20th.
Used to be when he got done with a year of school we'd get him something nice as a way of letting him know how much we appreciated all the hard work he put into his studies but now being at university has sort of thrown a wrench into that and this gives us an opportunity to help him relax with his buddies before he starts his summer helping to run a soccer camp for one of the local soccer clubs our family has been part of over the years.
As part of the planning process he was dealing with a travel agent and my ex forwarded me one of the chains so I could get an idea of where he was looking to go and what the costs might be.
I guess somewhere along the way she got to chatting with the travel agent about some plans for herself related to next year and I read those as well. What? they were part of the email she sent me so it wasn't like I was snooping around, it wasn't!!
Well one of things that got my eye on her thread was the phrase "destination wedding"......
So I decided to tease her and sent a text asking "Is there anything you'd like to share with me?"
She texted back "Nope, not much going on, the kids are great, don't think I'm golfing this year due to my back issues. What's up with you?"
"Really?, that's how you are going to play this off with me....."
"Marcus. what are you talking about???"
"Well I was hoping he'd have at least asked my permission first!!"
"Asked your permission first for what? Who should have asked you? You are really confusing me now, are you on pain medication for your foot?"
"OMG! No, I'm not on pain medication, well not much lol. Are you going somewhere next year in February??"
There was a long pause after I sent that message and lots of little bubbles signifying she started and stopped writing a response several times.
Finally I got this "I'm getting married next year"
"I know"
"I wanted to tell you in person and not have you find out in an email"
"Don't be silly, I'm very happy for you and think you and T make a great couple"
"Thank you, you don't know how much I like hearing you say that. Are you shocked given how I said I'd never marry again?"
I laughed when I read that and sent her back a smiley face along with "Someone once told me to never say never and I've tried to remember that line for the last twenty years or so"
"Damn you, I told you that not ever thinking it would be used back at me lol"
"I am truly very happy for you and know you are happier now than you've been in years so embrace it and enjoy yourself"
"You are going to make me cry and then I've got to explain why to T"
She then sent me another quick one before I could reply to her last one "Do you think you'll ever marry again?"
"I came close in 2015 to popping the question to Corinna"
"Holy Shit!! Why didn't I know about this? Did the kids know?"
"No, things went south on me before I could actually talk to our kids or her sons so I never bothered mentioning it until you asked me just now"
"I'm sorry, I hope this doesn't bring up old wounds, you know you're a great guy and there is a woman out there just dying to meet you right?"
"Thanks. This is why I like you as one of my close friends, we've always been able to talk and have each others back when needed"
"Maybe but it's always seemed like you've done more to have my back than I've done to have yours Marcus"
"Nonsense, you've always given me good advice and I never want that to stop. Now go tell your fiance I said congratulations and he's paying for a round at Loch March this summer!"
"He said deal :)"
So as odd as this may sound to some of you reading the blog, I really am super happy for her as well as her fiance. Things didn't work out for us as a couple but we've been fantastic co-parents and I know if I was ever in a jam she'd be there for me. When I had the cancer scare last year she spent hours researching the various treatments, side effects, survival rates and was the one who drove me to the hospital the day of my surgery. Can't ask for better than that from an ex.
It did sort of remind me how close I came to asking Corinna to be my wife and that did hurt a bit when I thought back on it. Sometimes those who you love can make you want to cry now and then but I always try and offset that with memories of our times together and that look we would share that said it all to one another.
My name is Marcus and I doubt I'll ever be tempted to take that walk again but I'll also never say never and you just never know what the future has in store for you...........
Questions and comments always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is "Clair de lune" by Debussy. Listening to this one both makes me want to cry and smile at the same time.
Tuesday, April 2, 2019
Some Recent History
Tuesday, April 02/19
So a little while back I referenced some changes that had happened in my life but begged off going into details due to some ongoing negotiations and promised some clarity once things were resolved.
Well guess what? it's that time now..........
Last year was kind of a bad year for me both in terms of my physical and mental health.
I had the cancer scare that was the physical end of things and my mental health suffered from it and was also impacted by my feelings towards work.
When I went back to work after my medical leave I found myself feeling more and more outside the mainstream of things and it made me miserable, almost to the point where I dreaded getting up in the morning and making the drive into work. I wasn't happy with my scope of duties or how I was treated by my senior managers, that had really been building since early 2017 when I was pretty much screwed over at bonus time, being told that I hadn't done enough to stand out compared to my peers. Now if I really hadn't done enough to stand out I'd be the first to admit it as I try my best to live in the real world and have on more than one occasion put on my big boy pants and admitted when I wasn't giving my all in past positions. That wasn't the case here since I actually covered off my own position but covered off for the controllers roles before we hired one and then performed all the duties of the accounts receivable position for a month while we looked to replace the one who quit on the spur of the moment and walked out. Now if that wasn't enough to be recognized I'd have been okay, well sort of pissed but I could have lived with it, but when two new hires who should not have qualified for a bonus due to not being part of the organization for the required six months were granted bonuses it sort of made me realize that no matter what I did my career path was limited.
My problem? Well I'm not a millennial, not under the age of 30, and I have a penis.
Sounds kind of funny but I was actually told my first week on the job that I would never had made it to the interview stage had I not known the CFO from a prior position. When I asked why that was, the response was that the target employee was a female millennial so the organization could continue to right the wrongs of society. I am not kidding when I say that, it's word for word what the human resources rep told me as she was doing my orientation.
So combine that little nugget with being pretty much ignored upon my return even though I was part of a five member team and you can see where disillusionment might start to develop.
Over the next few months, July to early October, I started to realize that I needed to make a change or my health was going to suffer and had actually started to update my resume and was getting ready to activate my Indeed profile when the organization beat me to it and told me they were eliminating my position as part of a restructuring.
Now normally that should make a person mad but they did me a huge favour by escalating my timeline. They offered me a severance package that was laughable and than seemed sort of miffed when I didn't sign it right away but my parents didn't raise a fool.
I mentioned to my ex what happened and her first words were "see a lawyer as given your age and recent medical history, this seems a bit fishy". When I mentioned it to a friend who had worked with both myself and the CFO at another position she also advised me to seek a legal opinion.
Well I did and we ended up in mediation over the cause and severance.
I can't disclose any details due to the NDA signed by both parties but I can say my actual net settlement is larger than the initial gross severance they offered me.
I was off work from November to late January when I applied for an Intercompany Accountant position with the company my former controller was working at as VP Finance. I'd been applying to a lot of positions over those 3 months and was getting lots of interest but it wasn't until late January that things seemed to heat up for me, with five second interviews.
I initially resisted applying there due to the product and my own belief about it but she kept sending me emails and texts to apply as it is a growing business that offers a lot of wonderful opportunities.
I finally bit the bullet and applied online but didn't tell her that I was as I'm not comfortable playing off the connections and people I know, sounds kind of silly but it was what it was.
I went through an initial telephone interview and must have impressed as they set up a face to face in the Kanata office. I went in thinking I was being interviewed for one position only to have them discuss something else entirely. The corporate accounting manager and AP Manager interviewed me and mentioned this other position as a Business Analyst supporting the accounting team with the integration of Sage X3 from Oracle Netsuite, neither of which I've ever worked on before I pointed out to them, they smiled and told me that KAM had suggested me for the position as she knew I was more than capable of doing the job and more. KAM was my old controller 3 jobs ago in case you were wondering. I hadn't listed her or the current VP of Human Resources, my old HR manager from that same job as with KAM, on my application nor mentioned I knew either of them but it seems the screening software they use for online applications notes when someone is applying from a company any of the executive team has worked at in the past so they can be asked about potential employees.
So in the middle of my interview with K & S in comes KAM to see if I've agreed to the other position. They all laughed at the expression on my face and KAM smiled at me and reminded me that she'd been trying to get me to apply for the last three years and she wasn't taking no for an answer.
The funny thing is that the same time I was interviewing at KAM's company I was going through second interviews with a real estate development company and a television production company for finance manager positions. The same day I received the offer on my current position the other two called with offers as well, when it rains it pours right?
So for the past 2 1/2 months I've been working my ass off and loving every minute of it, it's like I've been recharged with a passion for my job again, both my son and daughter have commented on how much happier I seem these days. In the past I've resisted pushing work email to my cell phone but because of my role in the group it was one of the first things I did so I could stay on top of things and I am embracing all the opportunities coming my way.
Best part is I'm literally a 10 minute drive to work on a normal day and 15 minutes with bad weather, compared to the hour one way at the old job on a good day and 90+ minutes on snow days.
I actually managed to get offered a better salary and have some serious stock options, they won't vest for a year and I can only exercise 1/3 each year over the next 3 years but people I work with have told me it's like getting another years salary when you do sell that 1/3. Me thinks there might be a holiday in my future next year.
So here I am employee #3044 working with two former managers who are employees #19 and #128 respectively and life couldn't be better.
Oh did I mention the accounting team I'm part of numbers around 65 and is populated with some amazing people who have really made me feel like I'm part of something special. To top things off around 6 people golf and we've already talked about getting in some rounds at The Marshes golf course that we can see from our 8th floor offices.
I wasn't planning on making this change so suddenly but sometimes things happen for a reason and they work out perfectly.
That's what has happened for me and I'm grateful for everything coming my way.
It's also opened my eyes to dating once again as the towers our offices are located in have several thousand people working in them and thus offer some new possibilities.
My name is Marcus and life has changed for me over the last year, some of it was kind of scary, some could have been scary, but in the end I'm in a pretty good place and now just need to meet that someone special to share it with........it's going to happen in 2019 :)
Questions and comments are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
I was reviewing some of the old posts and realized some had comments from readers, apologies for not noticing this earlier and I promise to do a better job of staying current with them going forward.
Today's musical suggestion is "Give Up The Funk" from Parliaments 1975 Mothership Collection. Sometimes you've just got to let that 70's funk play through your system lol
So a little while back I referenced some changes that had happened in my life but begged off going into details due to some ongoing negotiations and promised some clarity once things were resolved.
Well guess what? it's that time now..........
Last year was kind of a bad year for me both in terms of my physical and mental health.
I had the cancer scare that was the physical end of things and my mental health suffered from it and was also impacted by my feelings towards work.
When I went back to work after my medical leave I found myself feeling more and more outside the mainstream of things and it made me miserable, almost to the point where I dreaded getting up in the morning and making the drive into work. I wasn't happy with my scope of duties or how I was treated by my senior managers, that had really been building since early 2017 when I was pretty much screwed over at bonus time, being told that I hadn't done enough to stand out compared to my peers. Now if I really hadn't done enough to stand out I'd be the first to admit it as I try my best to live in the real world and have on more than one occasion put on my big boy pants and admitted when I wasn't giving my all in past positions. That wasn't the case here since I actually covered off my own position but covered off for the controllers roles before we hired one and then performed all the duties of the accounts receivable position for a month while we looked to replace the one who quit on the spur of the moment and walked out. Now if that wasn't enough to be recognized I'd have been okay, well sort of pissed but I could have lived with it, but when two new hires who should not have qualified for a bonus due to not being part of the organization for the required six months were granted bonuses it sort of made me realize that no matter what I did my career path was limited.
My problem? Well I'm not a millennial, not under the age of 30, and I have a penis.
Sounds kind of funny but I was actually told my first week on the job that I would never had made it to the interview stage had I not known the CFO from a prior position. When I asked why that was, the response was that the target employee was a female millennial so the organization could continue to right the wrongs of society. I am not kidding when I say that, it's word for word what the human resources rep told me as she was doing my orientation.
So combine that little nugget with being pretty much ignored upon my return even though I was part of a five member team and you can see where disillusionment might start to develop.
Over the next few months, July to early October, I started to realize that I needed to make a change or my health was going to suffer and had actually started to update my resume and was getting ready to activate my Indeed profile when the organization beat me to it and told me they were eliminating my position as part of a restructuring.
Now normally that should make a person mad but they did me a huge favour by escalating my timeline. They offered me a severance package that was laughable and than seemed sort of miffed when I didn't sign it right away but my parents didn't raise a fool.
I mentioned to my ex what happened and her first words were "see a lawyer as given your age and recent medical history, this seems a bit fishy". When I mentioned it to a friend who had worked with both myself and the CFO at another position she also advised me to seek a legal opinion.
Well I did and we ended up in mediation over the cause and severance.
I can't disclose any details due to the NDA signed by both parties but I can say my actual net settlement is larger than the initial gross severance they offered me.
I was off work from November to late January when I applied for an Intercompany Accountant position with the company my former controller was working at as VP Finance. I'd been applying to a lot of positions over those 3 months and was getting lots of interest but it wasn't until late January that things seemed to heat up for me, with five second interviews.
I initially resisted applying there due to the product and my own belief about it but she kept sending me emails and texts to apply as it is a growing business that offers a lot of wonderful opportunities.
I finally bit the bullet and applied online but didn't tell her that I was as I'm not comfortable playing off the connections and people I know, sounds kind of silly but it was what it was.
I went through an initial telephone interview and must have impressed as they set up a face to face in the Kanata office. I went in thinking I was being interviewed for one position only to have them discuss something else entirely. The corporate accounting manager and AP Manager interviewed me and mentioned this other position as a Business Analyst supporting the accounting team with the integration of Sage X3 from Oracle Netsuite, neither of which I've ever worked on before I pointed out to them, they smiled and told me that KAM had suggested me for the position as she knew I was more than capable of doing the job and more. KAM was my old controller 3 jobs ago in case you were wondering. I hadn't listed her or the current VP of Human Resources, my old HR manager from that same job as with KAM, on my application nor mentioned I knew either of them but it seems the screening software they use for online applications notes when someone is applying from a company any of the executive team has worked at in the past so they can be asked about potential employees.
So in the middle of my interview with K & S in comes KAM to see if I've agreed to the other position. They all laughed at the expression on my face and KAM smiled at me and reminded me that she'd been trying to get me to apply for the last three years and she wasn't taking no for an answer.
The funny thing is that the same time I was interviewing at KAM's company I was going through second interviews with a real estate development company and a television production company for finance manager positions. The same day I received the offer on my current position the other two called with offers as well, when it rains it pours right?
So for the past 2 1/2 months I've been working my ass off and loving every minute of it, it's like I've been recharged with a passion for my job again, both my son and daughter have commented on how much happier I seem these days. In the past I've resisted pushing work email to my cell phone but because of my role in the group it was one of the first things I did so I could stay on top of things and I am embracing all the opportunities coming my way.
Best part is I'm literally a 10 minute drive to work on a normal day and 15 minutes with bad weather, compared to the hour one way at the old job on a good day and 90+ minutes on snow days.
I actually managed to get offered a better salary and have some serious stock options, they won't vest for a year and I can only exercise 1/3 each year over the next 3 years but people I work with have told me it's like getting another years salary when you do sell that 1/3. Me thinks there might be a holiday in my future next year.
So here I am employee #3044 working with two former managers who are employees #19 and #128 respectively and life couldn't be better.
Oh did I mention the accounting team I'm part of numbers around 65 and is populated with some amazing people who have really made me feel like I'm part of something special. To top things off around 6 people golf and we've already talked about getting in some rounds at The Marshes golf course that we can see from our 8th floor offices.
I wasn't planning on making this change so suddenly but sometimes things happen for a reason and they work out perfectly.
That's what has happened for me and I'm grateful for everything coming my way.
It's also opened my eyes to dating once again as the towers our offices are located in have several thousand people working in them and thus offer some new possibilities.
My name is Marcus and life has changed for me over the last year, some of it was kind of scary, some could have been scary, but in the end I'm in a pretty good place and now just need to meet that someone special to share it with........it's going to happen in 2019 :)
Questions and comments are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
I was reviewing some of the old posts and realized some had comments from readers, apologies for not noticing this earlier and I promise to do a better job of staying current with them going forward.
Today's musical suggestion is "Give Up The Funk" from Parliaments 1975 Mothership Collection. Sometimes you've just got to let that 70's funk play through your system lol
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Yoga Pants & Consent
Sunday, March 31/19
I think today is the first day in almost two weeks that I feel somewhat like myself and think the cold or flu is finally in the rear view mirror, which means it's time to start posting some entries to this little thing I call a blog.
I'll say this....I love the benefits of modern pharmacology - 5 days of antibiotics and life was looking livable once more :)
So while I was stuck at home resting and loading up on liquids I had a chance to go over my Facebook and read some of the sites I follow that posted to my profile.
One such feed from "Texts From Last Night" caught my eye and not for the usual funny entry.
No, this one caught my eye for a whole different reason and really pissed me off to no end.
Seems there was a family doing a campus visit to the University of Notre Dame for their sons and mom wasn't too happy with some of the sights she saw and decided to submit an open ed piece addressed to all of the women on campus.
What made her so upset that she wrote the open ed?
Yoga pants!!!!!
Yes, you read that correctly. She was upset that university aged women were wearing yoga pants outside of the yoga studio, almost as if they were treating them like every day articles of clothing.
I mean how dare these women do that, the shame, evict them from the campus, and burn them all at the stake for being so bold as to wear something they found comfortable and stylish, something that lets them match almost anything with and be able to head out from the dorm or residence in a matter of a few minutes.
Oh, and her issue?? She feels this type of attire is far too tempting for the men on campus, especially her own sons, so women need to adjust how they dress to accommodate men.
I'm sorry, did we suddenly experience a shift in the temporal vortex that vaulted us back to the 1950's?
Maybe she thinks women should also give up the vote, I mean how can they even comprehend the issues of today with such under developed brains, best to leave the those things to men.
HOW FUCKING DARE SHE WRITE SUCH AN OPEN ED!!!!
What gives her the right to tell another person that she can't wear yoga pants because she failed to raise her own sons to know that how a woman dresses does not define her as a person.
I'm a father of both a male and female and know that my own children know well enough that how one dresses does not provide any excuse for the other to act like a complete idiot.
Can a nice pair of yoga pants cause some distraction? As a man I can absolutely attest to that.
Do I think I'm not in enough control of myself that I can't function if an attractive women passes me in said yoga pants? Nope, I'm more than capable of appreciating the beauty without demeaning the woman or thinking how she dresses is a message that I can act like a cave man.
I'm also smart enough to know that what a woman drinks isn't some kind of code to act aggressive with her at any time.
Kind of sad that what a woman may choose to drink may be used to blame her for what may happen and what a guy drinks might be used as his excuse for acting like an asshole.
I wonder if this woman wrote the human resources department where her husband works telling them they need to create a dress code at work for the females so as to not distract her husband while he is around them.
Funny how the men in her life aren't held to a higher standard and the burden for controlling how they might act falls upon the women around them........funny but not really funny at all, actually it says more about her than the men in her life, least there is hope for them once they are out from under her control, but she is stuck being a complete moron for the rest of her life.
So wear yoga pants, have a drink, laugh out loud, smile to your hearts content, hell even wink now and again.........and don't worry about any of those as I'll never think they give me permission to treat you like anything other then the wonderful, mysterious, beautiful creatures that all of you are..........
My name is Marcus and I know what you wear doesn't reflect anything about you nor will any male around me that I've had any influence over think that way either.
Today's musical suggestion is "I Got You" by the Split Enz. Nothing wrong with going old school folks :)
As always, questions and comments are welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
I think today is the first day in almost two weeks that I feel somewhat like myself and think the cold or flu is finally in the rear view mirror, which means it's time to start posting some entries to this little thing I call a blog.
I'll say this....I love the benefits of modern pharmacology - 5 days of antibiotics and life was looking livable once more :)
So while I was stuck at home resting and loading up on liquids I had a chance to go over my Facebook and read some of the sites I follow that posted to my profile.
One such feed from "Texts From Last Night" caught my eye and not for the usual funny entry.
No, this one caught my eye for a whole different reason and really pissed me off to no end.
Seems there was a family doing a campus visit to the University of Notre Dame for their sons and mom wasn't too happy with some of the sights she saw and decided to submit an open ed piece addressed to all of the women on campus.
What made her so upset that she wrote the open ed?
Yoga pants!!!!!
Yes, you read that correctly. She was upset that university aged women were wearing yoga pants outside of the yoga studio, almost as if they were treating them like every day articles of clothing.
I mean how dare these women do that, the shame, evict them from the campus, and burn them all at the stake for being so bold as to wear something they found comfortable and stylish, something that lets them match almost anything with and be able to head out from the dorm or residence in a matter of a few minutes.
Oh, and her issue?? She feels this type of attire is far too tempting for the men on campus, especially her own sons, so women need to adjust how they dress to accommodate men.
I'm sorry, did we suddenly experience a shift in the temporal vortex that vaulted us back to the 1950's?
Maybe she thinks women should also give up the vote, I mean how can they even comprehend the issues of today with such under developed brains, best to leave the those things to men.
HOW FUCKING DARE SHE WRITE SUCH AN OPEN ED!!!!
What gives her the right to tell another person that she can't wear yoga pants because she failed to raise her own sons to know that how a woman dresses does not define her as a person.
I'm a father of both a male and female and know that my own children know well enough that how one dresses does not provide any excuse for the other to act like a complete idiot.
Can a nice pair of yoga pants cause some distraction? As a man I can absolutely attest to that.
Do I think I'm not in enough control of myself that I can't function if an attractive women passes me in said yoga pants? Nope, I'm more than capable of appreciating the beauty without demeaning the woman or thinking how she dresses is a message that I can act like a cave man.
I'm also smart enough to know that what a woman drinks isn't some kind of code to act aggressive with her at any time.
Kind of sad that what a woman may choose to drink may be used to blame her for what may happen and what a guy drinks might be used as his excuse for acting like an asshole.
I wonder if this woman wrote the human resources department where her husband works telling them they need to create a dress code at work for the females so as to not distract her husband while he is around them.
Funny how the men in her life aren't held to a higher standard and the burden for controlling how they might act falls upon the women around them........funny but not really funny at all, actually it says more about her than the men in her life, least there is hope for them once they are out from under her control, but she is stuck being a complete moron for the rest of her life.
So wear yoga pants, have a drink, laugh out loud, smile to your hearts content, hell even wink now and again.........and don't worry about any of those as I'll never think they give me permission to treat you like anything other then the wonderful, mysterious, beautiful creatures that all of you are..........
My name is Marcus and I know what you wear doesn't reflect anything about you nor will any male around me that I've had any influence over think that way either.
Today's musical suggestion is "I Got You" by the Split Enz. Nothing wrong with going old school folks :)
As always, questions and comments are welcome: ooasm2018@gmail.com
Monday, March 25, 2019
So It's Not The Flu
Monday, March 25/19
Tried going into work today but that was a huge mistake on my part.
Sitting in a 9 am bank reconciliation meeting and was asked if I felt well as I looked really pale, laughed it off.
Started to go to the 10 am weekly IT meeting and had a coughing attack so bad that it made the CFO turn to me and tell me "Your cough hurts my chest, go home, go home now!"
So home I went but until I made an appointment at my family doctor for 4:15 pm.
As I entered the house my son was heading out to his first class and looked up in surprise at seeing me in the doorway but after one look he stopped asking what I was doing home and grabbed me a bottled water from the fridge and pointed me down the hall to my room.
I slept nonstop from 10:45 to 3:30 and man was it the best.
My doctor told me I've got more congestion that she liked to hear in my chest and out me on some antibiotics to try and head off this developing into bronchitis or pneumonia.
I'm home on bed rest tomorrow and supposed to make an honest assessment of how I'm feeling on Wednesday morning. I'm actually crossing my fingers I'm feeling well enough to go back to work as I feel like a free loader taking sick days when I can be there helping with the year end close.
My name is Marcus and experience has told me to never mess around when feeling sick - get attention and follow the directions.
Nothing musical comes to mind but that might just be because all my senses are sort of messed up at the moment.
You can reach the blogger, that's me, at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tried going into work today but that was a huge mistake on my part.
Sitting in a 9 am bank reconciliation meeting and was asked if I felt well as I looked really pale, laughed it off.
Started to go to the 10 am weekly IT meeting and had a coughing attack so bad that it made the CFO turn to me and tell me "Your cough hurts my chest, go home, go home now!"
So home I went but until I made an appointment at my family doctor for 4:15 pm.
As I entered the house my son was heading out to his first class and looked up in surprise at seeing me in the doorway but after one look he stopped asking what I was doing home and grabbed me a bottled water from the fridge and pointed me down the hall to my room.
I slept nonstop from 10:45 to 3:30 and man was it the best.
My doctor told me I've got more congestion that she liked to hear in my chest and out me on some antibiotics to try and head off this developing into bronchitis or pneumonia.
I'm home on bed rest tomorrow and supposed to make an honest assessment of how I'm feeling on Wednesday morning. I'm actually crossing my fingers I'm feeling well enough to go back to work as I feel like a free loader taking sick days when I can be there helping with the year end close.
My name is Marcus and experience has told me to never mess around when feeling sick - get attention and follow the directions.
Nothing musical comes to mind but that might just be because all my senses are sort of messed up at the moment.
You can reach the blogger, that's me, at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Sunday, March 24, 2019
Hit by the Flu
Sunday, March 24/19
So the lack of blog entries is entirely related to me being crushed by a bout with the flu.
Crushed to the extent that on Tuesday I thought I was going to die and on Wednesday I was wishing I would die due to the sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose, fever, aches and pains, and complete lack of appetite.
I think over the last week I've maybe slept about 3 straight hours before waking up with the worst cough, imagine that annoying person at the theatre who coughs all during the movie, the one who should have stayed home, well that was me minus the leaving the house.
So this weekend has been about getting lots of rest and trying to shake the last of the symptoms as this coming week is the last before year end and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on call next weekend to help deal with system issues as we have to have all inventory related transactions posted before midnight on March 31st to get them to count as part of the fiscal year.
Yes, those of you who have followed the blog for a bit might sense something different with that last paragraph and I'll get more into it with an additional entry that I need to get vetted before posting.
My name is Marcus and getting the flu shot doesn't always mean avoiding the flu but hopefully it lessened the impact, least I hope it did.
Comments and questions are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So the lack of blog entries is entirely related to me being crushed by a bout with the flu.
Crushed to the extent that on Tuesday I thought I was going to die and on Wednesday I was wishing I would die due to the sore throat, coughing, sneezing, runny nose, fever, aches and pains, and complete lack of appetite.
I think over the last week I've maybe slept about 3 straight hours before waking up with the worst cough, imagine that annoying person at the theatre who coughs all during the movie, the one who should have stayed home, well that was me minus the leaving the house.
So this weekend has been about getting lots of rest and trying to shake the last of the symptoms as this coming week is the last before year end and I'm pretty sure I'm going to be on call next weekend to help deal with system issues as we have to have all inventory related transactions posted before midnight on March 31st to get them to count as part of the fiscal year.
Yes, those of you who have followed the blog for a bit might sense something different with that last paragraph and I'll get more into it with an additional entry that I need to get vetted before posting.
My name is Marcus and getting the flu shot doesn't always mean avoiding the flu but hopefully it lessened the impact, least I hope it did.
Comments and questions are always welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tuesday, March 12, 2019
The Goatee is Safe
Tuesday, March 12/19
So I've received a few emails since posting my entry comparing online dating to the wild west and all were about the one request to shave off my goatee so someone would meet me for the first time.
When I think back to that whole exchange I'm shocked someone would think themselves so entitled that they would expect another person to make such a change and also really amused that anyone over the age of 5 could act like that.
The one thing I can say with 100% certainty is there is only one person who has the power to get me to shave it off and his name is Jack, also called Baby Jack in some previous postings.
Yes, my grandson has that kind of power over me and one day when he has a sibling or my son produces a grandchild than they'll have that power as well. I know they won't use that power blindly and will respect that with such power comes a great responsibility, the responsibility to make sure grandpa doesn't look like an idiot too often.
So to everyone out there telling me to keep the goatee, which is always well trimmed I might add, take a breath and relax and to those few who suggested I mix it up and shave it off, well not going to happen as I can mix things up without such drastic measures to my appearance.
Miss Wanda, thanks for words of encouragement and I'll admit I'm sure I've spoken about Corinne on the first few attempts to date after the breakup so I sympathize with you on your own experience and with him for his feelings.
Daylight savings means that golf isn't that far away, can you just imagine how excited I'm getting?
My name is Marcus and the goatee stays for now, right Jack?
Observations and questions can be directed to ooasm2018@gmail.com
So I've received a few emails since posting my entry comparing online dating to the wild west and all were about the one request to shave off my goatee so someone would meet me for the first time.
When I think back to that whole exchange I'm shocked someone would think themselves so entitled that they would expect another person to make such a change and also really amused that anyone over the age of 5 could act like that.
The one thing I can say with 100% certainty is there is only one person who has the power to get me to shave it off and his name is Jack, also called Baby Jack in some previous postings.
Yes, my grandson has that kind of power over me and one day when he has a sibling or my son produces a grandchild than they'll have that power as well. I know they won't use that power blindly and will respect that with such power comes a great responsibility, the responsibility to make sure grandpa doesn't look like an idiot too often.
So to everyone out there telling me to keep the goatee, which is always well trimmed I might add, take a breath and relax and to those few who suggested I mix it up and shave it off, well not going to happen as I can mix things up without such drastic measures to my appearance.
Miss Wanda, thanks for words of encouragement and I'll admit I'm sure I've spoken about Corinne on the first few attempts to date after the breakup so I sympathize with you on your own experience and with him for his feelings.
Daylight savings means that golf isn't that far away, can you just imagine how excited I'm getting?
My name is Marcus and the goatee stays for now, right Jack?
Observations and questions can be directed to ooasm2018@gmail.com
How Much Do We Share..........
Saturday, March 09/19
So I've been asked numerous times over the last few years how I come up with the topics I write blogs about and my answer has been consistent that they come from things that happen to me, that I see around me, and that I read about.
Today's blog is one such example as it came to me as I was sitting on the couch with Moki curled up in my lap while reading a story on my iPad this morning.
Total disclosure I was reading "Taking it Easy" by Erin Nicholas. To save you the trouble I'll go ahead right now and confess it is a romantic story and yes, that does mean I'm still reading them, actually haven't really stopped since this time last year, if I really think about it I'd say I've probably read a couple of hundred by now, enjoying every single one of them too!
Okay, enough about my not so secret vice and onto the blog entry.........
I'm not going to do a whole outline of the story other than to say it involves two people who end up together due to unforeseen circumstances who realize they don't know as much about each other as people who've been dating for a little while would and her worry about how much does she share about her prior relationship.
So that is my question......how much do you share about prior relationships with your current partner and how soon or long do you wait before sharing things, how deep does the sharing go, and if you really feel like they are the one for you, do you hold anything back.........
Lots to ponder there right?
I can only speak from my own experiences being married twice and in what I'd call 2.5 other serious relationships outside of marriage.
I can't say there was much to share with my first wife as I'd only had a couple of high school girlfriends before her but I do know that I found it difficult at times to share my dreams and worries with her from about the mid point of our marriage till the end. I think it was about that time that I realized we weren't really meant for one another and it didn't make sense to open myself up to her and share what could be used against me later on. Now I know some will read that and say I was acting in a self-fulfilling way by not sharing with her and thus the inevitable end of our relationship was being hastened along, and maybe they're right, but I was the one in the relationship and knew we'd reached the point of no return with some of her comments and actions and wasn't willing to endure any more heartache and just cut my losses at that point.
I know I've blogged before how I left my first marriage with almost no self confidence and how Suzanne made me realize during our brief but rather intense relationship, the .5 of the 2.5 I've had for those wondering, that I was a far better man than I thought or was led to believe. But I only shared some superficial thoughts or experiences with Suzanne, maybe because I knew what we had was more transitory than either of us were willing to admit, and it didn't seem like something that needed to be done. I'll admit this one was more about the physical than anything else and I have no shame from any walks I made from her place the next morning and know for a fact she had a little hitch in her step and smile on her face when she made her own from my place.
Marriage number two was a little different in that my ex was pretty independent and had already been raising her daughter, soon to be my daughter, for almost five years before we started seeing one another. In some ways I rejoiced in her independence as it meant all the decision making wasn't being left up to me and in some ways that made it a little harder to share my experiences from the first marriage as in her eyes she couldn't see how someone would have put up with what I did for that many years, as she told me once "Bitch was crazy and didn't deserve the love" and she was right but I've not always been able to see such things so clearly. I shared more with her than I thought and yet at times it felt like I hadn't shared anything at all, sort of a strange statement to read but it really is how I felt most of the time. To this day I don't think I ever talked to her about Suzanne as I'm pretty sure that would have made her more than a little jealous to hear and I don't like playing games like that in the least. I don't think she was ever really worried I would stray but did let me know two times that she didn't like the way a couple of women would look at me or flirt, things I never noticed being mister oblivious lol
Karine was the first serious relationship post marriage and interesting for a number of reasons. First off was the fact that she lived on the Gatineau side of the river and was French Canadian. Neither of these things is bad but more out of the ordinary where I am concerned as I perfectly unilingual and never saw myself dating from the Quebec side. The second interesting fact was that she was the first time I'd dated someone ten years younger than myself, coupled with she had no children. We dated for about seven months and shared quite a bit with one another, including the fact that I was not adverse to having more children and she wasn't sure if she wanted to have any at all, exclusive of my son and daughter, who she never even met as I wasn't sure the time was right. Maybe that should be my litmus test on when the time is right to share the deep feelings or experiences, when I reach that point in time when I think meeting my kids is good is also the time to share deep things. Maybe that is backwards as what if we share things and find them so different from what we expect that we don't want them to meet our kids, interesting conundrum don't you think.
With Karine I can say I shared more and yet not enough as things sort of broke down between us when I started looking for a house to buy and didn't think to include her in the process, well from her perspective I should have included her, and it came up when I showed her the floor plans for one I was seriously considering making an offer on and she commented that she hadn't even seen it yet and it looked like there was only room for one car in the driveway. My response of "But I've only got one car" brought complete silence on the call and it was at that point I realized that we hadn't shared any thoughts whatsoever on where each of us saw things going. I saw us dating for another year or so before we came to the big decisions and she saw us at that point now and told me she'd been talking to a realtor about selling her place so she could help with a bigger down payment on the one we were going to buy and wasn't against living in Kanata as long as I promised to visit her family every couple of weekends in Montreal. Needless to say we both realized that while we enjoyed spending time with one another we hadn't felt the need to verbalize what we both were feeling and that probably wasn't an good indicator of how we'd do as a couple living together.
And then there was Corinne................
Of anyone I've let into my life I can honestly say I think I was the most open with her about things that had transpired with me before meeting her, I shared the good and the bad, and I'm pretty sure I was open about my hope for the future.
Hindsight says I might have been a too open on that future part as maybe my seeing us together as she transitioned through the various phases of her movements through her organization was what made her take a step back and say to herself "Oh, Hell No!"
I'm kidding with that last bit......mostly as I do wonder if my being open to talking about what might happen to us made her nervous as I'm sure not many guys would have been as open and honest about not minding following a partner around.
I don't think there was a subject we didn't talk about or were afraid to talk about if the moment called for it. Communicating wasn't really an issue with her and it was that way from the start with some really good conversations on the phone before we even met for the first time. I think it was that easy rapport that made the initial date, yes it was a date and not a meet-n-greet as it involved a meal, go so well and left neither one of us wanting it to end that chilly Saturday down in the market.
I think it's clear to see that I've run the gamut from not sharing enough to sharing everything important and maybe sharing too much too soon.
If I had to take one approach I'd follow the one I employed with Corinne but maybe leave out some of the thoughts about the future and let her more lead that aspect of the sharing so she would have been more comfortable.
How much do you share and why that amount?
My name is Marcus and I'm searching for my one but along the way I'm going to see what life brings me by way of new friends and adventures.
Today's musical suggestion is "Really Don't Care" by Postmodern Jukebox with Morgan James on lead vocals and the happiest guy I've ever seen on tambourine.
Watch the YouTube video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddjOiFcp9Y
As always, comments and questions are welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
So I've been asked numerous times over the last few years how I come up with the topics I write blogs about and my answer has been consistent that they come from things that happen to me, that I see around me, and that I read about.
Today's blog is one such example as it came to me as I was sitting on the couch with Moki curled up in my lap while reading a story on my iPad this morning.
Total disclosure I was reading "Taking it Easy" by Erin Nicholas. To save you the trouble I'll go ahead right now and confess it is a romantic story and yes, that does mean I'm still reading them, actually haven't really stopped since this time last year, if I really think about it I'd say I've probably read a couple of hundred by now, enjoying every single one of them too!
Okay, enough about my not so secret vice and onto the blog entry.........
I'm not going to do a whole outline of the story other than to say it involves two people who end up together due to unforeseen circumstances who realize they don't know as much about each other as people who've been dating for a little while would and her worry about how much does she share about her prior relationship.
So that is my question......how much do you share about prior relationships with your current partner and how soon or long do you wait before sharing things, how deep does the sharing go, and if you really feel like they are the one for you, do you hold anything back.........
Lots to ponder there right?
I can only speak from my own experiences being married twice and in what I'd call 2.5 other serious relationships outside of marriage.
I can't say there was much to share with my first wife as I'd only had a couple of high school girlfriends before her but I do know that I found it difficult at times to share my dreams and worries with her from about the mid point of our marriage till the end. I think it was about that time that I realized we weren't really meant for one another and it didn't make sense to open myself up to her and share what could be used against me later on. Now I know some will read that and say I was acting in a self-fulfilling way by not sharing with her and thus the inevitable end of our relationship was being hastened along, and maybe they're right, but I was the one in the relationship and knew we'd reached the point of no return with some of her comments and actions and wasn't willing to endure any more heartache and just cut my losses at that point.
I know I've blogged before how I left my first marriage with almost no self confidence and how Suzanne made me realize during our brief but rather intense relationship, the .5 of the 2.5 I've had for those wondering, that I was a far better man than I thought or was led to believe. But I only shared some superficial thoughts or experiences with Suzanne, maybe because I knew what we had was more transitory than either of us were willing to admit, and it didn't seem like something that needed to be done. I'll admit this one was more about the physical than anything else and I have no shame from any walks I made from her place the next morning and know for a fact she had a little hitch in her step and smile on her face when she made her own from my place.
Marriage number two was a little different in that my ex was pretty independent and had already been raising her daughter, soon to be my daughter, for almost five years before we started seeing one another. In some ways I rejoiced in her independence as it meant all the decision making wasn't being left up to me and in some ways that made it a little harder to share my experiences from the first marriage as in her eyes she couldn't see how someone would have put up with what I did for that many years, as she told me once "Bitch was crazy and didn't deserve the love" and she was right but I've not always been able to see such things so clearly. I shared more with her than I thought and yet at times it felt like I hadn't shared anything at all, sort of a strange statement to read but it really is how I felt most of the time. To this day I don't think I ever talked to her about Suzanne as I'm pretty sure that would have made her more than a little jealous to hear and I don't like playing games like that in the least. I don't think she was ever really worried I would stray but did let me know two times that she didn't like the way a couple of women would look at me or flirt, things I never noticed being mister oblivious lol
Karine was the first serious relationship post marriage and interesting for a number of reasons. First off was the fact that she lived on the Gatineau side of the river and was French Canadian. Neither of these things is bad but more out of the ordinary where I am concerned as I perfectly unilingual and never saw myself dating from the Quebec side. The second interesting fact was that she was the first time I'd dated someone ten years younger than myself, coupled with she had no children. We dated for about seven months and shared quite a bit with one another, including the fact that I was not adverse to having more children and she wasn't sure if she wanted to have any at all, exclusive of my son and daughter, who she never even met as I wasn't sure the time was right. Maybe that should be my litmus test on when the time is right to share the deep feelings or experiences, when I reach that point in time when I think meeting my kids is good is also the time to share deep things. Maybe that is backwards as what if we share things and find them so different from what we expect that we don't want them to meet our kids, interesting conundrum don't you think.
With Karine I can say I shared more and yet not enough as things sort of broke down between us when I started looking for a house to buy and didn't think to include her in the process, well from her perspective I should have included her, and it came up when I showed her the floor plans for one I was seriously considering making an offer on and she commented that she hadn't even seen it yet and it looked like there was only room for one car in the driveway. My response of "But I've only got one car" brought complete silence on the call and it was at that point I realized that we hadn't shared any thoughts whatsoever on where each of us saw things going. I saw us dating for another year or so before we came to the big decisions and she saw us at that point now and told me she'd been talking to a realtor about selling her place so she could help with a bigger down payment on the one we were going to buy and wasn't against living in Kanata as long as I promised to visit her family every couple of weekends in Montreal. Needless to say we both realized that while we enjoyed spending time with one another we hadn't felt the need to verbalize what we both were feeling and that probably wasn't an good indicator of how we'd do as a couple living together.
And then there was Corinne................
Of anyone I've let into my life I can honestly say I think I was the most open with her about things that had transpired with me before meeting her, I shared the good and the bad, and I'm pretty sure I was open about my hope for the future.
Hindsight says I might have been a too open on that future part as maybe my seeing us together as she transitioned through the various phases of her movements through her organization was what made her take a step back and say to herself "Oh, Hell No!"
I'm kidding with that last bit......mostly as I do wonder if my being open to talking about what might happen to us made her nervous as I'm sure not many guys would have been as open and honest about not minding following a partner around.
I don't think there was a subject we didn't talk about or were afraid to talk about if the moment called for it. Communicating wasn't really an issue with her and it was that way from the start with some really good conversations on the phone before we even met for the first time. I think it was that easy rapport that made the initial date, yes it was a date and not a meet-n-greet as it involved a meal, go so well and left neither one of us wanting it to end that chilly Saturday down in the market.
I think it's clear to see that I've run the gamut from not sharing enough to sharing everything important and maybe sharing too much too soon.
If I had to take one approach I'd follow the one I employed with Corinne but maybe leave out some of the thoughts about the future and let her more lead that aspect of the sharing so she would have been more comfortable.
How much do you share and why that amount?
My name is Marcus and I'm searching for my one but along the way I'm going to see what life brings me by way of new friends and adventures.
Today's musical suggestion is "Really Don't Care" by Postmodern Jukebox with Morgan James on lead vocals and the happiest guy I've ever seen on tambourine.
Watch the YouTube video here - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddjOiFcp9Y
As always, comments and questions are welcome at ooasm2018@gmail.com
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Online Dating is Like The Wild, Wild West
Wednesday, March 06/19
So as I've previously mentioned in other posts, I've returned to the world of dating and reactivated an online account to help me meet new people.
The online dating world certainly has changed over the past few years as now it seems as if every other profile contains photo shopped pictures or pictures of 25 year old's on profiles saying they are 45-50 years old.
Because nobody is ever going to question that on a profile.........
But even though I find those facts alone to be a little disturbing, what is really offsetting is some of the messages I've received over the last few weeks.
I had one woman contact me telling me I had a well written profile that made her laugh, cute pictures, and she wanted to get to know me better but she had one special request.......could I please shave off my goatee and send her proof of a clean shaven face before she would consider meeting me for drinks.
Really? You want me to change my appearance so as to please someone I've never even met, someone I might not click with should we even meet, I don't think so, not here and not now.
Does that mean I wouldn't ever consider shaving it off? No, of course it doesn't, but it does mean I'm not doing so after a few dates let alone before we've even met.
There are so many online dating sites these days that I wonder how anyone chooses one over another....
Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, and eHarmony seem to dominate the landscape, all targeting a different slice of the dating pool.
The funnies messages come from fake profiles where they incorporate a persons full name as the user name, as if that will somehow make them seem more real.....SusanEvans278 or BarbJones88B are a couple I've seen.
Add in when they let you know their favorite drink in the tag line so you know just what to order them when you two finally meet........I like Harvey Wallbangers or I only drink Gin & Tonic are popular, which means the profiles were set up to scam people.......
The final giveaway is when they say something like "I'm hardly ever on here but you can always find me on nakedhump.com or easyholes.com"...........so you set up a profile on a dating site and list a relationship as your objective but don't spend time on the site but do spend time on a porn site.....please let me grab my wallet and see what it's all about
I think it fair to say I'm becoming a little jaded about dating given all the crap you have to endure to even have someone look at your profile and if you are lucky, they'll send you a message, but odds are that about 85% of messages come from these fake profiles hoping to separate you from your hard earned money.
Now not being on the female side of the equation I have no clue that you women are going through but can't imagine it's really any better, maybe not as blatantly obvious but probably still just as likely to make your skin crawl and feel the need for a very hot shower with lots of soap....
Think I might need to reassess my decision to unhide my profile and let nature take it's course and meet someone the old fashioned way, passing notes in homeroom.......oh yeah, those days are long past me so maybe I'm screwed and not in the fun way.......
My name is Marcus and as open minded as I try to be some things still have me scratching my head and asking myself WTF?
Questions/comments care of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is a duet with Sting & Shaggy on "Just One Lifetime"
So as I've previously mentioned in other posts, I've returned to the world of dating and reactivated an online account to help me meet new people.
The online dating world certainly has changed over the past few years as now it seems as if every other profile contains photo shopped pictures or pictures of 25 year old's on profiles saying they are 45-50 years old.
Because nobody is ever going to question that on a profile.........
But even though I find those facts alone to be a little disturbing, what is really offsetting is some of the messages I've received over the last few weeks.
I had one woman contact me telling me I had a well written profile that made her laugh, cute pictures, and she wanted to get to know me better but she had one special request.......could I please shave off my goatee and send her proof of a clean shaven face before she would consider meeting me for drinks.
Really? You want me to change my appearance so as to please someone I've never even met, someone I might not click with should we even meet, I don't think so, not here and not now.
Does that mean I wouldn't ever consider shaving it off? No, of course it doesn't, but it does mean I'm not doing so after a few dates let alone before we've even met.
There are so many online dating sites these days that I wonder how anyone chooses one over another....
Bumble, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, Match, and eHarmony seem to dominate the landscape, all targeting a different slice of the dating pool.
The funnies messages come from fake profiles where they incorporate a persons full name as the user name, as if that will somehow make them seem more real.....SusanEvans278 or BarbJones88B are a couple I've seen.
Add in when they let you know their favorite drink in the tag line so you know just what to order them when you two finally meet........I like Harvey Wallbangers or I only drink Gin & Tonic are popular, which means the profiles were set up to scam people.......
The final giveaway is when they say something like "I'm hardly ever on here but you can always find me on nakedhump.com or easyholes.com"...........so you set up a profile on a dating site and list a relationship as your objective but don't spend time on the site but do spend time on a porn site.....please let me grab my wallet and see what it's all about
I think it fair to say I'm becoming a little jaded about dating given all the crap you have to endure to even have someone look at your profile and if you are lucky, they'll send you a message, but odds are that about 85% of messages come from these fake profiles hoping to separate you from your hard earned money.
Now not being on the female side of the equation I have no clue that you women are going through but can't imagine it's really any better, maybe not as blatantly obvious but probably still just as likely to make your skin crawl and feel the need for a very hot shower with lots of soap....
Think I might need to reassess my decision to unhide my profile and let nature take it's course and meet someone the old fashioned way, passing notes in homeroom.......oh yeah, those days are long past me so maybe I'm screwed and not in the fun way.......
My name is Marcus and as open minded as I try to be some things still have me scratching my head and asking myself WTF?
Questions/comments care of ooasm2018@gmail.com
Today's musical suggestion is a duet with Sting & Shaggy on "Just One Lifetime"
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Love is.........
Wednesday, February 27/19
On March 11th I've got a meeting scheduled and once it's over I think I'll be in a position to post some blog entries about changes that have been going on in my life, so please be patient and some of the references in entries over the past month or so will make a little more sense, I hope.....
So I was sitting in the lobby of my building just outside the cafe that serves the twin towers this afternoon and I happened to overhear a conversation between two women that made me rethink some of my thoughts about love and my approach, well what I think was my approach going back a few years.
Now neither of these women work for the same company as me so I have no clue who they are and I'm pretty confident I've never seen them before and probably won't ever run into them again given the large number of people who cross paths over the course of the day in the building, all of which makes this random encounter that much more interesting.
There are these little areas setup in the lobby that have really comfy low seats arranged around a central low table and spread around them are 2 or 4 top tables where people can eat lunch, work on laptops, or play cards, really whatever strikes a persons mood. I was sitting in one of the low seats with my ear buds in acting like sound dampeners without any music playing just reading my tablet and snacking on some fruit and veggies I'd packed for my lunch, just minding my own business when two women sat at a 2 top table sort of to my right and started to chat while eating salads.
I didn't really pay them much attention as they sat down and I'm pretty sure they thought I had music playing as they didn't hesitate to begin having a rather interesting conversation about relationships and love.
Since I won't likely come across them again I'm going to go ahead and use the names they called one another as I don't think it's breaking any privacy issues, least ways that is what I'm trying to convince myself of right now.
I'd say they were between late 20's to early 40's and that shows you just how broken my age detector really is these days as I have no clue how old they could of been other than they were younger than me, but that's not so hard to be given my own advanced age lol
The blond was named Emily and the brunette was named Yvette and had a delectable little French accent.
The conversation basically centered around Emily's decision, made from the sound of things that very morning, to end things with her boyfriend of close to two years and her basis for the decision. Here is my best recollection of the exchange.
Emily: So I've decided I'm done with Matt and I'm going to end things tonight when I go to his place for dinner
Yvette: WHAT! Why? I thought things were good between you two
Emily: They are good but I don't see him in the plan.
Yvette: Oh Em, you know I love you, but sometimes your views on relationships and love make me want to pull my hair out. You can't treat love like a business plan and lay it out so formally.
Emily: How is wanting someone that fits into my life plan wrong?
Now this is where it made me pay attention, probably more than I should have....
Yvette: Relationships aren't business, They're messy and they're complicated - they're organic, they breathe, they evolve over timer, they don't live by any set of rules
Emily: <Huge Sigh> But I don't like messy and I hate complicated
Yvette: Of course you don't but you don't get to decide these things as they aren't controllable, the best you can hope for is to find someone with whom you can share the ride with
Emily: Well that sure as shit isn't Matt and I'm more certain of that than anything else right now, a girl in a relationship shouldn't have to use her vibrator as much as I do these days......
At this point Yvette started having a coughing attack as she had been taking a drink when she heard that and tried her best not to spit it out all over her friend.
I think they realized this was a conversation they needed to have in a less public place and picked up their stuff and left to head back to work. I sat there for a few more minutes thinking about all I had just heard.
Love is organic is my biggest takeaway from the entire conversation as it's so true. We can try and plan things out but we'd best be ready for the proverbial monkey wrench to be thrown our way now and again, rolling with the punch is something we're all told growing up and it's nowhere truer than when it comes to love.
Love is messy. It evokes emotions, it makes us feel like we are floating above the clouds one moment and plummeting to our deaths the next, it causes our hearts to beat with anticipation and with dread, love doesn't play favourites, it doesn't care about your race, age, religion, or sexual orientation.
Love will make you feel alive one day and dead to the world the next, it'll make you the centre of the universe and then as quickly leave you feeling completely isolated and alone.
Love hurts, love excites, love is what we all want in our lives, no matter what we might try and tell ourselves.
I know that I used to be more like Emily than I ever thought. I like to sort of plan things out and when my plan didn't pan out I'd get rattled, this led me to sort of start taking a step back whenever someone showed interest in me as I'd ask myself "why bother, they'll just end up hurting me"
Pretty sad way to go into it with someone new right?
When I would go out with anyone I'd start looking for those little signs that meant it wouldn't work out and than I'd use them to justify my decision to not see them again.
The only time I didn't follow this model was when I met Corinne. No, this isn't a post about laminating for a lost love, it's about how people can change you from one mind set to another.
When I met her for lunch I sensed a connection, helped by the several hours prior that we'd spend chatting on the phone, but even thought my heart kicked a beat faster while we sat across from one another I was already mentally cataloging the ways I wasn't good enough for her, trying to find my exit strategy when she blew that out of the water and leaned over to kiss me, telling me she'd been imaging the feel of my lips on hers all day long.
She side tracked me and when I tried to distance myself the next day she called me out on my bullshit and wouldn't let me act so stupidly, making me agree that we had something strong developing between us.
Now I know there are those who have read some of the older posts and want to point out that we did end up breaking up but that's not the point I'm trying to make here....she got me to think outside my normal box and that is what love does, it mixes things up.
Sure we split up a year later but oh what a year it was in my books, the most alive I'd felt since the first years of my marriage, she reminded me that I am a good guy and just need to stop getting into my own head so damn much, that I don't need to let others expectations control me, that changing things up is never a bad thing.
I miss that aspect of being with her and think I need to force that train of thought to become a more central theme in how I approach things going on in my life, sort of what I started to do back in October but won't be able to talk about for another week or so.
It's funny that you can have your heart broken by someone and still be thankful for the time you were with them as you know that in the end you came out of it a better person, which is how I feel about my time with Corinne.
Love isn't rooted in concrete, it can be permanent and it can be as fleeting as the clouds floating across the sky, it really depends on the people involved and how they mesh what they want from each other.
I don't try and imagine things with anyone that extend past the next month or so, least not until there is a relationship developing, and then I'd probably push things out a few months at a time.
In hindsight, such a wonderful superpower to have, I'm sure I got too invested in things with Corrine and scared the shit out her as she has to do more planning for her carer and didn't need it at home as well. They say a smart person learns from their mistakes so here's hoping I'm as smart as I like to think I am and don't sabotage the next relationship I'm in.......
My name is Marcus and I hope love finds it's way into my life as I like to think I'm a good catch but guess that is more something I should let others decide upon for themselves.
Questions and/or comments are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tonight's musical suggestion is "Echoes of You" from the new Marianas Trench album. I'm really liking the sound of this one and think the wait between albums was well worth it.
P.S. Emily, If you ever come across this blog, know that real relationships mean not needing a vibrator, I'm just saying :-)
On March 11th I've got a meeting scheduled and once it's over I think I'll be in a position to post some blog entries about changes that have been going on in my life, so please be patient and some of the references in entries over the past month or so will make a little more sense, I hope.....
So I was sitting in the lobby of my building just outside the cafe that serves the twin towers this afternoon and I happened to overhear a conversation between two women that made me rethink some of my thoughts about love and my approach, well what I think was my approach going back a few years.
Now neither of these women work for the same company as me so I have no clue who they are and I'm pretty confident I've never seen them before and probably won't ever run into them again given the large number of people who cross paths over the course of the day in the building, all of which makes this random encounter that much more interesting.
There are these little areas setup in the lobby that have really comfy low seats arranged around a central low table and spread around them are 2 or 4 top tables where people can eat lunch, work on laptops, or play cards, really whatever strikes a persons mood. I was sitting in one of the low seats with my ear buds in acting like sound dampeners without any music playing just reading my tablet and snacking on some fruit and veggies I'd packed for my lunch, just minding my own business when two women sat at a 2 top table sort of to my right and started to chat while eating salads.
I didn't really pay them much attention as they sat down and I'm pretty sure they thought I had music playing as they didn't hesitate to begin having a rather interesting conversation about relationships and love.
Since I won't likely come across them again I'm going to go ahead and use the names they called one another as I don't think it's breaking any privacy issues, least ways that is what I'm trying to convince myself of right now.
I'd say they were between late 20's to early 40's and that shows you just how broken my age detector really is these days as I have no clue how old they could of been other than they were younger than me, but that's not so hard to be given my own advanced age lol
The blond was named Emily and the brunette was named Yvette and had a delectable little French accent.
The conversation basically centered around Emily's decision, made from the sound of things that very morning, to end things with her boyfriend of close to two years and her basis for the decision. Here is my best recollection of the exchange.
Emily: So I've decided I'm done with Matt and I'm going to end things tonight when I go to his place for dinner
Yvette: WHAT! Why? I thought things were good between you two
Emily: They are good but I don't see him in the plan.
Yvette: Oh Em, you know I love you, but sometimes your views on relationships and love make me want to pull my hair out. You can't treat love like a business plan and lay it out so formally.
Emily: How is wanting someone that fits into my life plan wrong?
Now this is where it made me pay attention, probably more than I should have....
Yvette: Relationships aren't business, They're messy and they're complicated - they're organic, they breathe, they evolve over timer, they don't live by any set of rules
Emily: <Huge Sigh> But I don't like messy and I hate complicated
Yvette: Of course you don't but you don't get to decide these things as they aren't controllable, the best you can hope for is to find someone with whom you can share the ride with
Emily: Well that sure as shit isn't Matt and I'm more certain of that than anything else right now, a girl in a relationship shouldn't have to use her vibrator as much as I do these days......
At this point Yvette started having a coughing attack as she had been taking a drink when she heard that and tried her best not to spit it out all over her friend.
I think they realized this was a conversation they needed to have in a less public place and picked up their stuff and left to head back to work. I sat there for a few more minutes thinking about all I had just heard.
Love is organic is my biggest takeaway from the entire conversation as it's so true. We can try and plan things out but we'd best be ready for the proverbial monkey wrench to be thrown our way now and again, rolling with the punch is something we're all told growing up and it's nowhere truer than when it comes to love.
Love is messy. It evokes emotions, it makes us feel like we are floating above the clouds one moment and plummeting to our deaths the next, it causes our hearts to beat with anticipation and with dread, love doesn't play favourites, it doesn't care about your race, age, religion, or sexual orientation.
Love will make you feel alive one day and dead to the world the next, it'll make you the centre of the universe and then as quickly leave you feeling completely isolated and alone.
Love hurts, love excites, love is what we all want in our lives, no matter what we might try and tell ourselves.
I know that I used to be more like Emily than I ever thought. I like to sort of plan things out and when my plan didn't pan out I'd get rattled, this led me to sort of start taking a step back whenever someone showed interest in me as I'd ask myself "why bother, they'll just end up hurting me"
Pretty sad way to go into it with someone new right?
When I would go out with anyone I'd start looking for those little signs that meant it wouldn't work out and than I'd use them to justify my decision to not see them again.
The only time I didn't follow this model was when I met Corinne. No, this isn't a post about laminating for a lost love, it's about how people can change you from one mind set to another.
When I met her for lunch I sensed a connection, helped by the several hours prior that we'd spend chatting on the phone, but even thought my heart kicked a beat faster while we sat across from one another I was already mentally cataloging the ways I wasn't good enough for her, trying to find my exit strategy when she blew that out of the water and leaned over to kiss me, telling me she'd been imaging the feel of my lips on hers all day long.
She side tracked me and when I tried to distance myself the next day she called me out on my bullshit and wouldn't let me act so stupidly, making me agree that we had something strong developing between us.
Now I know there are those who have read some of the older posts and want to point out that we did end up breaking up but that's not the point I'm trying to make here....she got me to think outside my normal box and that is what love does, it mixes things up.
Sure we split up a year later but oh what a year it was in my books, the most alive I'd felt since the first years of my marriage, she reminded me that I am a good guy and just need to stop getting into my own head so damn much, that I don't need to let others expectations control me, that changing things up is never a bad thing.
I miss that aspect of being with her and think I need to force that train of thought to become a more central theme in how I approach things going on in my life, sort of what I started to do back in October but won't be able to talk about for another week or so.
It's funny that you can have your heart broken by someone and still be thankful for the time you were with them as you know that in the end you came out of it a better person, which is how I feel about my time with Corinne.
Love isn't rooted in concrete, it can be permanent and it can be as fleeting as the clouds floating across the sky, it really depends on the people involved and how they mesh what they want from each other.
I don't try and imagine things with anyone that extend past the next month or so, least not until there is a relationship developing, and then I'd probably push things out a few months at a time.
In hindsight, such a wonderful superpower to have, I'm sure I got too invested in things with Corrine and scared the shit out her as she has to do more planning for her carer and didn't need it at home as well. They say a smart person learns from their mistakes so here's hoping I'm as smart as I like to think I am and don't sabotage the next relationship I'm in.......
My name is Marcus and I hope love finds it's way into my life as I like to think I'm a good catch but guess that is more something I should let others decide upon for themselves.
Questions and/or comments are always welcome - ooasm2018@gmail.com
Tonight's musical suggestion is "Echoes of You" from the new Marianas Trench album. I'm really liking the sound of this one and think the wait between albums was well worth it.
P.S. Emily, If you ever come across this blog, know that real relationships mean not needing a vibrator, I'm just saying :-)
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