Wednesday, January 25/17
I was asked why the big recent emphasis on talking to someone and getting a mental tune up and the answer is really quite simple.
As a boy I grew up in the environment where it wasn't considered masculine to show emotions or talk about your feelings.
Sayings like "Don't coddle the boy or he'll grow up a sissy", "Crying is for girls", "do you need a dolly to go along with those sniffles", and "big boys don't cry" were common for a young boy to hear when he displayed anything other than a tough attitude.
I was fortunate to get to spend a lot of summers with my maternal grandfather when I was growing up and one of the biggest things he taught me to never be afraid to show how something makes you feel. This might not sound so earth shattering but this was back in the late 60's and early 70'snd came from a master mason who was probably one of the toughest men I've ever had the good fortune to be around.
Much of the man I am today I can trace back to my grandfather and the insights he would pass along to me during our endless walks around Regina, time spent out at Long lake working on his numerous rental cottages, and at the dinner table in the evening when he'd cut up some potatoes and fry them up into French fries and we'd drench them with salt and vinegar.
I've tried my best to instill those same traits into my own children and think so far I've been pretty successful as both of them have talked to me about pretty much everything and anything going on in their lives. Sometimes these talks have been awesome, made me smile and laugh, and other times I've been uncomfortable and a bit sad at some of the things they've heard or seen. But the key is that I was always there for them to talk too about these things. I don't always have an answer and that's ok as sometimes there really are no answers to what is happening in our lives, but them knowing they can always talk to me or their mother means they will never have to face an issue alone.
I worry about both my kids all the time as it is a goddamn scary world we live in but all I can do is hope I've done my best and instilled in them the moral compass they need to make the correct decision with the situation warrants one be made.
One thing I've learned from all my talks are the small tells that let me know when something is slightly off with my son, especially around exam time, and that helps me try and head things off before they get too bad.
School brings an incredible amount of stress so my message has always been give it your best effort and if things don't turn out as you'd hoped, at least you can look yourself in the mirror and know you did your best. I wasn't the brightest kid in school but when I got to university I learned how to be a good student and it carried on into my MBA program. I'm seeing a lot of that in my son so while there are times I know he struggles, I also know he has it in himself to overcome the challenges and we are always able to get him tutoring as needed.
The biggest thing I do is listen when they talk to me. I don't just listen to the words but which words they choose and what their body language is like, both provide tonnes of feedback.
In the end the most precious gift we can ever bestow upon those we love is to simply be there for them in whatever capacity they need us.
As I look at my grandson I can already foresee a lot of chats as we walk to the park, through Chapters, and hopefully a round or two of golf. I'm hoping to give to him what my own grandfather gave to me.....unconditional love and understanding
Marcus
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