Sunday, February 28/16
Not really much on the agenda today as my son isn't feeling great and sometimes you just need a down day to relax and recover.
Woke up around 9am and after letting Moki out for her morning run we settled down to watch ManU beat Arsenal 3-2 at Old Trafford. By we I mean I did and she just curled up next to me so I could rub her back. The only thing better than the score was the look on Arsene Wengers face as he realized this was the end for Arsenal's title hopes this season. How many times has Arsenal come to Old Trafford looking to secure the English Premier League title only to leave with crushed dreams and tears :)
After the game ended I made some bacon and eggs in the middle for breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and got the son organized with a study schedule as he has two exams this week in religion and math.
We're heading over to my daughters place and having dinner at 6pm so all in all a good day.
What do you have planned for today?
I'm seeing some warnings about freezing rain and think Mother Nature is taking this whole "let me make up for the mild start to winter" a tad bit too much to heart.
My son was looking over the calendar I keep on the fridge and asked me who A & N were and why did I note their birthdays along with his and his sisters. I reminded him that C's boys were A& N and I had marked out birthdays for the full year back when C gave me the 16 month calendar in September 2015 and I see no reason to block them off. He smiled at me and said he was just curious and he didn't think I should remove anything from it that I've written down and then gave me one of those smiles that says he thinks he knows something I don't.......hardly ever the case, or I like to think it's hardly ever the case lol
Marcus
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Saturday, February 27, 2016
The Cats Out Of The Bag...Sort Of
Saturday, February 27/16
So on the drive home from this mornings final winter soccer game my talk with my son turned to his girlfriend and how she is doing with the new semester. She suffers from some anxiety and I talked to him about dealing with her and how he can't be the final person she turns to as that is a lot of pressure for him to carry at 16 years of age.
He mentioned that she was doing a blog and has switched it to a vlog on YouTube. I told him that doing a blog is a great way to express yourself without coming out directly and giving away too much personal information but that a vlog is much more open to the public and she really needs to be careful with what she says about herself as it can get real in a very short time, not always to a good extent either.
As soon as I said that to him I knew I'd opened up Pandora's Box and waited for the inevitable follow up questions that he was going to have shortly.
I wasn't wrong as he asked me how I knew so much about blogs.
As we entered the house I told him I'd been doing a blog for a few years now and found it a great source of help when dealing with things in my life.
He asked me what kind of things and I told him everything, including how I parented him, dealt with relationships, that literally anything that might cross my mind was fair game for a blog entry.
He just looked at me and gave me that oh so subtle signal that my answer wasn't good enough and he expected me to expand upon it.
So I told him the number of blog entries I've posted to date, the number of hits the entries have generated, how I never use any one's full name other than my own, that the blog has helped me deal with everything from his illness to the names of the golf courses I've played.
Than I told him something that left him a bit frustrated......that I was not going to tell him the blog name as it was something for me and not him. He's not happy with that and I can see him trying to find it online at some point in time down the road.
He asked if his mom knew about the blog and I told him no, and neither did his sister, but that C was aware of it.
He asked how she knew about it and I told him I'd talked to her about it and felt it was a good way for her to understand me better without having to sit there and listen to me talk for hours on end, that the blog does a better job of telling my fears and hopes and allowed her to take it in at her own pace.
His next question was whether she liked it and still reads it. I told him she did enjoy it but I don't think she reads it anymore as she doesn't need the reminder about my feelings given her decision to live her life without me.
He stood up from the couch and came over and gave me a hug and told me he thinks it is pretty cool that I blog and he can see how I'd be good at it.
So the cat is out of the bag but still hidden somewhere in the house....if you follow the metaphor :)
Marcus
So on the drive home from this mornings final winter soccer game my talk with my son turned to his girlfriend and how she is doing with the new semester. She suffers from some anxiety and I talked to him about dealing with her and how he can't be the final person she turns to as that is a lot of pressure for him to carry at 16 years of age.
He mentioned that she was doing a blog and has switched it to a vlog on YouTube. I told him that doing a blog is a great way to express yourself without coming out directly and giving away too much personal information but that a vlog is much more open to the public and she really needs to be careful with what she says about herself as it can get real in a very short time, not always to a good extent either.
As soon as I said that to him I knew I'd opened up Pandora's Box and waited for the inevitable follow up questions that he was going to have shortly.
I wasn't wrong as he asked me how I knew so much about blogs.
As we entered the house I told him I'd been doing a blog for a few years now and found it a great source of help when dealing with things in my life.
He asked me what kind of things and I told him everything, including how I parented him, dealt with relationships, that literally anything that might cross my mind was fair game for a blog entry.
He just looked at me and gave me that oh so subtle signal that my answer wasn't good enough and he expected me to expand upon it.
So I told him the number of blog entries I've posted to date, the number of hits the entries have generated, how I never use any one's full name other than my own, that the blog has helped me deal with everything from his illness to the names of the golf courses I've played.
Than I told him something that left him a bit frustrated......that I was not going to tell him the blog name as it was something for me and not him. He's not happy with that and I can see him trying to find it online at some point in time down the road.
He asked if his mom knew about the blog and I told him no, and neither did his sister, but that C was aware of it.
He asked how she knew about it and I told him I'd talked to her about it and felt it was a good way for her to understand me better without having to sit there and listen to me talk for hours on end, that the blog does a better job of telling my fears and hopes and allowed her to take it in at her own pace.
His next question was whether she liked it and still reads it. I told him she did enjoy it but I don't think she reads it anymore as she doesn't need the reminder about my feelings given her decision to live her life without me.
He stood up from the couch and came over and gave me a hug and told me he thinks it is pretty cool that I blog and he can see how I'd be good at it.
So the cat is out of the bag but still hidden somewhere in the house....if you follow the metaphor :)
Marcus
Thursday, February 25, 2016
Big Night For My Son
Thursday, February 25/16
So on Tuesday I got a text message from my ex saying she was going to be in Montreal this weekend and wouldn't be at our son's last soccer game of the winter season and asked me to give him a hug before the game from her. She than sent me another text adding that she was leaving Thursday morning and had talked to him about going to my place for the night or possibly staying at her place on his own so he could take care of the dog. He opted to try staying on his own and added if anything came up he'd just call me.
This might not seem like a big deal but it's the first time he's ever stayed alone at night and I think a pretty big step for him.
I mentioned this to A at work yesterday and he laughed and said what a small world as he was heading down to the GTA with his family for his daughters high school basketball tournament and he was leaving his 15 y/o son home alone too. Of course he added it didn't hurt that both his parents and brother lived a few streets away in case he had some problems. We both agreed it was a good thing for our kids to go through and they'd come out of it with more confidence in themselves.
I've also decided to teach my son how to cook some meals as I think at almost 17 he can do with being more independent, especially if he decides to go off to university in 2017.
It got me to thinking about what was the earliest age my own parents left me home alone and I'm pretty sure it was when I turned 16 and had my drivers license. Once I hit that magical mark I was on my own a lot of the time as my folks loved to go away to Big Bear and Idylwild and rent a cottage.
A said he thought it was about the same for him and also commented that we grew up in a different time than our kids, a time when it was more socially acceptable to leave kids home alone.
I think back to when I started dating C and she would come over for the night and leave her boys home alone and how it made me feel kind of bad, like somehow I was taking something away from them, how I didn't do that for her when my son was with me, a double standard if you will.
The truth is that she knew her kids better than I did, they grew up with her or their father being away from home due to work for extended periods of time, and had grown up learning how to take care of themselves to an extent far greater than my own son. She treated her son`s as young adults whereas I tended to want to protect mine far more than was warranted. Now I'll say it`s partially due to how close I came to losing him but the truth is probably somewhere in between me worrying about him and just not understanding enough to know he needs to experience things like that as I did growing up.
So as I sat down to eat dinner earlier tonight my daughter called me and asked if she should stop by her mom`s place to check on her little brother, I told her no, that he would resent it and feel like he was being babied, that he knew enough to call one of us if he needed help. She asked how I could sound so calm and I laughed and told her I was far from calm but it was time to let him grow up and if there were growing pains we`d deal with it.
So now here I sit wondering what he is up to and hoping he had a good meal, remembers to set his alarm, and doesn't miss the bus to school tomorrow.
I did text him a little while ago and this was our exchange:
Me: Btw.....you`ll be learning to cook next week when you are at my place
Him: No thanks, I`m good
Me: Funny....not like you have a choice boy
Him: Damn.....just nothing too complicated ok
So now I've got to think of a few simple things he can make for dinner next week. Actually thinking maybe a roast on Saturday as that we can do together.
Tonight is just another step on his independence and another step away from his parents....that`s both a good thing and a sad thing, depending on your point of view.
When did you first leave your child home alone overnight?
How old were you the first time you were left home alone overnight?
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to write about being a father, friend, mastering the perfect 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe finding the One.
So on Tuesday I got a text message from my ex saying she was going to be in Montreal this weekend and wouldn't be at our son's last soccer game of the winter season and asked me to give him a hug before the game from her. She than sent me another text adding that she was leaving Thursday morning and had talked to him about going to my place for the night or possibly staying at her place on his own so he could take care of the dog. He opted to try staying on his own and added if anything came up he'd just call me.
This might not seem like a big deal but it's the first time he's ever stayed alone at night and I think a pretty big step for him.
I mentioned this to A at work yesterday and he laughed and said what a small world as he was heading down to the GTA with his family for his daughters high school basketball tournament and he was leaving his 15 y/o son home alone too. Of course he added it didn't hurt that both his parents and brother lived a few streets away in case he had some problems. We both agreed it was a good thing for our kids to go through and they'd come out of it with more confidence in themselves.
I've also decided to teach my son how to cook some meals as I think at almost 17 he can do with being more independent, especially if he decides to go off to university in 2017.
It got me to thinking about what was the earliest age my own parents left me home alone and I'm pretty sure it was when I turned 16 and had my drivers license. Once I hit that magical mark I was on my own a lot of the time as my folks loved to go away to Big Bear and Idylwild and rent a cottage.
A said he thought it was about the same for him and also commented that we grew up in a different time than our kids, a time when it was more socially acceptable to leave kids home alone.
I think back to when I started dating C and she would come over for the night and leave her boys home alone and how it made me feel kind of bad, like somehow I was taking something away from them, how I didn't do that for her when my son was with me, a double standard if you will.
The truth is that she knew her kids better than I did, they grew up with her or their father being away from home due to work for extended periods of time, and had grown up learning how to take care of themselves to an extent far greater than my own son. She treated her son`s as young adults whereas I tended to want to protect mine far more than was warranted. Now I'll say it`s partially due to how close I came to losing him but the truth is probably somewhere in between me worrying about him and just not understanding enough to know he needs to experience things like that as I did growing up.
So as I sat down to eat dinner earlier tonight my daughter called me and asked if she should stop by her mom`s place to check on her little brother, I told her no, that he would resent it and feel like he was being babied, that he knew enough to call one of us if he needed help. She asked how I could sound so calm and I laughed and told her I was far from calm but it was time to let him grow up and if there were growing pains we`d deal with it.
So now here I sit wondering what he is up to and hoping he had a good meal, remembers to set his alarm, and doesn't miss the bus to school tomorrow.
I did text him a little while ago and this was our exchange:
Me: Btw.....you`ll be learning to cook next week when you are at my place
Him: No thanks, I`m good
Me: Funny....not like you have a choice boy
Him: Damn.....just nothing too complicated ok
So now I've got to think of a few simple things he can make for dinner next week. Actually thinking maybe a roast on Saturday as that we can do together.
Tonight is just another step on his independence and another step away from his parents....that`s both a good thing and a sad thing, depending on your point of view.
When did you first leave your child home alone overnight?
How old were you the first time you were left home alone overnight?
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to write about being a father, friend, mastering the perfect 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe finding the One.
Tuesday, February 23, 2016
I Sort of Fucked Myself Over Tonight..........
Tuesday, February 23/16
Apologies for the title of today's post but sometimes you've just got to call it like it is and the hell with trying to be politically correct..........
I was looking at the blog earlier today and it dawned on me that I've now posted almost 300 entries over the last few years, some follow a theme, some are just out there in left field, but all have been from the heart and I hope that has come through in the words, those written and those words buried between the lines, yes there are words hidden in the words and not always on purpose, but through some unconscious trick as I put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard these days.
I know I've posted before about the duality of my personality, the logical me who uses his mind to see the world around himself, the romantic me who believes anything is possible when you are in love with all you're heart.
I've been doing a good job, nay a great job, suppressing my inner romantic these past few months, I mean what else could I do with the way things turned out for me after my epic and complete self destruction back in the fall. Yes, I've been totally fooling myself and tonight reality came knocking at the front door with a vengeance and bitch slapped the shit out of me.
But for this story to be complete I need to back up a bit and talk about my time at Movati after work and the simple question that sort of set me up for tonight's emotional roller coaster.
I would never have joined Movati if it hadn't been for C as she loved going there and actually offered at one point to get me a membership but I wasn't convinced it was for me or I'd use it enough to make it worthwhile. If I'd only known than how much it would change my life I'd have jumped at the offer with both feet.
I took yesterday off from the gym so made sure to bring my kit with me to work so I could hit the gym on my way home today.
Now back in the fall C bought me a 3 pack of t-shirts that bear the logo of her organization and though I've put some things away to avoid being reminded of her these are still in use as I'm proud of that organization and even more proud of her role within it. So under my hoodie I was wearing the grey t-shirt from that pack and as I was changing into my workout gear I noticed a guy looking at the logo and I just smiled as I headed out to begin my workout.
As I was doing some leg presses the same guy came up and told me he liked the shirt and wondered where he could get one for himself. I half laughed as I told him the only way I knew of was to either be a member of the organization or get one as a gift from someone who is a member. He asked if I was a member and I smiled and shook my head in the negative as I told him mine came as a gift from my ex girlfriend who is a member. I think the answer caught him off guard and he didn't know what to say other than sorry and walked off to do his own thing.
My mind wasn't really on my workout but I powered through and did another 40 mins of cardio before heading home for some dinner with Moki.
Dinner was some simple pasta with a side salad and a glass of Pinot Grigio.
After dinner I went downstairs to watch some Netflix and that is when things started to take a turn for the worse as I was already in a mood thinking about C.
As I scanned the recent additions I came across a remake of the movie "About Last Night" with Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy, Regina Hall , and Joy Bryant. The original had Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, James Belushi, and Elizabeth Perkins. I like the remake over the original as I think the music that plays throughout the movie is much better and the chemistry between the actors more honest with Hart & Ealy.
Now as you can tell this one is a romantic comedy which if you've read any of the older posts to this blog will know is to me what kryptonite is to Superman. Logical me was screaming to choose anything but this movie while romantic me was laughing manically as he knew what was coming and the consequences be damned.
So I curled up on the coach with Moki and spent the next two hours being reminded of what love can do to you when you let it, that sometimes you fuck things up, and every now and than you get a second chance to make things right and maybe, just maybe recover enough to find that love once again.
Unlike Michael Ealy in the movie, I won't be experiencing any such romantic recovery and that completely sucks and not in the fun way. No, I just get the reminders that we don't all get the Hollywood ending we see in the movies.
The movie made me sad, hell it made it me cry, and though there are some who will read that and mock me for confessing to such an emotion I don't give a damn as I had my one and now I don't, and trust me that loss is the deepest one I've ever felt in my life.
To make things worse the closing song is "This Time' by John Legend and the words ring so true each time I hear it.
I knew coming home it was going to be rough tonight but I just compounded it by watching that movie and listening to the one song.........romantic me is all glee as he's pummeled logical me into submission, at least for this night
Being single wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know what real love offers.
I'm single
I wish I wasn't
I'm in love
It is an unrequited love
I'm a hopeless romantic
I feel helpless
I don't think I'd have it any other way else I wouldn't be true to myself and my feelings and in the end isn't that all we really have.......truth in ourselves and the ability to feel
Marcus
Oh, I almost forgot......today's suggested song is.......you guessed it....."This Time" by John Legend
Apologies for the title of today's post but sometimes you've just got to call it like it is and the hell with trying to be politically correct..........
I was looking at the blog earlier today and it dawned on me that I've now posted almost 300 entries over the last few years, some follow a theme, some are just out there in left field, but all have been from the heart and I hope that has come through in the words, those written and those words buried between the lines, yes there are words hidden in the words and not always on purpose, but through some unconscious trick as I put pen to paper, or fingers to keyboard these days.
I know I've posted before about the duality of my personality, the logical me who uses his mind to see the world around himself, the romantic me who believes anything is possible when you are in love with all you're heart.
I've been doing a good job, nay a great job, suppressing my inner romantic these past few months, I mean what else could I do with the way things turned out for me after my epic and complete self destruction back in the fall. Yes, I've been totally fooling myself and tonight reality came knocking at the front door with a vengeance and bitch slapped the shit out of me.
But for this story to be complete I need to back up a bit and talk about my time at Movati after work and the simple question that sort of set me up for tonight's emotional roller coaster.
I would never have joined Movati if it hadn't been for C as she loved going there and actually offered at one point to get me a membership but I wasn't convinced it was for me or I'd use it enough to make it worthwhile. If I'd only known than how much it would change my life I'd have jumped at the offer with both feet.
I took yesterday off from the gym so made sure to bring my kit with me to work so I could hit the gym on my way home today.
Now back in the fall C bought me a 3 pack of t-shirts that bear the logo of her organization and though I've put some things away to avoid being reminded of her these are still in use as I'm proud of that organization and even more proud of her role within it. So under my hoodie I was wearing the grey t-shirt from that pack and as I was changing into my workout gear I noticed a guy looking at the logo and I just smiled as I headed out to begin my workout.
As I was doing some leg presses the same guy came up and told me he liked the shirt and wondered where he could get one for himself. I half laughed as I told him the only way I knew of was to either be a member of the organization or get one as a gift from someone who is a member. He asked if I was a member and I smiled and shook my head in the negative as I told him mine came as a gift from my ex girlfriend who is a member. I think the answer caught him off guard and he didn't know what to say other than sorry and walked off to do his own thing.
My mind wasn't really on my workout but I powered through and did another 40 mins of cardio before heading home for some dinner with Moki.
Dinner was some simple pasta with a side salad and a glass of Pinot Grigio.
After dinner I went downstairs to watch some Netflix and that is when things started to take a turn for the worse as I was already in a mood thinking about C.
As I scanned the recent additions I came across a remake of the movie "About Last Night" with Kevin Hart, Michael Ealy, Regina Hall , and Joy Bryant. The original had Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, James Belushi, and Elizabeth Perkins. I like the remake over the original as I think the music that plays throughout the movie is much better and the chemistry between the actors more honest with Hart & Ealy.
Now as you can tell this one is a romantic comedy which if you've read any of the older posts to this blog will know is to me what kryptonite is to Superman. Logical me was screaming to choose anything but this movie while romantic me was laughing manically as he knew what was coming and the consequences be damned.
So I curled up on the coach with Moki and spent the next two hours being reminded of what love can do to you when you let it, that sometimes you fuck things up, and every now and than you get a second chance to make things right and maybe, just maybe recover enough to find that love once again.
Unlike Michael Ealy in the movie, I won't be experiencing any such romantic recovery and that completely sucks and not in the fun way. No, I just get the reminders that we don't all get the Hollywood ending we see in the movies.
The movie made me sad, hell it made it me cry, and though there are some who will read that and mock me for confessing to such an emotion I don't give a damn as I had my one and now I don't, and trust me that loss is the deepest one I've ever felt in my life.
To make things worse the closing song is "This Time' by John Legend and the words ring so true each time I hear it.
I knew coming home it was going to be rough tonight but I just compounded it by watching that movie and listening to the one song.........romantic me is all glee as he's pummeled logical me into submission, at least for this night
Being single wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know what real love offers.
I'm single
I wish I wasn't
I'm in love
It is an unrequited love
I'm a hopeless romantic
I feel helpless
I don't think I'd have it any other way else I wouldn't be true to myself and my feelings and in the end isn't that all we really have.......truth in ourselves and the ability to feel
Marcus
Oh, I almost forgot......today's suggested song is.......you guessed it....."This Time" by John Legend
Sunday, February 21, 2016
My Sunday Workout With Some Chance Encounters
Sunday. February 21/16
So as I mentioned in my Lazy Sunday post I went to the gym this afternoon for a workout and had some chance encounters that had me both shaking my head and smiling.
First off I ran into Connor who was there doing his own workout. I was doing some leg presses when he walked up and asked how things were going. I told him I'd done almost another half hour of weights after our session ended yesterday but noticed my left rotator cuff was sore again when I used this one machine, he suggested another that wouldn't cause as much strain and would work my pectoral muscles in a way the other one didn't.
As I was setting up the abdominal machine one of my son's former hockey coaches walked by so we chatted a bit about what my son is doing and I asked him if I could get my son to email him for some advice as he is a lawyer and my son is interested in sports management with an emphasis on becoming a sports agent. R said he would be more than happy to help and told me to have my son call him on Tuesday afternoon as he was going to be down in Toronto on Monday.
Next up was the lat machine and as I was just at the apex of the pull I heard a multitude of female voices from behind me say "C'mon coach you can do it" only to look around and see 4 players from last seasons winter team working out. As I finished up my set they came over and asked me if was going to coach again next fall and I said I was thinking about it. You'd think from the smiles that caused that I'd just promised each of them a new car. What was even funnier was the looks I got from some of the young guys working out who I guess had tried flirting with the ladies but had gotten nowhere with them lol
As I was walking over to the cardio section I ran into another former hockey coach and we also chatted for a bit about this and that. I found it rewarding to hear the nice things both of the coaches had to say about how much they each enjoyed coaching my son, how receptive he was to learning, and how he showed them respect by listening and never goofing off in practices.
I ended my session with a good 30 minutes on the treadmill that left me feeling tired but happy.
The final chance encounter came when I was leaving the gym and walked out with my neighbour who asked me with a mischievous smile if I liked the view today. I told her I didn't understand and she smile and said she was in the yoga room while I was on the lat machine and she thought I'd seen her in there. I laughed and said I never even noticed as I was focusing hard on making 10 reps on that torture device. She laughed and said it looked like I was kind of concentrating and it was refreshing as there have been times when guys have just stared at the women in the class from the top of the pull. I smiled and said I wasn't there to meet anyone but to get rid of my pear shape and play better golf. As we started to head to our cars she smiled and said "So far so good". Pretty sure that had me blushing but luckily nobody was around to notice.
My daughter sent me a text with her game times for tomorrow and I'm thinking I'll be hitting the gym on the way home from work so I can make her games and still get my workout in, aka my natural high :)
I'm getting ready to head down to the man cave and set the PVR to record The Walking Dead as I'm feeling a little tired and think an early night might be just what I need to help recover from 4 straight days in the gym.
Don't worry, I haven't forgotten that movie blog I promised but you'll just have to be patient and wait another day, hopefully it's worth the wait.
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures at being the best father possible, a good friend, hitting the perfect 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe experiencing my last first kiss.
So as I mentioned in my Lazy Sunday post I went to the gym this afternoon for a workout and had some chance encounters that had me both shaking my head and smiling.
First off I ran into Connor who was there doing his own workout. I was doing some leg presses when he walked up and asked how things were going. I told him I'd done almost another half hour of weights after our session ended yesterday but noticed my left rotator cuff was sore again when I used this one machine, he suggested another that wouldn't cause as much strain and would work my pectoral muscles in a way the other one didn't.
As I was setting up the abdominal machine one of my son's former hockey coaches walked by so we chatted a bit about what my son is doing and I asked him if I could get my son to email him for some advice as he is a lawyer and my son is interested in sports management with an emphasis on becoming a sports agent. R said he would be more than happy to help and told me to have my son call him on Tuesday afternoon as he was going to be down in Toronto on Monday.
Next up was the lat machine and as I was just at the apex of the pull I heard a multitude of female voices from behind me say "C'mon coach you can do it" only to look around and see 4 players from last seasons winter team working out. As I finished up my set they came over and asked me if was going to coach again next fall and I said I was thinking about it. You'd think from the smiles that caused that I'd just promised each of them a new car. What was even funnier was the looks I got from some of the young guys working out who I guess had tried flirting with the ladies but had gotten nowhere with them lol
As I was walking over to the cardio section I ran into another former hockey coach and we also chatted for a bit about this and that. I found it rewarding to hear the nice things both of the coaches had to say about how much they each enjoyed coaching my son, how receptive he was to learning, and how he showed them respect by listening and never goofing off in practices.
I ended my session with a good 30 minutes on the treadmill that left me feeling tired but happy.
The final chance encounter came when I was leaving the gym and walked out with my neighbour who asked me with a mischievous smile if I liked the view today. I told her I didn't understand and she smile and said she was in the yoga room while I was on the lat machine and she thought I'd seen her in there. I laughed and said I never even noticed as I was focusing hard on making 10 reps on that torture device. She laughed and said it looked like I was kind of concentrating and it was refreshing as there have been times when guys have just stared at the women in the class from the top of the pull. I smiled and said I wasn't there to meet anyone but to get rid of my pear shape and play better golf. As we started to head to our cars she smiled and said "So far so good". Pretty sure that had me blushing but luckily nobody was around to notice.
My daughter sent me a text with her game times for tomorrow and I'm thinking I'll be hitting the gym on the way home from work so I can make her games and still get my workout in, aka my natural high :)
I'm getting ready to head down to the man cave and set the PVR to record The Walking Dead as I'm feeling a little tired and think an early night might be just what I need to help recover from 4 straight days in the gym.
Don't worry, I haven't forgotten that movie blog I promised but you'll just have to be patient and wait another day, hopefully it's worth the wait.
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures at being the best father possible, a good friend, hitting the perfect 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe experiencing my last first kiss.
Sunday is My Lazy Day
Sunday, February 21/16
Gravity by Sara Bareilles, give it a listen and tell me you don't find her voice to be captivating.
Stayed up to watch some SNL and have to say it was a tad bit disappointing, but then I think the show began a slow slide to mediocrity a little while back when certain performers started to leave for better opportunities. I know this is the natural course of things and has happened before only to see the show bounce back but for some reason this cycle is a bit more painful to endure.
Woke up bright and early to some warm weather and one happy puppy anxiously waiting to go for a walk. An hour later and one dried out puppy I hit the kitchen to make some bacon and eggs, not my usual breakfast fare when I'm alone but for some reason the thought just appealed to me so I went at it a gusto. I used to hate cooking bacon until C showed me the trick of placing tin foil on a cookie sheet and then cooking the bacon in the oven, completely eliminates the whole getting spattered with grease and having to figure out when it's done. She might be gone but I still appreciate the little tricks she passed along to me for cooking.
Now I'm not a big fan of changing things up when I cook but for some reason today was mix it up and I diced an onion and added it to my eggs along with a dash of pepper. Now that might not seem like a big deal but if you really knew me you'd be looking skyward for the flying swine as I never do things like that, but you know what, it was pretty darn good. There is something to be said for breaking routine now and than.
I've got my gym bag ready and will be heading over to Movati in a bit to continue my plan of reducing my pear shaped body and increasing my endurance - my goal is to be able to play 36 holes of golf in a day and not be completely physically exhausted. For those of you who have read the blog for a bit you'll have already figured out that this really means I want to be able to play two rounds of 18 each day of the weekend. Yes, I admit I am a bit of a glutton when it comes to my golf and make no excuses or apologies for it, when you love doing something why forgo it?
Now that doesn't mean I'm not open to trying new things. Nope, not at all as I was hoping to try snowshoeing and cross country skiing this winter but that didn't work out as planned.
I will be trying Stand Up Paddle Boarding this summer as I really enjoyed the one time I did it last summer up in Petawawa. It was a really hot day and the whole effort was really a good workout, the best part being if you get too hot you just take a quick dip in the river to cool off :)
After the gym I'm probably going to go see a movie, not sure which one yet, and grab a few things at Loblaws before heading home for the day. Laundry was done last night so that means I'll grab a book and read a bit before indulging in my Sunday AMC favourite "The Walking Dead".
So what is on your plate for the day?
I still owe you a blog about the conversation I had while waiting in line at the concession stand at the movies a while back and might even post it tonight. Might make you smile, it did me.
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures at trying to be the best father possible, a good friend, hard worker, master the 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe meeting my one.
Gravity by Sara Bareilles, give it a listen and tell me you don't find her voice to be captivating.
Stayed up to watch some SNL and have to say it was a tad bit disappointing, but then I think the show began a slow slide to mediocrity a little while back when certain performers started to leave for better opportunities. I know this is the natural course of things and has happened before only to see the show bounce back but for some reason this cycle is a bit more painful to endure.
Woke up bright and early to some warm weather and one happy puppy anxiously waiting to go for a walk. An hour later and one dried out puppy I hit the kitchen to make some bacon and eggs, not my usual breakfast fare when I'm alone but for some reason the thought just appealed to me so I went at it a gusto. I used to hate cooking bacon until C showed me the trick of placing tin foil on a cookie sheet and then cooking the bacon in the oven, completely eliminates the whole getting spattered with grease and having to figure out when it's done. She might be gone but I still appreciate the little tricks she passed along to me for cooking.
Now I'm not a big fan of changing things up when I cook but for some reason today was mix it up and I diced an onion and added it to my eggs along with a dash of pepper. Now that might not seem like a big deal but if you really knew me you'd be looking skyward for the flying swine as I never do things like that, but you know what, it was pretty darn good. There is something to be said for breaking routine now and than.
I've got my gym bag ready and will be heading over to Movati in a bit to continue my plan of reducing my pear shaped body and increasing my endurance - my goal is to be able to play 36 holes of golf in a day and not be completely physically exhausted. For those of you who have read the blog for a bit you'll have already figured out that this really means I want to be able to play two rounds of 18 each day of the weekend. Yes, I admit I am a bit of a glutton when it comes to my golf and make no excuses or apologies for it, when you love doing something why forgo it?
Now that doesn't mean I'm not open to trying new things. Nope, not at all as I was hoping to try snowshoeing and cross country skiing this winter but that didn't work out as planned.
I will be trying Stand Up Paddle Boarding this summer as I really enjoyed the one time I did it last summer up in Petawawa. It was a really hot day and the whole effort was really a good workout, the best part being if you get too hot you just take a quick dip in the river to cool off :)
After the gym I'm probably going to go see a movie, not sure which one yet, and grab a few things at Loblaws before heading home for the day. Laundry was done last night so that means I'll grab a book and read a bit before indulging in my Sunday AMC favourite "The Walking Dead".
So what is on your plate for the day?
I still owe you a blog about the conversation I had while waiting in line at the concession stand at the movies a while back and might even post it tonight. Might make you smile, it did me.
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures at trying to be the best father possible, a good friend, hard worker, master the 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe meeting my one.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
Workout Update
Saturday, February 20/16
My musical recommendation is Call Me in the Afternoon by Half Moon Run
So I noticed that I haven't posted in almost a week and thought I'd do some catching up with things that have been going on in my life, probably spread over a couple of posts so as to keep the size down a bit.
About a year and half ago I was starting to deal with some serious high blood pressure issues, think along the lines of my doctor taking a reading and telling me she thinks I might need to stop working for a bit while we work on getting it down.
Through some medication, change in my diet, and now the introduction of regular exercise we've been able to get it down to levels that don't put me at risk of a stroke, least that was my thought until about 2 weeks ago when I started having some issues feeling light headed when doing my workouts, so much so that I stopped working out except for my sessions with Connor pending my scheduled doctors appointment for this past Wednesday.
I was pretty nervous, no really more like scared to death but since that is a really poor analogy given it's real possibility lets just stick with nervous, about the appointment as I've been using a home monitor to take readings and they were coming in so high that I wasn't sure that to even mention them lest she put me in a hospital to deal with them. I bought the monitor last summer when I was up in the valley seeing C but hadn't put it to much use until about 3 weeks ago.
I checked in for my appointment and was shown back to the examining room to await the doctor, this was a bit surprising as in past visits they've always taken my blood pressure and I mentioned it in passing to the nurse and she replied that the doctor wanted to do it herself.
I wasn't in the room more than a minute when there came a knock on the door and she entered to begin the exam. Right off the bat she asked if I'd been staying current with my meds, were there any side effects she needed to know about, and did I have the readings from my self monitoring. I told her I'd been doing well with the meds, didn't feel any ill effects, and did have my recent readings and that they were high. She went over them and then took my blood pressure reading herself, much to my surprise it came in at 136/90, she took another and it came back with the same reading, and then she took one more reading after a moment and it came back at 138/82. We went over how I've been doing the readings and it looks like I've been doing them wrong and freaking myself out for no reason with the high readings I was coming back with. We discussed the light headed feelings I'd been getting when working out and think it might be related to moving to quickly from low to high positions and that slowing things down may alleviate them as I continue to drop weight.
So things are looking good and I decided to celebrate by hitting the gym Thursday after work.
Amazing how much one's body can hurt when you resume working out after two weeks but trust me it can hurt a lot, my own body let me know just how much so on Friday morning when I tried to get up and realized my legs felt like rubber. Not to be discouraged by any of this I made a point of hitting the gym again last night and got a really good workout in, maybe too much as I was feeling it still this morning when I had to get up to go and watch my son's 2nd round playoff game, which they lost in a shoot out 3-2 but man did that boy play one hell of a game. Defence isn't his natural position but he has the ability to shut down the other teams best striker and totally disrupt their game, which he did once again this morning.
I had a noon session with Connor and we reviewed the results of my doctors visit before we started off on our routine. We did a combination of routines in the fitness room before heading out to the floor and doing some arm row presses, leg press, and abdominal stretches. I'd say we got in a good 45 minute workout and the best part was I didn't experience any light headiness and he commented that I was barely breaking a sweat where in the beginning I was used to be dying after the 2nd set. As the session came to a close he told me to do another cycle of the stuff we'd just done before doing my cool down cardio on the treadmill. All in all I was working out from noon to almost 1:30pm and have to say it felt great.
Of course now it's 9:22pm and I'm feeling the aches and pains a bit more and have had to take a Motrin to help with them. Of course that doesn't mean I won't be back at the gym tomorrow right back at it as I've got more work to do till golf season starts :)
I missed working out and am really glad to be able to resume them without worrying about any negative effects. I totally get now what C meant when she'd come home from her own sessions and wished I'd started sooner. But as the saying goes....better late than never
So in one area of my life I'm back on track and now I just need to do the same in other areas, stop being scared to take a chance, I mean what is the worst that can happen...........
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to document co-parenting with my ex, working in high tech, trying to a perfect 8 iron from 135 yards, starting to dating, and maybe meeting the one along the way.
My musical recommendation is Call Me in the Afternoon by Half Moon Run
So I noticed that I haven't posted in almost a week and thought I'd do some catching up with things that have been going on in my life, probably spread over a couple of posts so as to keep the size down a bit.
About a year and half ago I was starting to deal with some serious high blood pressure issues, think along the lines of my doctor taking a reading and telling me she thinks I might need to stop working for a bit while we work on getting it down.
Through some medication, change in my diet, and now the introduction of regular exercise we've been able to get it down to levels that don't put me at risk of a stroke, least that was my thought until about 2 weeks ago when I started having some issues feeling light headed when doing my workouts, so much so that I stopped working out except for my sessions with Connor pending my scheduled doctors appointment for this past Wednesday.
I was pretty nervous, no really more like scared to death but since that is a really poor analogy given it's real possibility lets just stick with nervous, about the appointment as I've been using a home monitor to take readings and they were coming in so high that I wasn't sure that to even mention them lest she put me in a hospital to deal with them. I bought the monitor last summer when I was up in the valley seeing C but hadn't put it to much use until about 3 weeks ago.
I checked in for my appointment and was shown back to the examining room to await the doctor, this was a bit surprising as in past visits they've always taken my blood pressure and I mentioned it in passing to the nurse and she replied that the doctor wanted to do it herself.
I wasn't in the room more than a minute when there came a knock on the door and she entered to begin the exam. Right off the bat she asked if I'd been staying current with my meds, were there any side effects she needed to know about, and did I have the readings from my self monitoring. I told her I'd been doing well with the meds, didn't feel any ill effects, and did have my recent readings and that they were high. She went over them and then took my blood pressure reading herself, much to my surprise it came in at 136/90, she took another and it came back with the same reading, and then she took one more reading after a moment and it came back at 138/82. We went over how I've been doing the readings and it looks like I've been doing them wrong and freaking myself out for no reason with the high readings I was coming back with. We discussed the light headed feelings I'd been getting when working out and think it might be related to moving to quickly from low to high positions and that slowing things down may alleviate them as I continue to drop weight.
So things are looking good and I decided to celebrate by hitting the gym Thursday after work.
Amazing how much one's body can hurt when you resume working out after two weeks but trust me it can hurt a lot, my own body let me know just how much so on Friday morning when I tried to get up and realized my legs felt like rubber. Not to be discouraged by any of this I made a point of hitting the gym again last night and got a really good workout in, maybe too much as I was feeling it still this morning when I had to get up to go and watch my son's 2nd round playoff game, which they lost in a shoot out 3-2 but man did that boy play one hell of a game. Defence isn't his natural position but he has the ability to shut down the other teams best striker and totally disrupt their game, which he did once again this morning.
I had a noon session with Connor and we reviewed the results of my doctors visit before we started off on our routine. We did a combination of routines in the fitness room before heading out to the floor and doing some arm row presses, leg press, and abdominal stretches. I'd say we got in a good 45 minute workout and the best part was I didn't experience any light headiness and he commented that I was barely breaking a sweat where in the beginning I was used to be dying after the 2nd set. As the session came to a close he told me to do another cycle of the stuff we'd just done before doing my cool down cardio on the treadmill. All in all I was working out from noon to almost 1:30pm and have to say it felt great.
Of course now it's 9:22pm and I'm feeling the aches and pains a bit more and have had to take a Motrin to help with them. Of course that doesn't mean I won't be back at the gym tomorrow right back at it as I've got more work to do till golf season starts :)
I missed working out and am really glad to be able to resume them without worrying about any negative effects. I totally get now what C meant when she'd come home from her own sessions and wished I'd started sooner. But as the saying goes....better late than never
So in one area of my life I'm back on track and now I just need to do the same in other areas, stop being scared to take a chance, I mean what is the worst that can happen...........
My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to document co-parenting with my ex, working in high tech, trying to a perfect 8 iron from 135 yards, starting to dating, and maybe meeting the one along the way.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Valentine's Day II
Monday, February 15/16
I have to say that my Monday morning has been pretty damn good so far and I have a couple of things to thank for that.
First, it's Family Day here in Ontario which means a day off so I got to sleep in this morning :-)
Second, I didn't end up having to watch my daughter and her BF's dogs overnight so that meant I didn't have to venture out into the cold or deal with Tyson the French bulldogs morning emissions.
Third, I've now learned why C dumped me and owe it all to the blog followers.
One and two are gimmies so lets look at that last one.
It appears that my take on Valentine's Day makes me unworthy of being loved by anyone and in particular someone as awesome as C, least according to one nice follower from Germany. I find this one funny as lets face it, the Germans aren't exactly known for being a romantic people, I think the words one hears the most about them is cold, calculating, and machine like. Not my words as I've got German in me so don't dump on me for that one folks.
Another follower said if I'm too cheap to buy flowers and candy I'll never find love and should stop searching for the one as it is a futile waste of time.
I'm guessing that they didn't actually read the full blog but rather based the messages on the opening couple of sentences and that's ok if they want to be only half informed.
Let me reiterate.....I believe in romance with all my heart.......I rejoice in showing my partner how much she means to me by doing the little things on a daily basis........texts out of the blue......a kiss on the back of her neck.........actually telling her how lucky I think I am to be with her.........
I think those things should mean more than the flowers the world expects you to purchase on one designated day of the year..........the mere fact that he is being told he has to tell you or show you with gifts how much you mean to him should make those words or actions feel hollow and forced
I'll be the first to admit that there are times I could have done more but that doesn't mean I never did anything and I'll match my own actions up against most other men and feel confident that my partner would say I did a pretty damn good job of letting her know how I felt about her.
So even though I hate the whole notion of one day per year where everyone compares what their partner did for them against what their friends partners did, it doesn't mean I won't wish my partner a Happy Valentine's Day.......it just means I won't be buying into Hallmarks propaganda efforts
Marcus
I have to say that my Monday morning has been pretty damn good so far and I have a couple of things to thank for that.
First, it's Family Day here in Ontario which means a day off so I got to sleep in this morning :-)
Second, I didn't end up having to watch my daughter and her BF's dogs overnight so that meant I didn't have to venture out into the cold or deal with Tyson the French bulldogs morning emissions.
Third, I've now learned why C dumped me and owe it all to the blog followers.
One and two are gimmies so lets look at that last one.
It appears that my take on Valentine's Day makes me unworthy of being loved by anyone and in particular someone as awesome as C, least according to one nice follower from Germany. I find this one funny as lets face it, the Germans aren't exactly known for being a romantic people, I think the words one hears the most about them is cold, calculating, and machine like. Not my words as I've got German in me so don't dump on me for that one folks.
Another follower said if I'm too cheap to buy flowers and candy I'll never find love and should stop searching for the one as it is a futile waste of time.
I'm guessing that they didn't actually read the full blog but rather based the messages on the opening couple of sentences and that's ok if they want to be only half informed.
Let me reiterate.....I believe in romance with all my heart.......I rejoice in showing my partner how much she means to me by doing the little things on a daily basis........texts out of the blue......a kiss on the back of her neck.........actually telling her how lucky I think I am to be with her.........
I think those things should mean more than the flowers the world expects you to purchase on one designated day of the year..........the mere fact that he is being told he has to tell you or show you with gifts how much you mean to him should make those words or actions feel hollow and forced
I'll be the first to admit that there are times I could have done more but that doesn't mean I never did anything and I'll match my own actions up against most other men and feel confident that my partner would say I did a pretty damn good job of letting her know how I felt about her.
So even though I hate the whole notion of one day per year where everyone compares what their partner did for them against what their friends partners did, it doesn't mean I won't wish my partner a Happy Valentine's Day.......it just means I won't be buying into Hallmarks propaganda efforts
Marcus
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Valentine's Day
Sunday, February 14/16
I debated writing an entry today given the day.
No, not because I'm single and bitter about it.
No, because I find a mandated day to celebrate the love you have for your partner to be a bit extreme in my mind. Why can't you do that every day? What is to keep you from telling them how much they mean to you at any time?
I know it can be done as I've done it before. Truth be told I hope to do it again someday in the future.
It really is the one day that was created for commercial reasons and the sad fact is that it creates a lot of pressure on people to do "the right thing" when they shouldn't be made to feel obligated into doing anything.
One side expects flowers, candy, gifts, dinner, and the other side expects to see lingerie and have sex. The other name for the day is National Sex Day.......go figure
It's kind of funny that as a society we accept this behavior being forced on us where in any other time if we saw something being done like this we'd be up in arms, raising holy hell, and questioning it
Why is it acceptable?
It normally doesn't bother me enough to comment on but now my 16 y/o son has been caught up in the madness and I think that is pretty bad and sets up unrealistic expectations going forward.
Whenever I am fortunate enough to be with someone I'll just treat every day as an opportunity to let her know how much she means to me, how lucky I consider myself for being with her, and keep it low key with a home cooked meal, some wine, and a movie of her choice as we snuggle.
Now I'm sure after reading that there are more than a few of you thinking to yourself "You poor misguided fool" and making bets that I'll only have the one Valentine's Day with her if that is my approach. If that is the case than so be it as it will mean she places more value on me conforming to one day of expressing my love for her than a years worth of actions that show her how I feel.
I'm hoping I'm lucky enough to be with a woman who doesn't just accept the short term one day event over a lifetime of love.
I do wish all of you a Happy Valentine's Day and hope it was as special as you wanted it to be.
Marcus
I debated writing an entry today given the day.
No, not because I'm single and bitter about it.
No, because I find a mandated day to celebrate the love you have for your partner to be a bit extreme in my mind. Why can't you do that every day? What is to keep you from telling them how much they mean to you at any time?
I know it can be done as I've done it before. Truth be told I hope to do it again someday in the future.
It really is the one day that was created for commercial reasons and the sad fact is that it creates a lot of pressure on people to do "the right thing" when they shouldn't be made to feel obligated into doing anything.
One side expects flowers, candy, gifts, dinner, and the other side expects to see lingerie and have sex. The other name for the day is National Sex Day.......go figure
It's kind of funny that as a society we accept this behavior being forced on us where in any other time if we saw something being done like this we'd be up in arms, raising holy hell, and questioning it
Why is it acceptable?
It normally doesn't bother me enough to comment on but now my 16 y/o son has been caught up in the madness and I think that is pretty bad and sets up unrealistic expectations going forward.
Whenever I am fortunate enough to be with someone I'll just treat every day as an opportunity to let her know how much she means to me, how lucky I consider myself for being with her, and keep it low key with a home cooked meal, some wine, and a movie of her choice as we snuggle.
Now I'm sure after reading that there are more than a few of you thinking to yourself "You poor misguided fool" and making bets that I'll only have the one Valentine's Day with her if that is my approach. If that is the case than so be it as it will mean she places more value on me conforming to one day of expressing my love for her than a years worth of actions that show her how I feel.
I'm hoping I'm lucky enough to be with a woman who doesn't just accept the short term one day event over a lifetime of love.
I do wish all of you a Happy Valentine's Day and hope it was as special as you wanted it to be.
Marcus
Saturday, February 13, 2016
The Frozen Apocolypse that is Saturday
Saturday, February 13/16
So here we are with a long weekend and Mother Nature has decided once more to rear her ugly head and remind everyone what a fickle bitch she can be by bringing down a frozen apocalypse on our collective asses!
So it's my dad weekend which means I had the pleasure of taking my son to his 7am soccer game this morning which isn't usually an issue except this morning where I thought I was going to lose toes and fingers watching the game as the dome was so damn cold that not even burning the fan bench as an option......why wasn't it an option you ask, well mostly because it was frozen solid and even if I could have lit the damn thing for some warmth it still wasn't going to happen as I had no feeling in my fingers!!!! And before you ask, yes I was wearing gloves but obviously I missed the memo saying you needed clothes designed for arctic winter conditions, sweet dill pickles in a Tabasco sauce but it was cold this morning.
It is days like this that make me question my sanity for ever having moved from sunny Southern California to this western version of Siberia.
But than I watch my son play a game he loves with so much passion, see him move the ball from the back line and find an open striker, make a sweeping cross on the fly to a streaking teammate for a volley shot on net and I'm given all the reminders I need of why making that move was the best thing to ever happen to me.
So now the rest of my Saturday will be spent trying to regain feeling in my extremities before I have to venture back out for my noon training session with Connor and groceries once that cycle of torture has been completed.
I'm seeing an afternoon of Netflix in my future and Sunday is followed up with some more soccer for the lad with his training and than it sounds like I'll be chauffeuring and him and the girlfriend down to the Byward Market later in the afternoon for some Valentines Day fun.
My Valentines will probably be some popcorn and "Love Actually" Yes, possibly not the best choice for a die hard romantic like myself but I do love the movie and while it is Hollywood at it's worst in offering up false hope for all of us lonely singles, its still damn good movie and I love the music that is played throughout the movie. Really, does anyone pull it off better than Hugh Grant dancing around 10 Downing Street after letting the US president have it with both barrels? I think not :)
Marcus
So here we are with a long weekend and Mother Nature has decided once more to rear her ugly head and remind everyone what a fickle bitch she can be by bringing down a frozen apocalypse on our collective asses!
So it's my dad weekend which means I had the pleasure of taking my son to his 7am soccer game this morning which isn't usually an issue except this morning where I thought I was going to lose toes and fingers watching the game as the dome was so damn cold that not even burning the fan bench as an option......why wasn't it an option you ask, well mostly because it was frozen solid and even if I could have lit the damn thing for some warmth it still wasn't going to happen as I had no feeling in my fingers!!!! And before you ask, yes I was wearing gloves but obviously I missed the memo saying you needed clothes designed for arctic winter conditions, sweet dill pickles in a Tabasco sauce but it was cold this morning.
It is days like this that make me question my sanity for ever having moved from sunny Southern California to this western version of Siberia.
But than I watch my son play a game he loves with so much passion, see him move the ball from the back line and find an open striker, make a sweeping cross on the fly to a streaking teammate for a volley shot on net and I'm given all the reminders I need of why making that move was the best thing to ever happen to me.
So now the rest of my Saturday will be spent trying to regain feeling in my extremities before I have to venture back out for my noon training session with Connor and groceries once that cycle of torture has been completed.
I'm seeing an afternoon of Netflix in my future and Sunday is followed up with some more soccer for the lad with his training and than it sounds like I'll be chauffeuring and him and the girlfriend down to the Byward Market later in the afternoon for some Valentines Day fun.
My Valentines will probably be some popcorn and "Love Actually" Yes, possibly not the best choice for a die hard romantic like myself but I do love the movie and while it is Hollywood at it's worst in offering up false hope for all of us lonely singles, its still damn good movie and I love the music that is played throughout the movie. Really, does anyone pull it off better than Hugh Grant dancing around 10 Downing Street after letting the US president have it with both barrels? I think not :)
Marcus
Thursday, February 11, 2016
A Couple of Thoughts....
Thursday, February 11/16
So I've been a bit inconsistent with making entries to this little experiment I call "Observations of a Single Man" or my life blog and thought maybe I should shed some light on things.
The dearth of posts isn't because I'm depressed and curled up in the fetal position, it's not because I've suddenly developed a drinking problem and can't navigate the keyboard, it's not because I've met someone and am spending all my free time chasing her around, and it's not because I don't have anything to say as trust me, I have a lot to say.
No, it's mostly because for a while there it felt like I was either trapped in a loop where every entry was about how much I missed C and my stupidity for losing her or I was sort of posting about anything and everything. Neither of these are good and hence the reason I've sort of stepped back to reflect on my objectives.
When I started this process it was to share my attempts at being a single parent - the single most terrifying thing you can do and yet at the same time you are stressing out on whether you're doing a good job at it, flooded with anxiety, you can be shown how amazing you've done while watching your child hold open a door for someone or return the shopping cart for them in the parking lot at Loblaw's. I wanted to document being a parent, working, making new friends, venturing out into the dating world, and possibly meeting who I like to call the One.
I've had some pretty good posts and some I'd like to delete as I think they were sort of puff pieces but I don't do that as one persons puff is another persons Pulitzer. Not that I will ever confuse this blog with Pulitzer winning material. I might have a decent size ego but even I draw the line at certain things folks.
So while the posts have slowed down they aren't coming to an end. My hope is to put more thought into what I do post and less into the amount of posts I put up on the blog site. The old saying "Quality beats quantity every time" will be the new mission statement of this blog.
So please feel free to continue following the blog if it makes you smile, laugh, cry, or even ask yourself a question or two in response to one of the posts. If you chose to stop reading the blog than I won't say it's your loss as maybe it isn't a loss, maybe that few moments spent reading it can be better spent with your children going over homework, spent with your partner talking about things, or even spent with your pet basking in it's love for you. Here is a secret, I was doing that earlier tonight while catching up on some Walking Dead episodes with Moki. It always amazes me how that puppy can read my mood and know when it's the right time to play or snuggle.
Hope this serves to calm some nerves and rest assured folks, when I do decide to end the blog I'll give you fair warning and not just cut you off cold turkey - that's just wrong and this man doesn't play that way :)
Marcus
So I've been a bit inconsistent with making entries to this little experiment I call "Observations of a Single Man" or my life blog and thought maybe I should shed some light on things.
The dearth of posts isn't because I'm depressed and curled up in the fetal position, it's not because I've suddenly developed a drinking problem and can't navigate the keyboard, it's not because I've met someone and am spending all my free time chasing her around, and it's not because I don't have anything to say as trust me, I have a lot to say.
No, it's mostly because for a while there it felt like I was either trapped in a loop where every entry was about how much I missed C and my stupidity for losing her or I was sort of posting about anything and everything. Neither of these are good and hence the reason I've sort of stepped back to reflect on my objectives.
When I started this process it was to share my attempts at being a single parent - the single most terrifying thing you can do and yet at the same time you are stressing out on whether you're doing a good job at it, flooded with anxiety, you can be shown how amazing you've done while watching your child hold open a door for someone or return the shopping cart for them in the parking lot at Loblaw's. I wanted to document being a parent, working, making new friends, venturing out into the dating world, and possibly meeting who I like to call the One.
I've had some pretty good posts and some I'd like to delete as I think they were sort of puff pieces but I don't do that as one persons puff is another persons Pulitzer. Not that I will ever confuse this blog with Pulitzer winning material. I might have a decent size ego but even I draw the line at certain things folks.
So while the posts have slowed down they aren't coming to an end. My hope is to put more thought into what I do post and less into the amount of posts I put up on the blog site. The old saying "Quality beats quantity every time" will be the new mission statement of this blog.
So please feel free to continue following the blog if it makes you smile, laugh, cry, or even ask yourself a question or two in response to one of the posts. If you chose to stop reading the blog than I won't say it's your loss as maybe it isn't a loss, maybe that few moments spent reading it can be better spent with your children going over homework, spent with your partner talking about things, or even spent with your pet basking in it's love for you. Here is a secret, I was doing that earlier tonight while catching up on some Walking Dead episodes with Moki. It always amazes me how that puppy can read my mood and know when it's the right time to play or snuggle.
Hope this serves to calm some nerves and rest assured folks, when I do decide to end the blog I'll give you fair warning and not just cut you off cold turkey - that's just wrong and this man doesn't play that way :)
Marcus
Tuesday, February 9, 2016
A Co-Workers Comment
Tuesday, February 09/16
Today's musical offering is Swooner by The Zolas. Found this one on Spotify and several more that will be mentioned in future posts. Lead singer sort of reminds me of Rivers Cuomo from Weezer, least he does from a vocals point of view.
So the past week or so has been a bit stressful at work what with the announcement of the sale and then my boss giving her notice as well. To say it shook up our group would be an understatement of the highest proportions. We were all given packages to review, sign, and return by the 10th but as of this morning nobody had done so as there is a clause in it that made each and every one of us a bit nervous and seemed to go against the spirit of the opening clauses. M, one of my co-workers, has sent about 6 emails to the HR contact at the new company and I know both our boss and contracts manager have also sent some asking that this particular clause be revised or removed or they ran the risk of having nobody return them, not really what they want or need at this point in the process.
I've been just plugging along as even though it does kind of suck I like to think of myself as a stand up person and I'm being paid to do my job so do it I will till my last day. Along those lines I've tried to remain upbeat and offer some comic relief where possible to those around me. Ok, honestly I'm just acting like myself and not really doing anything different today than I did 2 months ago.
As I was walking down the hallway J from my group stopped me and said she was really impressed with how well I was dealing with everything going on, I asked what she meant and she mentioned how quiet it is in our area as people contemplate things. I smiled at her and said that even though it isn't the ideal situation it could surely be worse so I choose to make the most of a bad scene.
S who works as our administrative resource sort of snorted and asked what could be worse than losing your job.
I smiled at her and replied "Being in CHEO with your 10 year old son @ 4am and being told he'll die without having brain surgery that only has a 50/50 chance of saving him and that very surgery could also kill him"
They both looked at me in wonderment and finally S asked "WTF are you talking about?"
I said that I was in that spot just 6 years ago and since than I do my utmost to just live life and take advantage of having those I love around me, the rest is just noise as far as I'm concerned.
J reached out and touched my arm and told me she was sorry to hear about it, I smiled at them and said there are a lot worse things to deal with than a lost job, sure it does suck to be looking for a new job but we're all around for a minimum of 6 months from close and have been offered some pretty good packages, far in excess of what they are required to offer us under the law, and that I'm going to do my best to keep being the same person that I was on day one of this job and let the rest fall into place as it will.
The rest of the day came and went and just before quitting time we started to receive emails with revised offers that not only removed the clause in question but even increased the retention bonus being offered to remain the full six months.
My son sent me a text saying he wanted to come to my place tonight for dinner and to sleep over as he was missing me so I'm going to notch that one up to karma rewarding me for just trying my best to remain even keeled.
On my way home I thought about the whole situation with C and realized I've let what happened cloud my thoughts and memories towards her and dating in general. Note much I can do about the past unless I want to keep reliving it and I don't want to do that. I'll revisit some of those memories as moments come back to me over the next couple of months but one thing I don't want do is continue to pine away. I had my chance and I made some mistakes that cost me a wonderful woman. I can pout about it or I can remember the good and move forward in the hope I can create something similar down the road. Sounds easier said than done but I'm game and if my experience at the movies on Monday night is any indication of things to come than I'm going to be ok.
My name is Marcus and this blog details my efforts to be a good father, friend, find a new job, master the 8 iron from 135+ yards, date, and just maybe meet the love of my life and secure my last first kiss.....
Today's musical offering is Swooner by The Zolas. Found this one on Spotify and several more that will be mentioned in future posts. Lead singer sort of reminds me of Rivers Cuomo from Weezer, least he does from a vocals point of view.
So the past week or so has been a bit stressful at work what with the announcement of the sale and then my boss giving her notice as well. To say it shook up our group would be an understatement of the highest proportions. We were all given packages to review, sign, and return by the 10th but as of this morning nobody had done so as there is a clause in it that made each and every one of us a bit nervous and seemed to go against the spirit of the opening clauses. M, one of my co-workers, has sent about 6 emails to the HR contact at the new company and I know both our boss and contracts manager have also sent some asking that this particular clause be revised or removed or they ran the risk of having nobody return them, not really what they want or need at this point in the process.
I've been just plugging along as even though it does kind of suck I like to think of myself as a stand up person and I'm being paid to do my job so do it I will till my last day. Along those lines I've tried to remain upbeat and offer some comic relief where possible to those around me. Ok, honestly I'm just acting like myself and not really doing anything different today than I did 2 months ago.
As I was walking down the hallway J from my group stopped me and said she was really impressed with how well I was dealing with everything going on, I asked what she meant and she mentioned how quiet it is in our area as people contemplate things. I smiled at her and said that even though it isn't the ideal situation it could surely be worse so I choose to make the most of a bad scene.
S who works as our administrative resource sort of snorted and asked what could be worse than losing your job.
I smiled at her and replied "Being in CHEO with your 10 year old son @ 4am and being told he'll die without having brain surgery that only has a 50/50 chance of saving him and that very surgery could also kill him"
They both looked at me in wonderment and finally S asked "WTF are you talking about?"
I said that I was in that spot just 6 years ago and since than I do my utmost to just live life and take advantage of having those I love around me, the rest is just noise as far as I'm concerned.
J reached out and touched my arm and told me she was sorry to hear about it, I smiled at them and said there are a lot worse things to deal with than a lost job, sure it does suck to be looking for a new job but we're all around for a minimum of 6 months from close and have been offered some pretty good packages, far in excess of what they are required to offer us under the law, and that I'm going to do my best to keep being the same person that I was on day one of this job and let the rest fall into place as it will.
The rest of the day came and went and just before quitting time we started to receive emails with revised offers that not only removed the clause in question but even increased the retention bonus being offered to remain the full six months.
My son sent me a text saying he wanted to come to my place tonight for dinner and to sleep over as he was missing me so I'm going to notch that one up to karma rewarding me for just trying my best to remain even keeled.
On my way home I thought about the whole situation with C and realized I've let what happened cloud my thoughts and memories towards her and dating in general. Note much I can do about the past unless I want to keep reliving it and I don't want to do that. I'll revisit some of those memories as moments come back to me over the next couple of months but one thing I don't want do is continue to pine away. I had my chance and I made some mistakes that cost me a wonderful woman. I can pout about it or I can remember the good and move forward in the hope I can create something similar down the road. Sounds easier said than done but I'm game and if my experience at the movies on Monday night is any indication of things to come than I'm going to be ok.
My name is Marcus and this blog details my efforts to be a good father, friend, find a new job, master the 8 iron from 135+ yards, date, and just maybe meet the love of my life and secure my last first kiss.....
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Saturday's Blog - That Moment
Sunday, February 07/16
While I was meeting with my banker on Thursday to review my mortgage options I got a call on my cell from an unknown number but didn't see it until I was in my car as I'd put my phone on silent mode for the meeting.
My first thought was that it was C as I'd removed all her contact information but was soon set right when I listened to the message and found it from the furnace company coming to do the maintenance later that day.
I'm hoping I've finally reached rock bottom where it comes to the whole thinking about C and what might have been with us and will now start the slow climb upwards to being myself once again.
No, the email response from her yesterday was rock bottom so now I will start working on getting my feet back under me and making things happen.
C made me a better person but it wasn't enough to make her happy so unless I'm keen to wallow my life away I better get my shit together and see what life has to offer as the next 6-9 months are going to be pretty damn interesting and it would be nice to have someone to talk to about them.
I see some gym time in my future today as it lets me keep working on reducing my pear shape and gives me some time to think on my next steps.......to being more accepting of what I want in my life and what I might offer someone else in her life.
Marcus
While I was meeting with my banker on Thursday to review my mortgage options I got a call on my cell from an unknown number but didn't see it until I was in my car as I'd put my phone on silent mode for the meeting.
My first thought was that it was C as I'd removed all her contact information but was soon set right when I listened to the message and found it from the furnace company coming to do the maintenance later that day.
I'm hoping I've finally reached rock bottom where it comes to the whole thinking about C and what might have been with us and will now start the slow climb upwards to being myself once again.
No, the email response from her yesterday was rock bottom so now I will start working on getting my feet back under me and making things happen.
C made me a better person but it wasn't enough to make her happy so unless I'm keen to wallow my life away I better get my shit together and see what life has to offer as the next 6-9 months are going to be pretty damn interesting and it would be nice to have someone to talk to about them.
I see some gym time in my future today as it lets me keep working on reducing my pear shape and gives me some time to think on my next steps.......to being more accepting of what I want in my life and what I might offer someone else in her life.
Marcus
Saturday's Blog - The Email
Sunday, February 07/16
So back in 2014 my best friend from high school passed away and I didn't know he'd even been sick let along was dying.
I met R in grade nine and we became the best of friends, even after we both had serious girlfriends we still hung out all the time, surfing before classes, making the nightly walk down to Dunkin Donuts to get a donut and chocolate milk, and playing football together for our high school.
R ended up moving to Colorado to attend school and be with his girlfriend who had moved there for school before him but we saw each other when they came back to San Diego for holiday's and summers. By that time I was in deep with D and we ended up getting married, for all the wrong reasons but not the one most people think of when they read that line, with R acting as my best man. I think I knew deep inside that things would never work out between D and I but still felt like I had to take care of her regardless of the cost to myself, which in the end I came to realize was far too high and was my impetus to get out while I still could.
When I separated and eventually divorced D it caused the ending of my friendship with R as even though we were best friends he'd had a crush on her from day one and jumped at the chance to show her he was worthy of her. In my mind if losing his friendship was the cost of getting away from D than it was one I was willing to pay, which should tell you all you need to know about D.
All of that happened in 1993-94 and when I moved to Canada I cut all strings to the people I knew from San Diego as I wanted nothing to do with any of them. So fast forward to 2014 and I get a call from the manager of the soccer club where my children play and I coach saying she had a message from some woman named D asking them to let me know that R has passed away. There was an unasked question so I explained R was my friend from high school and thanked her for passing the message onto me.
On a hunch I checked a very old email account I had used when I lived in San Diego and found an email from D telling me about R and his fight with kidney disease and ultimately losing the battle, along with a link to the funeral home. I used the link and added my condolences to the message book that had been created online and left it at that. I didn't tell her of my efforts over the years to reach out to R and mend the fence but how he'd chosen to ignore both the telephone messages and emails I'd left for him, that being his choice and one I wasn't going to try and overturn.
I sent D a message thanking her for the information and left it at that as there was nothing more I had to say on it or to her.
I never heard back from her.....that is until last Monday when I found a new message from her.
I should have just deleted it without bothering to read it but for some reason I opened it and was sick to my stomach as I read the hatred in it, not just directed at me for leaving her over 20 years and according to her, ruining her life, but also at my ex and our children.
Seems like one of the few people I've kept in touch with shared things with his girlfriend who then shared them with D and this fueled her hatred.
Now according to D my ex was a slut who slept around before I married her and that my daughter wasn't really mine. Newsflash.....I came into my ex's life five years after she'd given birth to the wonderful little girl who would steal my heart and end up adopting to make my own. Pretty sure given my education that this was something I knew going in but does go to show the depth of hatred one person can show another. Makes you wonder how does an adult try to attack another through a child she's never met before.
It got even better from there as she then turned her attack onto my son and I think this is because she knew how much I wanted children and would be sure to draw some blood. Seems that like my daughter my son isn't really biologically mine either and I need to wake up and smell the roses, that if I was smart I'd arrange a DNA test to get myself out of paying for someone else's bastard.
Here's what she doesn't know.....that even if anything she said was true, which it isn't, they are still my children regardless of what she or anyone else wants to think. I've helped raise them, stayed up late when they were sick, consoled them when they were hurt, cheered them on when they played sports, did my grade school and high school classes all over with both of them while helping with homework and projects. My DNA may only be in one of them but both have some of my traits for better for worse. They are my children and will be so for eternity.
I don't need a DNA test to confirm for me that my son is mine. Sweet Jesus anyone who sees us knows we are related and would say that anyone who thought differently was missing a few bricks.
I was so pissed off when I read the email that I contemplated making a trip south to settle the score with some choice words but once I calmed down knew this would make me no better than her and I know I am so much better than that. I've deleted the message and closed down that account so that she can't keep spewing her hatred in my direction. I've reconciled myself to the fact that there are just those people who try and drag others down when they don't get their way and she clearly falls into that camp.
When I saw my son on Monday night after work I smiled and reminded myself that making the move from San Diego to Ottawa was the best decision I ever made and one I'll never regret......
I feel bad for D, not that I left and divorced her as that was a good thing, but because she hasn't been able to put that part of her life behind her and move on to something better, as I'm sure if she really tried to think about it she'd know we really weren't meant for one another, given we each wanted different things in life.
Sometimes we all need a reminder of just how good change can be in our lives. My kids provide me with that every single day and I thank my stars for them every morning ;-)
Marcus
So back in 2014 my best friend from high school passed away and I didn't know he'd even been sick let along was dying.
I met R in grade nine and we became the best of friends, even after we both had serious girlfriends we still hung out all the time, surfing before classes, making the nightly walk down to Dunkin Donuts to get a donut and chocolate milk, and playing football together for our high school.
R ended up moving to Colorado to attend school and be with his girlfriend who had moved there for school before him but we saw each other when they came back to San Diego for holiday's and summers. By that time I was in deep with D and we ended up getting married, for all the wrong reasons but not the one most people think of when they read that line, with R acting as my best man. I think I knew deep inside that things would never work out between D and I but still felt like I had to take care of her regardless of the cost to myself, which in the end I came to realize was far too high and was my impetus to get out while I still could.
When I separated and eventually divorced D it caused the ending of my friendship with R as even though we were best friends he'd had a crush on her from day one and jumped at the chance to show her he was worthy of her. In my mind if losing his friendship was the cost of getting away from D than it was one I was willing to pay, which should tell you all you need to know about D.
All of that happened in 1993-94 and when I moved to Canada I cut all strings to the people I knew from San Diego as I wanted nothing to do with any of them. So fast forward to 2014 and I get a call from the manager of the soccer club where my children play and I coach saying she had a message from some woman named D asking them to let me know that R has passed away. There was an unasked question so I explained R was my friend from high school and thanked her for passing the message onto me.
On a hunch I checked a very old email account I had used when I lived in San Diego and found an email from D telling me about R and his fight with kidney disease and ultimately losing the battle, along with a link to the funeral home. I used the link and added my condolences to the message book that had been created online and left it at that. I didn't tell her of my efforts over the years to reach out to R and mend the fence but how he'd chosen to ignore both the telephone messages and emails I'd left for him, that being his choice and one I wasn't going to try and overturn.
I sent D a message thanking her for the information and left it at that as there was nothing more I had to say on it or to her.
I never heard back from her.....that is until last Monday when I found a new message from her.
I should have just deleted it without bothering to read it but for some reason I opened it and was sick to my stomach as I read the hatred in it, not just directed at me for leaving her over 20 years and according to her, ruining her life, but also at my ex and our children.
Seems like one of the few people I've kept in touch with shared things with his girlfriend who then shared them with D and this fueled her hatred.
Now according to D my ex was a slut who slept around before I married her and that my daughter wasn't really mine. Newsflash.....I came into my ex's life five years after she'd given birth to the wonderful little girl who would steal my heart and end up adopting to make my own. Pretty sure given my education that this was something I knew going in but does go to show the depth of hatred one person can show another. Makes you wonder how does an adult try to attack another through a child she's never met before.
It got even better from there as she then turned her attack onto my son and I think this is because she knew how much I wanted children and would be sure to draw some blood. Seems that like my daughter my son isn't really biologically mine either and I need to wake up and smell the roses, that if I was smart I'd arrange a DNA test to get myself out of paying for someone else's bastard.
Here's what she doesn't know.....that even if anything she said was true, which it isn't, they are still my children regardless of what she or anyone else wants to think. I've helped raise them, stayed up late when they were sick, consoled them when they were hurt, cheered them on when they played sports, did my grade school and high school classes all over with both of them while helping with homework and projects. My DNA may only be in one of them but both have some of my traits for better for worse. They are my children and will be so for eternity.
I don't need a DNA test to confirm for me that my son is mine. Sweet Jesus anyone who sees us knows we are related and would say that anyone who thought differently was missing a few bricks.
I was so pissed off when I read the email that I contemplated making a trip south to settle the score with some choice words but once I calmed down knew this would make me no better than her and I know I am so much better than that. I've deleted the message and closed down that account so that she can't keep spewing her hatred in my direction. I've reconciled myself to the fact that there are just those people who try and drag others down when they don't get their way and she clearly falls into that camp.
When I saw my son on Monday night after work I smiled and reminded myself that making the move from San Diego to Ottawa was the best decision I ever made and one I'll never regret......
I feel bad for D, not that I left and divorced her as that was a good thing, but because she hasn't been able to put that part of her life behind her and move on to something better, as I'm sure if she really tried to think about it she'd know we really weren't meant for one another, given we each wanted different things in life.
Sometimes we all need a reminder of just how good change can be in our lives. My kids provide me with that every single day and I thank my stars for them every morning ;-)
Marcus
Saturday's Blog - The Good & The Bad
Sunday, February 07/16
Today's musical recommendation is "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic
Apologies for failing to follow up with the blog teaser and actually posting the entries but my mood turned a bit and I decided to head over to the gym and treadmill myself into exhaustion so as to not let the mood come out in the blog. See I do think about the followers now and than, trying my best to keep the sadness I feel out of your reading enjoyment ;-)
So as I mentioned yesterday the week has been a bit crazy with both good and bad so before I go off tangent like I've been known to do lets get to it..........
The bad was work related and not horribly bad but does has some implications for how the upcoming integration turns out. My boss called me at home on Wednesday as we were both working from home due to the freezing rain and advised me she had given her notice and would be around through the 12th and then off to her new position. So in the matter of two weeks we've seen the company bought by another and the key person required to make the integration go as smoothly as possible, well as smoothly as these things go, give notice to leave before the deal has even closed. It bothered me for a bit but in the end might work out to my advantage as even though I've been around the least amount of time of anyone in the group I've literally got the most experience and my responsibilities transcend every role within the group making me the most diverse and able to handle changes.
The good was two-fold. The first part was getting my mortgage renewed early in order to lock in a lower rate and reducing my monthly payment. I thought about leaving the payment at the same amount but decided to play it safe. I did move the payment from monthly to semi-monthly in order to equalize my payments across the month and flirted with going to weekly but in the end went as I did with the option to move to weekly when this two year mortgage comes up for renewal in February 2018. My goal is to bank that monthly savings and make it part of my "London" fund I've set up for my son and I to go to London for March break next year. We've talked about it and both are kind of excited to see London and take in a football game or two while there. The nice thing is there are currently 14 professional teams playing in London at this moment with 5 in the Premier League and the other 9 in the Football League that houses the Champions and Leagues 1 & 2.
The second part was having a long conference call late Friday afternoon with the person who looks to be my primary contact at the new company and hearing the projected transition plan. That was good to do but the kicker was hearing what my boss had told her about me and how she really is going to need my skills to make this work, even more so now that my boss is leaving. It sounds like a trip down to San Francisco might be in the future and that might mean some golf as well, you didn't think that wouldn't cross my mind did you? Silly reader.......
On the family front, the new semester started for my son and it looks like he has a good group of teachers, least none had him mumbling about attitude yet, and the daughters new home is coming along well, I ended up driving by after my session at Movati yesterday to take some pictures to share with family and friend on FB.
All in all an eventful week but in the end one I can live with.
Marcus
Today's musical recommendation is "Counting Stars" by OneRepublic
Apologies for failing to follow up with the blog teaser and actually posting the entries but my mood turned a bit and I decided to head over to the gym and treadmill myself into exhaustion so as to not let the mood come out in the blog. See I do think about the followers now and than, trying my best to keep the sadness I feel out of your reading enjoyment ;-)
So as I mentioned yesterday the week has been a bit crazy with both good and bad so before I go off tangent like I've been known to do lets get to it..........
The bad was work related and not horribly bad but does has some implications for how the upcoming integration turns out. My boss called me at home on Wednesday as we were both working from home due to the freezing rain and advised me she had given her notice and would be around through the 12th and then off to her new position. So in the matter of two weeks we've seen the company bought by another and the key person required to make the integration go as smoothly as possible, well as smoothly as these things go, give notice to leave before the deal has even closed. It bothered me for a bit but in the end might work out to my advantage as even though I've been around the least amount of time of anyone in the group I've literally got the most experience and my responsibilities transcend every role within the group making me the most diverse and able to handle changes.
The good was two-fold. The first part was getting my mortgage renewed early in order to lock in a lower rate and reducing my monthly payment. I thought about leaving the payment at the same amount but decided to play it safe. I did move the payment from monthly to semi-monthly in order to equalize my payments across the month and flirted with going to weekly but in the end went as I did with the option to move to weekly when this two year mortgage comes up for renewal in February 2018. My goal is to bank that monthly savings and make it part of my "London" fund I've set up for my son and I to go to London for March break next year. We've talked about it and both are kind of excited to see London and take in a football game or two while there. The nice thing is there are currently 14 professional teams playing in London at this moment with 5 in the Premier League and the other 9 in the Football League that houses the Champions and Leagues 1 & 2.
The second part was having a long conference call late Friday afternoon with the person who looks to be my primary contact at the new company and hearing the projected transition plan. That was good to do but the kicker was hearing what my boss had told her about me and how she really is going to need my skills to make this work, even more so now that my boss is leaving. It sounds like a trip down to San Francisco might be in the future and that might mean some golf as well, you didn't think that wouldn't cross my mind did you? Silly reader.......
On the family front, the new semester started for my son and it looks like he has a good group of teachers, least none had him mumbling about attitude yet, and the daughters new home is coming along well, I ended up driving by after my session at Movati yesterday to take some pictures to share with family and friend on FB.
All in all an eventful week but in the end one I can live with.
Marcus
Saturday, February 6, 2016
The Cold Hard Truth
Saturday, February 06/16
So today I did something I vowed never to do and reached out once more to C to see if we might see one another to talk about things.
Her response was concise and clear that she has absolutely no interest in me or seeing me again.
The door has been firmly shut by her and I can hear the locks engaging even as I type these words.
Deep inside my heart I knew that was the answer I was going to get but that damn romantic in me was so damned positive that this could be turned around if only we saw one another once again.
Guess I need to start paying more attention to logical Marcus from now on.
So what does this mean for me?
Life will go on and I'll eventually come around to being open to meeting someone, but that is down the road as I try and understand what I did wrong.
Love should make you smile, put butterflies in your stomach, your eyes lite up, and your heart beat faster. Sometimes it'll make you sad and cry. Love can also hurt and cause the deepest ache in your heart. The hurting part isn't enjoyable in the least but when it happens you need to take note that it also means you cared about someone, cared so deeply so as to let them inside and close to you.
I've been fortunate to deeply love two women in my life and yet that love wasn't enough to keep either one in my life. The first is the mother of my children and a wonderful woman, just not one I felt comfortable sharing my deepest fears with and in the end that cost me. The second was C and while I did feel comfortable enough to share my fears I also couldn't control my insecurity of not being good enough for her and in the end that drove her away.
They say confidence is sexy to a woman and if that's the case I might have some work cut out for me.
I know I'm good enough but just don't know how to let it become part of my mental makeup and that is the part that causes me issues.
I still like my ex, note the key word is like, and I'm absolutely still in love with C. I never saw myself being in a relationship with the depth of feelings I think one deserves until C came into my life.
There's nothing to say I can't or won't meet someone down the road who won't bring those same feeling alive in my again, but if my past serves as any indicator than I'm in for a long journey.
Marcus
So today I did something I vowed never to do and reached out once more to C to see if we might see one another to talk about things.
Her response was concise and clear that she has absolutely no interest in me or seeing me again.
The door has been firmly shut by her and I can hear the locks engaging even as I type these words.
Deep inside my heart I knew that was the answer I was going to get but that damn romantic in me was so damned positive that this could be turned around if only we saw one another once again.
Guess I need to start paying more attention to logical Marcus from now on.
So what does this mean for me?
Life will go on and I'll eventually come around to being open to meeting someone, but that is down the road as I try and understand what I did wrong.
Love should make you smile, put butterflies in your stomach, your eyes lite up, and your heart beat faster. Sometimes it'll make you sad and cry. Love can also hurt and cause the deepest ache in your heart. The hurting part isn't enjoyable in the least but when it happens you need to take note that it also means you cared about someone, cared so deeply so as to let them inside and close to you.
I've been fortunate to deeply love two women in my life and yet that love wasn't enough to keep either one in my life. The first is the mother of my children and a wonderful woman, just not one I felt comfortable sharing my deepest fears with and in the end that cost me. The second was C and while I did feel comfortable enough to share my fears I also couldn't control my insecurity of not being good enough for her and in the end that drove her away.
They say confidence is sexy to a woman and if that's the case I might have some work cut out for me.
I know I'm good enough but just don't know how to let it become part of my mental makeup and that is the part that causes me issues.
I still like my ex, note the key word is like, and I'm absolutely still in love with C. I never saw myself being in a relationship with the depth of feelings I think one deserves until C came into my life.
There's nothing to say I can't or won't meet someone down the road who won't bring those same feeling alive in my again, but if my past serves as any indicator than I'm in for a long journey.
Marcus
Preview of Today's Blog
February 06/16
Been a bit crazy of a week so haven't had a chance to post that much but I'll be adding one or maybe two once I get back from my weekly torture session with Connor. Is it bad omen that he knows refers to himself as my training sadist?
Week has had some lows, some highs, and one of those moments that makes me just question everything about myself.
I've received a couple of messages on the blog and one email from someone from my past that really makes me wonder what the hell I ever saw in that person as the venom that came my way was out of the blue and totally uncalled for.
Stay tuned and in the meantime think happy thoughts people as those are always the best kind!!!!
Marcus
Been a bit crazy of a week so haven't had a chance to post that much but I'll be adding one or maybe two once I get back from my weekly torture session with Connor. Is it bad omen that he knows refers to himself as my training sadist?
Week has had some lows, some highs, and one of those moments that makes me just question everything about myself.
I've received a couple of messages on the blog and one email from someone from my past that really makes me wonder what the hell I ever saw in that person as the venom that came my way was out of the blue and totally uncalled for.
Stay tuned and in the meantime think happy thoughts people as those are always the best kind!!!!
Marcus
Wednesday, February 3, 2016
The Mild Winter Takes A Turn
Wednesday, February 03/16
Yesterday the radio was full of doom and gloom about the oncoming winter storm that was to hit Ottawa overnight with upwards of 10 cm of snow, freezing rain in the early morning, and ending with straight rain throughout the remainder of the day. My boss actually sent an email around saying she'd be working from home as she lives in the east end.
Now we've had a pretty mild winter to date, so mild that a lot of snow has melted around my place and they've had to reduce the times they have been able to open the Rideau Canal for skating which is wrecking havoc on Winterlude, all that being said it makes sense that Mother Nature throws one our if only just to remind us she's in charge.
People were sending out messages about working from home to avoid the mess that will be the roads and my own son was hoping for a snow day as they haven't had one yet this school year and we usually get about 3.......nothing like a day off from school the second day of the new semester ;-)
So today I got up at 5am to head over to Movati and my Wednesday session with Connor the Sadist and it had snowed but not even close to 10 Cm's. I went out to warm the car up and there was slight coating of ice but nothing that the heater couldn't handle so that when I came back out 10 mins later to leave the car was good to go. Roads weren't too bad and the area in front of the club appeared to have some salt and gravel down so walking wasn't an issue.
Connor told me he'd already had his 6:30 thru 8:00 sessions cancelled so he was happy to see me and I was the beneficiary of some extra time....oh lucky me............the had maybe 5 people working out and the fitness room was ours alone to use. Connor put me through my paces and if that was him being happy to see me than I'd hate to see him doing so when mad at me.........I think I had to fight off puking a few times as there was no let up between activities. The man could easily have been a drill instructor for the USMC when they could really work the crap out of recruits and not have to be worried about hurting any one's little feelings.
I staggered out of the fitness room an hour later and my legs would only give me 20 minutes on the treadmill before sending me messages that paralysis was imminent so I called it a day and headed down to the lockers to change and head home.
Now at this point I didn't know if the school board had called a snow day and cancelled buses but one check of my iPhone showed me messages from both my son and his mom saying no buses and no school today. I could only imagine the smile on my son's face as he crawled back into bed lol
As I went outside to my car I noticed a couple of things. First, that the freezing rain had come hard while I was in the gym and literally everything was coated in ice. Second, walking was treacherous and actually almost feel 2 times on the way to my car.
The 4 minute drive home wasn't any better as I saw a car in the ditch by the Bell Sensplex, and two others spin out after losing traction, one that almost hit me as I went by. Thank goodness I bit the bullet this year and got some winter tires on the car.
That drive home made the decision for me to work from home so I logged onto my PC when I got inside only to see almost everyone else had reached the same decision.
So now here I sit in shorts and t-shirt with the house nice and toasty, the son still sleeping the morning away, and Moki curled up in a ball in the recliner in my office keeping an eye on me lest I somehow sneak away and not show her the proper amount of attention.
Funny how my son's snow day is now my snow day as well and the more I think about it the more I want one or two for myself going forward ;-)
Hope today's entry finds everyone safe and sound, if you need to go out today in the Ottawa and Valley areas please drive safe and be careful!!!
Marcus
Yesterday the radio was full of doom and gloom about the oncoming winter storm that was to hit Ottawa overnight with upwards of 10 cm of snow, freezing rain in the early morning, and ending with straight rain throughout the remainder of the day. My boss actually sent an email around saying she'd be working from home as she lives in the east end.
Now we've had a pretty mild winter to date, so mild that a lot of snow has melted around my place and they've had to reduce the times they have been able to open the Rideau Canal for skating which is wrecking havoc on Winterlude, all that being said it makes sense that Mother Nature throws one our if only just to remind us she's in charge.
People were sending out messages about working from home to avoid the mess that will be the roads and my own son was hoping for a snow day as they haven't had one yet this school year and we usually get about 3.......nothing like a day off from school the second day of the new semester ;-)
So today I got up at 5am to head over to Movati and my Wednesday session with Connor the Sadist and it had snowed but not even close to 10 Cm's. I went out to warm the car up and there was slight coating of ice but nothing that the heater couldn't handle so that when I came back out 10 mins later to leave the car was good to go. Roads weren't too bad and the area in front of the club appeared to have some salt and gravel down so walking wasn't an issue.
Connor told me he'd already had his 6:30 thru 8:00 sessions cancelled so he was happy to see me and I was the beneficiary of some extra time....oh lucky me............the had maybe 5 people working out and the fitness room was ours alone to use. Connor put me through my paces and if that was him being happy to see me than I'd hate to see him doing so when mad at me.........I think I had to fight off puking a few times as there was no let up between activities. The man could easily have been a drill instructor for the USMC when they could really work the crap out of recruits and not have to be worried about hurting any one's little feelings.
I staggered out of the fitness room an hour later and my legs would only give me 20 minutes on the treadmill before sending me messages that paralysis was imminent so I called it a day and headed down to the lockers to change and head home.
Now at this point I didn't know if the school board had called a snow day and cancelled buses but one check of my iPhone showed me messages from both my son and his mom saying no buses and no school today. I could only imagine the smile on my son's face as he crawled back into bed lol
As I went outside to my car I noticed a couple of things. First, that the freezing rain had come hard while I was in the gym and literally everything was coated in ice. Second, walking was treacherous and actually almost feel 2 times on the way to my car.
The 4 minute drive home wasn't any better as I saw a car in the ditch by the Bell Sensplex, and two others spin out after losing traction, one that almost hit me as I went by. Thank goodness I bit the bullet this year and got some winter tires on the car.
That drive home made the decision for me to work from home so I logged onto my PC when I got inside only to see almost everyone else had reached the same decision.
So now here I sit in shorts and t-shirt with the house nice and toasty, the son still sleeping the morning away, and Moki curled up in a ball in the recliner in my office keeping an eye on me lest I somehow sneak away and not show her the proper amount of attention.
Funny how my son's snow day is now my snow day as well and the more I think about it the more I want one or two for myself going forward ;-)
Hope today's entry finds everyone safe and sound, if you need to go out today in the Ottawa and Valley areas please drive safe and be careful!!!
Marcus
Tuesday, February 2, 2016
R E S U L T S ! ! ! !
Tuesday, February 02/16
So as many of my recent posts have been about my efforts to improve my quality of life through increased exercise and diet modification I thought I'd pass along some results.
Now many people who do what I'm attempting try and measure results in a very finite manner and by this I mean they measure every single meal they eat, the number of calories burned through exercise, and weigh themselves each morning to determine the success so far.
I'm not following that methodology and instead relying on what my body tells me over the course of the process.
My legs feel great, much stronger now, and I think are looking pretty fine as well. My upper body has developed some definition and my muscles feel like they really exist. One great thing is that I don't feel winded when going up stairs anymore.
But here is the best result I've seen so far.....my jeans were getting a tad bit loose and I had to go out and buy a new pair a size smaller :-)
Now I'm far from my goal but so far it's working, both physically and mentally as I feel better across the board.
I mentioned to my son that the sessions I arranged with Connor are coming down to the final six and he encouraged me to extend them as he says I'm looking happier and more energetic than I have in a long time.
Guess I know where part of my 2015 bonus is going now :-)
It hasn't been easy but then nothing that is worthwhile is ever really easy now is it?
I'll be back at the gym tonight as I need to feel the burn before Connor makes his latest attempt to make me cry tomorrow morning.........
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures as a father, friend, golfer, and possibly boyfriend when the time is right.
So as many of my recent posts have been about my efforts to improve my quality of life through increased exercise and diet modification I thought I'd pass along some results.
Now many people who do what I'm attempting try and measure results in a very finite manner and by this I mean they measure every single meal they eat, the number of calories burned through exercise, and weigh themselves each morning to determine the success so far.
I'm not following that methodology and instead relying on what my body tells me over the course of the process.
My legs feel great, much stronger now, and I think are looking pretty fine as well. My upper body has developed some definition and my muscles feel like they really exist. One great thing is that I don't feel winded when going up stairs anymore.
But here is the best result I've seen so far.....my jeans were getting a tad bit loose and I had to go out and buy a new pair a size smaller :-)
Now I'm far from my goal but so far it's working, both physically and mentally as I feel better across the board.
I mentioned to my son that the sessions I arranged with Connor are coming down to the final six and he encouraged me to extend them as he says I'm looking happier and more energetic than I have in a long time.
Guess I know where part of my 2015 bonus is going now :-)
It hasn't been easy but then nothing that is worthwhile is ever really easy now is it?
I'll be back at the gym tonight as I need to feel the burn before Connor makes his latest attempt to make me cry tomorrow morning.........
My name is Marcus and these are my ongoing adventures as a father, friend, golfer, and possibly boyfriend when the time is right.
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