Sunday, February 07/16
So back in 2014 my best friend from high school passed away and I didn't know he'd even been sick let along was dying.
I met R in grade nine and we became the best of friends, even after we both had serious girlfriends we still hung out all the time, surfing before classes, making the nightly walk down to Dunkin Donuts to get a donut and chocolate milk, and playing football together for our high school.
R ended up moving to Colorado to attend school and be with his girlfriend who had moved there for school before him but we saw each other when they came back to San Diego for holiday's and summers. By that time I was in deep with D and we ended up getting married, for all the wrong reasons but not the one most people think of when they read that line, with R acting as my best man. I think I knew deep inside that things would never work out between D and I but still felt like I had to take care of her regardless of the cost to myself, which in the end I came to realize was far too high and was my impetus to get out while I still could.
When I separated and eventually divorced D it caused the ending of my friendship with R as even though we were best friends he'd had a crush on her from day one and jumped at the chance to show her he was worthy of her. In my mind if losing his friendship was the cost of getting away from D than it was one I was willing to pay, which should tell you all you need to know about D.
All of that happened in 1993-94 and when I moved to Canada I cut all strings to the people I knew from San Diego as I wanted nothing to do with any of them. So fast forward to 2014 and I get a call from the manager of the soccer club where my children play and I coach saying she had a message from some woman named D asking them to let me know that R has passed away. There was an unasked question so I explained R was my friend from high school and thanked her for passing the message onto me.
On a hunch I checked a very old email account I had used when I lived in San Diego and found an email from D telling me about R and his fight with kidney disease and ultimately losing the battle, along with a link to the funeral home. I used the link and added my condolences to the message book that had been created online and left it at that. I didn't tell her of my efforts over the years to reach out to R and mend the fence but how he'd chosen to ignore both the telephone messages and emails I'd left for him, that being his choice and one I wasn't going to try and overturn.
I sent D a message thanking her for the information and left it at that as there was nothing more I had to say on it or to her.
I never heard back from her.....that is until last Monday when I found a new message from her.
I should have just deleted it without bothering to read it but for some reason I opened it and was sick to my stomach as I read the hatred in it, not just directed at me for leaving her over 20 years and according to her, ruining her life, but also at my ex and our children.
Seems like one of the few people I've kept in touch with shared things with his girlfriend who then shared them with D and this fueled her hatred.
Now according to D my ex was a slut who slept around before I married her and that my daughter wasn't really mine. Newsflash.....I came into my ex's life five years after she'd given birth to the wonderful little girl who would steal my heart and end up adopting to make my own. Pretty sure given my education that this was something I knew going in but does go to show the depth of hatred one person can show another. Makes you wonder how does an adult try to attack another through a child she's never met before.
It got even better from there as she then turned her attack onto my son and I think this is because she knew how much I wanted children and would be sure to draw some blood. Seems that like my daughter my son isn't really biologically mine either and I need to wake up and smell the roses, that if I was smart I'd arrange a DNA test to get myself out of paying for someone else's bastard.
Here's what she doesn't know.....that even if anything she said was true, which it isn't, they are still my children regardless of what she or anyone else wants to think. I've helped raise them, stayed up late when they were sick, consoled them when they were hurt, cheered them on when they played sports, did my grade school and high school classes all over with both of them while helping with homework and projects. My DNA may only be in one of them but both have some of my traits for better for worse. They are my children and will be so for eternity.
I don't need a DNA test to confirm for me that my son is mine. Sweet Jesus anyone who sees us knows we are related and would say that anyone who thought differently was missing a few bricks.
I was so pissed off when I read the email that I contemplated making a trip south to settle the score with some choice words but once I calmed down knew this would make me no better than her and I know I am so much better than that. I've deleted the message and closed down that account so that she can't keep spewing her hatred in my direction. I've reconciled myself to the fact that there are just those people who try and drag others down when they don't get their way and she clearly falls into that camp.
When I saw my son on Monday night after work I smiled and reminded myself that making the move from San Diego to Ottawa was the best decision I ever made and one I'll never regret......
I feel bad for D, not that I left and divorced her as that was a good thing, but because she hasn't been able to put that part of her life behind her and move on to something better, as I'm sure if she really tried to think about it she'd know we really weren't meant for one another, given we each wanted different things in life.
Sometimes we all need a reminder of just how good change can be in our lives. My kids provide me with that every single day and I thank my stars for them every morning ;-)
Marcus
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