Big Night For My Son

Thursday, February 25/16

So on Tuesday I got a text message from my ex saying she was going to be in Montreal this weekend and wouldn't be at our son's last soccer game of the winter season and asked me to give him a hug before the game from her. She than sent me another text adding that she was leaving Thursday morning and had talked to him about going to my place for the night or possibly staying at her place on his own so he could take care of the dog. He opted to try staying on his own and added if anything came up he'd just call me.

This might not seem like a big deal but it's the first time he's ever stayed alone at night and I think a pretty big step for him.

I mentioned this to A at work yesterday and he laughed and said what a small world as he was heading down to the GTA with his family for his daughters high school basketball tournament and he was leaving his 15 y/o son home alone too. Of course he added it didn't hurt that both his parents and brother lived a few streets away in case he had some problems. We both agreed it was a good thing for our kids to go through and they'd come out of it with more confidence in themselves.

I've also decided to teach my son how to cook some meals as I think at almost 17 he can do with being more independent, especially if he decides to go off to university in 2017.

It got me to thinking about what was the earliest age my own parents left me home alone and I'm pretty sure it was when I turned 16 and had my drivers license. Once I hit that magical mark I was on my own a lot of the time as my folks loved to go away to Big Bear and Idylwild and rent a cottage.

A said he thought it was about the same for him and also commented that we grew up in a different time than our kids, a time when it was more socially acceptable to leave kids home alone.

I think back to when I started dating C and she would come over for the night and leave her boys home alone and how it made me feel kind of bad, like somehow I was taking something away from them, how I didn't do that for her when my son was with me, a double standard if you will.

The truth is that she knew her kids better than I did, they grew up with her or their father being away from home due to work for extended periods of time, and had grown up learning how to take care of themselves to an extent far greater than my own son. She treated her son`s as young adults whereas I tended to want to protect mine far more than was warranted. Now I'll say it`s partially due to how close I came to losing him but the truth is probably somewhere in between me worrying about him and just not understanding enough to know he needs to experience things like that as I did growing up.

So as I sat down to eat dinner earlier tonight my daughter called me and asked if she should stop by her mom`s place to check on her little brother, I told her no, that he would resent it and feel like he was being babied, that he knew enough to call one of us if he needed help. She asked how I could sound so calm and I laughed and told her I was far from calm but it was time to let him grow up and if there were growing pains we`d deal with it.

So now here I sit wondering what he is up to and hoping he had a good meal, remembers to set his alarm, and doesn't miss the bus to school tomorrow.

I did text him a little while ago and this was our exchange:

Me: Btw.....you`ll be learning to cook next week  when you are at my place

Him: No thanks, I`m good

Me: Funny....not like you have a choice boy

Him: Damn.....just nothing too complicated ok

So now I've got to think of a few simple things he can make for dinner next week. Actually thinking maybe a roast on Saturday as that we can do together.

Tonight is just another step on his independence and another step away from his parents....that`s both a good thing and a sad thing, depending on your point of view.

When did you first leave your child home alone overnight?

How old were you the first time you were left home alone overnight?

My name is Marcus and this blog is my attempt to write about being a father, friend, mastering the perfect 8 iron from 135+ yards, dating, and maybe finding the One.