I am a Hostage.........

Saturday, April 09/16


I'm not a hostage in the most literal sense of the word but I am one nonetheless as I am a parent.

I became a hostage on July 5/95 when I made the move to Ottawa and became the co-parent to my wonderful daughter and my situation only got worse when my son made his appearance four years later.

Now I'm sure there are many of you sitting there reading this and wondering how in the world I can even think of using that word to describe my situation, probably some of you thinking I've crossed the line and embraced the dark side as well.

But think about it for a moment and maybe this statement will make a little bit of sense.

Hostages are at the whim of the kidnapper and as a parent not a day goes by where I am not at the mercies of my children.  Now I don't mean they do things to harm me, no not in the least as my kids are actually pretty damn good, but hostage I remain nonetheless.

When my son is hurt by the actions of his girlfriend I know about it and feel the pain.

When my daughter gets hurt on the soccer pitch battling for the ball I suffer with her.

When my son struggles through a class and turns to me for help or encouragement the binds become a bit tighter.

I am a hostage to the success and failures each of them go through on a daily basis.

The hormonal and emotional ups and down of a teenager wrap me up like ropes around my arms, demanding my attention lest something happen that catches me off guard.

I'm hostage not just to those effecting my own teenage son but those of his friends as the things they do can and will impact on his own emotions, and even when they don't they can still keep me up worrying.

I don't think my parents worried about me anywhere near as much as my ex and I worry about our kids. I don't mean that to sound like they didn't love me as I know they did, well in the capacity that they were capable of caring I should say, but the trouble I could get in as a teenager is nothing compared to what my daughter faced and now my son faces every single day.

Drinking wasn't a huge issue when I was a teenager and definitely not for me as I was the ultimate straight arrow most of the time. Drugs? not a fucking chance I'd ever have tried any as I just had to think about my cousin Caroline to scare me to death. She was my favourite older cousin and one day her boyfriend convinced her to try crack and she ended up frying her brain and was never the same carefree girl we all loved.  Sex, yeah that was an option and I know friends who were making the beast with two backs but I was safe till I was almost in university.

Today I get the joy of knowing that alcohol and drugs are more easily available to the kids my son goes to school with thanks to the lax parenting skills most of them encounter.

Today I have to worry not only about teenage sex but sexting between teens as well.

When I was in high school bullying wasn't an issue and when kids did feel pressure it didn't mean they'd grab a gun and head off to school to take matters into their own hands. Last year my son texted me his school was on lock down due to the rumour that a kid had brought a gun to school to get even with some kids for teasing him. Scariest moments of my life and it wasn't until it was cancelled did I regain my breath.

Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, and Snapchat all scare me to death as these mediums offer the ability to hurt and ruin a persons life without even having to confront them face to face. One momentary act can derail everything a person has worked for in the blink of an eye.

The opportunities available to my son are endless as are the ways he can get hurt. I not only have to consider him when he asks to go someplace but also take into account who he might run into and whether that poses a risk to him.

We were talking this morning about his plans for the weekend and he said he has both math and chemistry homework to do for Monday. I don't remember taking chemistry, business law, or anthropology in high school and yet those are just a sample of the courses he has taken in the last year. I told him I wouldn't trade places with him as the pressures he faces are way more than anything I had to face during my own teenage years.

So now hopefully you better understand my declaration about being a hostage as I really feel like one most days.

What really makes me pause and wonder is thinking about what kind of stuff my own children will worry about when they have kids of their own and all the trials and tribulations they'll go through, possibly dealing with stuff that leaves them feeling hostage to things out of their own control.

My name is Marcus and even though I can't keep my kids locked away from the world in order to protect them from the perils it presents don't kid yourself into thinking I wouldn't if I could......

Oh and btw......."Untouched" by the Australian duo The Veronicas is my musical suggestion for the today.