Proposal Received and Declined

Tuesday, March 07/17

So in a recent blog entry I sort of hinted around about some crazy shit that has happened to me and I guess it's time we address the elephant in the room and get this over with.

I started my new job back in October and it's been a whirlwind from day one, trying to take over the financial reporting from one of our sister companies, correcting the mistakes we've found, get the accounts team up to the standards I know Chris expects, learn the new business model, manage the first system upgrade they've done in almost 6 years, oversee 5 monthly closings, close out the fiscal year, prepare to load the current budget into the system, and getting the news today that my CFO won't be around for most of the upcoming audit as he needs to be in Toronto for some due diligence on a potential investment and told me I'll be the sole contact with the auditors for our organization.

That one made me laugh as I was pretty sure he'd still be involved up until the moment he told me he has already informed the audit partner that any and all requests have to flow through me, that I will be the only person speaking for the organization and that they are not to send him any emails as he'll consider that a breach of the chain he has established.

Thanks Chris, not like the other stuff wasn't keeping me busy enough already lol

And to think I used to complain about how bored I was as I finished off the contract at the old company. Just goes to show you how true that old saying is, you know the one, it goes something like this......Be careful what you wish for as it just might come true

I'm sure you are wondering how any of this translates into crazy shit happening to me right?

Well just hold on as I'm getting to it, needed to sort of set the background to the story first.

My last two jobs were with companies that were really large employee wise worldwide but quite small in terms of the local offices......running something like 112 and 155 respectively.

Now the current job is with an organization that is spread out across Canada and has probably close to 1,700 employees in several divisions. The majority of them are located here in Ottawa and work for one of our sister divisions, with about 92 in my own division.

I'd say women outnumber men something like 5:1 across the entire organization and more like 13:1 within my own division. So it's a nice environment for a single male like myself to say the least.

When I started the second thing Chris said to me was that I was free to date anyone I liked as long as they didn't sit on the first floor of our office. That made me laugh as the only people sitting on the ground floor are in our immediate group and that is one dating rule I won't ever break.

What was the first thing he said to me? "Thank God your here, I'm so freaking glad you were available" It's always nice to be wanted isn't it?

Even though the odds are in my favour I've pretty much been keeping my head down and just focusing on getting things done so we can move forward with our projects.

Pretty much keeping my head down except whenever Kim comes downstairs for a meeting and flashes me that smile. When that happens I sort of forget to breathe now and again as she just has this look that makes me feel happy inside.

Now before you say I should be going after her it's important to note she is married, has the rock to show for it, and appears quite happy in her life. That was the impression I got back in December at the Christmas luncheon our CEO hosted for everyone downtown at a nice little restaurant when we were seated next to one another and chatted for the better part of two hours.

When it was time to head back to the office she asked if she could get a ride back as the person she came with wasn't going back and was heading off to do some shopping instead. I said no problem as there was an empty seat as I'd given the two accounts a ride to the luncheon. I swear I saw her frown but told myself I was reading too much into it. The ride back was full of banter about lunch and what everyone was doing over the holiday's. When we got back to the office she wished everyone a happy holiday and said she was going to call it a day and head home, flashed me a smile that could have stopped a train in it's tracks, and walked off to her car.

Since the turn of the New Year it feels like I've seen Kim every day downstairs and I think the accounts have picked up on this as about a month ago Anna asked me if I'd noticed anything different about Kim. I thought about it and nothing came to mind and said so, Anna gave me a look like I must have rocks in my head and went back to work.

A week later she gave me the look when Kim came over and asked about my weekend and how I was liking the job. We chatted for a few minutes and than she headed back upstairs. Anna looked at me and raised her eyebrow as if to say did you notice it now? Guess I looked confused as she took pity on me and held up her left hand and pointed to her wedding ring. I shook my head and she finally exclaimed "She hasn't worn her wedding ring since coming back from holiday's, don't you notice these kinds of things?"

Now to be fair to myself I do check to see if a woman has a ring on her left hand but only the first time we meet as I sort of figure once there always there, but it seems things have changed in Kim's world as Anna did some recon and found out she separated from her husband before coming back to work after the holiday's.

Now being my usual oblivious self none of this made me think or act upon the news. Mostly I think because I remember what the first few months were like for me emotionally when I went through my own separation.

As it turns out people handle these kinds of things in a variety of ways. Some go into a shell, some just hang out with friends, and some get back into the dating game with a vengeance, my friend Scotty fell into the last category, so much so that we feared he'd die of exhaustion from all the dates he was going out on.

So even though it wasn't on my radar of possibilities it appears to have been on Kim's as she asked me to meet her for drinks last Friday after work at this place near the office. I really figured she was just looking for someone to talk to and thought I might be a good person for that.

As it turns out I couldn't have been more wrong with that guess if I'd tried.

I met her for drinks and we talked for about 3 hours, pretty much about a little of everything, including the breakdown in her marriage and the decision she'd made to force a trial separation on her husband so both could figure out what was important to each of them. She seemed a bit nervous which wasn't like her at all and I asked if there was something wrong and she smiled and told me no, but still kept acting kind of strange, like she had a secret to tell me, which made me wonder if she knew about the blog, one of my worst nightmares when it comes to work.

When it was time to go she asked me to walk her to her car, like I wasn't going to do that, and looped her arm through mine as we left the pub. We continued to chat and she asked me what I was up to this weekend and I explained not much as my son was with his mom but I had some errands to do in regards to his upcoming trip. She gave me that smile again that hinted at something but left it unsaid once more.

When we got to her car she leaned back and just smiled at me, pulling me in to kiss me, her soft lips pressed against mine, her tongue parting my lips seeking out my own. Not sure how long that kiss lasted but when each leaned back there was a slight glaze to her eyes so I'm thinking I haven't lost my touch quite yet.

We kissed again and it was as good as the first, she leaned into me and said the words any red blooded male would die to hear "Come home with me"...........

And than I did something that I never thought I'd be able to do.........."I'd love to but I can't"

She looked at me like she didn't hear my response.....so I repeated it "Kim, I'd love to go home with you and maybe in a few months that might happen, but I've been where you are, hell I was there this time last year, and I know the last thing you really need is to get involved with me let alone anyone else"

She looked like she was going to cry and said "all I want is to be loved and desired"

I hugged her tight and told her she was more than desirable but her mind wasn't in the right place for something like this right now, that I wanted a relationship that was all encompassing, mental and physical, but she was still dealing with her husband and I couldn't get into the middle of that.

I asked her if she wanted to divorce him or was there a change that they could get back together and she looked down as she said she didn't know the answer to either of those questions. She said she didn't mean to sound crude but she really missed sex and wanted to just give herself to me.

I thought to myself why is my timing so bad when it comes to dealing with women.

I smiled and told her most guys would love that but for me she had unfinished business and until such time that she was completely free to enter into a relationship that I couldn't be the other guy, I wouldn't be the other guy, as I deserved better, she deserved better, and her husband deserved better.

She opened her car and got into it without saying another word to me. I don't imagine my response was the one she thought she'd get but than I've pretty much always marched to the beat of my own drummer.

I talked to my friend Andrew about the whole thing on Saturday over coffee and he just laughed and said only to me would this happen, the one man who would actually respect her, want the best for her, and not take advantage of the situation for some hot sex.

As we sat there I chuckled at this and he asked me if the kiss was good and I smiled and said top 2 of my life..................

It's been a bit odd this week as Kim has been avoiding me a bit with the exception of one Skype message asking if I'd reconsidered and I told her my position was unchanged.

I don't have a clue how this will end up playing out other than to think that no matter what happens I made the right decision as I am looking for something much more substantial than great hot sex, which I know was on the table with Kim............damn I almost hate it when the big head actually does the thinking instead of the little head..........

My name is Marcus and something crazy shit happens to me and I do the unexpected and just plain confound people with my reactions and/or decisions.