Dating in the Here & Now

Wednesday, June 10/15

Today's song is "Leave Out All The Rest " by Linkin Park


Dating has evolved since I first became a participant a hell of a lot of years ago.

Dating now involves swiping to the right or left, it means seeking electronic harmony, casting a line deep into the ocean, or attempting to match some key criteria.

Dating isn't face to face anymore but rather monitor to monitor or possibly smart phone to smart phone interaction. It's not a laugh on the phone at something amusing you've just shared but rather digital emotions expressed after a text.  It's not a hand on your arm across the dinner table but rather a clap on your smart phone. We don't call we text, we don't make the effort anymore to really get to know someone as there is literally always a someone out there for the meeting, if it even is a real meeting and not some kind of virtual connection.

We can order up a new person online just as easily as we can order shorts from Old Navy or movies online from our cable provider.

We are inundated with options to find a new partner with commercials and online ad's for every possible variety of dating site imaginable. Hell, at this point even if you are in a relationship and don't really want to end it but still want some variety you can go to a site designed specifically for those looking to cheat on their partner - how fucked up is that?

I'm not happy but I'm not so unhappy that I want to end things but I'm also not motivated enough to actually work on what is wrong with my relationship that I'll just step out on my partner to get my rocks off with someone who is in the same boat.  Here is a clue folks, pull your head out of your ass and make a real life decision to fix the problem or end the relationship. Don't use some temporary measure to make yourself feel better as it doesn't help you, it doesn't help the other person, and it sure as hell doesn't help any number of other innocent people that will be impacted by your selfish narcissistic behavior.

But I'm off track as this posting isn't about cheating but rather the lack of effort we have to put into meeting someone since society makes it easier to look for something fresh rather than actually face the situation and make it work.

I read somewhere that divorce rates started to climb as women entered the workforce and became economically independent of a man, well independent relatively speaking as income disparity still exists across a broad spectrum of society between what a man is paid versus a woman for comparable work, but while this may hold some truth I'd be interested in knowing what happened to these rates with the introduction of online dating and the proliferation of choices now available to both men and women.

I used to be on a dating site and have used a couple over the course of the last few years and have had some success on them. My last two relationships came about from meeting someone on the same website, one that I think does a better job of matching people as they actually match profiles and don't just generate pages and pages of pictures for you to look at like some kind of meat market. There is one that really is nothing more than a meat market for people looking to kill a few hours while searching for the perfect partner.

News flash folks, there are no perfect partners. Oh there may be someone who is perfect for you but trust me we all have some kind of baggage we bring to a new relationship. The key here is to see if you can look past that baggage and if the person is able to store it in the overhead compartment prior to takeoff.

Dating isn't a text message saying good morning. Dating is that feeling you get when you are getting ready to meet for dinner, a movie, taking a walk along the canal, sharing a bucket of balls at the driving range. Dating is getting out of your comfort zone and trying something totally new, it's letting the other person share a like they have, you sharing one you have, and seeing what happens.

Dating is that moment at the end of the date when the butterflies hit and you don't know whether to lean in for the first kiss, maybe even your very last first kiss.  Dating is thinking about the other person on the drive home and smiling without even realizing it until you see your reflection in the rear view mirror.

Dating is cooking a meal at your place for them after spending hours cleaning up, trust me I've been there and done that.  Dating is card out of the blue in the mail, it's flowers for no reason other than to see them smile.

Dating is real....it's not done through your computer or cell phone.

Dating has substance and makes things happen in the here and now.

Dating is terrifying as well as exhilarating

So instead of clicking onto the next profile on that website why not send a smile and suggest a drink at a nice public spot when you see someone who makes your eyes twinkle.