Sunday, June 28/2015
Earlier today I received a message from an anonymous user that was signed as RedTart69 and went as follows:
"Marcus, I love the blog and most of what you've written about made me think you have your shit together for a man, least till you resumed blogging after things went south with C.
You've stated in a few postings that you don't know what happened but I think you do and don't want to face it. Either way you need to grow a set of balls and man up or cut the bitch loose for hurting you and get back to living and blogging without being so damn morose about your loss"
Pretty harsh words from someone sitting on the sidelines and it had me seeing red for a bit, but taking some time to think about it before responding in anger, something my ex taught me and I've tried to use more and more in my life, led me to conclude that RedTart69 made some valid points in her message, points I might have tried to get across with a tad bit more tact but we all communicate in different ways.
I honestly wish I did know but the fact that I don't does not give me license to brood over it in every single blog entry, so for that you have my apologies as the blog is supposed to be about dating, relationships, family, and a host of other things faced in my daily single life.
As for my set of balls, as you so eloquently put it, trust me they are just fine and shall continue to be fine as I move forward in my search for the One. Yes, we are back to the One in our posts as she is out there. I may have already met her, lost her, or still to find her, but find her I shall as being single for life is neither my goal nor acceptable.
The One is my goal but having her for the sake of having her is not an option. I'm worth more than that and so is she. Equal partners in our pursuit of happiness is the only relationship I'll ever deem worthy of my participation.
As for the "cutting the bitch loose" comment let me respond by saying go fuck yourself!
I've never once said anything negative about C and nor shall I as my life was enriched so much by having her in it and the love she gave me. Yes, love as in the whole sense. Knowing her has made me a better friend, partner, father, and potential mate. I don't understand how not knowing someone or the circumstances around a break up can give someone artistic license to rip another person through the use of crude names.
If I'm the wounded party in this what do you think gives you the smallest chance in hell of calling her such a disgusting name? I'll answer for you, absolutely nothing!!!
I'm all for open and two way communications but I do draw the line at such attacks on a subject where the whole story isn't known, not by myself or you the reader, so let's try and keep that in mind when sending a message from this point onward.
Seriously, for all I know I talked in my sleep and said another women's name or said I didn't like her children and she is trying to be nice and let me off the hook without really crushing my feelings. Just for the record I'm willing to be my mortgage money that I didn't do either of those things as I never even noticed other women when we were together and I thought her kids were as awesome as mine and past postings can attest how much I like my own kids :-)
No, I may not know for a long time, or possibly ever, what made her change her mind about me and us, but that anger and hurt is mine to carry and mine alone so please remember that and show the both of us some respect please.
I've truly loved two women in my life and both crushed my heart. The first took me a long time to get over and deal with before I started dating again. The most recent hurts even more than the first as I thought she was the One and didn't see any issues. My hope is that by being open about it, talking about it through the blog and a pretty good therapist, that my recovery time won't be measured in years but maybe months.
At the moment I'm damaged goods and I've put myself in the shop for repairs. These damaged goods don't make for good dates nor do they partake of rebound relationships, though it seems like being hurt and in pain somehow acts like a sign to some people to act upon. There is a post coming on this last one but that is for another day.
So while I'm single once again I'm not dating material, not anywhere near that point in life....yet
I'll do my best to mix up the entries and post less about C and more about the rest of the things going on in my life, but that doesn't mean there aren't some nights when I'm sipping a nice Pinot Grigio and thinking about a certain lady and the twinkle in her eyes and feeling the butterflies I still get when she crosses my mind.
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