Saturday, November 28/15
My musical recommendation is "Full Circle" by Half Moon Run
Interesting lyrics with totally kick ass instrumentals. Oddly enough this one sort of reflects where I'm at in my life right now.
So it's Black Friday weekend with all the crazy sales going on around us coupled with massive amounts of football, both collegiate and professional. When I was younger and living in Southern California this was the big week at it meant the USC/UCLA game or the SDSU/BYU match up and both could be really intense. These days it doesn't mean to the same to me as I'm no longer living in the southland but rather The True North and quite proud of it.
I was talking with someone the other day and when she discovered I was from California her first comment was "No Fucking Way!!! You don't have an accent" and I could have literally kissed her as that is the first time in over 20 years someone didn't tell me they could tell I was American.
She asked me if I missed living down there and if I thought of myself as American or Canadian. Without hesitating I said I'm Canadian and don't miss a thing about living down there in the least, and as I rode the elevator up to my desk I smiled at myself in the mirror and realized that I've felt this way for far longer than I knew...........I bleed red as I am Canadian and proud of my country and all we stand for.......just as I'm proud to say I've got red blood for the American in me, but should push come to shove I'll always stand under the Maple Leaf.
I booked Black Friday off from work but not so I could go shopping as I'd rather have both of my testicles removed using a rusty sugar spoon without any anesthesia than venture forth to any mall in North America. As the saying goes "My momma didn't raise her any fools"
No, I booked it off so I could do something for the first time since I've been in Canada and that's get winter tires on my car. Now some might ask what made me do this now after not doing so the previous 19 winters and the answer is simple.....my son is 16 and has his G1 drivers license and I don't want anything to happen when he's mastering driving on snowy, wet, and potentially icy roads. Great reason in my mind and yet comes 19 years too late as I should have been doing this all along as my life matters as well and if I'd been in a horrible accident it would have affected my ex, my daughter, and potentially meant my son might never have made his appearance at 2:11 in the morning 16 year ago. It's done and something I'm going to keep doing as even though we haven't seen any heavy snow fall yet, knock on wood, I've already noticed better traction on the roads the past two days.
My kids left yesterday for Pittsburgh with their mom and stepfather to catch the Penguins game tonight and do some shopping. I texted my daughter asking her how the flight was and she told me that my son had experienced a severe headache, bad enough to make a sixteen year old cry in public and had him trembling, on the flight from Ottawa to Toronto before catching the connecting flight to Pittsburgh. This coupled with finding out he'd come home from school on Thursday and gone right to bed saying he was tired had me reliving my December from 2009 when he ended up almost dying on us due to a sinus infection and brain abscess. I took a moment to gather my composure before calling my ex to see what was happening. She told me she'd gotten him some Advil and that seemed to help but she was baffled as to what was happening as he's flown a lot and was actually on planes back in August when they went to Europe. I wondered aloud if maybe it was the quick change in pressure associated with the ascent from Ottawa and descent into Toronto that triggered it as we don't usually fly from here to Toronto and maybe he's got some sinus congestion. That made us both ponder it and since he seemed fine from Toronto to Pittsburgh is probably just what happened but we'll be taking no chances and taking him to see our doctor next week.
I sent my daughter another text last night asking how things were going and she said J was doing great, had a good lunch, she'd done some shopping with her mother, and they were soon heading off to see a movie. Then she added one final line that made me laugh.....Pittsburgh is kind of ghetto
My old CFO called me asking if I was busy Friday night as he just moved into a new house a little while back and needed some help getting his home theatre set up and there was beer and pizza in it for me if I helped........told him I was in if he had Somersby Cider Ale and he said he'd grab some on the way home from work.....so my night was spent helping him set up his wireless sound system and massive wall mounted TV.
I mentioned running into D & M on Thursday and he asked how they were doing so I filled him in on the latest cluster fuck at our former employer, giving us both some well earned laughs at it's expense.
He asked if we'd picked a spot for our winter holiday and it dawned on me I'd not spilled the beans about things ending with C so spent the next little while telling him ,adding that D had told me I'm a complete asshole for how I acted and he said he hated to say it but he agreed with D on that one.
We talked about it for a bit and he asked if things were really over or if we could recover from it and I said no, things were done. He asked how I could say that and I confessed to reaching out to her yesterday and being firmly told my presence was neither needed or wanted. He changed the subject as he could tell it was upsetting for me and a few hours later as I was leaving he surprised me by hugging me and telling me things would be OK and to just give it time. I smiled and said time I seemed to have in abundance these days and drove home.
Even though I've said I never would do so, I actually did reach out to C yesterday as this is a big weekend for her with her boss hosting a Christmas cocktail gathering of his senior staff and spouses tonight and her birthday falling on Sunday. I won't get into what was said other than I am left with no doubt that C sees us as completely done.
It's funny how I've done nothing for the most part but blog about my search for the one and when I find her it takes me under a year to lose her twice. it would almost be funny if it didn't hurt so much.
My Saturday was spent running errands and swinging by Movati to sign up for a membership. I'm leaning about 85% towards getting a female trainer but Monday will decide that as I've got my prelim assessment set with a male trainer and will see how it goes. My hope is to do some classes to work on my cardio and build a little more muscle on my frame but not too much as it might mess up my golf swing, of course losing weight will do that if I can get rid of my belly....one can hope right?
Sunday is going to be stew day combined with cleaning and laundry. I love making stew when the weather turns cold as it is such a warmth food and never fails to make me feel good inside.
I'm going to need that as tomorrow was the day I was going to ask C to be with me forever.......bet you didn't see that one coming did you........neither did anyone else as I've kept this one close to the vest all summer as I set things up to make it possible....the first being getting my divorce finalized so I could actually make it official with C........funny how life doesn't always follow the script isn't it....
Life sucks at times......but it goes on and doesn't owe us anything as we make of it what we will and all this is my own fault.......now it's time to remind myself that it takes baby steps when you are learning to walk and this feels very much like I'm going to need to relearn a lot of things moving forward......
So today's musical recommendation is so appropriate when taken in context with my weekend...
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