One Year Ago Today.....

On this day one year ago today I had what has been the best first date ever!

Yes, it surpassed my first date with the mother of my children so that must mean it was pretty damn good don't you think :)

Now any guy reading this will automatically think that means I got lucky and I did, oh how I did, just not in the way he is thinking. There was no ripping off of clothes or touching of skin other than a few spine tingling kisses.

My luck stems from the woman I was having lunch with, the ease with which we talked, the smiles, the laughter, the twinkle in her eyes, the gentle brush of my arm as she leaned down to kiss me for the first time as she retook her seat after freshening up, the touch of our finger as we held hands wandering around the Byward Market, up to Major Hills Park to take in the view of Parliament Hill and the Ottawa River.

No, my luck stemmed from something far deeper and more meaningful that basking in the glory of her body in all it's natural beauty.

Over the course of the last year there have been amazing highs like meeting her family, Christmas Eve Mass, New Years Eve with some of her friends, a week in Jamaica that showed me how utterly cool she is, and many weekends in between spent doing things and not doing things other than being with each other.

The year has also brought some lows, though not really that many when compared to the highs. But the lows have been hard on us as they included a breakup due to some overwhelming demands on her time that seemed almost impossible to manage, weekends apart when I would miss her so much but never told her as I didn't want to seem clingy, and one last breakup that resulted from my own insecurities about her love for me.

I've discovered a lot about myself this past year. I am capable of loving someone  besides my children unconditionally, my heart is fragile but not made of porcelain and thus won't shatter at the first signs of trouble, my insecurities don't reside on whether someone loves me but more with my own displeasure with myself and the way I constantly compare myself to other men around me, and that I can be open and let someone into my life, to share the good and the bad, to plan a future, and revisit a past, that having her in my life was one of my greatest treasures.

I learned that my love was such that for the first time since moving to Ottawa I was willing to consider leaving to be with her should her position move her when her current assignment ends, that this was actually kind of cool to even think about, and I never had the chance to tell her that before shooting myself in the foot.

When you find that person who makes your heart sing make sure you tell them. It isn't a sign of weakness but rather an expression that you are open to them, want them in your life, and aren't afraid to say so.

We didn't exchange the L word for almost a month after that first date and when I did say it it just came out naturally as part of a goodbye. I think of that word and her all the time.

I'm heading down to that restaurant for 3pm today to have a drink. When my friend heard this he asked if I was having that drink as a way of saying goodbye and getting closure and I said no, as a way to remember her and keep her close to my heart as that spot will always be ours and mean something more to me than people will ever know.

C, you lite my life up and showed me what was possible, I just wasn't smart enough to realize what it meant to me at the time but my love will never be less for you no matter what life brings our way.

One year ago today my life changed for the better and I thank my lucky stars for it..........