November 15/15
Even as I was walking out the door to head down to the restaurant I was internally arguing with myself whether or not it was a good idea with my mind saying no and my heart demanding me to continue onwards, in the end the heart won out and away I went.
Now the Byward Marker wasn't packed but it wasn't slow either so it took me a moment to find a parking spot but I managed one not too far away and made it to my destination right on time for 3pm as planned.
I walked in to find the bar area pretty much empty and only a table or two occupied so as usual C was right and we wouldn't have needed reservations for dinner today :)
I took a seat and ordered a cold Stella Artois and a calamari appetizer as I hadn't eaten much today and knew the beer might hit me harder than usual. I'm a total lightweight when it comes to alcohol and both admit it and manage it as needed.
So what was I expecting to happen today? I'm honestly not sure.
Earlier today I had a message from a follower, sounds kind of strange to say that but also very cool at the same time, asking if C reads the blog and was I hoping she'd be there.
The answers are I know she used to but can't say for sure she still does and no, I knew she wouldn't be there today.
How could I know that you ask, well it is pretty simple as the first time we broke up there was a lot of hesitation in her voice when we last spoke and something in her eyes when we parted at her house that wasn't there this time around, this time there was a conviction in her words saying she had to do this and wasn't going to be looking back with any regrets.
After the first time she admitted to me she didn't handle everything going on in her life very well and more than one friend had counselled her that she'd made a mistake with ending things between us whereas this time around she told me she'd talked to someone who has helped her deal with things in the past, and while I'm not privy to what was said, I'm sure the advise probably fell along the lines that she had to cut bait and let the line loose, being prepared to recast at another time and spot down the road. Both pieces of advice I would have offered to her had I been that outside person looking in.
No, today was about me finishing the process of understanding where I went wrong and saying goodbye to her in the same place and day it all started a year ago.
So I sipped my beer and reflected on how she made me feel me, the times I made her smile, the sound of her voice, and the touch of her hand and lips. I didn't shed any tears but would be lying if I didn't say they came close....those might come tonight as I lay in bed.........
I don't write the blog entries about C in the hope she reads them and changes her mind. No, I write them to share the joy and yes the pain that being open to love brought me in the hopes that maybe they just might inspire someone who reads them to take a chance on someone who has caught their eye and the possibility that love could be the result.
So I sipped that cold beer, finished off the calamari, paid my bill and departed the Blue Cactus to never return again as to bring anyone else there would be an insult to them as my thoughts would surely turn to that fateful lunch and last first kiss I've experienced.
There will surely be more posts in the coming days and weeks full of doubts, questions, and I dare say some hope as well, I am human after all and think I'm entitled to some moments of introspection.
The questions won't necessarily be about my relationship with C but probably more about things I observed that happened that have me wondering what is and isn't normal or to be expected when you are in a relationship. Now before any of you get the wrong thoughts here I'm not referring to anything kinky or out of the ordinary, so relax and chill ok.
So I'll close this Sunday night entry with these simple words......
Be safe, be careful, and be open to the unexpected as you never know when the one might cross your path, trust me on that one.............
No comments:
Post a Comment