December 17/15
Today's musical suggestion "Shaky Hands" comes from my morning listen to Spotify by a nice little indie from Montreal named Foxtrott. Great collaboration between instruments, tone, beat, and lyrics.
Today's post is in response to a message I received last night from a follower who is feeling some pain at the ending of a relationship.
The saying that time heals all wounds sounds rather trite but really holds some truth as we all recover from wounds over time, whether physical or emotional in nature.
Recovery doesn't mean we are better off than we were before the wound but rather we reach a spot where we can accept what happened and make the effort to move forward with our lives.
That period of time is different for each person so there is no standard to measure our progress against. I had one friend who saw his marriage end and was paralyzed with hurt, anger, and indecision for almost a year and another who was dumped and back into the dating game within weeks without any apparent issues.
I don't know if the wounds are easier to handle when we are younger as we do act more resilient at that phase of our life or if the experience we gain over time makes them more manageable, not easier as being wounded is never easy.
What I do know is that there comes a day when it dawns on you that you haven't thought about the other person in a few days, that something that would have triggered a memory of them happens and doesn't trigger that connection. Than you notice that these periods between recollections becomes longer and longer in duration until at some point they are so infrequent that when they do happen they aren't bad memories but rather bring a smile to your face and a small inner thank you for having had them to begin with.
I think the saying "Time heals all wounds" is best paired with "Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all".....wounds can only come when we open ourselves up to others and while they hurt, sometimes so much we want to crawl back into bed and burrow deep under the comforter, they also serve to remind us we are alive, alive to the possibilities that are all around us.
I pulled the trigger on a relationship many years ago that left the other person devastated and I've had it done to me a few times as well, neither feels good and all taught me things about myself, both good and bad, and all touched me deeply.
When my marriage ended I admit to being in a funk for longer than I thought possible and part of it was the loss of something I didn't appreciate as much as I should have in the moment and part was due to my sense of letting myself and my children down by not being there for them every day. My mistake was confusing not being there for them daily in person with actually being there for them every day regardless of the distance between us. That one took me a while to figure out but since that time I've reminded them quite often that no matter what transpires in life I'm always there for them.
My kids helped me get over things as I had to be strong for my son as he was younger and remind his older sister that when one action happens it opens up more opportunities if we're only willing to see them that way.
So I get it that you are hurting right now......but remember that you are hurting which means you felt something, something from the sounds of it that made you happy, knowing that there comes a day when you don't hurt as much, followed by other days when you don't hurt at all.......and than comes the day when another crosses your path and maybe, just maybe they make you smile, feel some butterflies, and flirt just a bit.
That doesn't mean the original pain is gone, just put into your memories where it belongs. Maybe the feelings you'll develop won't be quite as intense as those you once felt and that isn't good or bad as long as you aren't with the new person just to be with someone.....be present for the right reasons and those moments will happen....not today, not tomorrow, probably not even next week or even month, but happen they will as we aren't meant to be alone in life.
Don't isolate yourself and get upset with your friends who might think you're better off now without that other person, they can't see inside how that person lit you up, but they do care and are trying they're best to help you, at least the best they know how, so let them and just keep that spark inside you all the while knowing there comes a day when it'll burst out of you like a Phoenix rising anew!!
Time heals all wounds.......it's just understanding that time takes longer for each of us and understanding it's a process that doesn't entail or encourage taking shortcuts. Mourn your loss and when the time is right you'll know.....trust me on this one
My name is Marcus and my heart isn't quite right these days but it will be one day and when that day comes I'll be prepared.
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