Friday, January 29/16
So it's been really quiet at work all this week what with the news about getting bought by one of our competitors so I've been doing some online research in-between responding to questions from the finance and tax team at the other company.
Came across this one a little while ago and found it both refreshing and though provoking.
Here is the link and I encourage you to take a moment and give it a read.
https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/i-befriended-my-husbands-mistress-170803381.html
As I read the story I couldn't help but feel a sense of wonder as the author deals with a very painful situation and it had me thinking back to an exchange I had with my son the first year after his mother and I separated.
In the initial stages of our separation we did our handover on Sunday's and I was walking with my son down the driveway to the front door and as we walked past the car of her boyfriend "B" my son asked me if I was going to key his car. I was shocked to hear him ask me that and responded by asking him why he thought I would do such a thing, he said isn't that what people going through a divorce do to each others cars and he really did think that from everything he'd seen on TV.
I smiled and hugged him close to me and told him that not everything he sees is real and people don't always have to be jerks to one another, that I'd never met B and his mom started to date B a few months after we separated. He looked at me and asked me if that meant I didn't hate B and I told him no, that I didn't feel anything towards B one way or the other, that my only concern was that whomever his mom dated was good to him and his sister, just as I was sure that was what his mom hoped as well.
Things didn't last long with B as he turned out to be quite the little douche bag but I never had to get involved as he was smart enough to know not to do anything to hurt my children.
Now years later T has been part of my sons life as his mom's new partner and I have to say I like him and think he is a pretty decent guy. We both like the NFL and golf so we have those things in common to talk about when we are all at one of the kids soccer games. I'm confident that had we met at a golf course we would probably have ended up being friends and that helps me to deal with the fact that I share my son with someone else.
I remember the first time I saw T's name listed on the emergency contact list for my son at his high school and how it momentarily through me for a loop but after a few minutes I realized how much sense it made as T works shifts and neither my ex or I can always just get off work to pick up our son when he's been sick or had a medical appointment. T understands that my son has a father who is actively involved in his life whether it be school or athletics and stays in the background and just supports what we do. T and I don't talk much or hang out with one another but I think we respect one another and do what is best for my son, and there is nothing more important than that in my book.
I might be lucky to have that kind of relationship with my ex's partner but I'd like to think I tried to do the same when dealing with C's boys. I remember when she got her new position one of the things I thought about was if I didn't have my own son I'd have volunteered to live in her house so she didn't have to sell it or move the boys from friends and school but I did have my son and couldn't do that without impacting on my own custodial arrangement.
My biggest regret is that it took me so long to find someone I felt strongly enough about to want to add them to the list of emergency contacts for my son. I think that is when you know that person means something to you when you start considering such things.
How do you handle dealing with your ex's new partners? Does it bother you to know they interact with your children or do you take the approach that as long as they are good to the kids it's all part of the process?
My name is Marcus and this blog chronicles my efforts to be a good father, decent friend, master the 8 iron from 135+ yards, and maybe finding the one...again
No comments:
Post a Comment