Today's musical recommendation is "Desire" by Meg Myers. Warning it is a bit explicit but does reflect my own feelings at the moment.
So here we are at Sunday, close to the end of another weekend and one day closer to golf season.
I heard something on the radio during the week that said this is supposed to be one of our mildest winters and we might actually see an early spring with the majority of snow gone by end of March. When I mentioned this to my son he surprised me by saying he hopes not as it hasn't felt like winter and the green Christmas sucked in a big way. I said it might mean early times for outdoor soccer practices and he smiled and told me all I was thinking about was the potential to start playing golf sooner than usual. Nobody can say my son doesn't know his dad :)
Yesterday's session with Connor went a little better than I expected as I didn't leave Movati feeling completely destroyed, though my thighs and Latissimus Dorsi muscles are trying like crazy to remind me to stop saying such things out loud. Connor introduced me to the leg press machine and one I forgot the name of that you use to do pull ups but somehow incorporates weights in the process. The last one really worked my lat's and every time I reach for something they remind me of it. But here is the crazy part, with each stretch and slight twinge I feel so invigorated and think that one machine is now my favourite of the bunch. It's on my list to work on this afternoon when I go to the gym. I've decided to stop skipping my free day after a session with Connor as I don't think the free day is as helpful as I thought it might be, those muscles need to be worked less they get lazy.
I think I made some crazy promise to share a before and after picture of Moki in regards to her look lately so in the spirit of not breaking our compact of truth enjoy
So as a follow up to yesterday's blog I made a nice little drive up the valley, if one thinks a 3 hour round trip in a mix of rain and fog is nice, and strangely enough this guy does.
I had some mixed emotions about making the drive and used the time to reflect on where I was a year ago, where I've gone the past year, and where the path might lead me moving forward. While it has been kind of painful the past few months I wouldn't trade it away as it helped me grow as a person, introduced me to an amazing woman, and reminded me of just how wonderful it is to love someone and be loved in return.
For those wondering there was no meeting with her and that was on purpose on my part. Some might say I chickened out but I accomplished what I needed to do and now without those reminders might be able to move forward. I think one reason I avoided the direct contact was due to the warning from the follower C that said I needed to be prepared to accept what I might find. I'm not strong enough to do that at this time and when I am strong enough it won't matter as enough time will have passed to make it all moot.
Last night won't be my last trip up the valley as I've made a promise to myself not to ignore those wonderful golf courses and think a day trip or two will be made this coming golf season, and should I by chance cross paths with C and any potential new beau while I'm up there it won't be as hard for me to deal with by than and maybe, just maybe, a smile might cross my face as a nice memory reminds me of how good I had it.
So now I'm free...well lets be honest and say the most free I've felt in a long time. That isn't to say that I felt my other time was like being a prisoner. No, far, far from it my friends. That time was equally liberating and made me such a better person. No, my freedom comes from my own melancholy feelings and the inner strength I hope powers through to let me be the best me possible.
I'm not rushing off looking to check out profiles or even date. No, that will come with time, time I'm now willing to invest to make sure when it does happen it's for the all the right reasons, with the right person.
To my C, thank you and I pray you find your own One and he makes you feel as alive as you did me the past year. I'm lucky to have had you in my life for as long as I did and hope you know the place you'll hold in my heart.
Enough blogging.......I've got some Xmas decorations to take down, some new pants to buy, and a bookstore to hit this afternoon.
It's raining hard right now and reportedly will continue doing so all day. Stay dry and drive safely should you venture out today.
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